LIFE HAS ITS UPS...

And so, I find myself as of late in a terrible emotional state of inadequacy, loneliness, emptiness, and forced conformity.

What good was it to go to college, when all I got out of it was personal enlightenment and a brain full of fascinating but useless facts--not the career I had originally intended? Instead, I've had a job now for the better part of eight and half years that has become boring, monotonous, and completely non-challenging nor creative. I can't just up and leave it either, for my financial responsibilities are great, and the never-ending cycle and trap of the bills and a home to pay keep me forever imprisoned it seems. But more and more, my attendance and punctuality to the office suffer as a result of my growing depression--all that once wonderful time I had on the books is slowly but surely dwindling away, as I find it increasingly difficult just to get up in the morning and go in. There are those days I do take off work, and then they are wasted away by me sleeping hours and hours, hibernating away to escape my reality. My co-workers can be kind and lend me an ear, but they can only go so far as to help me in my misery, for it is I who ultimately has the power to decide what to do with myself when it comes to making a living. I honestly wish I did not have to worry about money right now or ever, but alas, I do not have the fortune of having comfortable amounts of cash to fall back on, so I can take time off to ponder my next moves or to find myself as a human being. This kind of self-exploration and decision-making was supposed to happen in my late teens and early twenties, but instead I got trapped by the office cubicle world into believing that time would be on my side forever. The only thing that has happened is that time has passed mercilessly fast, and although not old by any means, I am OLDER and much more chained by my situation than I was back in my true youth. I work it seems, only to make the rich RICHER and to pay taxes to our crooked corrupt government, but where's my personal satisfaction? I HAVE NONE! ZILCH! Anxiety/depression thwarted me then, and continue to oppress me even now.

Then comes the recent realization that my earlier beliefs in romance and sex have been completely overturned by my "maturing" as a person. I could easily have tons of meaningless casual one-night stands here and there before, and be fine with it, but as of late I have grown tired and sick of it all really. Don't get me wrong, I always had at least something in common and was a gracious friendly person with most of my conquests, but what do I have to show for it now, other than to feel alone and used by all those people?! Yes, can you imagine that?! I FEEL CHEAP AND USED NOW! Now my quest for settling down and finding that one person will be tough, for I wonder if karma has now decided to rain down upon me and make me feel all these terrible sad emotions of loneliness and unrequited love that I made my original partner feel back when HE wanted to settle down, but I wasn't ready for it. This has all begun to pollute my brain due to recent run-ins with casual encounters from my past and feelings of infatuation which I haven't felt in years. I love sex, don't get me wrong, but it is now becoming tedious only to be wanted for this purpose alone! Yes, I happen to have one of the world's most pleasurable penises (LOLOLOL!), but is that all there is to me? Am I not charming, good-looking, witty, funny, and intelligent enough to get to know; to take out on dates or vacations as well?! Since when did I become such a romantic sap I wonder?! HOW IN THA HELL DID THIS EVER HAPPEN TO A ONCE MIGHTY AND PROUD INVULNERABLE SOUL LIKE MYSELF?!

I was once so strong and aloof to all of this. I really was. Life used to full of endless possibilities for me where nothing felt like an obstacle or chore, but now all I feel is unmotivated, completely defeated, and programmed like a robot to do what I have to do, and that's it. What tha hell has happened to me and why can't I see the light at the end of this bitter dark tunnel? The worst part is when I start to stupidly compare my life to that of others and how others seem to be going places and forging ahead, while I'm still stagnant and stuck in the mud. To be employed, even in this massive economic depression does not help to make me feel better at all. AT ALL. I can count my blessings till the cows come home, but alas, my feelings of failure are powerful at times.

As of late, it is fascinating historical documentaries such as this which keep me mercifully distracted and somewhat entertained. The late great Sir Laurence Olivier narrates:

AN INGLORIOUS GERMAN PAST.

I went to see Inglourious Basterds on Saturday. This is one long film, and although I liked many aspects of the movie--it is in the end, a flawed picture. Brad Pitt annoyed me after a while with his character and ignoramus Southern accent. The preposterous rewriting of certain key historical elements was downright retarded! We all know Hitler died of suicide in his underground bunker, but this film wants us to believe otherwise?! Absurd in my opinion, truly absurd! And although I don't mind reading subtitles AT ALL, I wonder if most lazy Americans are aware that this movie almost qualifies as a foreign film, because so much of it is in French and German--you betta be ready to read through lots of subtitles, although I found it cool to hear all that French, because it only helps me practice my third language more. And director Tarantino loves to be graphically violent of course, which I don't f*cking care for, but okay then, I can look away I guess, which I did many many times. All that negativity aside, there are some wonderful moments in the film, and true suspense created just through the dialogue alone! There are some true acting greats here and congrats go to Austrian actor Christoph Waltz as the main Nazi officer who performs flawlessly as the multilingual evil cold-blooded "Jew Hunter"--he is almost certian to get an Oscar nomination for this role. Mélanie Laurent is also good as the French Jewish girl who escapes death and plots revenge as a the owner of a movie theater in Paris. I can't forget to mention Diane Kruger too, for she is great as a German actress that wants to help the Allies topple the Nazis. Anyway, can Hollywood please stop making WWII Holocaust films now?! I know it was a horrible time, but GEEZ, leave the poor Germans alone already! LOL! GOOD LORD MAN! Haven't they been vilified enough?! Where's the Spaniard-bashing for all their atrocities back in the 16th century against native peoples?! The Nazis however, and that dark era were relatively recent, and it truly remains one of the most fascinating/monstrous periods in the history of the world.

The news is full of insane sensational stories this week! Michael Jackson's death is now considered a homicide, because his doc was knowingly/illegally injecting him with mass quantities of powerful drugs and anesthetics. Jesus man, I guess I still can't believe MJ is truly dead, but his bizarre physical transformation and terrible emotional issues could only lead to the icon's demise in such a manner anyway. Michael was obviously a very unhappy person, and it almost seems like a relief for him that he no longer has to face such scrutiny from the media and insane public attention. Then there's the news story of that handsome seemingly successful reality show contestant that strangled his blonde bimbo wife, dismembered her, cut her fingers off, yanked out all her teeth, and stuffed her into a suitcase so that she could not be identified, but it was thanks to her breast implants that they were able to ID her and the manhunt was on, but he hung himself in a cheap motel in his homeland, Canada before the cops could get to him. YIKES! What a terrible end to a rocky crazy relationship I must say--a hottie loony scumbag and an airhead stripper porn whore! Astounding, simply astounding!

I owe some of you major visits to yer blogs. Scold me/remind me will ya?

The greatest WWII-Holocaust-Nazi film ever made. Magnificent performances, and the original trailer has some fine music:

A NEGATIVE AND A NEGATIVE EQUAL A POSITIVE.

It was so sweet. My 11 year-old niece needed help with her homework this past week. She's learning integers! Remember integers? It's all those positive and negative numbers--brought it all back to me in a flash even though I haven't used that kind of basic math in ages! That was cool. I hope I explained it to her correctly, but I think she got the gist of it. I feel like such a smart uncle now. HA! Math has never been my strong point, but I guess I do know some of my stuff. I successfully completed Algebra II, so it counts for something I hope.

Rachel Maddow is a trip. I try and pay attention to what she's saying, but she is one weird-looking person! LOL! Call me naive, but I had no idea she was a lesbian, but always looked at her as a very masculine mannish kind of girl--even with that make-up, or in spite of it. Turns out of course, that she is lez, and the first openly gay person with this kind of news/political talk show. Anderson Cooper of course, already has his program, but he is not OPENLY gay. We all know Anderson is into men, but like Ricky Martin, it is considered an open secret. Everyone knows, but does not mention/speak of it I guess. This is kind of what occurs with me most of the time I believe, but whatever. I'm getting distracted here, but my point being is that Rachel Maddow is one fascinating character! I'd love to see a debate between her and Rush Limbaugh! That would be classic! I must say, Rachel makes for one pretty boy (kinda of Peter Pannish as my friend said), and is much easier on the eyes I guess than Greta Van Susteren. GRETA! EEK!

A shout out to my mother. Mi querida madre is to me, a fantastic cook! She can make canned soup taste like a true feast! Her basic sandwiches and other easy-to-prepare meals are so delicious and I genuinely love her creative skills in the kitchen--I've been meaning to compile a cookbook of some sort with my mom's recipes to have for future posterity, but I never get around to it. She truly does make some good simple meals.

I wish thee a tremendous weekend. John Lennon wrote songs that really spoke to you, that expressed how he truly saw the world, and reflected what many were thinking but never admitted back in his day. A political/social genius ahead of his time:

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I HAD WRITER'S BLOCK.

I bought my first ever water pipe (bong) ladies and gentlemen! It's a cute little glass thing, and very efficient. Yeah, I'm tired of smoking that tobacco (AHEM) with dem small portable pipes, because it burns and doesn't deliver the stuff as effectively. Amen. I know my beloved highly conservative anti-drug bud was upset at me for this, but it's not like I'm snorting coke or doing meth for crying out loud! I mean, I don't drink alcohol or smoke cigs at all really--my once or twice-a-week habit is perfectly under control! The wonders of nature's herb man! Yes, I know it is still illegal, but I'm not growing or selling the stuff, so get off my back! I suppose there will always be people against Jane, Mary and I guess I understand because there are those who truly do abuse the stuff and are always baked and retardedly stoned, but I am not like this at all, and know when and where to use it occasionally and truly sparingly. Incredibly, pot doesn't make me stupid at all. It actually calms my anxieties tremendously, makes me very cool, honest, and highly creative! I could write a novel or a song on that stuff if I set my mind to it! The best thing though is to get laid, eat some good grub, listen to music, then just relax. And stand-up comedy routines and jokes in general become wittier and funnier when high. HONEST! Being sober all the time sucks balls. It is mighty stressful and uncomfortable to have to face life without the help of this wonderful enhancer! I don't worry about bills, my failed career, or my skinny arms when I'm stoned! And movies/TV in high definition are amazing when under the influence! THE COLORS MAN!

Madonna went on an Italian cruise with her young virile Brazilian model boyfriend, and brought along her two African adopted kids and Lourdes to celebrate her 51st birthday. Way ta go Madge! I'm all for it. My one gripe though is: WHERE THA HELL WAS ROCCO?! You see, Rocco is the only fully white Anglo child Madonna has! He should be in these pics/article as well, but NO! No sign of the Ritchie boy at all! Was Guy Jr. caught up with school? Maybe his dad didn't want him to hang out with all those non-white people! LOLOLOL! I'm a bit concerned to be honest! I have to say though that Lourdes is growing up to be a mighty fine pretty young lady, and looks very much like her mother, only with that strong Puerto Rican side that Madonna could never achieve, despite all the Spanish motifs in her songs and sh*t. I can't wait to see what will become of Lourdes. Will she become a pop star like mommy? Or a real fine actress, unlike mommy? LMAO! Time will tell. And dem adopted black kids! MY GOD MAN! What will they be like when they grow up?! This will only get more interesting! I hope to live long enough to see the progression of all this earth-shattering excitement!

Everyone else at the Joan Rivers Roast was hurling insults left and right (some were truly great and funny), but it was Gilbert Gottfried that masterfully told a riveting story and whom I believe was the most hysterical of them all. This Jew is a comedic genius--he calls Kathy Griffin SWAMP THING?! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Hilarious:

CHIQUITITA, TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG?

It's been a good productive work week! YEEHA!

Goodness gracious, my head is spinning with all this talk and arguing over health care reform. UGH! Whom to believe?! The plan sounds really cool and all, but then there's been all these town hall meetings where average American citizens are fuming mad at Obama's plan. And the conservative right-wing assholes on Fox and radio are having a field day ripping the president to shreds over what they call "evil socialist Nazi" Obama policies. Lemme tell ya something folks, while I am not goo goo gaga over Obama and did not vote for him, it incenses me that assholes like fat slob Rush Limbaugh would have the nerve to talk all this shit against the prez, and conveniently forget all the monumental damage the previous f*cktard in office has left us with! IT DRIVES ME UP THE WALL! But anyway, the ridiculous cost of a hospital stay, surgery, and prescription medication in this country is truly nightmarish, and something has to be done. Is Obama's plan the answer though?! I can't form an opinion on the subject, because I'm not as well-informed, but I am glad this debate is taking place at least, because it is about time SOMETHING be done to reform such a seemingly greedy, cold, and heartless system. Is Obama's idea though, the way to go?!

Hey, so we sure can't get The Beatles back together again for a reunion tour, but we still have ABBA right?! Now why in tha hell won't that hugely successful pop group go out on some massive world tour already?! I mean, milk it for all its worth ye Swedish yakgellarz! Hell, I'd pay to go to one of those concerts, and there are still millions who adore them, so it would undoubtedly be a smash hit of epic proportions. They have consistently gotten huge money offers to get back together again, but I think the dudes are not interested at all. Well, they made their cash already I suppose, and continue to get songwriter royalties and profits from side projects like the Mama Mia! musical and stuff. Abba recorded the bulk of their material in English, because frankly it is the language that musically "speaks" to the entire planet, but they were also quite intelligent to realize at the time that the other big language used to achieve pop star success internationally is Spanish, and they recorded lots of songs in that Romance tongue as well, even more than their native Swedish! This assured the band true international recognition/superstardom, and as a native Spanish speaker, their accent was quite good/convincing I must say! Quite frankly, this group was true pop songwriting at its finest.

The weekend is here, and it's time to chill! And you're gonna watch/listen to this ABBA medley en español okay? Gracias:

PASS THE ASPARAGUS.

Hello little blog. I'm sooooo tired as I write this. Exhausted even. Work is already kicking my ass, and the week has just begun. Life's so damn hard sometimes. I've been a bit depressed lately and cry easily at unresolved issues within my life. What else is fucking NEW?! I just HAD to be this sensitive emotional dumbass basket case of a human being in this lifetime! OH BROTHER! The Gods of Olympus are royally cruel man! If only I had a magic wand (and no, NOT MY PENIS) to wave around and make everything nice and fair, not just for me, but for you too my brothers and sisters. Alas, so be it. THIS DIMENSION IS ONE GIANT MASSIVE BALL OF ROTTING BULLSHIT AND IT IRKS THA F*CK OUT OF ME SOMETIMES. There, I think I feel better now for the time being...

So G.I. Joe made all this money at the movies, even though it was poorly reviewed, but I guess there's enough testosterone-ridden young males that wanna see this kind of action flick, or maybe these moviegoer males are all secretly homoerotically attracted to Channing Tatum, who is the star of the film. I mean, look at Channing for crying out loud. He is too fucking gorgeous. I often wonder what it would be like to be that devastatingly handsome?! YEOW! Yeah, I was reading that Channing married his co-star from that Step Up movie, and she happens to be pretty hot herself. Well, of course right?! I wonder how steamy the sex is between those two?! I can only imagine, and would love to be a fly on that wall! HELL YEAH! Channing it seems, makes really retarded movies and only has a career because of his outstanding looks of course. This is why I always hated Ben Affleck, because I often found him to be this vapid hot dude in nothing but horrible films . And you can add Paul Walker to that list too, 'cause most of his movies suck balls, but they're ain't no denying that Paul is a hottie. And Chris Evans too! Yeah, he's hot as f*ck, but his films require the IQ of our former president to sit through. Oh, it doesn't matter what I say--these fools are all handsome, making cash, getting tons of ass, and living the good life. What more could you ask for?! I'm happy for them, and they probably have their own f*cked up issues to deal with behind the cameras anyway--for no life is truly perfect and free of suffering! SO THERE! What would it be like I wonder to get tag-teamed by Channing, Paul, and Chris?! OMG! LOLOLOLOLOL! YAY TO DEPRAVED XXX THOUGHTS!

I guess there's much more I could talk about, but I'll end it right here. Movie scenes just can't get any better/more brilliant than this. American suburbia is deeply decayed:

THERE'S TRAGEDY, THERE'S LAUGHTER.

I haven't worked a full 40 hours this week, but I have gotten much done at the office regardless. I'm awesome like that. :)

Man, through the magic of YouTube, I've been watching old Sam Kinison comedy clips and that guy was hilarious! Very raunchy, but super funny. From what little I know of his bio, he used to be a minister at one point?! Am I correct on this?! I can totally believe that too, because Sam had that very famous high-pierced scream that became his signature trademark, which sounds like something a preacher would do. If ya care to watch a bit of Sam at his finest, go here. Sadly, as many of you may already know, Sam was killed in a car crash on his way to Las Vegas I believe some time ago. A very funny man he was though. And another comedic genius is Robin Williams of course, who is still recovering I believe from heart surgery. I'll have to admit, I have liked some Robin Williams movies here and there, but I much prefer his stand-up, only because it gives him the liberty to truly be himself, and his razor-sharp mind/wit are second to none. The guy is just plain super talented and here's to Robin's complete recovery soon!

At least I can say I've gotten laid! The gym killer however...WHOA! Yeah, so the dude that walked into that health club and opened fire on those women! YIKES! I know men who fit that guy's profile to the max and it is really disturbing. I mean, it really cannot be that hard to get laid folks. It just can't be. Now I know that hetero men have to do a little more work to get a girl into the sack and all, but it's truly not impossible seeing as people keep breeding children left and right! I've seen the gym killer's pictures, and he was a decent-looking fellow, even at 48 years of age. Perhaps he was aiming too high only wanting super young near perfect 10 chicks, but he seemed like a very successful professional, so he could've easily shown off some cash right? Or paid some hot hooker! I've watched some of the video clips this lonesome loser left behind, and he seemed like a real egomaniacal presumptuous jerk-off, which is probably why he probably repelled females! I don't know man, but this is something that will continue happening in America unfortunately. I've honestly lost count as to how many horrible mass shootings we've had, and that's a very sad thing to say, because it only shows the rampant mental illness and frustration so many out there are harboring. Ya see, I take care of my personal frustrations by taking my happy pill, smoking out once-in-a-while, and having meaningless sex with no true romantic life to speak of! OH GOD HELP ME! LMAO!

I soooooooo wanna go see this movie! This Meryl Streep is an acting goddess:

AUGUST ALREADY! LISTEN HERE.

Okay, good people. Why type all those words, when you can listen to my awesome booming voice right here. You may have to rewind the clip a bit to prevent choppiness:

zSHARE - august2009.wav

Yeah, just click that link up there and you're set! Hope ya like, and please do comment! Catch y'all soon!

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