WAT CENTRAL -An existential wasteland

TIM TEBOW LOVES JESUS.

2012-01-13T02:25:00.000-08:00

How's yer 2012 so far? Mine has been cruising along...

I am about 6ft. 2 inches tall and have now reached a nice healthy weight of about 175lbs! This is most exciting to me because I've been so painfully thin most of my life, and in 2010 when I was going through terrible heartbreak, I went down to about 150lbs. It was quite horrible lemme tells ya; I looked HOLOCAUSTIC and very ill. Just this past week, two different people remarked that I'm sporting quite a beautiful bod these days. IS THIS NOT WONDERFUL TO HEAR?! OF COURSE IT IS! WHY LIE?! To hear genuine compliments is very uplifting. This world is full of so many mean nasty horrible jealous people; when one runs into honest praise, it can really make a difference in one's self-esteem. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, and compliments were not passed around very often; then came the mean kids in school of course! One thing I was often told when I was a kid was that I was intelligent and my dad reassured me when I was a teen that it did not matter that I was skinny, he said I would get far because I have a big d*ck. LMAO! Well, the old man was right I suppose, but I want to be the complete package now into my adulthood! Here in my late thir...TWENTIES (excuse me), I think I've reached the best looks of my life yet. All I need now is some laser resurfacing to remove some acne scars on my face. Maybe a good airbrush tan would help? I know I know, I'm trying to be all HOLLYWOOD now, but why not? Why not take pride in one's looks? I'd like to whiten my choppers a bit more as well, but that is definitely going to be painful because I have very sensitive teeth. Maybe the fake tan will take care of it and make my teeth seem super white for good. LOL! So I've now achieved a very nice lean, but toned look, thanks in part to my daily routine of push-ups in the morning. Push-ups are a godsend and I do them much more effortlessly than even a year ago! They really do give ya a nice athletic look. Someone else just a few months ago remarked I had achieved a nice V-shape look to my torso. AHAHAHAHHAAHAA. It's taken a long time to reach this gay milestone my friends. Eat your heart out Adam Levine!

I'm going to talk about poppers. If you're a homo, I'm only stating the obvious. These little bottles of what they call "video head cleaner" or "liquid incense" are very powerful inhaled chemicals that bring a rush of euphoria and sexual desire to the user. It used to be amyl nitrate I believe, which was used for those suffering from angina, but then the gays somehow discovered them and they became all the rage in the 70s when disco was QUEEN and free sex was enjoyed in all its glory. Then AIDS came around and there were theories that poppers were the direct cause of AIDS, but it wasn't true, it was just that they made ya hornier and more prone to having unsafe condomless sex. Anyway, poppers are fun and they relax your butthole and turn you into a raging ravenous SEXUAL BEAST. I had never tried them, nor was I interested for many many years. But then I was stoned out of my mind once and inhaled a bit and the rest is history. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! The combination of 420 and poppers has got to be the most exhilarating sexual experience in the history of humanity. By themselves, I get a headache and dizzy, but on weed they are marvelously erotic. They can't be good for you though. They must do some sort of long-term damage which I am not fully aware of yet, nor can anyone prove it through many articles I have read. UGH! Whatever man. Something will kill ya one of these days! MIGHT AS WELL ENJOY THIS SHORT BIZARRE RIDE RIGHT?! Mind you, many gay men DO NOT like poppers because they complain of the headaches and other side effects, so it is not for everybody. You still gotta have the right chemistry with your sexual partner, or it will inevitably be lame sex anyway, despite the brief moment of DESIRE you feel. Nothing replaces true sexual or relationship chemistry, no matter what drug you use! It's the closest thing to meth sex, without the horrors of becoming a speed addict. I'd love to hear your thoughts on POPPERS! REALLY!

I LOVE THIS JEW! I REALLY DO! ONE OF THE FUNNIEST MEN ALIVE:

TWENTY TWELVE IS HERE.

2012-01-03T13:19:00.000-08:00

I'M ALIVE! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! IT'S GOING TO BE A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE THIS 2012!!! ARE YOU READY?!

Well, well, well! Lemme give ya a recap of things. November sucked! I had the flu most of the month and Thanksgiving really depressed me. Yes. I was so depressed! We had good food and all, but I was most blue. Then December came. Not much better I'm afraid. I did get over that horrible flu, but then I had to deal with a cough. And what a cough! UGH! It was very annoying and quite debilitating. I wasn't alone, as many people were quite sick as well. My mother has me a bit worried actually, she has a cough that won't quit, but Imma give her some strong meds I got last week that I never used for my cough, because mine is almost gone. So far this post is riveting ain't it?! AREN'T YOU JUST GRIPPED WITH MY WRITING?! LOLOLOL! I tells ya what, I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad the holidays are over. Not a big fan. My cousin and her husband drove from Oklahoma to spend Xmas with us, and it was most nice to have them, but I feel like all this forced holiday cheer is bogus and BORING! Anyway, I'm on the hunt for a more fulfilling and satisfying job, so keep your fingers crossed. I have a feeling this will be THE YEAR for my career! DID YA READ THAT?! YES! HOPE FOR BETTER PROSPECTS! I can't believe it myself!

I love a new year, because it is a fresh start. A clean slate to begin with. Resolutions are a good thing! Let's be honest though people. This year is going to suck! IT IS GOING TO BITE! There are so many crazy people out there. And it is only going to get worse. Psychos that like to go on shooting sprees are becoming the norm, and it is quite disturbing. It makes me want to get armed for the first time in my life; my own gun to protect myself. This country is so violent! And the nutjobs that are not in institutions where they belong or people who are not taking their meds is at an all-time high. The economy is wrecked and going further into the toilet. Unemployment only gets higher. It's all a recipe for severe societal unrest and locos going berserk. And I don't think it's just confined to our country either. I feel it's a global issue. I don't know if Mother Earth is going to smack us with more natural disasters, but that's not what concerns me--it's the mental health of humanity as a whole that does. I'm crazy in my own way, but there are scary sociopaths out there ready to snap at any moment. A rise in crime and violence is a terrible frightening thing. Sadly, I believe this is what is coming to a decaying world and to us here in the U.S. This country has had it good for so long, but something is amiss. People are not normal and taking it out on others. I hope I am wrong, but my prediction is a rise in crime and crazies doing some awful horrible violent things.

Me personally though? I can only thrive. I feel it. I hope you do too.

What do you predict for this new year? Comments are obligatory!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2011.

2011-10-26T02:19:00.000-07:00

Halloween season! IT IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR! Ghosts, witches, goblins, zombies, vampires, and werewolves! I LOVE IT! Don't you?! It's fun!

As I enter middle ag...ER, my mid twenties, I am starting to reflect on my life. I feel regret for having hurt certain people. Whether it was deliberately or unintentionally; although I truly feel I've never done anything with malice or on purpose. Ya see, I do have a conscience. And I do feel guilt. And I happen to have empathy. I really wish I were a colder and uncaring bastard, but that is only the facade I seem to present to the world. I'm sarcastic, cynical, and quite silly with my sense of humour. The real ME is very sentimental and easily moved. I've been pretty fortunate in my life. I've always had a roof over my head, food, and basic necessities to survive. My nagging mother has been pretty good to me despite our sometimes heated disagreements. I happen to have at least two or three good friends in whom I can confide and tell my deepest secrets and thoughts to without being judged or mocked. That is sooooooooo important to have ya know? We all need to be heard/listened to, but it is hard to find an accepting audience. I've been fortunate not to have any serious financial problems or health issues. My worst enemy has sadly been my own mind and my emotions. I'm way too sensitive and having to grow up in the real world has been a very humbling and almost unbearable lesson at times. I do give humans the benefit of the doubt and try to believe in people, but sadly I have been disappointed way too often. I'm trying not to be bitter or spiteful, but it is hard. There is EVIL in this world folks. There are those among us who do not care, love, or feel guilt at all. I come from a very dysfunctional broken home, and I have had to face the world carrying that dumb awful baggage, which I am slowly but barely still getting rid of to this day. I cry a lot easier now than ever in my life, only because I've had to accept tough lessons about love and other general disappointments. The good thing is: I have faith that everything will work out and I shall triumph despite recent trials and tribulations in the past few years. Someone keeps telling me I'm going to live a very long healthy life and that I shall die peacefully. Okay then. I'll take it! LOL. I hope I look this good at 95!

Okay, it is Halloween time, and I wanna talk about serial killers! I've probably discussed this topic somewhat before, but let's take another STAB at it! EVIL IS REAL! No remorse, no empathy, no guilt; the serial killer is one twisted mindf*cked human being. Jack the Ripper is the most famous and perhaps the first "celebrity" serial killer. He terrorized London during the height of the British Empire and Victorian Age and became a sensation for his murder of prostitutes and his meticulous surgical destruction of the corpses. There's a good film on this topic called From Hell starring Johnny Depp. Serial killers are found the world over and are usually males who grew up wetting their beds late into their teens, abused or killed animals, and had a fascination with fire. Ted Bundy was handsome and educated and brutally murdered tons of pretty girls. John Wayne Gacy was a respected family man and member of his community that got off by killing young men and boys because he was a self-hating homosexual. He used to dress as a clown for kids' parties whilst burying bodies under his house. THE STENCH MAN! UGH! Jeffrey Dahmer became world famous for keeping body parts and eating them in his apartment. YIKES! He was a nice-looking unassuming man that had one SICK mind! Richard Ramirez terrorized L.A. during the summer of 1985. Known as the Night Stalker, this oogly S.O.B. was a Satanist that broke into people's homes and killed mercilessly. One of the creepiest and most fascinating serial killers was the Zodiac up in the Bay area. He was never caught! The Jakey G. film Zodiac is long but interesting to check out. All you've ever wanted to know about these sickos is at this link right here! I cringe to think of who has yet to be caught!

CHUCKY! SUCH LANGUAGE! LOLOL:

THE N WORD, REVISITED.

2011-10-11T16:16:00.000-07:00

My brother insists I blog! I know I know, it's been a while. What is there to talk about? Hmmm...

I'll have to discuss one of my favorite topics of the last two years or so: NARCISSISM! Yeah, so if you're sick of it and not in the mood or just plain don't believe me when I tell you of the destruction these people create in the normally good and decent around them, then stop reading. But if you wanna learn and be informed and open your eyes to something that is rarely discussed and given attention to, but needs to be given proper coverage, then continue forth! Ya know that horrible c*ntrag Joan Crawford as depicted in the film MOMMIE DEAREST by Faye Dunaway? Yes, that psychotic evil twisted movie star bitch that abuses her daughter and acts like the world revolves her? Yes my friends, that is a NARCISSIST. Or the malicious terrible ghetto trash puta that Mo'nique so convincingly plays in PRECIOUS? Yes, that is a NARCISSIST. But let's not forget the more subtle, more delicate yet still manipulative and emotionally destructive witch in 500 DAYS OF SUMMER. Yes, she is a NARCISSIST. In all the movies I just used as examples, women are the perpetrators, but more often than not it is MEN that are guilty of having this personality disorder. Daniel Day-Lewis' amazing performance in There Will Be Blood for example; that character is a NARCISSIST. How would I ever have known about these energy vampires had I not fallen for one? He was so charming, so sweet, so seemingly gentle and caring. But it's all a front. A mask. For once it slips off and they know they've got you hooked in, their assault on your soul begins. So many times I heard other naysayers tell me, "GET OVER IT! BIG DEAL! YOU'RE SO DRAMATIC!" Oh really now? Well, when you come from a dysfunctional family where two of the main adults in my life were savage NARCISSISTS, and then you end up developing feelings for one in adulthood, I think it's safe to say I got some really bad lessons about what a healthy relationship is all about. Yes, they are usually successful and very ambitious and liked by many, but this does not eliminate their abusive nature or self-absorbed ways. They do not know what love is, and sadly they never will. They hate intimacy and sensitive people. They feel unique and misunderstood. No, it's not just a jerk or bitch you're dealing with folks. You're dealing with a truly damaged and malignant soul. Am I narcissistic? Why yes. To a certain degree I am! Sure! But I'm not a NARCISSIST. A true narcissist is just plain EVIL. And I know some that at this point in their lives are trying desperately to change and be better people towards others, but this is rare, for most (like my self-absorbed FATHER), never change and are proud of it. Remember, you are not a person, you are an object. To be used and discarded. Plain and simple. Eerie and depressing isn't it?

Yes, the NARCISSIST may be good looking, financially successful, and appear to have it all. But here's the catch: they don't care about your thoughts, your opinions, your feelings, or YOU. Period. You're just an object that is doing its job for now, until someone else "better" comes along. The victim who willfully enters a relationship with one of these douches is then put through a mindf*ck of epic proportions. Some days, the NARCISSIST is fun, nice, and sweet all over again just like the first time he lured you in. This is meant to confuse and keep the victim hooked in. But then the real true bastard comes through once again, and he's abusive, condescending, withdrawn, and just plain horrible to you. The victim (AND YES THERE IS A VICTIM) has lost their self-esteem, does not know how to get away from him, and is confused and truly hurt. Once the victim decides they've had enough of this douchebag and wants to leave, the NARCISSIST does everything to beg, manipulate, or even threaten to keep that person with them. A NARCISSIST doesn't want YOU to end the relationship! NO! He/she has to end it! THEY HAVE TO BE VICTORIOUS! They have to have the last word/laugh! DUH! Don't you get it? Don't you see their modus operandi by now?! This woman beautifully explains it in this article. I'd give her a Pulitzer if I could. Even if the victim has managed to escape and cut all ties with Donald Trump, the recovery from one of these beasts will take a long time and many tears will be shed mourning Mr. Asshole. Don't I know it from personal experience. Oh boy. My mother knows it from dealing with my late father. Nicole Simpson knew it, and got murdered by her NARCISSIST. Yikes. This is no joke folks. This is no sweep-it-under-the rug issue. This is serious and highly destructive. These people are psychopaths. Even if they don't physically murder someone, they are pretty lethal and damaging nonetheless to the sensitive and giving souls out there. I like and admire the achievements of Madonna, Pablo Picasso, and the recently deceased Steve Jobs, but this does not mean they are/were good kind sweet caring people with empathy for others--all narcissists, all of them abusive. The only way to successfully deal with these heathens is to keep them at a distance and deal with them here and there once in a while. Better yet, cut them out of your life completely if you can! For to be in love or related to them is to invite nothing but suffering.

I shall never EVER be the same person again. Forever changed and scarred. And this is a good thing! Waking up and realizing what I was dealing with my whole life and carrying with me into my recent adulthood is very eye-opening! I've been mocked, criticized, scoffed at, and dismissed by even my closest friends about this subject and my harrowing experience. But as this writer so brilliantly puts it: "Does all this sound far-fetched and like a lame made-for-TV movie? Then you’ve never had an encounter with a narcissist."

I'm sure I'll come back to this subject sometime in the near future. Lucky YOU. LOLOL! In the meantime, I'm waiting to see what happens to the world economy...

"IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM."

2011-08-30T02:49:00.000-07:00

I did not want the month of August to end without at least ONE blog post, so here I am! WHERE OH WHERE HAS THIS YEAR GONE KIDS?! LOVING MY NEW HOME BY THE WAY! LOVE IT! Thank you SO MUCH for still reading and most of all for commenting! This post is of major importance, so PLEASE FOLLOW IT CAREFULLY:

Is something major and catastrophic going to happen on or around September 26, 2011? Apparently every time some comet aligns with the Earth astronomically speaking, we have a major quake somewhere in the world. The last three times have been along the Pacific Rim, with quakes hitting Chile, New Zealand, and Japan. I'm hoping L.A. is spared; yeah, I love catastrophes and chaos because I'm twisted and evil like that, but it's much more fun to sit back and watch live coverage on the Internet or television! LOL! If Los Angeles were to have a disaster, I'd be caught in the middle of it, and it would really suck not to have electricity or water! HAHA! Anyway, here's hoping I'm not jinxing my city and the other 10 million souls living here, although we could benefit from many bastards and bitches getting killed in a good-sized temblor. So much going on! WHAT AN EXCITING TIME TO BE ALIVE! Global communication is instant nowadays with any natural or man-made disaster or event being reported within minutes! The thing that makes it all more devastating is the large population of heathen...er, HUMANS living on the Earth. 7 BILLION PEOPLE?! THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS MAN! I suppose all this crazy stuff has happened in the past, but it's much more serious now when you have so many lives at stake. The tornadoes this year were terrible, and that rare 5.8 quake in D.C. and surrounding areas last week made me think of the NEW MADRID fault and the frightening scenario of a massive quake in an area of the U.S. that does not really have building codes! YIKES!

In all honesty, with all the weird sh*t taking place on this planet, my focus this year has been more on the universe! How truly small and insignificant we are when compared to our Solar System (look at this picture of the Earth from the surface of Mars), and how even more trivial WE BE when compared to our place in the Milky Way galaxy! Then you start to think of all the other galaxies out there, and it becomes a bit unnerving and totally incomprehensible. IT'S JUST MINDBLOWING FOLKS! Billions of galaxies with billions of stars and planets--there has to be "intelligent" life out there besides our lame asses! Like George Lucas envisioned and beat us over the head--with his popular franchise--I often wonder if there is a galaxy out there where they trade and fight wars between planets and can travel freely and effortlessly in ships or through stargates! CAN YOU BLOODY IMAGINE?! And no, I'm not stoned as I write this post either. LOLOLOL! I talk about this with my Woody Harrelson lookalike buddy/co-worker often and his knowledge on this topic is very very good. Of course, there are those among us who have seen UFOs and have suffered abductions (like my beloved bud at this blog), who would swear that beings from other planets have already visited us and continue to monitor and study our species very carefully. My mother --for crying out loud --swears she clearly and undeniably saw a UFO earlier this year outside her bedroom window where we used to live! So much to fathom, to study, to research, and to learn! Thank God for the Internet right?! I can safely bet that waste of space slut whore Kim Kardashian doesn't spend time even thinking about these incredible and fascinating topics.

Did we ever even go to the Moon? And if we did, why did we never go back after 1972? A new major Hollywood motion picture directed by an unknown Spaniard, Apollo 18, explores the terrifying idea that aliens scared the bejesus out of our NASA astronauts and warned us to never return. EEK! Makes my skin crawl! Watch this brief British documentary here. SO VERY CREEPY! The Hollywood movie trailer on this very subject/event is here:

SEVEN YEARS LATER...

2011-07-19T00:06:00.000-07:00

A BLOG POST! A BLOG POST! OH MA DEAR BELOVED GOD! AND TODAY MARKS THE SEVENTH ANNIVERSARY OF THIS BLOG TOO! SO YOU ARE MORE THAN ENCOURAGED; YOU ARE OBLIGATED QUITE FRANKLY TO LEAVE A COMMENT!

Well, it's been tough to just write as of late. I've taken up exercising again and I am seeing some early decent results which is a bit motivating. You've heard of the P90X workout program? Yes, my friend was kind enough to burn me the whole set of DVDs and I'm in my third week. Okay so I kind of skip the YOGA day because it's 90 minutes and it is a bit grueling and boring and it seems to take an eternity to get through, but everything else I've been sticking to and lemme tells ya it is HARD WORK. The workouts tend to be about an hour long and they are very diverse and definitely interesting; supposedly I'll be ripped in about three months or so. Unlike sex, after about 30 minutes though I am really really tired! The last half hour is the hardest for me. I really feel winded and out of it and to just lay on the floor and close my eyes is almost as good as an orgasm. So I'm working out really hard about four days and two days I do some abs and blah blah blah. It's nice not to have to go to the gym and deal with the parking and crowds and monthly stupid fee so this system is perfect in that you don't need all that fancy equipment and stuff. Anyway, it has put me in a better mood since they say exercising does help with depression and my sex drive seems to be really revved up. Anyway, if you're looking to get moving and stop being sedentary, this is a good program although you better be prepared to keep up and be careful not to get injured. And I drink those protein shakes after each workout which taste really good and hopefully will turn me into a hot ADONIS by the end of the summer. The main trainer and designer is this dude named Tony Horton who's about 50 and in incredible enviable shape and his positive silly attitude makes me want to hurl, but ya can't blame the guy for loving life and looking the way he does. YES SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY LOVE LIFE! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Okay so not only is it this blog's seventh anniversary, but it's also my birthday okay? Yes, another year to add to my RIVETING life! Well, I'm still alive and still going so there must be a purpose for me on here right? Even more shocking is how amazingly good I look for my age! YEAH! Oh my God, I'm such a NARCISSIST! LOL! I'm slowly but surely inching towards the big FOUR-O, but everyone is pretty impressed at how well I maintain myself, despite some dark moments there in the last two years. UGH. I owe my youthful appearance to lots of sleep, little to no sun exposure, and good genes I suppose. And this past weekend I saw my dear old friend who now lives in Chicago at the local karaoke bar and it was fun! I hope she posts our pics soon so I can share with all of you. She hilariously calls me her GAY HUSBAND and there are now actual shots of both of us kissing! YEOOOOOOOOOOOOW! She's a sweet silly gal who thinks I'm handsome. Well, that's sweet/kind of you to say my dear and cruel of life that I'm not straight ain't it?! OH! I've officially moved to a new place near my old one! NO MORE MORTGAGE! Renting like everyone else and it feels liberating! I posted the pics on Facebook here so you can see. And my best BEST bud got me a brand new digital TV for my bday! WOOHOO! Ain't that super nice?! Well, leave a comment okay? PLEASE!!! HAPPY SEVENTH BLOGIVERSARY! And Happy Birthday to me too!

I don't know if Katy Perry is going to score a fifth #1 hit off her Teenage Dream album with this song, but it is already in the Top Ten and the video is terrific with some great cameos by Hanson, Kenny G, Corey Feldman, and Debbie Gibson:

¡ VIVA MEXICO !

2011-06-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

What do I write about when quite frankly, I don't feel inspired to write about anything at all anymore! I may just have to shut down my awesome little blog here after seven years of philosophical, existential, and journalistic awesomeness! Unless I have a sudden burst/surge of writing creativity in the near future? Well, my life is rather bland I suppose. Routine. Monotonous. I mean, I have been trying to have fun and enjoy the good times when they arrive and stuff, but as of late I feel kind of detached from it all. I guess this is a good thing in a way, but at the same time I feel kind of robotic. On automatic pilot. I have a decent job and entertaining co-workers who at least like to be silly and laugh at the stupidities I find funny as well, but I dunno why I feel so blah now. I was feeling massive depression and sadness for a good while there, only to be replaced now with a kind of lost and apathetic feeling! Ok, so I'll count my blessings. I'd rather feel the way I do now, than to break down and cry! I'LL TAKE IT! MY GOD MAN! THAT WAS SOME HORRIBLE MOURNING THERE! UGH! Tears have to be shed in order to become stronger?! CHRIST ALMIGHTY! NOOOOOOOOO!!! I've been quite spiritual lately, praying a lot (in a Christian sense) and it seems to be yielding results. Atheism seems to be growing a lot lately and is the current fad among many people I know, which is fine and all, but I feel a spiritual connection right now with a higher power that I do not with any human being here in this f*cked up world.

Speaking of this f*cked up world, I was looking at blogs and other sites online recently about the drug trafficking war in Mexico and this is a NIGHTMARE! The daily killings of civilians and authority figures is downright shocking and horrific! These criminals are no joke, and do not mess or get in their way; rival cartels battle each other and are massacring whomever they can to send a message that they are in charge of these towns and that the money coming in is good enough to commit all kinds of atrocious murders. Frankly, if the United States were not so addicted to drugs, this problem would not exist, but we have a culture that loves to get high. Common graves are found with corpses all the time in border towns, people get decapitated frequently, and two dudes were found lifeless and hanging from an overpass bridge this past week. Gruesome and gory man! EEK! What is gonna be done to stop this mess?! The police in Mexico are accused to be in on it due to bribing and the U.S. and Mexican federal governments have no real solution to this growing terrible problem, nor do I think they care. In the past five years or so of this disturbing upsurge in violence, more than 35,000 people have been killed. The cartels are organized and heavily armed, with most of the weapons manufactured here in the good ole' U.S.A. They send our troops into Iraq or Afghanistan, when we've got this kind of serious trouble right in our back yard?! YIKES MAN! This kind of crime is already spilling into our country and if economic conditions continue to deteriorate here, GOD HELP US. It's really sad to see all of this happening, especially when I actually find certain Mexicans quite sexually attractive at times. LOL!

This is a BRILLIANT movie trailer. THE LONG-AWAITED SEQUEL TO E.T. IS FINALLY HERE! WATCH:

♪ "I CAN'T TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE NO MORE, NEVER FELT LIKE FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE..." ♫

2011-05-14T12:34:00.000-07:00

I've been very lazy and suffering from terrible writer's block as of late; thanks to anyone who still visits and comments on my silly posts:

So there are no dead photos to be released of the most popular terrorist in modern times? And his body was dumped into the ocean?! WHAT?! I used to believe the official 9/11 story for about two years, and then I began to question and research all kinds of information on my own. I just can't understand how FOUR planes were so easily hijacked that morning, with three of them hitting their targets so successfully. The average citizen was definitely caught off guard, and we were all pretty shocked and horrified at the magnitude of the event, but I know the government was not that unaware--the FBI and CIA have a history of cover-ups and corruption don't ya know? We used to be friends with Saddam Hussein, and then he became an enemy in a terribly expensive unnecessary war were no WMDs were ever found. The whole entire War on Terror has bankrupted this country and implemented ridiculous security measures that don't guarantee our safety. Saddam and his two sons were not dumped into the ocean right away mind you. I hate to doubt or question all this mess, but I DO. Frankly I do. Label me a conspiracy theorist then. I used to really love and stand behind this country, but the last decade and previous presidency left me exhausted and very disillusioned and disenfranchised. Movies like V for Vendetta, Network and the gold mine that is the Internet have opened my mind and made me realize that what the official media tells us may not be the truth after all. Brainwashing the masses is very easy and effective. Osama had tons of porn and plans for more terror attacks and blah blah blah. The story just gets more bizarre and weird by the day; I thought the man had kidney disease?! Anyway...

I've recently picked up going to the movies again. It had been a long while actually. I saw THOR on Mother's Day with mom and friends and it was entertaining. Ever since my depressive crisis of 2010, my life has never felt or been the same again. I dunno. I'm probably repeating myself, but it's as if I've been forever transformed. I guess we all go through something similar that changes us for good, but I frankly don't like what it's done to me; at times I feel lost/confused and angry that I fell for someone who did not feel the same about me. I know life is unfair and we don't always get what we want and that I am hugely blessed in many ways and that I have come out of that deep terrible dark moment pretty decently, but I still don't feel like my old more carefree self like I once did. It'd be nice to finally settle down and build something substantial, but then I wonder if I am not just deluding myself with fairy tale dreams and the ridiculous idea of wanting to be in love. I just hate this "new" me. I F*CKING HATE/DESPISE IT. A sentimental big giant crybaby fool is what I've become and it irks me. I'm human after all, but WHY DAMN IT?! WHY?! There's plenty of hot dudes in the world right? So much to still see and do correct?! A whole life still ahead of me n'est-ce pas? Yeah right. I try to enjoy each day and be thankful for the little things, but sometimes my sadness overwhelms me and takes over. I resent it. Just like Lady Gaga who breaks down and cries before her Monster Ball Tour concert that recently aired on HBO where she feels that she's not good or competent enough--that's how I often feel! Add to it living in this superficial gay sh*thole Los Angeles where I am nowhere near as good-looking as these narcissistic A-HOLES and I frankly do feel ugly at times, even though I'm an attractive man regardless. Anyway, you can see how tormented I've become; not that I wasn't before, but now I just break down easily, like that guy John Boehner in Congress. LOL! UGH. F*ck this sh*t. Pointless annoying sentimentality which only makes me needlessly suffer. THANKS LIFE! THANKS A LOT! I've been cursed. I pray and pray for it to go away...

I'll leave ya with some Britney. I frankly do wish the world would just blow up and end. Life is fun and cool at times--it's the misery and BS I cannot stand which makes me wish for an asteroid to hit the planet more often than not! At least this retarded top ten hit song is catchy:

TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT?! EEK!!!

2011-04-25T11:03:00.000-07:00

My modem at home has been acting up and is not connecting properly so here I am at work trying to sneak a post in. Sorry for any typos or odd sentences:

One of the things I want to vehemently clear up in this post is the distinction between a victim and an abuser. So many times, abuse by an evil person is directed at someone else verbally, emotionally, or physically and others try to justify or understand why the perpetrator did it. "Well he/she had a bad childhood or they don't know any better and this is why they abuse..." OH REALLY NOW?! I don't care what the person's past or hardship has been or may currently be, ABUSE IS NEVER TO BE JUSTIFIED OR EXCUSED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM! NOR TOLERATED NOR ACCEPTED! An abusive person needs to be reprimanded and dealt with according to the law, and one should get away from them as soon as possible. Sadly, even victims tend to want to make excuses or feel sorry for their abusers, by trying to only see their good side or because they love him/her. Kind of what happens with Stockholm Syndrome. Anyway, as someone who has been emotionally and verbally abused myself, I have never made excuses for the people who have done this to me. F*CK THAT. Evil is real, and these savage poor wastes of space deserve to be punished and made aware of their misdeeds. No one deserves to be abused so terribly by someone else who wants nothing but to exert their control and power over YOU. Shall we feel sorry for what O.J. Simpson went through which lead him to beat and finally brutally kill his ex-wife? Poor Ted Bundy and Adolf Hitler! WRONG! NO! Some people are just plain wicked and need to be dealt with. Let their feet swing...

The sad truth is, today's job market is a nightmare. Recent college grads are no longer finding work and many have to move back home and live with their parents working odd jobs or searching endlessly for that first REAL job which doesn't seem to ever come. Middle-aged people who have had their jobs for years and get laid off are in even more dire straits. The unemployment situation in this country is profoundly serious, and the consequences of people being out of work like this is not good. This is the kind of crap that happens in Mexico or Hati, where lots of unemployed folk turn to crime to "make ends meet." THE THIRD WORLD BABY! I just ran into a friend who is in his mid-thirties and lost his job a few months ago and he cannot find work; to the point where the man will leave California in a year if nothing materializes. What this does to one's self-esteem and mood is devastating. All this official unemployment data you get out of the government is a bunch of baloney, the numbers are much higher. But you go on believing them okay? You go on being distracted by Dancing with the Stars and Justin Bieber and the latest antics of those losers on Jersey Shore while the country sinks further and further into the worst economic depression in its history. A bunch of our good jobs have been outsourced, the unions are being cracked down on for egregious corruption, and the greed of this ridiculously individualistic capitalist system has now been exposed. The whole damn system is one giant decomposing festering deer cadaver complete with maggots and ants! AH THE IMAGERY! LOL! McDonald's hiring 50,000 recently?! THIS IS THE AMERICAN DREAM NOWADAYS?! EEK!

Katy Perry is married to that super douchebag Russell Brand, but her pop star career is another matter. She is on fire! Four #1 singles off her current album alone! This is no easy or small feat:

LET THE GOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN.

2011-04-08T02:34:00.000-07:00

This is one depressing lonely place for a decent relationship I'm afraid; if you're a gay man that is. The dudes in this town are highly superficial: gym bod, tan, and a career in modeling/entertainment are required, or else you're less than trash. And THOSE jocks are quite lonely themselves too, because who can stand being around a narcissist anyway right?! The really hot ones also tend to have the personality and sex skills of a sea urchin anyway. BORING! Yes, I'd like a handsome good-looking one myself with a nice face, decent body, and fresh breath/nice teeth, but I can accept a few imperfections here and there okay? UGH. I dunno man. I used to be liberated and carefree and did not care about settling down, until HE happened to me, and it's been all downhill ever since then. WHAT HAPPENED?! Is this what becoming mature is supposed to be like? I've actually grown tired of the casual sex and one-night stands?! ME?! OMG! THIS IS MADNESS! ARGH! What I really don't understand is how people can get into and out of relationships effortlessly like changing a song on their iPod. It's pretty amazing and quite frankly, I don't know how that even happens. Aren't you supposed to feel giddy feelings of being in love? Isn't that supposed to happen very rarely? I guess I don't fall that easily and don't feel that spark often at all. I must be damaged. I'm starting to lose hope. At least in L.A. In other more REAL places, I'm sure I would have found a cool hottie long ago. But dating here? A NIGHTMARE. I have no problem getting laid, but no one seems to fall madly in love with me. This makes me a bit sad and I feel very inadequate quite frankly...

Some two weeks ago, the tooth pain I was experiencing was driving me up the wall. I had to get my first ever root canal. How come no one told me that it took so long to get one done?! ARGH! Thank God my dentist is one cool awesome dude with very soft delicate hands. Anyway, I'm glad he killed the nerves and the pain has gone away. I have a temp crown for now as they manufacture my new permanent one in a lab somewhere. I'm getting new glasses soon too, after a long lengthy annoying eye exam last week. I'd been sporting this cool facial hair scruff recently, but I'm tired of having to trim and maintain the grass so I pretty much got rid of it tonight. I look five years younger already! Been doing push-ups and stuff to get some exercise into my life, and although I'm looking nice and more toned as of late, I'm still pretty thin and not meeting L.A. standards on muscle. WHY SHOULD I EVEN BUY INTO ALL THIS PHONY IMAGE BALONEY RIGHT?! Damn I'm lonely, so very lonely...

I can't get this song out of my head as of late. She's finally really grown on me I tells ya:

THE BOMBING OF LIBYA.

2011-03-25T02:13:00.000-07:00

I had an upset stomach on Tuesday and now I have some sort of allergy/cold and one of my teeth is in severe pain that comes and goes! Sensitive tooth?! DAMN I HOPE IT ALL F*CKING GOES AWAY! ARGH!

Yeah, I was pretty sad to hear of Elizabeth Taylor's passing, but the gal lived a good full amazing life, so it's bearable. We all gotta die one day and poor Liz was terribly weak and sick and in lots of pain so it was time. 79 years old. Not a bad run at all for one of the most famous women in history. I'd blogged about Liz before here and here. A great heart and soul and EYES to die for of course! R.I.P.

The reason the Japanese were hit by that massive quake is because they are being punished for their perversions! I'm kidding of course. Did the Japanese invent the Fleshlight? I'd like to buy one of these contraptions and try it out. Hey, the life of a single man is tough ok? And then a bud of mine points out these hysterical masturbation toys that WERE invented in Japan. JUST IN TIME FOR EASTER! LOL! I had seen them recently at the local sex shop but truly had no idea what they were until he explained it all to me this week. Mighty tempting! And then there's this thing that looks like some sort of device one would use in outer space! AHAHAHAHAHAH! All I need now is an astronaut suit, a helmet, and I'm ready to be launched in a rocket to the moon with my sex toy...

This blog post is short, but sweet. Let's look back at the once stunning Elizabeth! Yep, that's her late best bud MJ singing:

THE GREAT JAPANESE QUAKE OF 2011.

2011-03-18T01:44:00.000-07:00

Long week at work, but all is well I suppose. Another video clip follows for you kids. Hope you enjoy! I started doing push-ups at work whenever I get the chance thanks to inspiration from my co-worker/friend Rivers, and I've gotten quite strong! I could barely do five when I first started last week and now I'm up to doing twenty in a row almost effortlessly! WOW! Muscle memory they call it? I'm even starting to look a little more toned, or is it my imagination? I know I'm eating a lot, and other co-workers are shocked by the amount of food I shove into my mouth--it's a combination of having a fast metabolism, stress, and the recent exercise I've been doing that is making me so hungry. Now I gotta get some squats and crunches into my "workouts" and I'll be on a roll. I've gained some weight too, which is great news for a such a lean dude like myself, but I'm also starting to see a bit of a gut, which is actually kind of sexy. LOLOL! Okay, watch this and tell me what you think:

HOW MUCH IS GAS THIS WEEK?!

2011-03-04T03:31:00.000-08:00

I finally have a decent camcorder thanks to my new smartphone, although I'm learning that I have to keep my clips within a reasonable time frame in order to successfully upload them to YouTube. Ya see, in my own twisted warped NARCISSISTIC mind, I am a very smart funny witty important superstar individual with interesting things to say and talk about and I could go on and on and on like some long-winded Oscar acceptance speech. In reality, much of what I have to say is a bunch of baloney BS, but I want you to please watch and comment anyway. Please enlighten and entertain me just as much as I do you. Thanks! Oh yeah, this clip does end quite suddenly as I accidentally pushed a wrong button or something, but it certainly is a fitting parting shot:

THE LIBYAN REVOLUTION.

2011-02-25T02:23:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've discussed malignant narcissism! LOL! Carlos Estevez! Better known to you and me as Charlie Sheen. This fool is one piece of work. Lemme tell ya something, the dude is out of control: a drug addict, overpaid, obnoxious, conceited, and just plain disastrous in every possible way, Charlie is a classic malignant narcissist. Once married to that very pretty Denise Richards with whom he had kids with, this guy is self-absorbed, selfish, and narcissistic in every way. No regard for anyone but HIMSELF. WHEW! I really dislike this man a lot. CBS finally had the common sense to yank his very successful sitcom Two and a Half Men off the air due to really mean things Sheen said about the show's creator. Sheen was born into privilege thanks to his legendary actor father and is so damn fortunate to have had a decent film career and a hit TV show of his own where he gets paid tons of cash for basically playing himself, but he does not see this at all of course, and takes it completely for granted. I'm waiting for the day he overdoses! YAY! The guy has been involved in tons of scandals for years now; too numerous that I've lost track or count really. He likes prostitutes, porn stars, and cocaine a lot. AHAHAHHAAH! Hey, he can do what he wants with his life I suppose, but Sheen is a father and he drags other people down with him-THIS IS WHY narcissists are so dangerous and destructive; they do not take other people's feelings/emotions into consideration at all! I cannot imagine what a nightmare it must have been being married to this dude. I'm sorry Denise. YIKES! Actually he's been married several times and had tons of women. OH BOY.

END TIMES! My good friend in San Diego always says that when we discuss the massively disturbing events happening all over the world. I love to have fun; I really do despite my dreary mood swings. I love to laugh, eat, sing, and screw. But you cannot deny that what is going on here on a GLOBAL SCALE is very very worrisome. Massive quakes, solar flares, people rioting all over the Middle East, economies collapsing, strange extreme weather, overpopulation, animals dying off, etc. DOOM AND GLOOM BABY! Those Mayans may have been onto something with that 2012 sh*t. Do you realize how truly bad the American economy is?! No, of course not. We've been busy watching football, Justin Bieber, and American Idol. IT IS GOING TO GET WORSE. Yes, you can be an eternal optimist, but reality is what it is. The price of gasoline alone lately should be a red flag! EEK! And food! Just the other day I went to get Mexican grub with my girl cousin and was shocked when I got so little change back! EXPENSIVE! Millions of Americans are struggling now. It is very sad. The gas and food prices alone are going to send many more into poverty they have never known. Inflation is here kids. IT IS TRULY HERE. And how is our once powerful DOLLAR doing? It's gonna collapse man. And people the world over are tired of starving, being unemployed, and neglected by the rich so they're losing it, especially dem Arabs! Government union jobs (like mine) are being cut and the backlash is going to be enormous. Austere measures are going to piss a lot of people off accustomed to their usual standard of living. The assault on the middle class has begun. IS ALL OF THIS LEADING US TOWARDS A NEW WORLD ORDER?! A ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT?! The whole system is falling apart! The world has always been chaotic and cruel, but this is at quite an unmatched scale! It is a fantastic and fascinating time to be alive! Stay tuned...

Some songs are just immortal and never go out of style. This is one of those classic tunes:

AS THE ARAB WORLD REVOLTS...

2011-02-17T03:14:00.000-08:00

I'm going to talk about Lady Gaga. That's right. LADY F*CKING GAGA. Like the bitch needs any more attention/promotion?! It's taken a while for her to grow on me, since the pop music world has been sorely lacking for quite some time for a really STANDOUT performer, in my humble opinion. I know Beyoncé, Britney, Rihanna, Katy Perry, and Pink have a remarkable strong presence on the modern charts, but it is Lady Gaga that has now truly hit her stride to quite possibly become the biggest pop star on the planet. Elvis, The Beatles, Elton John, Michael Jackson, and of course Madonna have all been there before, and the endless comparisons with the latter are justified and understandable, but I do believe Lady Gaga is now her very own original entity. We've seen the bizarre costumes, looks, and personas on David Bowie and Elton John before, and the sexually provocative and engaging videos by Madonna in the past, and it has all now come to a perfect amalgamation into this one freakshow of a woman. Or is she a hermaphrodite?! LOL! The hilarious bizarre arrival to this past Sunday's Grammy Awards was a hoot; and her performance on stage was nothing short of brilliant and the true birth (hatching in this case, haha) of a superstar. She is definitely entertaining and truly talented; let Anderson Cooper show you. Or her appearance on Jay Leno perhaps? Or this gem clip in Tokyo? The woman can play the keys and sing for sure. The gay community has been crazy about her for a while now, but there I was simply observing and biding my time. I feel she came out of nowhere and just took off into the stratosphere quite frankly. She's kooky and maybe goes over the top, but I am now convinced and on TEAM GAGA. You can now call me a "Little Monster" I suppose? Her latest song has become an instant #1 hit. What must it be like to get noticed and talked about like this?! And what does the once trendsetting Madonna do now?! Her Royal Highness has already established herself and worked so very hard anyway right?

My teeth have never looked better. I've had my fair share of cavities and annoying distressing dental work, but never to the point of root canals. I hear those really hurt. Anyway, I've got nice truly clean teeth now thanks to my obsession with chewing gum right after meals or brushing them whenever I get the chance and more responsible recent visits to the dentist. I was fitted for an upper mouth guard at the dentist recently because I tend to grind while I'm asleep, but have found it hard to get used to wearing that weird thing. I have sensitive teeth, which can be kind of painful sometimes. I would love to truly whiten them, but am worried it's going to be very very harsh on my poor choppers which are still recovering from some inlays I had done late last year. At my last cleaning, while I was being flossed by the assistant, she was amazed at how no food particles were flying out of my pie hole. "I don't need to teach you how to floss, you seem to do it well." I would hope everyone would! EW! POOR ORAL HYGIENE on a lover can send me running far FAR away never to return.

My car brakes and tires are done! I did not mind spending money for that, since it's nice to have a car in LA and be able to go wherever. It was however, very upsetting to be towed recently. OUCH. A bit of a long story, but getting one's car towed is never fun, nor is having to pay for its release.

THE EGYPTIAN REVOLUTION.

2011-02-04T02:43:00.000-08:00

I finally own a smartphone! This one to be exact. Aren't you proud of me? I think I've almost mastered how to use it in just one week's time. That's riveting WAT. So very f*cking riveting...

My car needs the front brakes repaired, new front tires, and the dents and crap fixed from that accident I had about a year ago. I need to clear all this junk post office mail from my room and just looking at it is driving me crazy. The search for a new place to live continues and the time to start cleaning out and throwing out unnecessary clutter is now. I'll tell ya the truth folks, I just don't want to get out of bed sometimes. I find my life overwhelming in many ways right now. Yes, I am overly sensitive okay?! HOW DO I STOP THAT BY THE WAY?! I easily break down or cry now like some wuss; ever since I got my heart crushed last year by that dude. UGH. I'm lucky in getting laid, but at true relationship-based love?! What a disaster! Yeah, life's really great right?! There's this dating website I recently joined and it astonishes me to sometimes read profiles where guys say they are loving life and they can't wait to welcome a new day! WOOHOO! REALLY?! LOLOLOL! That kind of amazing joy exists?! AHAHHAHAHA! Don't get me wrong I have plenty of happy moments, but Good Lord this existence annoys and frustrates me quite often. The grass always looks greener on the other side--yeah, that is so my issue. I often feel everyone else is living life to the fullest and I'm kind of just here cruising along. Actually, when I come to think of it, it's nice not to have children. I can't imagine having to support and tolerate one of those things, let alone have to bring them into this amazingly sick twisted world. I hope to return to my once carefree selfish way of living soon and forget this idea of wanting to be in love. I failed someone long ago who was very much into me and now I got punched in the face and gut and thrown into the middle of running traffic as karma perhaps? JUST GREAT. Life is good. HA.

My cousin has flown in from Oklahoma to stay with us the next few months and enrolled just yesterday into a medical assistant program at a school near downtown. Good for her I say! Jobs in the medical field are thriving, despite the still huge unemployment numbers. She said the weather out there right now is a nightmare; cold and snow everywhere. Harsh winter this season all over the country right? You'd never know it here in L.A. though. The weather has been nauseatingly beautiful. Every day there is sun and blue skies. Every day. EVERY. F*CKING. DAY. I want some clouds and rain damn it! I LOVE THE RAIN! I'm obviously living in the wrong city right? Time for Seattle or Portland baby! With my cousin in town, it will be a lot easier to move and her help will be desperately needed and appreciated. I like my cousin very much too. We get along very well and she seems to get me without judging me. We both have the same music tastes too which is very cool. She just might be my current favorite HAG. I realize I don't really have that many friends that are girls and my two favorites always keep in touch with me through the Internet. Jesus, what kind of homo am I that I don't have women friends?! I seem to gravitate towards men (gay or hetero) period! WOW. I never thought of this, but it's so true.

Damn I'm so straight and can't wait for the Super Bowl this weekend.

LARRY KING, WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?!

2011-01-21T01:36:00.000-08:00

I have to move soon. YES. I am a victim of the disastrous housing crisis. Sometimes I feel like an utter failure for trying to own a place and not being able to continue with the outrageous mortgage and other fees after four and a half years. Oh well. At least we tried right? Life just does not turn out the way one would like at times. JUST GREAT. I'm kind of sad and feel a bit worthless. Ya gotta earn big bucks to own a place in this country, and EVEN THEN! Property taxes are ridiculous, the paperwork involved is atrocious, and the way this bank has treated me is beyond horrendous. These guys are EVIL. Pure and simple. I did everything in my power to refinance and submitted all kinds of documents to get them to help me during these tough times, and THEY DID NOT BUDGE. So, I am wishing these massive criminal A-HOLES nothing but terrible things. DIE. DIE! JUST DIEEEEEEEEEE! So what happens now? Well, my older brother Charles has to move out of his place soon too, so shall mom and her two sons live all together nice and happily ever after? LOL! Or should I move out on my own, or perhaps with a roomie?! OH MY GOD. What to do, what to do? Decisions, decisions! I am just so relieved I don't have to deal with the stress of the last few years anymore. It will be a great weight lifted off of my shoulders. I'm not looking forward to having to pack things up and moving them, but it will all be over soon; I will find a good place to put that noose on the ceiling, place it around my neck, and effectively kick the chair from underneath my feet...ahahahahhahahhaha! Saddam Hussein, you lucky bastard!

Yeah so I was stoned okay? And I wanted to prove my insane talent. This is strictly off the top of my head, so no copy was read; ten minutes of true improv. My voice changes several times, and I start off with a cheesy radio talk show and how it would sound in LA hosted by a middle-aged conservative married dickwad, the station identification for Mozart's music (I sound eerily like George Takei), a breaking news story on TV (Bernard Shaw then turns into Anderson Cooper with an awesome English dude in the mix), the stoned DJ, Spanish public access Christian talk radio, and the old Nightline intro?! LOLOL!

It's bizarre! Hope you enjoy:

TWO THOUSAND ELEVEN.

2011-01-07T00:51:00.000-08:00

How was your New Year's?! I went to Palm Springs! Yeah, that was kind of out of character for me, since I rarely if ever take a road trip by myself, but I did not want to spend YET ANOTHER boring as f*ck New Year's Eve in Los Angeles. Ya see, after ringing in 2004 and 2005 in New Orleans, I've been forever spoiled; seems to me other places have a much better vibe and energy than my hometown to welcome a new year in. The drive to Palm Springs is about 90 minutes, which is very tolerable. My bud who lives out there was kind enough to let me stay at his place for two nights. Palm Springs was so very cold, but it was fun too! I went to this hotel to a huge happening party on December 31! I still can't get over how beautiful this place is! WOW! The party was really fun and quite deafening. This is the song that will most stick with me from that great crazy night. Lots of homos from LA were there. The music man! THE MUSIC WAS SO GOOD BUT SO GOD DAMN LOUD! UGH! I could feel my internal organs vibrating within my ribcage man! I got to this shindig around 10:30pm and left at about 3am. I'll never forget the night sky as I left the party--it was so crystal clear and gorgeous; I think I saw stars and planets I'd never noticed before. I got very sentimental in Palm Springs at times; I had to let go of all the pain and suffering of 2010 and so far my new year has started off pretty nicely.

So here's the deal. My late mean narcissistic father was nice to me sometimes and did once tell me long ago that I have a nice radio voice. Ever since I started doing most of the announcements and paging of people at work recently, I get compliments left and right by most of the staff there that I am one crystal clear sexy-sounding dude! This is most flattering folks! I did try my hand at some light voiceover work a while ago, but I've never really pursued it. I mean, I am in the right town for this right? I don't even know where to begin though. UGH. I often feel I have all these amazing talents and they're just wasting away. GOD. But I do need to have a real job and income folks, because even though I'm a mostly artistic individual, I can't afford to f*cking starve, so I need to begrudgingly work at a day job. And this town is so very competitive; who doesn't do voiceover work here?! The really good and lucky ones like the cast of The Simpsons make millions. Must be nice. Anyway, I guess I'll continue to enjoy my celebrity-like status at work and endless compliments from men and women alike. Actually, I believe it's mostly women who love my voice. I must be making many of them feel very erotic or something. HAHA!

Speaking of great voices -- a marvelous actor with depression issues? We're all human after all:

GOOD RIDDANCE 2010.

2010-12-30T00:55:00.000-08:00

I warn you, as soon as my voice comes in, the sound is BOOMING LOUD! LOL! My apologies, I was a bit overly excited with my opening song choice. Anyway, watch/listen to this clip and I hope you enjoy it and comment! 2010 is over! HALLELUJAH! I'm looking forward to the chaos and awesomeness of 2011!! WOOHOO! JULIAN ASSANGE FOREVER! LMAO!

CHRISTMAS 2010

2010-12-25T17:51:00.000-08:00

I'm behind on blogging. It's Christmas. BLAH! It's almost over thank goodness. Nice meal made by my mom yesterday though. YUMMY!

The battle to find a smartphone! ARGH! I can't freakin' decide, but I will be upgrading soon finally! Sprint gives me a "discount" starting in January, and my contract with them is due in March. I dunno what to do. Boost Mobile seems cool in that it has no contract and gives you the Blackberry Curve device for 200 bucks and $60 a month service. That sounds dirt cheap to me. The girl at the Sprint store yesterday told me it was better to stay with Sprint and gave me the whole spiel about why they were better than the no contract companies and blah blah blah. There's the trendy and overadvertised iPhone of course. But their carrier AT&T sucks I hear and it gets expensive and the touch screen does sound a bit irritating. I've tested it, and it does kind of get cumbersome for my large fingers to touch the small screen. Then there's the Android phones, which I have no idea what they're all about! Sprint does have the cool HTC EVO, which does seem pretty awesome. Well, I'll eventually decide, and one of these amazing new modern phones will be in my possession. Then again, is having access to the Internet at all times really THAT important?! I can only stomach Facebook for so long, and I find that most weekends I am disconnected from the Net for the most part and it is quite liberating. Anyway, I've heard all kinds of suggestions from everyone at this point. What say YOU on a good smartphone?!

I'm going to write a few words here on the British Royal Family. This pack of lazy bastards! ARGH! I hate Queen Elizabeth and her annoying mean-looking twit husband. And don't even get me started on Prince Charles and that ugly whore Camilla! F*CK these people! They are a bunch of snobs and a**holes. I like Sarah Ferguson a lot for being so down-to-earth, and I did have much respect for the late Princess Diana, even though she seemed a bit moody and emotionally depressed most of the time. But then again, I can totally identify with her in that she was an astrological Cancer and so am I! She seemed like a really nice humanitarian woman, caught up in that stuffy rigid annoying atmosphere which nearly drove her insane. Let's face it, she was used to breed those two handsome boys and then tossed aside by Charles and the family. Probably was murdered by them too. Anyway, I do like William and Harry, although Lord only knows what happened to Wills looks, because he used to be really attractive, but now he looks bald and old and his bride is not that much better in my opinion, but their wedding next year is going to be HUGE I presume so ok then.

Anyway, I hope to blog before the year is up, but if I don't, I will return soon. I promise.

HOWARD STERN SIGNS FOR FIVE MORE YEARS ON SATELLITE RADIO!

2010-12-10T02:18:00.000-08:00

I wanna thank all of you who loyally read this blog and comment! MERCI!

What tha hell is going on here?! WHAT AN INSANE AND AWESOME STORY THIS IS! JULIAN ASSANGE! I love the way his name just rolls off my tongue! LOLOLOL! Say it with me: JULIAN ASSANGE! This Australian dude is apparently the guy that was running Wikileaks, which was shut down by the government for recently releasing top secret classified information. He was arrested and is now in London on sexual assault charges, but it's a bunch of baloney and an obvious ruse; the U.S. government is just pissed that this guy has taken freedom of expression to a whole new level--this is an international espionage story of epic proportions man! I dunno how you feel, but this guy is my HERO! LMAO! Read this article here. Man, there is tons of information on this massive story all over the Internet, so you won't have any trouble finding ample stuff on this incredible tale. Fierce supporters of Assange have now begun hacking and shutting down major websites like Visa, MasterCard, and even Sarah Palin's site I believe, in support of this most subversive and controversial figure. Amazon.com might even be next! Listen kids, I dunno how this all got so big, but it has, and in the midst of our worldwide depression, this is one story I am really enjoying! HAHAHHAAHHA! I LOVE CHAOS! ANARCHY! WOOHOOOOOOOOO! Time Magazine, JULIAN ASSANGE has to be your Person of the Year 2010, without a doubt!

I have recently discovered the culinary joy of eating trail mix. Can you believe it?! My co-worker/bud got me addicted to his nuts. HEE! Love me dem nuts! Yeah yeah, crack a gay joke or two if ya like. PHOOEY! When I was a kid, I didn't even wanna go near peanuts, hazelnuts, almonds, etc. Now?! MY GOD MAN! I think I'm addicted to this stuff! DELICIOUS AND NUTRITIOUS! And I have been reading that nuts have good cholesterol and can actually help in gaining healthy weight which I think I have been actually achieving. Yes dude, for years I've been ingesting all that crappy junk food like crackers, chips, and cookies which are really not good for you, so I say substitute it with more fruits and trail mix baby. I'm noticing that as I get older, all that sugary and salty snack food I used to enjoy as a kid is now kind of grossing me out. Is this a normal reaction? All the healthy more bland plain stuff I am now liking more. Weird. I guess one's taste buds do change. YAY FOR TRAIL MIX!

This is truly an incredible song:

CHER IS OLDER THAN ISRAEL.

2010-12-02T10:34:00.000-08:00

I'll tell you what: I don't hate anybody okay? I don't. So there we have Israel in the middle of a sea of hatred, and although I wanna believe that they have a right to exist and stuff, I've met quite a few people from Israel and they are not very nice. There. I said it. They are very full of themselves and quite f*cking rude! I guess this comes from being embittered and always on the defensive, but STILL MAN! YEESH! And I won't say it's all the Jews in general, because I've met some cool American ones, but it seems the hardcore Jewish folk from that area are really militant and mean. And the more I've delved into the history of how Israel came to be, the more annoyed I get to find how so many Palestinians were displaced and uprooted from their homes. I'm not siding with the Arabs either, although the men are f*cking hot (LOL), but I am not the U.S. government that allows and sanctions Israel to do as it wishes. As I've gotten older, I see the whole thing for what it is, and it is a bit disturbing to see how these poor Arabs are treated. It's kind of shitty. But anyway, what do I know? Our media only presents the Israeli side when they get terrorist-attacked, but there's more to this; both sides have blood on their hands as far as I'm concerned. Now someone please find me a hottie Arab to shag!

So I went to see Burlesque, mainly to please my mom and visiting cousin and while very entertaining on a visual level, the movie is quite made-for-TV retarded. Everyone is talking about how great Cher looks, but I disagree! I think she's acquired some sort of strange manly look and her lips been injected so many times she almost looks like a fish. LOL! Any of those professional male drag queens who play her can now safely get away with fooling people. Christina Aguilera is actually quite likable and decent in her role. Stanley Tucci is always fantastic of course. But my eyes were fixated on that amazing and incredibly hot piece of ass CAM GIGANDET. Life is not fair I tells ya. Why don't I look like that?! The camera loves this kid! And so did I! There were some pretty hot erotic scenes in the film, without being tasteless. I think at one point I wanted to actually cry; I was so upset I wasn't CAM or allowed to have him. AHAHAHAHA! I know, how f*cking gay. The musical numbers are very cool, but the plot like I said is just lame. LAME. My mom and cousin really liked the movie, but then again they don't have the existentialist annoying overanalyzing f*cked up brain that I do.

Cheers.

WAT ON WEBCAM!

2010-11-19T01:48:00.000-08:00

I did not feel like writing, so out came my webcam and mic and here's the result:

IN MEMORIAM: PADDY THE DOG

2010-11-12T11:47:00.000-08:00

This awesome little dog got terribly sick all of a sudden and had to be put to sleep this week. My friend who one day saw him as a puppy staring at him in the driveway of his house some 5 years ago gave this dog a good decent home and he was really funny and wonderful to be around. I will miss him and have cried over him, since I saw him practically every weekend.

My narcissistic crazy ex-lover and I have reached an amicable parting decision. He keeps insisting as of late like some sort of desperate lost soul that I return to "hang out" with him, but I very civilly and intelligently told him he had his chance earlier this year, and chose someone else instead, and that now I am irrevocably changed and different and past all that drama. In other words, I'm just not interested in YOU anymore. LOL! This is a great feeling folks. And I told him I still resent him for the bad mean things he did, so what's the point of even trying?! BROTHA PULEAZE! He was very polite, apologetic, and sounded almost defeated. Of course, it could all be an act since these people are terrific actors and full of BS, but I tell ya one thing, poor is the next man who is unaware and has to deal with HIM. He claimed to me he feels sorry and has "changed" and has taken time to analyze and be introspective. LMAO! Uh huh. Yeah. It sounds so convincing and I can't wait to return to him! I'm moving forward here folks, not backwards. Gracias. I've wanted my power back all this time, and I think I finally got it; ignoring this fool and playing hard-to-get recently from my end is apparently very fun, enticing, and challenging to him -- whereas trying to build something cool and maintain it turns him into an abusive maniacal bastard. Oh boy, God help ya kid. I'm over it. There's plenty of other lands to conquer, and it's obvious to me now after all of my personal suffering and insightful eye-opening research that he's hopeless. "Don't call me a narcissist, I am not like that!" I somehow think I've managed to upset him with the truth, but more than likely he forgets within 10 seconds and happily continues on his destructive path.

I watched Julie & Julia finally! Yeah, so Amy Adams' character and her boyfriend were a bit annoying and sugary, but man does this film make one wanna eat! What more can be said about Meryl Streep? WHAT MORE?! I hate to heap more accolades onto this woman who doesn't need them anymore, but she is really fun in this role as the late great eccentric kitchen goddess that was Julia Child. Julia had a very nice and loving husband, although they never had kids; both of them lived well into their nineties --Julia outlived him ten more years before she passed. Funny how all lives seem to end in death, no matter how remarkable. HA.

A look back at my doggy friend and good times we shared:

MIDTERM ELECTIONS = MORE OF THE SAME BS.

2010-11-05T10:35:00.000-07:00

We should not hold on to resentment, because ultimately it poisons the person who clings to it, not the person it is intended for or directed at. Yes, how correct and true, but there are times it is also part of the healing process, and we must feel this inner rage and anger at having been wronged in order to come to terms with the damage done. It is normal/natural to really despise the person that treated you so poorly, and in my case this past spring and summer, I have more than enough reasons to truly loathe the creature I erroneously thought I loved. He manipulated the entire situation for his own selfish reasons, belittled me in the most subtle dark and evil ways, and then finally drops me for someone younger and better-looking whom he eventually proceeds to abuse as well. And then he wants me back as if nothing happened, as if he did not act in the most despicable manner?! This is how horrid and truly evil this individual is. There is no remorse, no empathy, no accountability for the psychological and emotional hurt caused to me or the many others he must go through like a pair of shoes. I will eliminate my rancor towards the savage, but it will take more time and little by little I have gotten stronger on a daily basis, but I won't lie or deny I am fully healed or over the pain yet. There are moments I do break down and wish him cancer or a serious car wreck, but I will slowly let this all go and let karma or God himself work their magic and teach this monstrosity a lesson. Or two. Or three.

Work has been pretty laidback as of late, and thank God for that right? I feel much less stressed here, and am very grateful for this. I have other issues that are weighing me down a bit, but onward I must go. This has been a very challenging tough year for me. WHEW! I cannot believe I am still standing and forging ahead. And so many have told me I have never looked better, more refreshed, or handsome than I do now. Ironic isn't it?! The invisible man in the sky that I try to have faith and believe in must be showing his mercy towards me at this very interesting part of my life. The world as a whole is going to hell kids. The natural disasters are going to get worse, poor Haiti just can't get a break, the economy is on course to collapse, and Lord only knows where we are headed as a species/civilization. I'm all for this f*cking mess to crash, explode, and burn for I feel this planet needs a good purging. Even if I have to die so be it. Bring forth that massive LA quake already! YEAH!

In the meantime, I'm going to simply concentrate on the present, on the very moment I am living. F*ck the future. There is none. There never was.

Like Ancient Rome, here's what our modern day lawmakers really think:

HALLOWEEN 2010.

2010-10-29T03:45:00.000-07:00

It's HALLOWEEN weekend! As of this posting, I still have no definitive costume, but so what?! Something will materialize...

My good dear friend manages this blog on extraterrestrials and other strange out-of-this-world phenomena here in Los Angeles. He claims he's had close encounters of the third kind. YIKES! Or is it fourth?! Listen, I have never seen or had any direct contact with aliens and sh*t, but I've seen UFOs. Have you ever just gone outside on a regular night and stared up at the stars and the sky in general? Chances are you'll start finding really weird creepy aircraft doing strange things up there that defy normal logic. At my old place one night, I remember vividly seeing ships flying up there that were tiny and could be mistaken for a shooting star, but that definitely did not burn out or behave the way a meteorite should. This is one big vast incredibly complex universe, and who knows what kind of other "intelligent" life may be out there. I doubt they're as nice or friendly as E.T. was to Elliot in the famous film. The many drawings and renditions shown on television and in movies are pretty freaky. This documentary kind of creeps me out and it goes as far as to say that demons are the ones manifesting themselves here in the third dimension trying to effectively fool the masses so they can doubt the existence of God and to confuse minds. Like Howard Stern, I used to dismiss all this, but now am starting to wonder/entertain the idea of just what tha hell is going on here.

Holy cow, speaking of creepy, have you ever looked at a normal American dollar bill? Yes DAWG, A NICE OLE'-FASHIONED DEAD PREZIDENT! There's a lot of symbols on there. My oh my, what's this?! Most of us take George Washington on there for granted, but there's some interesting things going on there. Thank you YouTube again, for these videos. Freemasons helped found this country, but where they also part of a much bigger and dark secret society with nefarious intentions? Nothing was put on that bill by mistake, that's for sure. Fascinating interesting stuff indeed!

You won't believe this, but I was just about to end this post, when this news story popped up.

MON DIEU JEAN-JACQUES! THE FRENCH ARE RIOTING!

2010-10-22T03:09:00.000-07:00

The only time I sincerely watch TV is if I am at friend's house. I can't seem to really enjoy it on my own anymore, and it's such a vast God damn annoying wasteland anyway! LIKE THIS BLOG! HA! If I'm by myself, the first thing I gravitate towards is the Internet and gay por...YOUTUBE! Yes, good ole' YouTube! It really is quite an incredible website that has ridiculously revolutionized my life and that of millions. I do watch silly clips here and there from time to time, but what most fascinates me and what I truly do appreciate about the Tube are some very awesome uploaded documentaries, biographies, and movies. You can learn so much! And lots of cool clips from old TV shows and news events before my time. Then there's those awesome conspiracy theory videos like Loose Change, Zeitgeist, and now I'm in the middle of watching this one which is quite long and a bit repetitive, but very informative nonetheless. I have nothing against wanting to be entertained and getting your mind off life's problems, but I feel American television nowadays is retarded and many of these sick horrible reality shows and lame talk shows are a sign of the true decay of our society. It's the way of keeping the masses dumb and distracted, while the government continues its unprecedented corruption and the economy keeps on tanking; you really believe this is just a recession or that it's over?! NO F*CKING WAY.

I been discussing GOD a bit lately with certain friends and my brother in Georgia even. After the harrowing traumatic experience this past spring and summer with the evil monster who cannot love, I have come to believe in God more than ever only because I can't quite comprehend or understand how I did not jump off a bridge or go insane with the awful grief I just went through. I guess time and perspective eventually heals everybody and it has nothing to do with God, but my particular story has a lot of instances that cannot be explained rationally, scientifically, or logically--at least to me. There was that dream I had after I prayed and prayed for an answer on that psychopath and why I was so hurt, and boom, it was granted! Or dead-on Bible verses that would pop at me randomly reassuring and comforting me that everything was going to be okay. Or the woman who does not know me, whom I've never met that recently during prayer told my aunt about everything that I had been through and how my blessings would return and be multiplied; kind of like the story of Job. There are plenty of atheists these days and rightfully so: religion is terribly corrupt, evil exists, and suffering is endless. Why would there be a God right?! But within me, it's been a feeling, a powerful feeling that I just cannot explain. I just don't think I'm still here and healing nicely just because. Call me crazy, kooky, retarded, or just plain ridiculous. But that's my story. I fully admit, I need this kind of comfort, especially for the kind of horrific crisis I just survived. Others cope differently and that's okay. Leave me with this at least please?

Wes Bentley and I look alike okay? And I love this scene period. And I love the classic "C*NT!" delivery here. Thanks again YouTube:

CHILEAN MINERS RULE THE WORLD.

2010-10-15T01:20:00.000-07:00

AYN RAND! Have you ever heard of this woman?! She was a Russian-born Jewish lady that came to America, and ended up loving this country more than even her own husband! HA! Well, communism I'm sure was a drag, so Ayn was probably blown away by American capitalism and all its amazing smoke and mirrors. She was very intelligent and gifted from the time she was little and always felt a step ahead of her classmates and most people in general. She is most famous for her two classic books The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged, which are usually required reading in high schools and colleges across this country. These novels basically profess Ayn's philosophy of objectivism, which believes in complete rational reasonable thinking and the supreme power of the human mind to achieve whatever it wants. Therefore, there is no God in Ayn's view, because he or SHE cannot be proven logically. The woman was a staunch atheist and made no apologies for it. She was also very much against altruism, which is giving up your own interests and potential to help others through charity; Mother Theresa was probably not high on Ayn's list of admirable people, LOL! And she most certainly did not believe emotions were productive or necessary to the human experience, and get in the way of achieving one's true greatness. I find Ayn's ideas very interesting and fascinating and perhaps sometimes sensible, but the woman was a major narcissist. Humans are not just rational creatures, we have deep profound emotions too, and many who in their youth follow Ayn, eventually become disillusioned and abandon her extreme selfish and egotistical views. She has several riveting interviews on YouTube, but my favorites are her two appearances on Donahue's old talk show here and here. Who knows, you might find yourself agreeing with the bitch. HAHAHHAHAA!

I know this upcoming election is very important, but I just don't feel like voting. I've just about had it with the American political system. They all promise change and great things, but in the end, they're in it for themselves. What else is new right? The last politician that I feel actually did something good for this country was that horny womanizing Bill Clinton. Then Bush came into office, and the whole system began to fall apart for me--I find both major parties full of sh*t basically. They're always at each other's throats, but at the end of the day they're having dinner together and getting richer, while the f*cking country continues to crash and burn! The governor's race here in California has this annoying Meg Whitman woman who is already filthy rich and has spent $140 million of her own money already in advertising! GOD DAMN! There's no way an average Joe can even run for public office at all; it's all about how much money you already have! GEEZ! I hope that egomaniacal millionairess Meg loses to that closeted homo Jerry Brown, who has already been governor before in the 70s, although what does he have to offer this time around I'm not even sure, because all I ever see on TV are Meg ads left and right. And there's Prop 19 on the ballot I believe, which is regarding good ole' Mary Jane--WEED! Ugh, my sample ballot has arrived in the mail but I'm too lazy and apathetic to care. Might as well just toss it in the trash already.

I hold the 1976 fim Network in high esteem. The script is incredible, the acting superb, the relevance of the material and ideas as fresh today as they were then:

THE AMERICAN ECONOMY CONTINUES TO SUCK...

2010-10-08T01:24:00.000-07:00

Good news kids! I have new job functions at work! WOOHOO! Feels like I've started a brand new job actually! A refreshing change! 2010 is starting to pick up for me I believe. KEEP ROOTING FOR ME WILL YA?!

Ya know, sometimes I stop and think about what a strange cultural clash upbringing I've lived through; the first generation son of immigrant parents from El Salvador. EL SALVADOR?! Boy, isn't that the place that is often mocked as backward and dirt poor?! LOL! In reality, it is just that, but from the three major visits I made to that small little country back in the 90s, it really is a very beautiful tropical land and to see the places where my mom and sperm donor came from is really quite humbling. Kind of like that part in The Godfather where Michael Corleone, who has only known America his whole life, goes back to Sicily for temporary exile, to see where his roots are based. Being born and growing up in the U.S. as first generation is very interesting. I was forced to speak only Spanish at home; my mom, late sperm donor and maternal grandma all had little to very broken English. I gotta give credit to my mom though, she has mastered speaking English very nicely with some trouble reading and writing still, but the woman can genuinely communicate in the Anglo world, although all her advice, scolding, and general ideas still come at me en español. So to learn English naturally through TV and school, and Castilian at home, I got to luckily become bilingual! My house was like another country basically, but once I left those doors I was always and still am a light-skinned average tall skinny American dude. My very Anglo friend said once years ago as he visited me, "Your house smells Hispanic." LOLOOOOL! Whatever that means! I guess he was referring to the odors left behind by the food we ate: beans, tortillas, cheese, rice, pupusas, etc. All washed down with a nice cold glass of good ole' Sunny Delight! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH! I saw a lot at my old house. Many good times and bad, and millions of people visited that place; relatives, friends, and strangers! The little Salvi house, 1982-2006. I live much more Anglicized now. I've moved up in the world! HEE!

So tomorrow Saturday would have been John Lennon's 70th birthday, had he lived of course. I love Paul McCartney's upbeat melodic playful enthusiasm in his songs, but I have always existentially identified with Lennon; he wrote from the deepest part of his subconscious that was filled with true angst and pain at the world he was born in. The guy was very much a cultural, social, and political mover and shaker, and wanted a more just and peaceful world, because he knew deep down inside that human society is unfair and rotten, and that we are a confused little species trying to figure out the true meaning of this bizarre yet fascinating existence.

In honor of John, who was without a doubt, a songwriter of immensely epic inspiration; I give you this awesome political/social anger anthem:

TONY CURTIS IS DEAD.

2010-09-30T04:22:00.000-07:00

I want to thank all of you who stop by to read and most especially to those who comment with such interesting advice and comical colorful commentary! This past Monday, we had a record-breaking hot day of 113 degrees here in Los Angeles--hell is gonna be a lot worse for the next atrocious character I'm about to discuss:

Yeah so I was reading about Ryan O'Neal, who is probably best known for his cheesy ass role in Love Story. A moderately popular actor during the 70's, O'Neal has four kids by three different women: Griffin, Tatum, Patrick, and Redmond. When he meets the stunning sex symbol Farrah Fawcett in the late 70's during her prime, he manages to seduce her and she leaves Lee Majors! Anyway, Farrah and Ryan never got officially married, but he managed to put her through hell nonetheless as he cheated on her with many other women, and his kids are all f*cked up and have battled drug addiction problems. Tatum won an Oscar when she was just a child; it must've filled Ryan with a lots of inner envy but phony pride shown to the world that HE fathered such a talented child. Well, where am I going with all this? OF COURSE! Ryan O'Neal is none other than a PATHOLOGICAL MALIGNANT NARCISSIST. LOLOLOL! YIKES! And his son Griffin once had some terrible things to say about his father during an interview with Larry King right here. He was only by Farrah's side to get attention, and as a cancer survivor himself, Ryan was mad Farrah got the press to focus on her disease more than they had on his. He finally promised to marry Farrah only at the very end of her cancer (what a GREAT guy, blah!), and was seen smooching and running around with Farrah's supposed best friend as she was dying. He even did drugs with his son Redmond (Farrah's son) and hit on Tatum at Farrah's funeral not recognizing his own daughter! THE MAN IS A VILE SICK TWISTED PIG! UGH! It only takes one narcissist to ruin many lives, and this guy is a prime example. It's amazing how the pattern with these nightmarish scumbags is always the same: they seduce sweet nice attractive people (like Farrah who was described as very kind), and then emotionally abuse/destroy them and the kids they may leave behind. Yes, my thankfully deceased father and a still living disgusting uncle of mine in particular come to mind. I don't care how blood-related, if ya got one of these vampires in your family, RUN!

Lemme tells ya, this current boom of movies being released in 3-D is Hollywood's sad last attempt at getting people to come into theaters because they know they're losing audiences fast to the Internet and DVD home viewing. First of all, it's annoying to watch films in 3-D. I HATE IT! It gives me a headache and to have to wear dem retarded glasses over my current ones is frustrating. And have ya seen the cost of a movie ticket lately?! And the quality of films has gone down in my opinion with maybe three films a year at most worth going to see on a big screen. And then all these remakes and retelling of movies we've seen before or pointless sequels! CALGON TAKE ME AWAY! LOL! And now George Lucas is gonna milk the Star Wars cash cow with the movies being re-released in 3-D! HOW MANY MORE TIMES CAN HE MAKE MONEY OFF THE SAME MOVIES?! HOW MANY MORE BILLIONS DOES LUCAS NEED?! I WANT TO SCREAM! First on the big screen, then on VHS, then on the big screen with special editions, then on DVD with the original editions, then on DVD with the special editions, then the Blu-Ray, then the boring shitty prequels, IT NEVER ENDS! This galaxy far far away never goes AWAY! AHAHAHAHAHAH! Maybe I'm just old and bitter?

A modern track for you to enjoy--what a great little song, and wonderful video:

IT WILL BE HOT IN L.A. THIS WEEKEND.

2010-09-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

I'm in a fairly good mood today! COULD IT BE?! Despite some hefty challenges in my life this year, I am trying my best to forge ahead. Ya know what I've noticed though through my own personal experience with heartbreak and other issues this most hellish year?! There are a lot of people out there who lack compassion or empathy. IT AMAZES ME. Seems like when you're down, the more others try and kick you! I think it pleases certain others to see ya in the gutter so they can have their chance at f*cking ya up some more! It is at this time that I have seen who my TRUE friends are. My mother (God bless her) has been so supportive and kind to me. She still nags me to death, but she has been very understanding and concerned about me as of late. I dunno man, if someone I know is really down and going through sh*t, the last thing I would ever do is make them feel worse. Yeah, they call it constructive criticism right? F*CK THAT. It's BS. My dear beloved friend in San Diego gets me. She really gets me. And I get her. Time is the only true healer. It is also the one true road to aging and death. LOL!

I have writer's block today. It is the worst feeling in the world! Or is it:

HEY HEY! BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP!

2010-09-17T05:20:00.000-07:00

This pic was taken just a bit after the incident you are about to read about:

So there I am at the very back of the bar by the restroom and stuff, when I see one of the buff but not too handsome (God yeah, I've got a better face folks) strippers back there taking a break. He had a strange accent; I was a bit buzzed and I was casually trying to make conversation about where he was from. "I'm from California." he kind of rudely replied. A bit later another stripper showed up and he was actually nice, not wanting to tell me where he was from either. Jesus, is there such a thing as erotic dancers working in the country illegally or something?! LOL! They looked Brazilian I suppose, and as I hear the first rude dude speaking again, my annoying skinny ass has to confront him, "Oh come on now, you are not from California, tell me dude." To which he angrily replies, "What do you f*ckin' care? Imma beat yer ass up! IMMA KILL YA MOTHERF*CKER!" WOW. Can we say unnecessary maniacal 'roid rage?! Okay okay, I got it you stupid douche. So I casually look at the nice stripper and say to him, "Ya know, you are a nice guy actually, unlike this one." AND ASSHOLE SMACKS THE LEFT SIDE OF MY HEAD! HE ACTUALLY STRIKES ME! Well, I was prolly gonna get my lanky self killed and all, but I didn't care, so out came my long left arm and I whacked him up right across the right side of his head too. EAT THAT F*CKFACE! That's where he proceeds to try and jump on me and the nice dude holds him off and tells me to leave. Where was my killer psychotic brother when I needed him?! LMAO! Listen kids, I'm not one that likes this kind of conflict, but even if I was being a bit pressing and stuff, this dumb jackass had no right to strike me. He could verbally say all he wanted, but once he struck me (which wasn't that hard either the wuss), I wasn't gonna take that shit. I swear I would've bitten him or worse. UGH. I did walk out of there kind of proud of myself with my bud, and a bit disappointed too, but there ya go. Should I call the bar later today and report this jerk or let it go?

My mood as of late is fair. Like our weather. I dunno man. I could talk about some of the same BS issues that plague me, but just read the last few posts and you'll know what I've been dealing with for most of this year. So whatever. I really need thicker more gym-looking arms. HA! Yeah, time to go work out before the end comes in 2012.

This is without a doubt, one of my top-ten favorite movies of all time! The script, the lines, the actors! PRICELESS:

DON'T BURN THE QURAN!

2010-09-09T02:53:00.000-07:00

Can ya call it a midlife crisis if I'm not even 40 years old yet?! LOL! 2010 is proving to be quite the challenging year. I'm living it day to day, apathetic about what may come. I still brush and floss my teeth very carefully though, so that's at least encouraging! HA!

There was this report on Howard Stern's satellite radio show read by his sidekick Robin that says that people who earn less than $75,000 a year are unhappier ---> Yes, that would be ME. HEE! Interestingly enough, just because you earn that much or more, does not mean you are happier, but you at least seem to be a bit more content. Well sure! Having enough money is definitely comforting. This world does not run on love folks, sad to say. Cash is king. And here's another thing nagging at me as of late: romantic love. Yeah, this idea that one finds the perfect soul mate in one person? This must be a joke! An invented fairy tale! The first few months or years are blissful, but then what happens? Ya either get bored, start disliking many things about the person, or they just lose their physical attractiveness. It takes quite a few people in our lives I believe to fulfill our needs; one person alone will not be the answer, yet so many of us are still striving to find that one person that will complete us. I envy those marriages that last years or relationships that seem to go on forever; quite frankly it seems most people fall into and out of relationships like flipping over pancakes. It amazes me how certain people can do this without batting an eyelid. They fall in and out of love with amazing ease! Something MUST be wrong with me. If you're nodding your head in agreement, I HATE YOU.

This Saturday marks the 9th anniversary of those harrowing terrorist attacks. Remember those? They seem like they happened so very long ago. I do remember being horrified and upset like most people having to watch all those folks die on live television, and thinking it was those crazy religious fanatics up to no good and stuff, but as the years have gone by my cynical and conspiracy theorist mind has taken over. I so hate what Bush did to this country and I hate how blatantly we were lied to about 9/11. I can't stand how four planes were so easily hijacked! I CAN'T STAND IT! WAY TOO EASY DON'T YA THINK?! And for years I didn't wanna believe that there could've been bombs planted in the World Trade Center to bring them down, but now I dunno. UGH! It sucks not being able to believe or trust our government, but when they behave so damn poorly, it makes ya wonder.

The pop music world is all crazy about Lady GaGa, but I'm bringing back that once awesome slut Madonna for just a brief moment. I really love her on this 1993 tour:

...AND JUSTICE FOR WAT

2010-08-31T02:25:00.000-07:00

Yes folks. GOOD HAS TRIUMPHED OVER EVIL! The narcissist got dumped, but claims it was a mutual break-up. Of course! He never admits defeat. EVER.

An email I sent to a friend generally describing (more or less) events last week:

I saw him Tuesday. he thought he was gonna be slick and act like nothing happened. But I had to vent. AND VENT I Did. He came to pick me up and took me to his place. I told him I wasn't gonna give him any and yet he kept insisting the f*cking douche. On our way back home he kept lamenting like a child "Things are so broken now between us, I wish they were back the way they were..."

"Yeah" I says, "guess who broke it? Guess who ruined it? YOU. YOU DID. and you expect me to act as though my last five months of suffering did not happen?!" He tried so hard to defend himself and made very few valid points, but in the end, I chewed him out like you have no idea. I walked out of that car triumphant. I really did. It was marvelous.

He even called me to say he wanted to hug me as I left the car, but was a bit angry at me for chewing him out the way I did. And I saw the bruises on his body from a fight he had with his now ex just days ago. How horrid.

Yes, no sex. He tried so hard. "You think you're that irresistible?? I already told u I am not having sex with you before u picked me up tonight. And here u are fondling me and I'm in this bed where u and your last victim (his now ex that has been through worse than me) screwed and fought and it just makes me sick really. I should not have even known about your ex or spoken to him but u tried cheating on him with me and got caught about a month ago. Do u see the horror of your ways? How terribly narcissistic and disordered u are?" It was truly priceless.

"You have to accept your responsibility in this too! You are not a victim! I am not a villain! Why are you psychoanalyzing me?!" --The narcissist

"Yes u are correct on some level, but the fact is you are a mean cruel a**hole and you know it. And I did not deserve that, because all I did was tell you I cared about you, and you took advantage of that and ran with it. Sorry if I have changed or am not the same, but what do you expect? And why do all your lovers and ex's seem to end in such terrible dysfunction?! Something is wrong here and I don't think you are being fair or aware of what it is YOU are doing to screw things up. You are almost 36 and yet you don't get it."

All that time last week, he'd been in hot pursuit of his ex too and getting neither him nor me to respond to his silly desperate attempts at getting laid. The narcissist found out I told the ex everything that happened last week and that was the final blow to his ego! In a series of text messages he proceeded to try and hurt me one last time: "He was MY boyfriend! You talking to him behind my back?! You are pathetic and I never dated you because you are embarrassing and I only had you come here under the cover of dark, because I would never introduce you to my family. You sad sack of sh*t. F*ck you forever!" Yes folks, he only saw me as an object, and his confession says it all.

WAT replied: "Pathological malignant narcissism as I have told you already! You are an amazing case study! You are an awful, abusive, controlling, manipulative, lying monster. I am so over you, and I know this because last week I rejected you and it felt tremendous; frankly you disgust me now. I can see right through you like never before and it is empowering. Get help, go to therapy."

And so there it is! THE END! THE END TO MY NIGHTMARE! My tears are over! I feel redeemed! Proof that this guy was and still is the problem! I did care for him a great deal once, but no more! He killed it completely! His ex says he wants to meet me eventually; says that when he and I compare notes, it is remarkable how much our emotionally abusive stories match.

I have carried on and on about this ordeal, but all I have to say is, anyone who has never fallen for a true evil narcissist has no idea how harrowing and truly traumatizing it is. This is why I almost lost my sense of self-worth and felt so distraught these past few months--these psychopaths really get under your skin when you are unaware; one is truly a victim of these parasites. But now I am well-read and much too aware. Knowledge truly is power.

Never again.

FIN

ZSA ZSA'S FINAL MOMENTS...

2010-08-23T03:20:00.000-07:00

So the world's second largest economy is now China. Yeah well, this is not a big surprise I guess, since a lot of the junk we buy nowadays seems to be made there. Well, good for you China! Everyone around the world is racing to be like the United States and to mimic the standard of living we perfected, but I dunno if this is a good idea. I mean, it's overpopulated and if every human being is to live with all the comforts possible, I don't know if this planet can support it. They say the greatest most precious resource in the near future is going to be fresh water. Can you believe it? WATER! YIKES! And if ya look at the latest unemployment figures, they are horrendous! This is not a recession, and why they keep saying that is f*cking irritating. This is a major economic depression folks and even though I have a decent job at the moment, it annoys me to even go there. LOL! I spoke to someone recently and I had mentioned that I really felt America was going to collapse economically within the next few years simply because we are broke, but he proceeded to tell me I was a negative a**hole. AHAHAHHAHA! Yeah, maybe I am but then again I'm having a great year remember? Sometimes I really wish I was a cute little dog in a nice home without a true care in the world...

I watched a lot of Julia Child this weekend. My bud has these DVD's where she cooks up a storm with Jacques Pépin. I had no idea all this time that Julia was American; I thought for sure this woman was British, but she was born in Pasadena, CA of all places! WOW! She spoke funny. LOL! She was quite witty and charming too. Not a care in the world for the dishes to be health-conscious at all; the woman uses more butter and eggs than I could keep up with, but man did that food look GOOD! I say why not? Ya only live once right? Julia lived 91 years, not a bad run at all and she must've eaten some really damn good food during her lifetime. I have yet to see the Meryl Streep movie, but I will sometime soon I suppose.

To the late great silly Julia:

I SAW RICHARD STARKEY!

2010-08-13T03:55:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking of changing this blog's template/look sometime soon. I'm also thinking of going on a blog vacation/hiatus while I try to clear my brain. I have neglected to visit so many of your blogs my friends. I feel bad, I truly do, but my mind is overburdened and underpaid. LOL! Ya know, I need to join a cheap gym or something to work out all the toxic negativity. Would be nice if I had an expert personal trainer but those are so expensive and the one time I had one I thought I was going to die. I have really awesome ideas and solutions, but I always fail to set them in motion or put my life in true order. Then again, whose life is really in order?! It's mid-August already, and the hot weather has been virtually non-existent. This is quite surprising and welcome I suppose, but something feels out of place and off really.

Did I tell ya I went to see Ringo Starr in concert this past Saturday? I got complimentary tickets from the nicest bartender at my karaoke bar on Mondays, and I was a bit skeptical and blah about going and all, but off to the Greek Theatre my bud and I went and it was actually quite enjoyable. All these other dudes with a hit or two once upon a time on the charts were part of the band such as Edgar Winter, Gary Wright, and Rick Derringer. The crowd was most enthusiastic and the venue is really beautiful. And I got to see my second living Beatle! Ringo is actually very charming and funny, I can see why the other bandmates loved him so much since his ego was much more grounded than the other Beatles. Here's a small clip of the show. Okay, so it was no Paul McCartney concert, but it worked for me okay? HA!

This movie stands as one of my all-time childhood favorites. John Williams' score won an Oscar, and rightfully so; the music was truly masterfully composed and used in the film to great effect:

I WISH I WERE FROM ST. OLAF.

2010-08-06T13:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not a drug addict, but I have terrible demons apparently! GO FIGURE! Hey, it is an existential blog is it not?

I'm super sensitive and very impressionable. I just don't think I ever grew up. No wait. I KNOW I NEVER GREW UP. My mom was very overprotective, but I understand; my father was non-existent really, and when he was around, he was a nightmare. YIKES. The man was emotionally and physically abusive! Anyway, I've been heavily battling depression this year as you may have read. My job, my love life, and now the possibility that I may lose my dwelling? The only thing I really wanna be able to deal with first and foremost is to heal my broken heart. I've made progress don't get me wrong, but sometimes I think back to my sappy ass pathetic dramatic hopeless crush on that mediocre putz, and I do get down. UGH. I know, I know, it will just take time they all say. I often wish we human beings did not have to go through these trials/tribulations. Everyone says you learn a lesson though. Oh really? How nice. I appreciate all the suffering just to learn a f*cking lesson or two. NOT. Why does it have to be this way dawg?! I mean, YEESH! Okay, okay. All of us go through this journey in one way or another, and life is just painful at times I'm afraid. Be optimistic WAT, think positively. Um, okay. Whatever.

How nice to see the overturning of Prop 8 here in my home state, but I think the celebrations are a bit premature. The ugly religious right groups and other closed-minded folk will fight this with appeals and it will more than likely head all the way to the Supreme Court where interestingly enough, there are now three women! Anyway, I'm not all crazy about marriage and crap, but the principle of society as a whole not being homophobic is what I support. When people oppose gay marriage, it's as if they're against gays and lesbians no matter what. Lemme tell ya, life is hard enough, but when one is born and has to face a sexual orientation that has been oppressed by the straight majority, it is one tough existence. Add to this the prejudices and stupid views by homosexuals against each other, and you've got a REAL hurdle! Gays can be some of the meanest, cattiest, and horrible people towards each other--you don't have the right look, clothes, or God forbid you even have HIV! But I digress...

This show never ceases to amaze me, to make me laugh, to forget about my dark and painful thoughts. I loved it as a teenager, and I still love it today; even my 12 year-old niece says she likes it:

WAT SINGS MADONNA.

2010-07-30T03:09:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in Pasadena earlier this week, my Hungarian bud and I went to karaoke! I can sing much better than this, but I was buzzed okay? Enjoy! Laugh! Mock me if ya will! WE HAD A BLAST:

FREE LINDSAY! GET LOHAN OUT OF JAIL MAN!

2010-07-21T01:22:00.000-07:00

Monday was my birthday. And guess what I did?! I WENT TO THE DMV! To renew my license! YIPEE! It was a blast! I saw about two or three hotties there and the rest were really ugly people. LMAO! I know, I'm going to get ugly too as I get older; me and my a**hole comments and all. I'm still heartbroken. I don't even know why. I looked at myself in the mirror with a fresh new haircut recently and I think I look pretty damn hot if ya ask me and I've caught dudes checking me out lately in public. No joke. Monday was also the SEX, I mean, SIX year anniversary of this blog. That's right kids. So two milestones on the same day! AIN'T THAT A F*CKING KICK IN THA HEAD?! OH MY GOD--I AM SO BRIMMING WITH JOY AND COMPLETE HAPPINESS RIGHT NOW! ONLY A WORLDWIDE ALL-OUT NUCLEAR WAR WOULD MAKE IT EVEN BETTER!

I actually had my Hungarian bud play the Céline Dion Vegas show on DVD which I'd never watched, and it has got to be one of the cheesiest most horrid things I have ever had to view. It's just GOD awful and strangely entertaining at the same time! LOLOL! Seriously, I think Céline has an awesome voice and deserves all her amazing success because she really seems like a very humble sweet woman from very modest roots, but damn this show is excruciating at times to sit through! HA! Her backup dancers are quite irritating and corny, although I have to say the show seems to pick up a bit towards the end and stuff. But who am I to criticize or talk sh*t when the bitch was a huge success at Caesar's Palace and she has more money than God, so WHATEVER WAT! Now she's expecting twins, and will return to Las Vegas I believe sometime in the near future. And she's in love with an 80 year-old! Wish I could find true love in a senior citizen, but it's just not working for me I'm afraid. I get to go to my nifty awesome-paying tremendously exciting scintillating cubicle job while Céline just made the amount I make a year in less than a nanosecond. Good Lord Almighty.

It's the obscure songs that made The Beatles so damn amazing; not the hits, but the hidden gems! John Lennon wrote songs effortlessly:

MEL IS HELL.

2010-07-15T00:30:00.000-07:00

The heat has finally hit L.A. and with a terrible vengeance too.

Some of ye kids want to get violent on my ex, but that is NOT the answer. I mean, I won't deny that I'd like to deck him, but I do love him; sadly he has a terrible almost incurable disorder. Narcissism is selfish, controlling, hurtful, and highly toxic. You heard about Mel Gibson's horrible tantrums right? THAT'S NARCISSISM IN ALL ITS AWFUL HORRID GLORY. To the victims like me, it is a nightmare because the original charming person we fell for is gone, but to the one who is causing it, it will ultimately prove to be self-destructive, for he will end up alone. As of now, he hates me and has banished me forever, and this makes me feel awful (which is his intent), because I don't deserve it ya know? All I've done is called him on his terrible behavior and gone off on him for being such an a**hole, and so he got caught trying to cheat on the new doormat BF and now I'm the enemy. Why should I even f*cking care what he thinks of me? Why do I allow him to emotionally manipulate me like this?! WHY DO I SUFFER OVER YOU?! I'm walking around like a zombie now, functioning on automatic pilot. I don't want to get out of bed at all. I go to work when I can, and all I do is sob. And all everyone says is STOP IT ALREADY! Okay. Sure. I'll just pull out a Harry Potter wand and make it all magically go away. There I lay late at nights, and feel a tremendous pull and attraction towards him sometimes, as if he is connecting with me psychically wanting to be with me, but not having the courage enough to ever give in. Am I projecting my emotions on him? OR ARE THIS FOOL AND I REALLY COMMUNICATING? He still wants me. I know it. I F*CKING KNOW IT. I CAN FEEL IT. I want to move on, but it's so tough. Worst moment of my life ever. EVER. If you dislike me as a person, you can rejoice/enjoy my misery, because it is serious. SO DEEPLY PAINFUL. :(

25 years ago this week, Live Aid was held and guess who stole the show?! QUEEN of course! Freddie Mercury had thousands of fans at Wembley Stadium in the palm of his hand:

IN GOD WE TRUST.

2010-07-09T01:54:00.000-07:00

Please visit my beloved bud's new blogs so you can help him with traffic and ad revenue okay? You promise me you'll do that before you continue reading the SUCKITUDE that is my life? Spread the word-- here are his two new blogs, one which he swears details his experiences with alien abductions:

http://alienabductionla.blogspot.com/

And the other blog; a more playful cute one involving a funny little mischievous dog:

http://thelukeshow.blogspot.com/

Do you know that I sent out a silly mass cell phone text on July 4th wishing everyone a HAPPY F*CK THE BRITISH DAY! Yeah, I mean, I love the British, but I thought it was something fun and witty, and I got generally positive feedback, EXCEPT... I did not notice I had accidentally texted it to: THE NARCISSIST. And his amazing reply? After trying to fake apologize to me last week and being evasive about his new BF to get me into the sack, then getting caught by the BF, and involving me in the stupid process, they're both fine and dandy and guess who the bad guy is now? THE CRAZY SICK TWISTED ONE? ME OF COURSE! "F*CK YOU FOREVER AND LEAVE ME AND MY BF ALONE. ERASE MY NUMBER." Ya know folks, I had never in my life known what it was like to have that feeling where you swear someone just punched you in the gut and you literally had to bend down to crawl and grasp for the floor in horrible pain, but that is exactly what I felt as I read his final monumentally giving and loving text message. I literally, QUITE LITERALLY almost threw up. That's right. No responsibility, no accountability. I'm the enemy. Well sure, I had to talk sh*t about you to the new guy, but surely he relayed it all back to you to deny it and sweet talk you into staying. This is one sick twisted world folks. No doubt about it. And my one crime? CARING ABOUT YOU. Uh huh. LOVING YOU. How sweet. How very f*cking sweet. Narcissism has effectively and profoundly scarred me for life. My friends and co-workers just don't get it, but I DO, and any other survivor of the emotional Holocaust it is to deal with this evil personality disorder cannot deny how horrid it all truly is. My father was the worst of them all, and now this bitter utterly cruel experience with the dude I was really into, where I have shed enough tears to fill a f*cking ocean and write at least 20 hit songs. YOUR LOSS BABY. DEEP DOWN INSIDE, I KNOW YOU MISS MY HOT C*CK TREMENDOUSLY YOU DUMBASS F*GGOT. And call me crazy, but I can often feel HIM thinking about me late at night as I lay here in my own room. You're so into me, but YOU WILL NEVER ADMIT IT. You're too proud, too arrogant, too NARCISSISTIC. I am glad that I never kept my mouth shut. NEVER EVER. He hates me for it. I'm too damn smart. I unmasked his game. He's no match for my mental superiority.

But the terrible sadness and tears shed have left me with no choice but to get closer to God and read my Bible every little chance I get. I can't resort to alcohol or weed really because I'll end up crying more, and if I have too much random sex I feel cheap and worthless too, so really it's in the heavens for me. Yes, if you're an atheist and think I am insane, try being in my shoes at this very moment. It's not pretty. Through an intense prayer session on the phone today with one of my aunt's church members (a woman who has never met me nor has any idea of my current sadness) down in Central America, she randomly and out of the blue told me that God is looking out for me and that it's all simply described in the book of Joshua, Chapter 1, Verse 9. Now go look it up, and yes it did make me cry and actually gave me hope.

Amen.

THIS POST IS ABOUT HAPPIER THINGS THAN MY CURRENT LIFE.

2010-07-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

Kids, I am so happy to see Spain and Holland in the grand finale of the World Cup! Finally, two teams that have never won the trophy! It's about damn time! I get tired of Brazil, Italy, Germany, or Argentina always winning.

Interestingly, Spain and the Netherlands have been rivals historically. Back when Spain was very powerful and influential in the 16th Century; as they were out conquering, pillaging, and raping the natives in the "New World", Spain was also in charge of many lands and territories in Europe itself due to royal inheritance and intermarriage. The Spaniards controlled vast chunks of Italian lands and the Netherlands believe it or not. Spain was fiercely Catholic, but the Netherlands had already been converted to Protestantism. Anyway, a bunch of conflicts ensued, and the Netherlands gained its independence from Spain and became a world power with its own strong military and overseas colonies. So ya see kids, this little bit of obscure history should be a bit useful for Sunday's big game when the two former European powers face each other off in the world's most popular sport. Or maybe like most Americans, YOU just don't care! LOLOLOL!

As I write this, I'm watching Joy Behar interview Liza Minelli. HOLY COW! This is hysterical! Liza is out of her mind! NUTS! CRAZY! Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it?! Listen, I love Judy Garland (what homo doesn't), but she obviously led a very sad tragic life plagued by drugs and alcohol. Her daughter seems to have lead the life and made the same mistakes her mother did. Liza is probably on tons of prescription meds, and I know for sure the girl has had a battle with alcohol and has married many a gay man too just like mommy. For God's sake, Liza's father was GAY! I like Liza; I think she has been immensely talented, and although nowhere near the greatness of her mother, she has carved her own niche in pop culture. Yeah man, Liza is a legend in her own right okay?

Mother and daughter, so many years ago:

GAYS OF OUR LIVES.

2010-07-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

Oh the drama!

About two weeks ago, I got a call and was left a voicemail by my ex-lover. "Hi, wanted to see how you were, and that I want to make peace." Well, I rolled my eyes of course, but it's obvious I am still not over him, because part of me felt good at getting his attention/focus again. My rational mind though was suspicious and distrustful as it should be with this fool, and I knew he was up to no good again. Testing me to see if I will reply back and to see if he still has power over me? UGH. Once you know how this narcissism works, it can still be quite daunting and overwhelming, and the best thing is really no contact AT ALL. Of course, everyone just says the obvious, "Ignore him! Get over him! Move on!" Folks, it just has not been easy. I cannot explain it. I never thought I'd be in this situation because I'm pretty damn smart, but I really fell for this f*cker. I really did. Effectively charming and seductive at first, only to pull the rug from under me ever so slowly, and even though I was often and much more aware than most, he still GOT ME. I did not call him back and resisted the temptation to feed/fuel his ego. Good job WAT! Ignore him! They hate that! I stood my ground.

Until Monday night of this week that is.

He texted me saying he was sorry for everything and blah blah blah. "I fantasize about you all the time. Miss the times we had, it was special." IT WAS?! LOLOL! Honestly, you weren't that great in the sack--rather cold and detached and u belittled me constantly and then dumped me for your new boyfriend/victim. So I call him back and start berating him, "What do you want?! Why are you calling me?! Where is your boyfriend?! Are you trying to cheat on him with me?! You're a narcissist!" He could not handle it and told me he'd call me back, which he never did. He could not answer me about the boyfriend, but it was obvious he still has him. The dirty jerk. SICK DIRTY JERK. Tuesday night, I texted him with the same questions I had yelled at him on the phone. And guess who calls me back? THE BOYFRIEND! A really nice Argentine man who proceeds to bond with me in Spanish and realizes he's got a true monster on his hands. All I could say to him was, "You need to get out. You need to leave this man. He is a narcissist and he will destroy you emotionally. He was trying to be slick/sneaky and get sex from me again." The Argentine says, "I know, he's a piece of sh*t. He treats me so bad. Monitors my phone calls. Even punched me tonight. But I finally got his phone and saw your messages. He has said some horrible things about you. But now that I talk to you, I know that you went through the same things I am going through now. He's a liar, cold, and highly unstable. I have to leave him soon, but I have practically moved in with him."

Oh boy. I went off on the heathen with more texts and some of them were quite offensive but true. He could only say he was sorry for involving me and that he had made a mistake, and was going to try and work things out with the boyfriend. What an unbelievable savage! He wished me good luck with my life. UGH. He sure knows how to remain stately and civil with me without ever resorting to profanity, and it drives me crazy because he's still a deeply troubled and hurtful man.

So now I'm hoping/praying the new abused victim WILL leave and dump this fool and take back his sanity. I am rooting for him, because he does sound like a genuinely nice man, but I dunno. He is no doubt in love with him and will forgive him and stay. And the nightmare for him will continue. As for me? Well, I am lucky to not be in his shoes, but don't get me wrong, this all makes me very sad in the end. Part of me is glad that karma has finally began to strike somehow, but it only brings back the feelings I still have for the incubus. Yes, I'm stupid to admit I am not over him. But I cannot lie or deny it to myself. Besides, it's not really karma if he's just abusing someone new. It's just a pattern he enjoys and is used to and will continue to get away with sadly.

Why? Honest to God, WHY?! Why didn't I fall in love with a good awesome guy?! ARGH! WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH ME?! THIS BASTARD NEVER LOVED ME AND NEVER WILL. OR LOVE ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER! WHY CAN'T I LOGICALLY UNDERSTAND THIS?!

This year sucks. Get me out of here.

I MUST BE A TANNED GYM-MUSCLED GOD.

2010-06-23T03:00:00.000-07:00

Just what does it take to get a tan?! ARGH! My co-worker said I should lather on the SPF 30 sunscreen and lay out there for about 90 minutes; my front and my backside some 45 minutes each. I did just that on Saturday, but nothing! I guess that SPF is too high. I laid out there in my white Jockey briefs mind you and lathered up the Banana Boat lotion. And there I was in all my skinny glory. And the pool was packed on Saturday afternoon with all kinds of people from my complex. And then out came one of my hot neighbors to show off his nice bod and awesome tattoo on his back. He's got that Brazilian skin tone. DAMN HIM! Anyway, something tells me this method of mine is not going to work. Or maybe I gotta keep doing it every weekend? I was also reading about the dangers of some sunscreens and that many of them contain bad chemicals and that regular exposure to the sun is actually good for you because we all need that Vitamin D and sh*t, but I dunno what to believe anymore because there is so much contradictory information out there! I have honestly not been very outdoorsy since I was a child, and I am trying to be more sun friendly here as of late, but they freakin' scare me with the skin cancer warnings and severe aging horror stories! My mom says I should just be happy with the way God made me and embrace my pale vampiric pastiness. LOL! What kind of a pseudo Latino am I?! Must be that German or strong Spanish blood in my background.

This obsession with muscle in the gay community is starting to make me feel very inferior. But then again, heterosexual women are into muscled men nowadays too. GOD DAMN IT! WE SKINNY BOYS DESERVE LOVE TOO! Okay, it's not like I can't get my own fair share of nice-looking fellows, but STILL! These TRUE jocks don't even give me the time of day! At least not the ones here in L.A. But then again, this is Los Angeles mind you. Gay dudes here are really mean and narcissistic. Have you heard this all before? HAHA! But seriously, everyone claims they're out looking for love or that right guy, but we all have these really sick and twisted standards of what we should be physically attracted to and being picky out here is not an exception, but the norm! What about a guy's personality or character?! I blame the media for this! I really do. The magazine ads and TV and movies for giving us the standard athletic dudes that we all have to be like and only attracted to! I'm quite attractive and I'm quite lean also so there! And I got a pretty slammin' personality to go with it. Oh yeah, and I'm hung. LMAO! Ya know, this British kid is a bit boring, but he makes some excellent points about online dating and I do love his accent! LOL! We are often fooled by pictures of those we see in chat rooms and we would go for more average cute guys out in the real world if we didn't have the Internet and the media to dictate our preferences. Anyway, just listen to him:

WHEN I'M SIXTY-EIGHT.

2010-06-18T21:02:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY! 68 YEARS OLD TODAY! A LIVING SONGWRITING MUSICAL GENIUS LEGEND AND THIS TRIBUTE CLIP IS QUITE WELL PUT TOGETHER:

LIFE'S A BITCH AND THEN YOU...

2010-06-16T01:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know where I will be in five years, but I certainly hope it isn't in the emotional quagmire I find myself in now.

My days of living a sexually hedonistic lifestyle are over. I'm older, wiser, more mature I guess, and my heart has been shattered. It sucks because never in a million years did I think I'd be so hurt, but here I f*cking am. Pathetic. Bruised. Battered. WHAT THA HELL HAPPENED?! ARGH! IT PISSES ME OFF TO NO END. Most dudes I now run into are not my physical type at all, because I keep thinking of the nice 6ft. 3, 195lbs white boy shell that I was so recently into, but so much for that right? He's got a new guy to entertain him and play with, and I was tossed like yesterday's newspaper. Gee, thanks. I should not be so superficial and enamored by looks, and I used to be a lot more forgiving, but I feel like I've been ruined forever into being more demanding that a guy be handsome, and in L.A. these are usually the narcissistic assholes! UGH!!! I feel so good to be alive! My self-esteem is brimming with endless joy! I walk outside into the sunlight and I just don't feel it shining at all really. I am looking for a new job so I can at least actively do something constructive while I mourn being awake, but whatever man. I'm just bummed out. The most down I think I have ever felt in all of my life. You talk about being humbled, crushed, dashed, and kicked to the curb! YIKES! If people want to tread on me and further kick a beaten man down, I'm not that hard to mess up at this point. I'm a husk of my former self! ACK! Everyone says I should be patient, and give it time so that I can properly heal, but I just don't see the light at the end of this sh*tty sewage tunnel. I think all this crying is going to begin aging me fast now. I know there are starving children in the world, but does that even register in my brain right now? NOPE.

Over the weekend, I was morbidly being entertained by this show called 1000 Ways to Die on Spike TV. Fascinating stuff really. Stupid people dying in really embarrassing ways. Regardless of the way we go, WE GOTTA GO OKAY? I'll be f*cking honest and further make this awesomely joyous post even more happy: I really would not mind or care kicking the bucket at this point in time. I know I'm still a "young man with so many endless possibilities and hope" (GAG), but quite frankly, life is irritating the hell out of me! Why does everything take so much effort in this dimension?! Why do some have more than others?! WHAT IS THE GOD DAMNED POINT OF THIS DISGUSTING MESS?! At least I'm not bringing children into this world. That's a good thing. I'm helping with overpopulation and avoiding a new generation of humans the suffering that inevitably goes along with living. Or maybe everyone else is really happy and I'm the only one with the problem? AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

Okay. That's all I can say for now. All my shrink wants to do is increase the dosage of my anti-depressant or gimme new stuff to further make me an addict.

Lady GaGa, you're the huge female pop star par excellence of the modern era, gimme some JOY at least in my otherwise pitiful existence:

♪ "THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, WHEN YOU MESS WITH US..." ♫

2010-06-09T00:01:00.000-07:00

Do you believe in karma? What goes around, comes around?

A concept we would like to believe in, due to the fact that there are some people out there that really go out of their way to hurt others. They say that even if you do something bad to another and are unaware of the damage you are causing, you will still pay for it eventually. WOW. We must be careful then and walk a fine careful line I suppose. I want to believe in divine retribution. I really do--for obvious recent reasons due to how I was lied to and manipulated by my former "caring and awesome" ex-lover. LOL! Jesus man. Someone bring this fool down from his phony pedestal already. I know, resentment and wishing others harm is not good and embitters and pollutes the soul, but damn it, I'd be lying if I wasn't honest in wishing REVENGE on this beast of a human being. When I go back and think about how he negatively expressed himself about his ex's, I now realize that all his relationships end on a sour note, not because his former lovers were the bad guys per se, but it's HIM-- HE'S the one that ultimately destroys and probably ruins it all. He's the negative toxic force that f*cks it all up. Why is it that I have never felt negatively about any of my former conquests? HMMM?! That's right, I know I'm not perfect and I can be hateful (when you wrong me), but I have never treated anyone with such blatant disrespect or have I emotionally played with someone's feelings to selfishly serve my own. I think karma is true after all, because I've seen it happen with my own mother, and those who have wronged her. Those folks did not end up well AT ALL. And call me cheesy or loco, but recent Bible passages have been popping up randomly ( I SWEAR) when I open the book that say those who look down on or mistreat others will suffer the Lord's revenge/wrath and be humbled. OH MY. We must be so very careful...

I'll be honest. I miss the old Lakers/Celtics rivalry of the 1980s. When Magic Johnson's team used to face Larry Bird's group. Those were the good ole' days and the exciting basketball of that era ("Showtime" as they called it) can never ever be duplicated. Granted, the Lakers are still a winning team and are again in the finals, but it's just not the same. I guess it is fun though to be able to go to my brother's place next door and watch the game with a bunch of crazy hooligan friends of his. HA! Boy does it get loud there. One of his friends is quite brave and is a Celtics fan, even though the fool has never even been to Boston! LMAO! HYSTERICAL! He's obviously in the minority at these current viewing parties.

I went hiking to V eterans Park in Sylmar Monday early evening. It is so nice out there. I had never been and it was well worth it. The mosquitoes attacked me though. EEK!

THE IMMORTAL BLANCHE DEVEREAUX.

2010-06-04T16:18:00.000-07:00

Another "Golden Girl" is dead! UGH! Thank you Rue for the laughs and your amazing animal rights activism!

Perhaps and quite possibly, the greatest scene in Golden Girls history! The comedic timing/acting is superb. TO RUE:

Share your thoughts and memories of Ms. McClanahan...

WHAT IS YOUR NET WORTH?

2010-06-02T00:01:00.000-07:00

June already. Unreal.

I found this incredibly interesting website that tells ya how much famous people are worth. Just type in your fav celeb's name in the search box and you'll see. Ya know, I'm obviously doing everything wrong, because it is shocking how much money these people make! Granted, I know visionaries like George Lucas (worth 3 billion) and Bill Gates (some 53 billion), have changed our culture and the world tremendously, but I still think the amount of money paid to these people and others for lesser contributions is just downright ridiculous! EGREGIOUS! Athletes making all that money for bouncing a ball, comedians for making people laugh, and fat Oprah for peddling her massive fake BS across the television airwaves. I know that these individuals become their own industries and generate jobs for many others in the process, but STILL! HOW MUCH MONEY DOES ONE PERSON NEED IN A LIFETIME?! IT IS BEYOND COMPREHENSION and it's killing me here folks! ARGH! The middle class in America is struggling and dwindling in the process, and our basic lame salaries don't seem to be keeping up with inflation at all. But politicians, movie stars, pop artists, and athletes are doing very well thank you. I gotta get into entertainment or some sh*t that is going to make me fabulously wealthy, because the longer I keep doing pointless boring office cubicle work that pays a mere pittance, the more worthless I feel! I know money is not true happiness nor does it mean my problems will all be magically solved, but if a reality TV show star douchebag like Spencer Pratt (worth 7 million), can generate that kind of cash for being completely useless and obnoxious in life, what tha hell am I struggling for then?! EEK! None of these people ever really have to work again. EVER. "Life is unfair WAT!" Uh huh, I keep getting reminded of this tremendously joyous fact. These folks also went for their dreams and did not let anything nor anyone stop them (like fear and procrastination which I have allowed to cripple me), so they deserve their earnings I suppose? Another bitter fact I have to swallow. And they struggled in the beginning and worked hard to get to where they are. Yes WAT, another slap to your face, so STFU!!!

Here's a small list of some really wealthy people who are filthy rich and I don't even know why they have so much damn money in the first place, but they do:

-Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter himself is worth $60 million dollars?! MY GOD!

-Michael Buble, the hit crooner of the moment, already has a net worth of 13 million and I'm sure it will only grow. UGH! He's awful!

-Sarah Palin has 12 million bucks! For being annoying and divisive.

-Rapper Jay Z is worth some 500 million, if not closer to a billion. His albums sell well, BUT WHY???!!!!

-Jerry Seinfeld hits it big with one successful sitcom (which is not easy), but yet he now has $350 million in the bank for this?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

-You don't really see that crazy but once effective actress Faye Dunaway as much anymore, but she doesn't care when she's already got $40 million stashed away. Bitch can look at her nails all day if she wants to and not give a damn.

-Robin Quivers sits in with Howard Stern every morning as his trusty sidekick and the bitch now has a fortune of $45 million. JESUS!

-George Lopez is decently funny, but is that enough to make him worth $75 million! HOW?!

-Dane Cook is so lame. I hate this guy's stand-up act. But he gets rewarded with $30 million for his retarded comedy. YIKES.

-Nancy Cartwright does the voice of Bart Simpson. A SIMPLE VOICEOVER JOB FOLKS. $60 million. Try and digest that one.

I could go on and on, and it makes me cringe and scratch my head. Yes, you can love what you do even if you entertain poorly, and STILL get paid handsomely for it. Imagine this concept. I'll try to sometime by visualizing this in my own head and making it a reality in my own life.

Someone recently wrote me a nasty hateful brutal comment stating I was sad, pathetic, and that I should just kill myself. Gee, thanks for the love, kindness, support, and suicidal encouragement! I hate to agree with them, but they're probably right on the sad and pathetic part. LOL! I'm just not the same person anymore nor do I think I ever will be. I look in the mirror now, and it's as if my eyes have lost their soul or any remaining joy I may have once had about life. Unrequited blind love with a narcissistic dude (who once boasted that he makes lots of money), has left me so broken; I don't see my sobbing ever abating, as it happened yet again Sunday night into Monday morning that I cried profusely once more. I know, I'm like a scratched record and I'm constantly repeating myself here, but it's what's going on, so there. If I overdo alcohol or pot, it just makes me bawl even more, so I can't even escape with substance abuse! UGH! If I had Harry Potter's millions, I could get away from it all and feel a bit better I'm sure with some financial security. Alas, I have to grin and bear my pain/my misery on my own and although I have had wonderful true support from kind friends and my dear roommate mother looks at me with earnest pity and concern, it's still lonely me that has to go to bed at night with this severe painful emotional hole in my heart. ♪ "Sometimes I wish I'd never been born at all..." ♫ Yes Freddie Mercury, I think you were right. Most days, I don't wanna be awake and just sleep. Simply sleep...

How was my Memorial Day you ask? Well, decent I suppose:

THE SADDEST PLACE ON EARTH.

2010-05-27T02:29:00.000-07:00

This blog used to be more entertaining and carefree, when all I did was bitch about my job once in a while and focused on useless fun facts and info. Lately, it's become the saddest place of them all; I was doing a bit better with regards to my recent heartbreak which has hit me worse than the death of a loved one ever did...

And then my co-worker whom I thought was a trustworthy confidante (more proven toxicity at work) spills the beans to me last week that he'd been secretly corresponding with my ex-lover and told him everything I was going through, detail by detail. WHY IN THA HELL WOULD HE DO SOMETHING SO RIDICULOUSLY STUPID?! MEDDLESOME IDIOT DUMBASS OF THE FIRST KIND!!! He had no business or right to intrude with someone he does not even know or ever will meet in person! I demanded a full transcript of their conversation. Thanks for stroking the narcissist's ego, thanks for making him enjoy my misery, thanks for helping bring me down again. Everyone says my co-worker meant well, but I dunno anymore. What he did was horrible. It has re-opened my wound and sobbing is the only thing I seem to be doing once again. He went out of his way to find the demon on Facebook and email him my recent sorrows, severe depression, and all the horror-- IN EXPLICIT COLORFUL DETAIL. None of my misery was spared, for the soulless coward to enjoy and to help elevate his monstrous imagined grandiosity. And my once trusted confidante (big mistake on my part) even goes out of his way to wish the f*cktard success in his new relationship and a Happy Easter! HAPPY F*CKING EASTER! UGH! The f*cktard replied with the following exact words:

Thank you for the email. I am very sad to hear that WAT is having such a hard time. I appreciate you letting me know. I have not been in contact with WAT for some time now, but I did tell him last week that I was seeing someone else. i felt like it was the right thing to do. I know how he feels about me and I unfortunately have not felt the same way about him. I do care about him and really want him to be happy. I know that the only thing I can do is to leave him alone, which is what I already have been doing. I probably should not have told him that I have a new boyfriend. I thought it would help him, rather than hurt him. I guess I was wrong.

Please take care of him. He is a very sweet and wonderful person and I want him to get well, meet someone new and be happy. He has a lot to offer someone. I feel really awful about all of this. I never meant to hurt him. I am glad that he has friends like you to take care of him.

I am sad that I have played a part in this...

best regards,

SATAN

What a loving nice man right?! Sure. I don't buy his fake concern for one minute. At all. He doesn't even know how to lie the phony piece of narcissistic sh*t. It would help me to hear of your new boyfriend when you told me originally you didn't wanna date ANYONE?! F*CK YOU AND DIE. I did get a text some two weeks ago wishing me well from the incubus, but now I know why; thanks to the secret corresponding and some possible guilt he may have felt! UGH! UGH! But trust me, this lying self-serving egomaniacal monster is as fine, cool, and collected as ever. Such a hot shell, such a nice-looking dude he is, and so polluted and vapid inside. Makes me wonder why I'm so superficial in the first place, but then again, I'm not ugly and all I really want is a cute one with a good heart. Good luck with that right?

I don't think I will ever stop crying anymore. It's happening at work now too. It's so much f*cking fun, I tells ya. My friends are right. I really am the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz. I am that character. I have no strength, no true courage, no balls to face something like this head on. I'm just mushy, messed-up, and broken inside. This is why I have avoided all this relationship mess for years, because somehow I knew I was too sensitive for this sh*t, and I was rightfully protecting myself.

And then comes August of 2009, and my world is negatively changed forever. I don't know how much longer I can withstand this nightmare. "Get over it!" "Don't let this control or have power over you!" I've heard it all, and yet I can't seem to heal. I feel terribly lonely and worthless.

If the people who truly genuinely care for me are worried, imagine how I feel...

ON TOXICITY.

2010-05-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

So, due to my recent broken heart and job burnout, I had actually taken six weeks off of work. That's right. I had to withdraw and suffer in private. Oh how I have cried. And cried. And cried like a pussy bitch. But I've mentioned this already haven't I? LOL! I lost over ten pounds while on sabbatical which I have now almost regained thankfully. My recent paychecks were not that bad either; I didn't lose that much money, so going out on psychiatric batshit crazy leave was a very good and sane decision.

Coming back to work though has been an INSANE decision. HAHA! Granted it keeps me distracted and I get to see some cool co-workers who are very nice to me and all, but I also have come back to realize how truly toxic some of my colleagues really are. Y'all know that my mother lives with me and all right? The narcissist asshole that recently drained me of my soul practically; he said that I had to move out on my own and let mother fend for herself. Granted, being more independent would be cool and all for me, but my mom is like a my roomie, as we both contribute nicely to the upkeep of this household. Besides, that piece of amazing wisdom-filled advice (GAG), was coming from a douchebag who hates his own mother and who has a serious horrible personality disorder, so it's worth sh*t.

Yesterday at work, a secretary there decided to push some more of my buttons with regards to my mother being my roomie: This 40-something Mexican woman says I was lucky to be able to take time off, because "my mom supports me." WHAT A F*CKING RAG! MY MOTHER SUPPORTS ME?! "Oh, she cooks for you, does your laundry..." Um, whose money bought the place we live in? Who contributes half or more sometimes to the household? I mean, she is my mom and all, but we're both active contributing roommates really. WHAT A LOUSY COMMENT FROM THIS WOMAN! She's married to an abusive alcoholic and one of her two daughters is anorexic, requiring serious hospitalization recently, so no wonder this bitch is upset at life and has to make such a catty comment at me. As if I live for free and my mother hands me free cash! I WISH! I GO TO THAT FAB JOB I LOVE BECAUSE I KNOW MOMMY IS GONNA GIMME A NICE ALLOWANCE IN THE END RIGHT?! AS IF YOU C*NT!

Envy. Only someone who is bitter and envious can say these things to me.

I have other toxic people I work with too. I think I may go for a transfer of office soon. I don't like my supervisors anyway. I need new fresh tyrannical dictators to watch over me! LOL! But I should be GRATEFUL to have this job right? UGH! If I hear that just one more time... Get with the program WAT. Update that resume baby. Start networking and actively looking. Nine years of this BS is enough!

My mom's former employer is DEAD. They took her off life support yesterday. EEK. All that money. All that fabulous wealth. And yet she was often miserable. Oh boy. Gimme some good cash! See how miserable I am! SPAIN HERE I COME! My condolences go out to her family, her grown kids and all. She was in her late sixties I believe.

My ex-narcissist said, "We all have to die, but it matters only how we live!" Wise advice. Wish he'd follow it. BASTARD LAME ASS RETARD. Another toxic idiot.

I've used very bad insults in this post. But I feel better now. Maybe this blog and the writer himself are toxic! LOLOL!

No, I'm really quite cool. I just express what I feel and am shockingly truthful. Why sugarcoat it? Just hold my hand please...

A shout out to my brother in Georgia.

GIMME SOME NOVACAINE.

2010-05-13T04:30:00.000-07:00

Hello and thank you to anyone who is actually taking the time to read these words. My enemies/foes and those envious of me are probably enjoying my recent troubles. So be it.

I went to the dentist this week after three years. Actually, I went to my original doc about two weeks ago, but he was trying to do really stupid expensive unnecessary work on me, and I detected this early on, so I had to go in for a second opinion to a new dentist which turned out cheaper and much more sensible. I have excellent hygiene as usual, but my enamel is sadly weak; probably due to my incredibly GREAT diet, genes, and amazing optimistic view of life! LOL! Whatever. They drilled the upper right side of my jaw and worked on three deep cavities Tuesday afternoon. That was so much f*cking fun! I have to give credit to my new Russian dentist though; a truly nice sweet man with a gentle hand. Two hours of open-mouthed excitement. UGH. I vow never to have a cavity again in my life. EVER. I shall brush, floss, or chew sugarless gum after every meal or drink from now on. I SWEAR. I don't like these barbaric methods of dentistry I tells ya. Granted, at least it's not 1600s dental technology, but STILL! I have temporary fillings right now, but will get nice custom-made natural-looking permanent inlays in about two weeks.

Monday night, I went to karaoke, and drank a bit way too much. So much in fact, that alcohol did its terrific job of depressing me enough to the point of making me cry like a child. YES! It felt so f*cking good to shed emotional gut-wrenching tears again! It'd been about a week since I last broke down so severely over my recent mistreatment at the hands of that heartless human, but there I was at the bar watching others sing and I had to run to the restroom a couple of times to pathetically weep. But then it got too much for me to bear, so off to my parked car I went to continue my unabated suffering. Listen folks, never in my whole life, have I cried and cried and cried so much like I have in the last few weeks, and my car seems to be the spot where it happens worst of all. Only the good Lord above knows what personal emotional misery I have been through. I'm not any more special or a bigger victim than other souls who have endured or are going through worse, but it feels so awful and so lonely during those moments, that I do feel like the saddest most abandoned person on the planet. Have you ever felt like this? I'm sure you have. We all have. Oh life, can't you just be fun and games? Hedonistic joy? Why must you torment me with these ridiculously sad tragic-feeling moments? I hate my job, I hate having loved a worthless evil man that has nearly shattered me, and...

And yet, and YET, I still have hope that the best years of my life are just ahead, despite recent setbacks. I shall cling to all I can, for I'm not finished yet. I AM NOT. However, I can only deal with and bear so much, and I hope to never reach a point of no return. Folks, I ain't gonna leap off a cliff anytime soon, but do I get why people make an exit out of here by their own hand? YOU BET I DO.

MGMT is amazing. I love these boys:

SWIMMING THROUGH LIFE.

2010-05-06T05:25:00.000-07:00

A massive breakthrough in the last two days! I have not cried once. NOT ONCE! HOLY MOLE! Am I finally over that jerk-off narcissistic selfish *sshole and getting stronger emotionally?! OH MA GOODNESS! PROGRESS! YES!!! I just wish I'd won that huge lottery jackpot on Tuesday to make it all sweeter...

And so, my wonderful zany crazy friends in Hollywood who always open up their humble apartments to me; they've entertained and kept me pleasantly distracted recently. Case in point: I never learned how to officially swim okay (due to a bad incident when I was around 4), but would you believe my bud from Kentucky got me to actually paddle and navigate myself through a good portion of the pool this week all on my own?! OH MY GOD! THIS IS AMAZING! And my other bud (the "Hungarian" from Kansas), told me I have to just drop my head into the water more, hold my breath longer, and give in. I must tell you, it takes a lot out of me right now; it exhausts me quick because I am still very clumsy, struggling, and fighting my fear of the water, but all told I think I have done something quite remarkable and unheard of for me this week. Just a tad bit sore there with my arms and legs, but now I am excited and determined to continue learning to swim!! WOW! I'm thrilled and feel like something really cool has happened here! Oh, for an easily depressed soul like myself and the added sadness of the last few weeks, this is a wonderful achievement/accomplishment.

A car bomb that did not go off in New York City! Greece in economic shambles! A horrendous oil spill in the Gulf! The U.S. economy sucking major donkey penis still! I want to believe in an optimistic future for myself and all those good folk out there who inhabit this awesome planet, but I wonder--I really wonder where we are headed as a civilization. Humans are amazing creative geniuses at times, but as a collective whole, we are a parasitic and destructive species. What a strange and utterly ironic dichotomy!

I don't know as of this posting, the status of my mother's former employer, but she was involved in a terrible car crash on Saturday I believe, which has left her with severe injuries and in a coma, but please pray for her. This woman has known tremendous wealth and was not very nice towards my mom (almost despotic really) and fired her cruelly after years of dedicated amazing service, but here this rich woman now lies in a hospital. Folks, please send her good vibes. This is a sad story indeed. It proves the point, that not even money will save anyone from a true crisis such as this. It is quite humbling indeed. My mom says Mrs. S was never happy, always bitter, and upset, despite living in a beautiful home and having it all it seems! Go figure. The time we are allotted in our mortal physical shell is truly brief.

Saturday should be fun. Betty White, our beloved little American treasure is hosting Saturday Night Live! The ratings should be tremendous:

THE WAT SHOW!

2010-04-26T03:26:00.000-07:00

Geez, I wanna walk around with an insanely amazing optimistic view of life most of the time but I don't wanna be delusional either! LOLOLOL! Life sure does burn sometimes man. OUCH. Slowly picking up the shattered pieces here...

These reality shows have oversaturated and flooded our televisions, and it has gotten pretty ridiculous. How did America fall into the trap of watching these horrible programs?! OH MY GOD! WHO COULD CARE LESS?!! I mean, the only ones I ever truly followed because they were fairly original and new in the genre were The Osbournes and the late Anna Nicole's hysterical show. But now we got a whole slew of sh*t on the air that one cannot possibly keep up with, unless you watch The Soup with hottie Joel McHale for a good laugh. The downfall of Western Civilization is upon us folks. We're a nation of idiots, fascinated by what the narcissistic rich and pseudo-famous are up to. The working class, the folks like us that gotta really deal with everyday struggles are not even on these people's radar--they could give a flying f*ck about us, so why should we even invest time in watching their sick vapid worthless lives?! I don't care about the Kardashians, The Hills, Kate Gosselin and her 8 children, Jersey Shore, and the rest of these buffoons parading around with all their BS in front of the cameras. It's sick! THESE ARE SICK TIMES! SICK! We've lost our way man. We really have, and as long as people keep watching, the supply will unfortunately be there. Watch a scripted show or a good movie instead! Sadly, MTV and VH-1 went down the toilet with all this reality trash; what happened to their original vision of showcasing music videos? Ya see what I mean?! Imma get into a reality show, and get my 15 dumbass minutes of fame then.

Again, I thank all of those who have commented on this blog with amazing insight and support regarding my recent ordeal. Thanks to all who have texted or called me checking up on me. Thanks to anyone who has opened their home to me and let me hang out while I get over this difficult time. I had a rough time there back in my mid to late twenties when I got hit by major panic attacks, and I think it was due then to being unsure of my purpose in the world and being gay of course. Now here I am in my mid blah blah blah (LOL), and I feel like I've hit a major crisis again, only this one has been chock full of tears and sorrow, not anxiety. What should I do with my life now is the question? What path/road to follow from here on? Shall I keep working at this drone monotonous job? OH GOD NO. Please no more! I must change this, and now may be the best time to do it. Shall I find a nice and sexay dude to settle down with?! OF COURSE! No more falling for jerks! EVER! Mind you, I am a work-in-progress and do not have all the answers, but who does? I just beg God above, or whatever inner strength I have left to please guide me in the right direction. I am a great person, handsome, funny, witty, neat in appearance, charming, smart, entertaining, caring, and sooooooo good in bed. AHAHAHAHAH!

What more can ya ask for?

Oh, this song by the underrated but super talented Incubus; the band that still keeps on giving:

HERE WE F*CKING GO AGAIN.

2010-04-19T01:27:00.000-07:00

Writing about this experience purges me and hopefully helps warn anyone out there to never fall into a relationship of any kind with these heathens! Do go to each and every one of my links in this post! They are A MUST I TELLS YA!

It used to be so easy to just come and blog about current events or silly entertainment news, but the events in my private/personal life recently as YOU ALREADY KNOW have left me changed irrevocably and forever. SCARRED AND SCARED FOR LIFE. Yes, I know I keep talking about it ad nauseum and some of you are ready to hang yourselves, so if you've had it, click away and go visit your Facebook page NOW. See how easy I make it for some of you? LOL! But if you're still with me and can bear to read yet once more how many tears I have shed over THE NARCISSIST, then read on: I have cried and cried and cried and cried and CRIED. My head hurts, I can't stop re-playing the painful things said to me, and they're now conveniently with someone new! YES! A NEW VICTIM FOR THIS EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE TO FEED OFF OF AND ABUSE! How f*cking charming! Without any remorse as to what has been done to me or the others that fell for your false self! When I feel I am truly missing him, I just have to go and read this astonishingly amazing article to strengthen and remind me once again of the true EVIL I have just escaped. There are poor souls out there that end up marrying these psychopaths or have really long-term relationships only to find out that these sewer rats never felt love for them AT ALL, but wanted someone to cater to their every need; and in the process the loving victim that has given their all is left psychologically f*cked up for life. Perhaps this was my saving grace, because no matter how much I cared for my narcissist, I always stood my ground and pointed out his selfishness, his ego, and eventually his disorder. He must have hated that and saw me as a threat somehow, and even though I am deeply hurting because I genuinely loved him, it could've been so much worse had I truly TRULY been blind, so he had to drop me. Get it I hope? 7 months of dealing with this incubus was not THAT long, but enough to make me feel like crap as you can obviously already tell.

And an even more interesting aspect of this story is discovering why I would even have ever fallen for someone like this in the first place! Well wouldn't you know that years after his death I can clearly now confirm that my very own father was without a doubt the most vile twisted narcissist I have ever known!!! YES! That man that we all mourned, for getting shot in some sort of a bank assault in the old country some 9 years ago was the most selfish, egomaniacal, emotionally and physically abusive bastard to any and all the women and children he left behind. In speaking to my beloved mother this week, she reiterated the horrors that dear old dad put her through (many that I witnessed), simply because she loved him so much. And when you tell one of these lowlives you love them, prepare to be treated like shit. And so, what kind of a male role model did I truly have growing up? Yes, it was this monster, who is thankfully now DEAD. I can't believe I would ever find myself saying something like this, but after everything he put us and all those around him through, it only makes perfect sense. My mother's mother (grandma) may have also been a narcissist, but I have to yet to go back in time and my childhood with her to truly analyze her behavior, although she was a nutcase bitch with us, but a charm with everyone else that did not know her well enough, something narcissists are very good at.

So you see folks: the true muck of my past--my disgusting dysfunctional family background, and recent events with the demon I loved, are all being finally exorcised out my system, serving to make me one giant emotional psychological wreck as of late.

And yet ironically, writing/exposing it all out here for you to read, feels truly quite liberating. I welcome and thank any and all of you for your comments recently and with this post as well...

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

2010-04-15T00:27:00.000-07:00

Lots of seismic activity this year huh? The quakes are strong and quite scary this year...

I am not a religious man at all, and I readily admit doubting the existence of God from time to time. My faith is very shaky, especially when I see all the suffering and injustices in this cruel evil world. However, I also do believe in God in times of terrible personal trouble/peril, and am not embarrassed to pray if that's all I have left to console my empty heart/soul. I know this would piss off some of my most staunch atheist friends to even read this, but as emotionally bruised as I have been lately, prayer has been very soothing and comforting, and quite eye-opening. I just asked my mother a few days ago to tell her sister (my aunt) to pray hard and heavily for me at this time of personal sorrow for having erroneously been in love with a manipulative cold narcissistic man. I mean, these two women are devoted, almost crazily fanatical religious Christian nuts if you ask me, and yet I am thankful and blessed to have these ladies in my life, for it could possibly be through them that I am buffered and protected in some strange way. For you see, not only did I ask them to pray for me, but I myself prayed this week long and hard for an answer, and it came to me in a dream. Roll your eyes if you must, but I swear it's true:

In my dream, I was lovingly caressing the ugliest most vile pet rat you have ever seen. And as a passenger in the car that my mom was driving, I was trying desperately to show this rodent true and pure affection like one would a dog. But the rat bit me. Four times. On the palm of my hand. And so my mother begins to drive the car frantically to get me to a doctor. "It has rabies! It is rabid my son!", she says. "Emergency at the hospital will take too long, maybe there is a doctor that can help you faster and right away!" And so I let go of my treacherous pet, the one I so wanted to desperately love and care for, and it jumps out of my car window and when I turn to look back at it, it grins at me in the most horrendous evil way and crawls into the sewer. It was almost like a horror film I tells ya. I have never seen a more hideous creature. And into the gutter it went, long disgusting thick pink tail and all. And my mother continues driving the car frantically. And who is in the back seat? My aunt, with a syringe, trying to give me an antibiotic shot into my arm...

And I woke up. Now I don't know about you, but this vision gave me the shivers. And it confirmed that I have actually been saved and liberated from a truly damaged person. My love was never wrong, but the person it was mistakenly directed to IS, for he is polluted by his own vanity, he uses others with no regard for their feelings, and thinks he is above others. He was subtle and very slick in doing so, but many times brought down my self-esteem. I am not a victim by any means, but my naivete in this situation was truly great, for I am in awe how HE could even think or operate in such a fine crafty seductive manipulative fashion. He lies and lies so very well. I am dumbfounded and astonished. I know for a fact he has done this to many, and will continue to... Evil is real folks. It really is, and it preys MOST on the weak and noble.

I will pick myself up from this, and am learning a most valuable lesson. As for my once beloved filthy rabid sewer rat, I pity him. I really do.

The road ahead for him will be terrible.

As for me, the healing begins now. My eyes are now truly wide open.

God bless.

IPAD. EAT ME.

2010-04-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

So Easter Sunday afternoon, there was this huge 7.2 quake in the Baja California region of Mexico, and tons of us in San Diego, Arizona, Nevada, and all the way up here in L.A. ended up feeling it. Really strong temblor, and long too, some 40 seconds! I was at my beloved bud's in his bed almost asleep at about 3:40 in the afternoon, when he announced the ground moving beneath our feet. And it just kept rocking I tells ya. The shocking part is how little damage or casualties there were; a testament perhaps to our building codes or just pure luck?! What is certain is how obviously retarded and lame the local news coverage was and always is when it comes to an earthquake--every caller will basically describe what they felt, how scary, and then came the dumbass footage of people's nice pricey homes with the chandelier swinging and the swimming pool water sloshing all over the place. BIG EFFIN' DEAL! Yeah, the newscasters can be so lame really. I really wanted to hear from the epicenter and how the truly affected Mexicans were doing, but it was all focused on upper class A-HOLES on this side of the border. LOL! Yes, a really big one is coming and we're all going to die I guess. Big deal.

And so dear friends, my emotional pain over having loved him and not getting any in return continues--this is now one of my darkest hours unfortunately. It boggles my mind really how a smart rational human being like myself has even fallen into this ridiculous trap. It is quite horrible to get hit with the realization some five times a day or more that this dude I so very much am still fond of will never give a f*ck about me. Yeah, so get over it right?! It's just not happening as easily as I would like to or thought though. And to make matters worse, the man is mediocre in almost every way, so why am I so hung up on him?! He's a mean narcissist, cold in bed for the most part, and possesses the intellectual capacity of a 15 year-old most of the time. He's a dork, and I always told him so, although I wanna change that to HE'S A MAJOR DOUCHE. But here I am. Broken. Shattered even, over this complete turd, even though I logically know how much better I am than him. I tells ya, what have I truly done to deserve this pain? My so-called "friend" used this golden opportunity to kick me while I'm down to tell me I was getting back what I deserved and that it was karma. Oh really?! Well thanks you f*ckface! He's a narcissistic jerk-off too, so of course he'd side with the enemy. I'll have to go to a really good therapist soon to work and sort this all out before I decide to leap off a cliff. In the meantime, I'm trying not to fall apart and cry like a f*cking child while I'm driving or late at night when I get home from going out trying to distract myself from this horrific nightmare. YOU WOULD THINK SOMEONE HAD DIED ON ME! My dear girlfriend in San Diego is going through something similar, so we kinda get each other right now all too well.

And like I've said before, if he ever read this, he'd smile/gloat/laugh out loud in all his narcissistic glory that he'd gotten yet another one to fall head over heels with his "tremendous" presence. Sick ain't it?! Him for being so uncaring, selfish, egotistical and delusional, or me for loving him? It makes no clear rational sense.

And this is why life sucks.

"WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND YOUR HEART, WAS AN OPEN BOOK..."

2010-04-02T18:28:00.000-07:00

HELLO BLOG! I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THEE!

McCartney at the Hollywood Bowl this past Wednesday night! Thank goodness the predicted rain never manifested itself. The traffic getting there and in the surrounding areas of the venue was an utter nightmare! I don't think I'd ever seen it like that in my life. The vibe was exciting and my friend Paul and I had to do quite a bit of walking, but we made it to our lovely seats; McCartney had already started the show, and we missed the first five minutes or so. I took some decent pics which I wanna post soon, but it was a beautiful stage, and the sound quality was tremendous. Nice packed sold-out crowd, and at first everyone was pretty docile and kind of out of it, but Sir Paul quickly won us over and got us going with some of his terrific classic rock standards. I can live without having to hear "Yesterday", "Let It Be"or "Hey Jude" ever again, but he has to do those tunes of course. The show ran a nice 2 hours and 45 minutes or so. And although it did not rain, it was pretty chilly. Paul is 67 years old and worth 1.2 billion dollars. WOW. And he can still put on quite a show! The highlight was "Live and Let Die", when my bud Paul refused to believe the fireworks were going to go off in all their glory at the Bowl, and yet THEY DID and it was mighty spectacular as I had predicted. Some highlights here. And here.

But even with that wonderful concert, I'm emotionally exhausted right now. Yes, I did love him, but he was so selfish and narcissistic towards me and never gave a damn really. I was warned by him that nothing serious could ever develop, but I foolishly hoped and wanted it to be so. Alas, it was not meant to be. I'm very sad. I know that I never fully built anything substantial out of this brief tryst, but it still sucks, and I am still reeling from it. Close friends and other people in my life with good advice told me to walk away a while ago, and I had truly honestly tried, but when one cares for someone it is almost blinding--it's as if I had to learn this the hard pitiful way when the other party simply told me to my face recently that they were now seeing someone new. UGH. I almost think he enjoyed throwing that terrible bit of news at me, because some people are just plain f*cked up and mean. It's exactly like that movie 500 Days of Summer I tells ya. I can never watch that film again. Or think about it without wanting to cry like a pathetic fool. I'm not the first, the last, nor the only one to suffer at the hands of unrequited love. But it is happening to me. And I don't like it or appreciate it one bit. It hurts so bad. Why me?! I'm so sorry to anyone else who has gone or is going through this. I really am. Only now do I know how empty, worthless, and lonely this feeling can be. Add to this the fact I am overly sensitive. I wish I had no feelings. Like HIM. If he ever read this post, he would enjoy a tremendous ego boost from it, and be quite proud of himself. Trust me. My suffering means nothing to him at all. This person has a damaged soul, and I had to find it out the bitter way. This makes it worse for me.

If there is a God, I hope he can hear my prayers and help me through this pretty f*cked up time...

WAT IN LALA LAND.

2010-03-23T01:30:00.000-07:00

Okay! Alice in Wonderland was a visual feast! I got to see it in downtown at the new theater there and the screen was enormous! Not IMAX, but it was still a 70ft. tall gigantic thing! WOW! I like this 3D and all, but it's not something I can do often because it is almost dizzying and the fact I have to wear my own glasses first, then the special ones given on top of mine is quite annoying. I like what they've done to this section of Downtown Los Angeles to get people to go down there and hang out, and it is nice and all, except some of the folk that are there are pretty ghetto; not including me of course. HA. And I can't forget to mention how unbelievably delicious the food was at this place. MY GOD MAN. Really good food. Mmmmmmmm!

Thursday night, while at my "Hungarian" bud's place, my front passenger-side window was shattered by a goon thug asshole or two! ARGH! Yeah, they saw my cheap satellite radio and just had to steal it, thinking it was some pricey radar scanner or something. Funny because I've left that thing in there for years and my car is looking pretty beat up as of late due to a recent car accident, but I guess it was not enough to deter the thief from breaking my poor little window--there was glass everywhere. Thank God I was a bit stoned, so I wasn't as upset as I would've been sober. LOL! I went home late that night, and had a window repair mobile service come fix it at my job on Friday morning. The Guatemalan repair dude was very nice and doggone it, I think the married fool was even flirting with me! I'm serious! He vacuumed all of that nasty glass out! It cost me an arm and a leg, and I heard all kinds of people telling me I should've gone somewhere else or waited for a better rate, but people always have solutions don't they?! I needed the damn thing fixed right away; driving around like that is just plain irritating and uncomfortable. And Sirius will be sending me a free radio too! YAY! I won't have Howard Stern though for a few days, and it's killing me already!

My Paul McCartney tickets to next Wednesday's show at the Hollywood Bowl have arrived! OH MY GOD. Expensive for sure, but who gives a f*ck?! It's Sir Paul! This is going to be historic:

WHAT DOES ONE WRITE ABOUT AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR?!

2010-03-17T03:35:00.000-07:00

I think this will be my only post for this week. I have lots to talk about, but whatever. I keep trying to make time to visit all yer blogs and I never do! PHOOEY! We had a nice little quake Tuesday early morn. Oh dear Lord, I rue the day a more giant destructive one happens. It is so unsettling to have the ground move beneath your feet like that. But what can we do? We're mere ants on this Earth. Lots of deaths in our office recently. Three actual co-workers and the relatives of some of our employees! EEK! I am going to have to just enjoy it as much as possible. Too much sorrow and pain in this world. In fact, I'm binging on an assortment of candy right at this very moment that I write just to make life a bit sweeter! LOLOL! Damn good stuff, although at this time of night who knows if my poor stomach can handle it.

I'm actually enjoying the more hours of sunlight! Can you believe it? Okay, just enough to light the road on my way home so it isn't dark and doesn't feel so late. Daylight Savings Time does seem to fool the brain a bit and alter one's perception, and the warmer weather we've been having is helping to make me wanna night owl around town more often than not. I had not sung karaoke in a while , and have been recently doing it frequently, now that I feel I have my voice back. Most of December and January I was trying to get over bronchitis, and I really thought I'd lost my awesome singing voice for good! Ah yes, I can still carry an Erasure, Elton John, or Beatles tune. Amen. Look, I'm certainly not the best singer, but I'm a competent one okay? I've gotten hit on just for my vocal talents alone and not being heavily reliant on the giant microphone between my leg...ER! OOPS! My wit is endless ya see? Shut it!

I've been hearing this song on satellite radio a lot! And I really like it. I think the lead singer of this band is Malaysian, but born in Australia:

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS PERFECT.

2010-03-12T16:38:00.000-08:00

OH MY GOD! Well I'm such a psychology major all of a sudden huh? I was recently obsessing over Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and I think I may have now identified my own disorder in the process! Yes kids, I am fallible after all! LOL! Now I know I'm anxious and depressive, but it all seems to stem from me having Dependent Personality Disorder! Dependents have a hard time making decisions, avoid jobs that are challenging, hate being abandoned, are very sensitive to criticism, are pessimistic/lack self-confidence, can't get projects started, are a bit naive, and sometimes tolerate abuse from others. HOLY MOLE MAN! That sounds just like me! They say that dependents usually become like this due to having had authoritarian or overprotective parents in childhood. Well, I don't have to look far; my father was a tyrant of epic proportions and in order to shield me from his maniacal ways and that of other nasty family members, my beloved mother was extremely loving and way too defensive of her shy naive innocent little boy. So here I am now in my mid-thirt...ER, TWENTIES having a hard time while everyone else is bloody perfect and has their act together! LMAO! Okay, we're all f*cked in one way or another, but there you go; I'm actually relieved to finally understand myself more here. This is a very funny example of the disorder, although I don't know if I'm that severe! HEE!

I'm happy Cesar Millan is a positive example of a successful Latino in America, but I honestly find him a bit annoying to be honest! He comes across as a bit presumptuous, and don't those impossible dogs return to their normal bad behavior once he's off camera and gone from those peoples' lives? HA! The Dog Whisperer is not Jesus folks. He is not your canine's savior. That aggressive hysterical chihuahua that wants to attack everyone is not going to be miraculously cured by one of his 15 minute sessions on screen. I'm pretty sure Pancho goes back to nipping at everybody and the poor naive owner is left wondering why that stuck-up Mexican didn't change the pooch one bit!

Daylight Savings Time is here ye fools! I'm in the mood for some David Bowie. What a weird genius:

TO CHRISTOPH!

2010-03-09T01:52:00.000-08:00

The Oscars were lame! UGH! Thank God I attended a local dinner party though, with four other fun gentlemen, who made it much more tolerable! Our host made some of the most delicious food ever! WOW!!! Austrian actor Christoph Waltz took home the Best Supporting Actor award, and most deservedly so, for playing the heartless Nazi in Inglourious Basterds-- so many congrats to him! And thank God that douche James Cameron lost major awards for his big overblown Avatar film. I just wrote in my previous post about how destructive narcissists are, and James is one of those assholes to watch for. He's talented, but has an ego the size of Alaska! By the way, Jakey G. looked sooooo handsome! MAMA MIA!

How do ya like that stupid California lawmaker who was caught leaving a gay club with some other dude, and was arrested on a DUI?! WHAT A HYPOCRITE LOSER! He's married to a woman and has four kids, and has consistently voted against gay rights in our state! WELL WELL WELL! HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN! I think the guy had to come out of the closet finally--the pressure was way too much I suppose, but whatever! I mean, look at him, he looks like a total FAG!

Jimmy Kimmel had a show Oscar night; it featured a very funny skit with Christoph Waltz that has to be seen:

I LOVE MYSELF WAY TOO MUCH.

2010-03-05T00:37:00.000-08:00

NARCISSISM! Do you know a narcissist?! We've all run into them at one point or another, and some of us have even become friends or lovers with these people. Narcissists are very charming and gregarious at first, as they suck you into their deceitful world, but pretty soon you begin to feel like sh*t once you've hung around one of these energy vampires long enough. The narcissist only does what they want to do, thinks that only what they like is important, sees him/herself as being really hot (and some of them actually are), and does not ever truly care about your feelings. The unhealthy superiority complex these fools suffer from is serious, and if you are not aware of this personality disorder from the get-go, you're in for a lot of heartache and feeling miserable with one of these beings. They like to be around you to feel better about how great they are, they like to put you down, and generally destroy your self-esteem if you're not adept at seeing them for who they are. I am truly starting to believe that the person I was recently very much into, is in fact, a narcissist. It was always about HIM, and nothing but. ME, ME, and in the end, ME. The narcissist is selfish, arrogant, cold, detached, pretends to care (only to get what they want), and thinks hanging with highly influential or successful people is a must--they most likely have lots and lots of shallow Facebook friends. The narcissist doesn't believe in humility, empathy, feelings, true love, or tries to work with you to compromise; they find you annoying for even showing a moment of weakness or true sentiment. They will drop you without warning if they feel they can no longer use you. The narcissist is always right, attacks you out of the blue, praises him/herself way too often, and can go from being extremely nice to being a royal A-HOLE, in order to confuse and keep their victims in their web--giving the victim false hope that the narcissist does truly love or care about them somehow. Many professionals believe narcissists are hopelessly incurable, but I believe they can change if they recognize their disorder and truly work at it. More than likely, with the passage of time and severe aging, the narcissist finally will begin to see how much he has alienated most people from his/her life and how mortal and vulnerable they are, like everyone else. To learn so much this week about the narcissist has been overwhelmingly empowering to me! If I even want to have a friend like this, I must let go of having any true good expectations out of someone with this problem! LOL! The best thing though, is to rid yourself of these toxic people altogether, if you simply cannot deal with their f*cked up ways. A shout out to my Kentuckian bud for being so insightful into human personalities and their shortcomings!

All in all, I have to reiterate how much of a truly great and optimistic week I've had. I've gone out a lot, been to work relatively on time, and have not felt bogged down by depression or any other negative thoughts which sometimes plague me. Listen people, let me give you some HEALTHY constructive narcissism of my own, not that toxic sh*t I just discussed. I'm smart, tall, handsome, funny, witty, and can get a nice decent hot dude if I really want to. So what's the problem right? But in the end, I also have a truly good and noble heart, and although I suffer badly sometimes because of it, I think it's better than being a cold unfeeling jerk. A true f*cked up narcissist can't be happy can they? They must surely have low self-esteem and be depressed in the end about their condition, about how truly average and mediocre they are right? So many say though that narcissists are probably happy, because they think they're the sh*t. Regardless, I know now what to look out for, and it is highly unlikely one of these people will ever fool me again. YAY!

This woman explains it beautifully:

TO TERRA AND MY JACKET.

2010-03-02T14:00:00.000-08:00

Chile had a massive unreal extraordinary powerful megaquake as you all know by now. YIKES!

So I go to the karaoke bar last night, and had a very good time, except for the fact my jacket was taken! ARGH! I simply left the thing with my cool nerdy trendy glasses in the side pocket hanging on the back of this chair by the bar, and while distracted someone either drunkenly or maliciously stole it! I sure do hope it turns up in the lost and found at the bar or something, but I doubt it. Oh well. I did like that jacket a lot and my awesome glasses, but they are only material possessions and the terrific mood I am in today almost makes this loss worth it, since I have been so down lately. There is a certain charm and attention I seem to attract at the local watering holes here, thanks to people I have known for years that never stop going. It certainly is nice to be going out more often than I had been, because it gets me out of the daily job routine. I'm no drunk by any means, but a good drink or two is very satisfying.

The new images from NASA of the Earth are magnificent. Almost doesn't look real to be honest, but there it is, this floating blue jewel of a place in the middle of nowhere. Look folks, in the grand scheme of things, we are so small, so tiny, so insignificant. What a magnificent and miraculous concept that we're even alive and animated on such a remarkable planet able to sustain life itself! THIS IS TRULY MIND-BOGGLING! All of our worries, concerns, trials, tribulations, joys, ups, downs, pleasures all happen on the Earth--nowhere else! It is our one and only home. We cannot live anywhere else! Sadly, we hardly ever take time to realize how truly amazing and spectacularly lucky we are to be in such a bountiful place. Humanity ruins, destroys, and is easily corrupted by greed and envy--the Earth as a consequence has suffered great damage due to our terribly selfish species. I just wish we knew better sometimes, but alas, we do not.

Have a great week everyone! The sun has started to shine again mood-wise for me. I love this song by The Shins--easily one of the most beautiful and haunting tunes I have ever heard:

THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN!

2010-02-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

Well. Here we are. A bit broken, but still chugging along. Thanks kids for all your wonderful supportive comments in my last post!

I've been watching the Olympics on and off, and I so enjoy the athletic prowess these young people display. It's quite remarkable. All those intense years of training and practice, and then to almost flawlessly put themselves in front of the world like this is quite inspiring! I love Scott Hamilton doing the figure skating commentary by the way...LOL! He is the best! Then there's Bob Costas. BOB F*CKING COSTAS! How much money does this douche make?! HE IS HARRIBLE! ABSOLUTELY HARRIBLE! UGH! Every time I hear him it makes me cringe. His cultural knowledge is pretty much ZERO. I'm telling you, the man is a retard! Anyway, TEAM USA is doing very well in these games, and this is pretty damn cool, despite the fact our economy is still in the sewer! HA!

Paul McCartney is coming to the Hollywood Bowl! HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! I AM SO EXCITED! Ya know the tickets are going to be really hard to get a hold of, but I will do my battling best! He's not that far off from getting here--end of March already! DAMN THAT'S SO LAST MINUTE!

One of Paul's more recent modern tunes from 2006! This was part of The Lake House movie soundtrack I believe, and the man can still write purty songs I say:

BETTY WHITE HELPS ME WITH THE BLUES.

2010-02-16T02:38:00.000-08:00

Hello to anyone who still reads this lonely blog.

It's becoming harder and harder for me to post--I feel overwhelmed by my emotions right now. Just great. I hate being an astrological Cancer, the most sensitive of all the signs! UGH! F*CK THIS MAN! Why couldn't I be a Leo? I missed it by a hair! ARGH! Nothing gets in the way of those fools. Not that I believe astrology to be an exact science mind you, but some of it can ring so eerily true. Anyway, besides the job I dislike having to go to, I'm stupidly in love with someone completely undeserving. What tha hell did I do to deserve feeling this I ask?! Have I broken any hearts out there this badly?! Well, I honestly apologize and am very sorry if I have wronged someone romantically or in any way, because this non-stop crying and aching I feel is killing me now. I would not wish this on my worst enemy really. I'm heartbroken, but am thankful I guess for the blessings I still have, although my motivation is at an all-time low. I'm doing my best okay? I won't give up just yet. Pray for me please. Send me good vibes.

Betty White is on fire! Her Super Bowl commercial got rave reviews, she's always making funny cameos on Craig Ferguson's show, she just received a lifetime tribute at the SAG Awards, and she's still working hard in films. And the monumental movement on Facebook to get her to host Saturday Night Live is unbelievable! WOW! This little old thing is unstoppable and we adore her don't we?

Yes we do:

DO YOU LOVE YOUR TOASTER OVEN AS MUCH AS I DO?

2010-02-10T02:25:00.000-08:00

Hmmm... I'm looking over my last two blog posts, and not ONE comment. BOOOOOOO! Yeah, I know I've neglected your awesome blogs also, but I'm selfish! LOLOL! I know, I know, we're all busy trying to get through life, so I understand.

I just realized my blog is not very personal. I never really talk about myself as much as I do other celebs or pop culture items. Well, the times I have gotten truly personal is when I start hating my job or I get really depressed, but other than that it seems like I'm always reporting the news or regurgitating useless information. Is this true blogger friend? Am I overly superficial and lost in stupid trivial facts, when there are more important things I should be discussing? Like my fabulous sex life? Like my goals for the near future? My thoughts on gay relationships and gay dating in this Hollywood cesspool? Ya know what, my blog is probably fine and dandy as it is, but I'm feeling overly analytical and pensive tonight, so bear with me. I can't help but mention that Sunday's Super Bowl telecast has now become the highest-rated TV program in American history, beating the record held by the series finale of MASH! WOW! An estimated audience of 106 million watched this game! My bud still said something ironically funny though, "Only a third watched the game? That's it? How can the rest of the 200 in this whole entire country of 300 million still miss it?" HAHAHA! I mean, I went to dinner with my soulmate, and I still got to see the game on a big screen at the restaurant. There really is almost no escaping it.

I'd like to pay tribute now, to the nifty portable device that heats up food better than any microwave, THE TOASTER OVEN! When was the toaster oven invented?! I have no idea, probably sometime in the housewife 1950s, but man I love my toaster oven and almost any other toaster oven for that matter. Frozen taquitos and other appetizers and snacks are easily thawed and heated in a toaster oven with no hassle! Mind you, it's really only for the heating of certain foods, but somehow you know that a pizza slice or two will be horribly soft, soggy, and chewy after coming out of a microwave. In a toaster oven that same pizza slice comes out as if freshly baked, nice and crisp! Mmmmmmmmmm! Have I sold you on the toaster oven folks? I think I have, so if you don't have one of these great inventions yet, what tha hell are you waiting for? I don't know if Julia Childs ever really used toaster ovens as she was a big showy cook, but I bet if Julia were alive now, she'd agree with me that when it comes to heating a nice food portion for one, nothing beats the toaster oven!

Amen.

NOT THAT I CARE, BUT I REMEMBER NEW ORLEANS FONDLY, SO GO SAINTS!

2010-02-05T02:14:00.000-08:00

Hello good people.

The only Oscar nomination I am truly happy about is for Christoph Waltz as Best Supporting Actor in Inglourious Basterds. He is remarkable in that film--a really great performance as the evil heartless Nazi. I praised him and most of the movie back in this blog post, although the ending of the film is quite retarded, but as a whole it is worth seeing the picture. And although James Cameron is nominated for Best Director, I have a feeling that douchebag Quentin Tarantino might upstage James and take the award. I hate Quentin's personality and find Cameron a bore, but cannot deny both of them are pretty talented at their craft. I may finally see Avatar this weekend, but honestly I haven't been that excited about it with all the overblown hype and stuff, although I am greatly curious at times to see what the fuss is all about. Will I be one of the many who are left depressed after seeing the idealistic perfect fantasy world portrayed in Avatar? LOL!

Can you believe there is serious talk about lifting the ban on gays in our military?! IS THIS POSSIBLE?! Well, I dunno man. I'm all for it of course, because gays have been serving since the beginning of time-- men have shared barracks and showered together and done much more since forever, and to lift this stupid ban would be the right thing to do. Gay men make fine soldiers okay? Seeing all those hot men inspires them to do an even better job! LOLOLOLOL! So yeah, let them serve openly. The British lifted their ban years ago, and it has not affected their performance whatsoever. I really don't understand why some "straight" men are so threatened by other gay men. It makes no sense, unless you're insecure about your own sexuality right? Afraid ya might be attracted to your fellow soldier there? HUH?! GET A LIFE PEOPLE! GET A LIFE!!! Gay guys playing in our professional sports teams too?! IMPOSSIBLE!

Have a great Super Bowl weekend everybody. Leave me some comments will ya? Thanks. I'll leave you with this funny clip from the most popular TV show in history. Watch Desi laugh and quickly save himself from a blooper:

YES, IT'S FEBRUARY ALREADY.

2010-02-02T01:17:00.000-08:00

I rarely if ever really REALLY like a film enough to give it a 5-star rating on Netflix, as most movies are usually decent to me and they only get 3 stars, but there does come along once in a blue moon a film that hits me on every level, and (500) Days of Summer is one of those films. Perhaps because it mirrors in so many ways, my recent hopeless crush on someone; I saw myself so much in Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character, it was almost ridiculous! BRILLIANT! WOW! Even the music used in the film and references to The Beatles, were right up my alley. The film is not told in chronological order and jumps around all over the place, but after a while you get used to it. The actors are all superb, especially Joseph and Zooey Deschanel as his romantic love interest. Joseph Gordon-Levitt started off on that TV show 3rd Rock from the Sun, and has since blossomed into a wonderful versatile actor in many good independent films. Lemme tells ya, he's adorable, and I'd take him in a heartbeat. Anyway, watch this movie! It's beautiful, wonderful, and highly emotional.

I missed the Grammy Awards Sunday night, and it was probably for the best, because so much of today's music is just plain awful to me. I mean, Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, Michael Bublé, and Rhianna are the big stars today?! UGH! YUCK! Really good amazing modern artists like The Shins, Of Montreal, and MGMT don't sell as much or get the attention they really should, and it makes me shake my head. Have any of you listened to Top 40 radio lately? It's bloody harrible! HARRIBLE! Anyway, there was at least one good thing to come out of the awards show, and it was this performance with Lady Gaga and Elton John. I like her a lot--she does stand out among her mediocre peers of today, and does have talent. Her crazy costumes are hysterical! HOWEVER, there was someone that did this all before, and it was Elton. Lemme tell ya, Elton's first nine or so albums back in the early 1970s are masterpieces! SIMPLY BREATHTAKING music this guy put out, and he used to wear all those crazy get-ups way before Lady Gaga was even a thought. How fitting then, to see them both perform together! Elton sounded pretty darn good too! They were truly amazing!

A LIVING LEGEND! SIR ELTON:

IT'S WINTER, BUT I GOT DONNA SUMMER ON MY MIND.

2010-01-29T02:29:00.000-08:00

Can someone please explain to me when Apple is going to stop marketing YET ANOTHER one of their "must-have" trendy products? Now it's the iPad?! This is starting to get ridiculous. Yeah, I got an iPod back in 2004, but then came the six billion upgrades which I never kept up with, then came the iPhone and its upgrades, and now we got Steve Jobs shoving this new iPad down our throats. ANYTHING to get us to spend our hard-earned money on a gadget that none of us really need! Greedy American capitalism rears its ugly head yet again. And of course, the masses will buy this piece of junk and make more money for this company! BALONEY!

So I always knew Donna Summer was pretty popular back in the day, but I had no idea just how truly remarkably BIG and influential she was, and quite a sexy bitch too! Girl sold lots and lots of albums and had four #1 singles! Not bad Donna, not bad at all! Upon reading her bio, I learned she went to Europe early on in her career, and lived in Germany for quite some time! Her last name was originally Gaines, but she married some Austrian dude last-named Sommer, so she Anglicized it to what we now know her as today. Her first major album was recorded in Europe, and her first hit single was "Love to Love You Baby", which was considered shocking at the time because it featured Donna moaning and groaning as if in sexual ecstasy. Her single, "I Feel Love", is considered by many a landmark song that influenced many artists. And well, the rest is history as Donna came out with her other famous hits such as "Last Dance", "Hot Stuff", "Bad Girls", and that very famous duet with Barbra Streisand. Donna deservedly earned her eternal title of "The Queen of Disco." She could definitely sing; those were some powerful pipes.

So let's imagine those bygone days of that hedonistic disco palace Studio 54, and we're really hot and they allow us in to dance the night away:

IN SIXTY YEARS, IT WILL BE THE YEAR 2070.

2010-01-26T03:43:00.000-08:00

Hey, where are all your comments good people? I've got a terrible case of wanting to sleep all day and staying up all night! YEESH MAN! Is my depression this bad?! Like right now, I should be asleep, but here I am typing away, wide awake eating Doritos! LOL!

I watched this movie made in 1951 called A Place in the Sun, starring the gorgeous Montgomery Clift, who was 29 years old at the time. MAMA MIA MAN! Montgomery was just so damn hot. I missed out meeting him! He had a terrible drinking and alcohol problem sadly. Anyway, I've discussed Monty before, but I can't get over what a hunk this fool was. The movie also starred Liz Taylor--she was only about 17 years old at the time! WOW! Liz looked stunning; the woman was born with good genes. Not so stunning in her role was Shelley Winters. LOLOLOL! I suppose that was the point, but STILL! And then it hit me. This film was made almost sixty years ago, which means most of the people who worked on it, or were IN IT, are DEAD. MY GOD. Liz is still around thankfully, but it really brings home the true brevity of life. Yes, in about sixty years, most of us will be dead, or barely alive! It is said that Liz Taylor had recently found out her dad was a homo, and that from that moment on, she took to getting along with gay men fabulously, including Montgomery Clift. We love Liz, our beloved living legendary FAG HAG.

Betty White got a lifetime tribute at the SAG Awards on Saturday, and here's a girl that knows how to keep on going, even after 60 years in show business! WOW! CONGRATS TO THIS AMAZING LADY! I have a feeling, that Betty will be the only Golden Girl left standing, because I recently heard poor Rue McClanahan had a minor stroke. Rue is now 75, and her health has not been too good; meanwhile Betty just turned 88 years young and is still acting up a storm! I wish Rue a speedy recovery--ya know losing Estelle and Bea in the last two years has really been hard, because I grew up with that show, and to see these ladies pass away is kind of sad. Alas, that's the way the ball bounces, but I don't want to think about youth, vitality, and life itself being so temporary...

To Rue:

I REALLY WANNA GO TO THE CAPITOL NOW.

2010-01-22T01:34:00.000-08:00

My chiropractor showed me my X-rays on Monday, and said my neck has slight scoliosis! I gotta lower my left shoulder a bit more and correct my posture. Doc says I gotta stand tall and proud! When I was going to the gym, my posture sure did improve, but I haven't been inside one of those foreign places in like forever! Oh, and these recent visits to the chiro are due to my car accident last month--my brother's law firm has ordered me to go and get therapy as often as possible. We wanna make some money off the insurance okay? AHEM. Besides, I truly did suffer whiplash, and my poor car was dented, and the radiator was f*cked up, and yada, yada, yada...

Wait just a minute here. HOLD YOUR HORSES FOLKS. Who tha hell is Aaron Schock you ask?! Just when I couldn't keep my drool in over recently elected handsome Scott Brown to the Senate , now I read about this Aaron guy who is only 28 years old and is a member of the House of Representatives?! I gotta say, Congress is slowly but surely going to be taken by sexually attractive men! LOL! A STRAIGHT WOMAN'S/GAY MAN'S DREAM! A clip right here of Aaron if you wanna see this little dork geek stud. He is the youngest member of Congress. WOW. He sounds kind of gay doesn't he? Hey Aaron, you'd be perfect for me. Even though you're a Republican. I forgive you. I'm not the greatest cook, but I'm competent. And I'm smart, funny, and damn good in bed! I'm almost trilingual too!

I hear this song on satellite radio all the time. I really like:

PAST MID-JANUARY ALREADY?!

2010-01-19T01:52:00.000-08:00

I think James Cameron is going to topple his previous blockbuster Titanic, with his latest film, as biggest grossing movie of all time. And yet, I still haven't made time to go see AVATAR! DARN! When adjusted for inflation though (since movie tickets are much more expensive now), the greatest money-making film of all time is Gone with the Wind. That's right Ashley Wilkes!

It's too bad the Massachusetts Senate race to take over the late Ted Kennedy's vacant seat is probably going to be won by a Republican. Not that the Democrats are any better, but at least they tend to be more liberal and open-minded. It's between this woman Martha Coakley and Scott Brown. Now lemme tell ya something though--the problem is, I am profoundly attracted to Scott Brown, the Republican. Have ya seen this guy?! SO VERY HANDSOME! A STUD! GIMME A WOLF WHISTLE OR TWO! He's in his early fifties, but damn does he look good. Anyway, they're holding the special election today. The hot dude looks like he'll win--no doubt a lot of superficial people will go for his looks. I'm so glad I'm not at all like this. LOL! I think he used to model when he was younger, and I can see why. Wonder if Scott might not even be a closet homo? Hmmm...

There was a pretty strong quake that hit Guatemala and El Salvador yesterday, but luckily there was no major damage. EEK MAN! After what has happened in Haiti, I think the seismic areas of the world are on major alert and on edge, not excluding those of here in Los Angeles. GULP! I've been watching tons of live earthquake footage on YouTube, just to prepare myself for when one of these monsters hits again. The trick ya see, is to not panic. DO NOT PANIC. PANICKING AND RUNNING LIKE CRAZY IS ONE OF THE MAJOR REASONS PEOPLE DIE. Ya gotta stay put and react as calmly as possible, despite the fact the ground beneath ya is shaking violently. Ironically, it was just this past weekend, that we had that big Northridge quake in 1994. 16 years since that fateful early morning! Our old house shook like hell back then, but I was half asleep! LOL! We were lucky to personally not have had damage or been injured, but many were not so fortunate.

Here is a hilarious vulgar reaction to a pretty strong moderate quake in Costa Rica last year. These are two native-born Americans living there doing this show live when all of a sudden: