IRAQ, BLOODY IRAQ.

I could be selfish and talk about my life again, but why bother?

The situation in Iraq is bothering me. Big time. I need to vent about this.

There were so many people opposed to the 2003 invasion, and I at one point was all for it, only because it made sense to me to get rid of such a heinous dictator and his two thug sons. I believed in the WMD excuse, I saw Iraq as a threat, regardless of its 9/11 connections. I was still feeling angry, bitter, and vengeful over the 9/11 attacks, and frankly, wanted blood! BLOOD MAN FOR THOSE 3,000 MURDERED SOULS. The levelling of Afghanistan did not satisfy the sheer rancor I still felt, and honestly still feel for the atrocity of that day.

Now I'm not so sure.

I'm thinking, dare I say it, that maybe Iraq was better off with the Hussein clowns in power! They had better control of the country it seems, despite the oppression. Now it's just a bloody hellhole, with almost daily terrorist attacks that are killing hundreds, including our own soldiers. This disturbs me to no end, and it makes me livid to hear that our military is still there! I was hoping for a pullout in the Spring of 2006, but now I'm hearing we may be there till 2009! DEAR GOD MAN! We gotta get the f**k out of there. Seriously. Why are our soldiers still doing the dirty work in that sandstorm-ridden land? Haven't we already done enough?! Why still put them through this God awful risk? Let the Iraqis take care of themselves now. Our boys need to come home and recover from this, and prepare for whatever justified action may be next.

Bush and crew keep defending our involvement there ad nauseam, and frankly I'm starting to get tired of it. You killed the Hussein kids (good riddance!), and found daddy Hussein in that hole in the ground...now get the f**k out! Stop trying to set up their police force, their constitution, their sewage system, their mini-malls, etc.

IT'S TIME TO GET OUT! 300 billion of our dollars is enough for this operation, which has frankly turned Iraq into Al-Qaeda's new playground.

What do we have to show for this?

2,000 or so of our soldiers dead and counting...

My co-worker Christa says this is all worth it, that the end result will be more peace and security for that region and us here at home. I'm all for the building of a democracy in this land of heathenry and I know nothing comes easy, but I want our boys to come home.

NOW.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/08/18/hagel.iraq/index.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iraqi_insurgency

UPDATE: Pentagon orders 1,500 more troops to Iraq

Just what I wanted to hear!

ANOTHER KODAK MOMENT...OR NOT!

"Do I make you horny baby?!"--Austin Powers

YOU'RE A GROWN MAN AND YOU JUST DID WHAT?!

I'm stoned. High. Feeling real good actually. No wonder people love this herb so much. And this isn't even my tenth time experiencing it either.

Maybe that's what I need to get off this anxiety medication I've been on now for four years, this fuckin' Effexor which causes me severe withdrawal symptoms. I'm down to 37mg every other day which is promising, but just trying to not take the drug period is kicking my ass after about three days.

Marijuana! I know, I know, what's a grown man like myself even smoking pot now outside of my teens and twenties? I just smoked some in the parking lot of our local gay trashy bar JOX with some friends. DAMN DOES IT FEEL GOOD!

Tomorrow though, it'll be back to reality when this glorious high wears off...

Ho hum.

P.S. I found this:

Venlafaxine is somewhat notorious for its potentially severe withdrawal symptoms upon sudden discontinuation. (The recommended discontinuation is a drop of 35 mg a week, and sudden stops are usually advised only in emergencies.) Wyeth-Ayerst refers to these severe withdrawal symptoms in its literature as "severe discontinuation syndrome". These have a tendency to be stronger than the withdrawal effects of many antidepressants, but are similar in nature to those of tricyclic antidepressants and SSRIs such as Paroxetine (Paxil®). These effects may include headache, nausea, fatigue, and "brain shivers". Rarer withdrawal symptoms include shaking legs, dizziness and dysphoria. "Brain shivers" have been described as electric-like shocks in the brain causing pounding headaches and disorientation, increasing over time before abating. Although "Brain shivers" aren't exactly painful they can severe enough to be disabling. Antidepressant withdrawal effects do not indicate addiction, but are rather the results of the brain attempting to reach neurochemical stability. These can be minimalized or avoided by tapering off of the medication over a period of weeks. However, studies by Wyeth-Ayerst and others have reported very rare cases of withdrawal symptoms severe enough to require permanent use. In some of these cases, successful discontinuation was eventually achieved by the addition of fluoxetine, which was later discontinued itself without difficulty.

JUST AS I WAS FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF...

Looks like September might be a huge travel month for me!

--Might go to Las Vegas.

--Might do San Jose, Carmel, Monterey, and San Francisco.

--Might go to upstate New York to visit Buffalo, Niagara Falls, and New York City even!

Can I handle it? Sure! Road trips over flying are preferable, but if I gotta fly, I'll make sure to shove a good amount of alcohol into my system.

Life's not so bad after all! Unfortunately, as one of my loyal readers B.G. suggested, I cannot quit my job and just travel.

I need to eat man!

But I do have a shitload of vacation time, so YIPEE!

TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED AGAIN. WHY??!!!

It's one of those days I've spent reflecting on my life once again. Dangerous for me to do that. All I end up feeling is unfulfilled and depressed as a human being.

Why don't I have a better job and make more money?

Why haven't I traveled more?

Why didn't I start the gym earlier in life and bulk up, not wait till now?

Why do I still technically live at home?

Why don't I have a stable romantic relationship?

Why did I have to get socked in the gut with stupid anxiety disorder for which I'm finding it hard to get off my psychotropic medication: Effexor?

Why tha hell am I gay and still not accepted fully by many in society?

Why oh why??!! WAH WAH WAH!

Let's face it. I have so much. I really do. A roof over my head. Plentiful food. A steady decent income. A nice car. My heatlh. Decent looks. An IPOD. O.k. friends. I have much more than many in the world who are now starving and dreadfully poor. So what oh what, is missing I ask? Why all the questioning and whining? Is it the human condition to never be satisfied? Or am I just an ingrate? An ungrateful dumbass who should just shut up and shove it?!

I obviously did not make it to Sea World today did I, hence all this dark sad reflection.

Alas, tomorrow is another day...

I'M GLAD I'M NOT IN GAZA!

I have a slight sore throat, I'm tired, and I wanna go home, but I gotta wait it out here at work for at least another three hours.

I might visit Sea World tomorrow, which is definitely more expensive, more crowded, and hotter than the zoo, so I'm still debating whether I should go. Funny how as an adult I have to consider all the pros and cons of a trip, whereas when I was a kid, there was no doubt or second thought, it was just, "Let's Go!"

So there I was, naked in all my glory showing off my schlonger in front of a crew of about seven with other "models" next to me watching trying to jack it off in my first ever porn shoot last night at this beautiful mansion in Toluca Lake previously owned by Freddie Prinze Jr. Weird man. Surreal. Not erotic at all. Cold. Way too technical. I don't know if I'll do it again if it's like this! I thought it'd be more of an intimate setting! And they need better-looking models! UGH! For God's sake man, some of the crew members behind the camera were better looking than the ones in front, except me of course!

I was under the impression it was more of an amateur-type film at first, but as the night progressed, I got the feeling these dudes were real serious about their work and were trying to make a fuckin' MTV video, instead of a hot unscripted go-for-it fuck film. Oh well.

And last but not least, I say bravo to Israel for at least trying to make peace with those heathen Palestinians. You can't say they haven't tried, uprooting and kicking out all those Jews out of Gaza this past week! Talk about real life drama man! Chutzpah!

And so, my weekend thankfully commences soon...

I'VE HAD A SHITTY WEEK

I felt horrible yesterday. I came to work as normal, but after an hour here, I felt like I was gonna hurl.

So I went home, passed out for a good five hours, woke up, made some important phone calls (WOW, WHAT A STOCKBROKER LOL!), and then got myself enough energy to attend the wake of my co-worker's husband, who unexpectedly and tragically died last week.

It was a nice Buddhist ceremony, very very moving. I can't lie, I shed some tears.

I'm a very very sensitive, sentimental, and empathic person. I feel other people's pain and suffering very deeply. Sometimes I hate that side of myself, but I often thank God I do have that characteristic, it makes me compassionate and understanding and an all-around good-hearted kind of guy.

Must be my astrological sign: CANCER.

TWO MAJOR AIRLINE DISASTERS IN LESS THAN A WEEK!

Yes, flying is still the safest way to travel, but who doesn't freak out when hearing of these airplane crashes with hundreds aboard?

I guess that Air France (<---click on hyperlink here and those below) crash just a few weeks back where all the passengers and crew on board survived truly was a miracle.

In Greece, and now Venezuela, there are hundreds dead.

I wanna fly soon too, perhaps to New York or Europe, and even though I know it'll be okay, it still makes me worry every time I get on board.

Dont'cha just love it when those plane wheels finally touch down on the runway after all that time hovering above?

What a relief!

MORE SAN DIEGO ZOO PHOTOS.

Mom and me, after our long fulfilling day at the San Diego Zoo. Sweet ain't it? 08-06-05

A yellow python kiddies! EEK!

Cool shot of an eagle.

"Don't go chasin' waterfalls, please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to..." The S.D. Zoo man, it really rocks!

CIRQUE DU SOLEIL MEETS THE BEATLES!

This is old news to some of you by now, but I thought I'd bring up a story that I believe was re-aired on 60 Minutes last week.

Cirque Du Soleil is teaming up with The Beatles to create a visual and audio feast of a show at The Mirage in Las Vegas! The show will open in 2006, and I can't wait!

More information:

http://tinyurl.com/dkrly

http://www.cirquedusoleil.com/CirqueDuSoleil/en/pressroom/prinfo/news/news86.htm

SOME SAN DIEGO ZOO PICS, MORE ON THE WAY, I HOPE.

Striped horses, ergo...zebras!

Yes, a human walking tree!

This woman is not really a statue, but she sure did look it. Pretty awesome.

Hmmm...for some reason, seemed to be the only animal that looked unhappy at the zoo.

This little friend loves taking pictures.

Lion food. I mean, gazelles!

What a beautifully coloured bird.

A baby chimp!

SOME COMMENTS STRIKE ME AS SPAM!

I'm noticing that some of the comments I'm receiving as of late seem to be nothing but junk comments! Is there is such an identified phenomenon yet?

Well let me be the first to declare, that not only is there junk mail and email, but there now seem to be blogs (mine included) that receive comments from people who simply wanna advertise their own commerical blogs! They're so sneaky too, using words such as, "Great blog you got here! Wanna read about low car rates, visit my blog..."

Ergo, junk comments, SPAM!

UGH!

Is nothing sacred?!

DAMN YOU DEATH!

I came into work this morning only to find out that my Thai co-worker's 62 year-old husband passed away! I feel so bad for her. She's been married to this man for thirty years, has two grown successful sons with him, he was the lead bartender at the Hilton Hotel (I believe in Beverly Hills), and the guy was only in for routine knee surgery at the hospital when this happened last night!!!

The rumors are flying all around this office as to what happened. Was it medical malpractice due to a failing or improperly connected oxygen tank? Or did an existing heart condition kill him while he was asleep? Regardless, the mad is dead, and surely this poor woman is devastated. I'm glad she has her brothers, her mother, and her boys by her side at this most difficult time, but man, what a hard pill to swallow.

It only reiterates my own mortality and that of those around me once more. DAMN IT. What is the f**kin' point of it all, when all we end up doing is croaking!? Kicking the bucket?! Buying the farm?! UGH!

But then again, those with near-death experiences say that it really isn't so bad, that death truly is peaceful and wonderful.

All right then, I guess sooner or later, I'll find out. Till then, onward with the enjoyment of every possible minute of my life.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Near-death_experience

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dead'

http://forestlawn.com/estlawn.com/

A GRUESOME ANNIVERSARY

Everyone grows up knowing about Charles Manson as one of America's most notoriously famous psychopaths. But do those of us who were not alive during that time really understand the true nature of the heinous crimes he directed his "family" to commit? I for one, had never fully grasped how horrible that night must've been, until I did some intense reading on the issue just last night.

Tonight is the 36th anniversary of the gruesome and shocking murders of Sharon Tate, her baby, and her friends at her Beverly Hills home back in 1969. http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/notorious/manson/murder_1.html

This is one of those crimes that defines America and the 1960's; how drugs and abandoned youth lost its innocence on this one night to a man with no conscience or understanding of human values or life.

For Christ's sake, even my precious Beatles and their masterpiece White Album was used to inspire this madman to brainwash his followers. Helter Skelter would never be the same song again.

Tonight, I pray for the murdered and roll my eyes in disgust to all the killers still in jail who now claim they are born-again Christians. PHOOEY!

My god, Sharon Tate was so beautiful, what a tragic shame...

Further reading (and boy there's lots out there):

http://www.charliemanson.com/

http://www.sharontate.info/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Manson

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharon_Tate

I WASN'T A BIG FAN OF HIS, BUT IT CERTAINLY IS SAD.

WOW. WHAT A HORRIBLE DISEASE. SUCH A SHAME.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8870485/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Jennings

THE SAN DIEGO ZOO!

I am exhausted. Took my mom, Mikey, and his aunt to the San Diego Zoo yesterday!

What a beautiful place! Man, it really is. Lots of walking. God Almighty. Lots of walking...

Hope to have some pics up this week!

http://sandiegozoo.org/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Diego_Zoo

I NO LONGER KNOW THEE

I want to understand what has happened to someone whom I have truly considered to be a cool awesome friend for the past three years.

David is no longer the same. He has changed radically and it deeply saddens me. Sure, he always had an attitude, but it was witty, slick, and quite charming. Now he's turned into a grotesque, bitter, envious, and angry individual.

What did I do to warrant his behavior towards me? Is it the fact he's a Scorpio and they're all ultimately insane envious assholes? Is it that he's getting older? Is it his new stressful job? His ongoing tumultuous personal relationship with one of the nicest men (another friend) I have ever met? What is going on with David? Where is the David that I knew??!!! The David I loved like a true brother??!!

The one I know now and barely speak to or see is not him.

I guess people do change and nothing lasts forever. Ho hum.

I had to listen to The Beatles on my IPOD while coming in to work this morning to cheer me up and it helped. What is it about their music that always makes me happy and forget my problems?

CONCERNS, VERY REAL CONCERNS.

I had a real vivid dream last night. More like a nightmare really. That L.A. was struck by two moderate but damaging earthquakes seconds apart from each other. I've been worrying about this all summer long, and I'm hoping it does not come to pass, but I still feel uneasy. In my dream, my beloved car was crushed and destroyed in a collapsed parking structure! DAMNIT! The good news is that my mom and I survive, a little "shaken" up, but unharmed.

And speaking of that uneasy feeling, this coming Saturday marks the 60th anniversary of the atomic bombing of Hiroshima http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atomic_bombings_of_Hiroshima_and_Nagasaki. Six decades later, many are still divided as to the morality and ethics regarding the decision to use such an awesome and horrific weapon on ordinary civilians, let alone the second bomb on Nagasaki just a few days after that! Those nasty terrorists who currently hate America may just use this upcoming notorious date for something truly heinous.

As http://worldnetdaily.com/ reported not too long ago, the possibility of f**kin' Al Qaeda having already snuck nukes into this country to use on major American cities http://www.atomicarchive.com/Example/Example1.shtml is very very real and frightening. With this Saturday's infamous anniversary, I cannot help but wonder if they're planning to do something, since these loser terrorists are into dates and all. There's 9/11, the 3/11 attacks in Spain last year, 7/7 in London not too long ago, etc. Bin Laden did mention he wanted to have an "American Hiroshima" where the United States would be subjected to several horrific nuke attacks on major cities which would bring the country down. Just great! JUST F**KIN' GREAT! My co-worker Christa already has an escape plan, she's driving her ass out of the city to Sequoia National Forest http://www.fs.fed.us/r5/sequoia/, in case anything goes off in L.A. Good luck Christa!

Which is why I say, enjoy life to the fullest and let's all have good hot sex. By Saturday morning, we may be obliterated and in complete chaos.

Have a great weekend!

ALL ABOARD SURVIVE PLANE CRASH! MEANWHILE...

Amazing story of that Air France plane crashing in Toronto and all of the people on board who survived! WOW! Pretty harrowing and I guarantee those people will be appreciating their second chance at life now more than ever before.

I have so much I wanna write about and say but am so tired! And it's only midweek. I think I may come back later, but if I don't...DON'T hold it against me.

By the way, my nose looks huge in the pic below. UGH!

Ma, where's my hair?!

a shorter-haired, more cropped look for summer. It's way too hot out there! How does it look?

SATURDAY AT THE L.A. ZOO!

Me! Just Me!

A little friend on an adventure.

My mother says I'm related to these things since I'm so tall. HARDEEHARHAR mother.

Nice Landscaping!

A Sea Lion Up For Some Air.

Pic of a Homo Sexualens Washing Hands.

Some black bears.

I WILL HOPEFULLY HAVE ZOO PICS ON SOON, BUT FIRST THIS:

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I AM VERY EXCITED AT MY THE NEW LOOK OF MY BLOG!

I was seriously burning the midnight oil last night trying to find a better template for my boring blog, and VOILA! I found it!

Trying to get it to look just right however, has been lots of hard work and I have still not finished it to my perfectionist satisfaction. There are previous blog entries that need the font enlarged because they are too small to read and some of the colors don't go well with the black background. So I'm working on that.

But I'm just tired. Hard work week and the gym. And this very Saturday morning , around 10, I am planning to go to the L.A. Zoo http://www.lazoo.org/ with Mikey.

Haven't been there in years and it should be fun to see Earth's greatest living creatures, for it certainly isn't us, with all the chaos, heartache, and destruction we cause.

Cynical, but true.

I miss good karaoke.

Went to the local lesbian bar tonight, the Oxwood Inn http://www.oxwoodinn.com/ on Woodman Ave. and Oxnard St. and I saw my good buddy Johnny there. We had lots of fun singing and acting silly. It was sooo good to see him out of the behavioral health hospital he was at in Simi Valley this past week and a half or so.

He finally broke down and had a nervous breakdown of sorts and he had to check in. I totally know what that's like and it ain't pretty. He's on four different meds now, and hopefully it helps him. I feel sorry for the guy. So cute, so adorable and loving, and plagued by such crap. It happens to all us "beautiful" people. LOL! The law of compensation.

I noticed I'm a little rusty when singing in front of people, and that's only because I don't do it that often anymore. I used to do it religiously at the APACHE on Ventura Blvd. for about four years back when we had a great K.J. and crowd. She ended up going to Dallas for a job and the bar eventually closed earlier this year and became a trendy gay "karaokeless" bar. Too bad. I miss really good karaoke. The kind with awesome sound and the crowd to support you.

Where oh where can I go to find that again? I love music and I love to sing. I'm no American Idol, but I'm purty good.

I think. Shit man, I know no one can do The Beatles like me, that's for sure!

Can't Get This Song Out of My Head.

El Espacio by Café Tacuba

album: Revés/Yo Soy (1999)

de pronto me encontré viajando a gran velocidad
la atmósfera crucé y dejé de sentir la gravedad
en instantes me perdí entre tanto astro fugaz
entonces comencé a estallar
todo mi cuerpo era una explosión
luces y carbones brotaban de mí
por un momento me olvidé de ti
y por un largo rato sentí calor
y todo se iluminó...

y estaba acostado,
mirando el espacio exterior
y estaba pensando en lo diminuto que era yo...

y no pienso regresar...aquí es donde debo estar
no me preguntes,
no me preguntes porque,
no me preguntes porque no lo sé.

estoy resplandeciendo en mi explosión
millones de pedazos me vuelvo yo
me supernovo con rapidez
por un momento me olvidé de mí
y por un largo rato sentí calor
hoy me miro a la orilla del mar...

y estoy acostado, mirando el espacio exterior
y estoy pensando en lo diminuto que yo soy...

y no pienso regresar...
aquí es donde yo nací...

no me preguntes...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cafe_tacuba

I have this funny feeling.

I get this horrible funny feeling that the L.A. area is due sometime soon for a strong earthquake. Let’s face it, it has been a good while since any pressure was relieved by a major temblor here. And the hot muggy weather as of late is not helping ease my fears…

The last time we shook real good was in January of 1994, with the now infamous Northridge Earthquake. That was quite devastating to many people, and thank God my old house withstood any serious damage. Previous to that was the Whittier-Narrows quake in ’87, and that one stands out for me only because it happened right before the morning bell in Junior High. My classmate María Caraballo never could escape me teasing her throughout high school when she had the sad sorry misfortune of her distraught parents coming over to the campus to pick her up. Who can forget her mother going off in heavy Cuban Spanish, "¡AY, TODOH LOH PLATOH DE LA COCINAH Y TODO MARIA HIJA, QUE DESASTREH!" God, that was funny!

A strong jolt however, is not funny at all, and lots of praying needs to be done I think, in order to avoid this uneasy feeling I have of an impending catastrophe…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earthquake

It's Monday and I have it off and I have lots to do but...

I'm feeling lazy.

Just plain lazy.

BLOODY ARAB TERRORST WANKERS!

My God man.

London has been hit again in eerie attacks reminiscent of those exactly two weeks ago.

Thank God no one was seriously hurt or killed, but it can't be good for the British and their psyche.

Nor for our peace of mind in America either.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/21_July_2005_London_explosions

Bon anniversaire!

One year ago today, I began this silly li'l blog! WOW!

And thirty-one years ago today, I was born...

"Juventud, divino tesoro, ya te vas para nunca más volver..." -Rubén Darío.
("Oh youth, divine treasure, you leave, never to return...")

http://www.english.emory.edu/Bahri/Dario.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruben_Dario

¡Los Tacvbos!

So I started doing the gym again about two weeks ago rather intensely, but have slacked off the past four days or so due to exhaustion! Some incredible little ball of energy I am! One day short of my 31st birthday and the one year anniversary of this blog!

I had a decent weekend, but I realize that I am burned out from work, and I need at least two weeks vacation, which I think at this point I'm gonna take sometime in September or October, whether I go anywhere or not, although a trip to New York or Vegas would sure be nice.

So there I was, thinking...who are the greatest rock bands of all time? I'd have to include Café Tacuba from Mexico as definite candidates. The English-speaking world however, has given the world the most group talent by far...

England
The Beatles
The Rolling Stones
Led Zeppelin
The Who
Pink Floyd
Queen
Radiohead
The Clash
The Smiths

Ireland
U2

United States
The Doors
The Eagles
Aerosmith
Nirvana
Pearl Jam
Smashing Pumpkins
Red Hot Chili Peppers
The Ramones
The Grateful Dead

Mind you, these are just some of my personal choices, and I'm not necessarily a big fan of some of these bands, but I think most would agree my list is purty good. Yeah, I left out some Australians and Canadians I know, but oh well.

I'd never stopped to think how much talent the U.S. has given the world too! Somehow I always equate Britain with the awesome bands, but we've had some good stuff too.

We live in sad scary times...

Are we truly going to be able to prevent or stop the next terrorist attack on America? As much as this administration says it's trying to, it will be impossible I believe (as most) to prevent normal innocent civilians from getting killed as was shown last week with the attacks in London.

And what of the daily attacks in Iraq?! There are so many occurring there on a daily basis, it almost doesn't make the news anymore! We are in serious danger. Ordinary Muslim men have effectively blended into Western societies and are prepared to strike at any moment.

What a world to live in. We should all continue living our lives of course, but it's sad that this kind of fear has to lie over us now...

Further reading:

http://www.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30000-13386135,00.html

http://reuters.myway.com/article/20050714/2005-07-14T204231Z_01_N144721_RTRIDST_0_NEWS-SECURITY-NEWYORK-DC.html

http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=30003

http://www.atomicarchive.com/Example/Example1.shtml

UGH! In the midst of a heat wave...

Good God Almighty. It's summer again in the San Fernando Valley and boy do we know it. Year in and year out, it gets very very hot here and today is the hottest it's been all year so far. Earlier in the day, it got to about 97 degrees here in my part of town; I can't imagine good ole' Woodland Hills and Chatsworth or the desert areas! It's still about 78 degrees outside and it's almost midnight!

And it's only going to get worse...

Whoopdeefreakin'doo!

"Maybe you get what you wanted, maybe you stumbled upon it..."

I can't stop humming the tunes off of Coldplay's latest album, X&Y.

They are definitely not in the songwriting league yet of U2 or Radiohead, but damn their new songs are catchy.

Shit! Take it easy Dennis!

The 2005 Hurricane season is off and running to a very active start.

I hope New Orleans fares alright this hurricane season, since I do have a bit of affection for the place...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_Dennis

http://weather.yahoo.com/forecast/USLA0338.html

"Panic on the streets of London..."

OMG! HOW LAME! Terrorists have struck London!

GOD DAMN THESE TERRORISTS! ARGH!

http://news.yahoo.com/fc/world/london_bombings

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050707/ap_on_sp_ol/oly_london_shock_1

Must you go...so soon?!

Alas, this glorious long 4th of July weekend is coming to a close. For most it already did, but I took an extra day.

I had a great time yesterday. Barbecue, fireworks, playing games with friends. I really need to go back to the gym though. Too much of my life is focused on work and leisure and not enough on my hot lean gorgeous body. LOLOLOLOL!

We'll see...

LIVE 8

Man, what I wouldn't have given to have been at the concert in London or any one of the other nine held today for that matter. And all for a good cause too.

http://news.yahoo.com/fc/entertainment/live_8

http://www.live8live.com/

http://music.channel.aol.com/live_8_concert/home

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! F**K YOU!

It boggles my mind that people less educated than myself are supervisors over me and can tell me what to do and what not to do at my job! WHY CAN'T I BE MY OWN F**KIN' BOSS??!!

This is what I chose. And yes, it is a bitter pill to swallow. To work in an office with so many God damned bitches and c*nts telling me what I gotta do at work.

Sweet dear Jesus. I'm glad it's Friday. Thankful it's a long 4th of July weekend.

I really hate it here (work). Had I planned out my life wisely, I'd be my own boss by now.

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

And it really irks the f**k out of me.

THE MOST GORGEOUS MAN ALIVE!

Red hot Chris Evans is truly a sight for sore eyes. I am speechless that someone so good looking could walk the face of the Earth!

http://fan.just-like-fairytale.com/chrisevans/

CHILLING!

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/06/28/victims.son/index.html

ARE THESE PEOPLE SERIOUS???!!!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8234503/

OH COME ON! COME THE BLOODY F**K ON!

Why didn't I feel or see this all before?

Ah yes, another ordinary Thursday by most standards, but in my life, nothing is ordinary anymore.

I feel a burst of hope, a sense of something big on the horizon (no, not my penis), and I am very much pleased with the sense of accomplishment so far. I’m on the verge of turning 31, and I have never ever in my entire life felt this much sense of control and confidence in myself. It’s as if anything and everything is possible now. This is something I never could have imagined or even considered back when I was 25 even!

The anxiety disorder which so plagued me for years is not something I let get to me as much anymore. I do have my fair share of panic attacks and scary moments, but I’ve learned to live with them and control them as best possible. My emotional demons, which were numerous during most of my 20’s have not entirely vanished, but do not rule my existence as they once did. I feel a sense of fulfillment with my life that I can honestly say I never ever did before. For so many years, it was a dark, lonely, scary, frightening, and insecure world for me. God, when I look back and think about it, I really had some serious emotional problems there. It almost brings me to tears to see how deeply f**ked up I was and how long a way I’ve come. How I didn’t kill myself, God only knows. By his grace…

Most people wouldn’t know it or hell, even believe it, but it was a long hard emotional road to get to where I am now. I thought for awhile there I was going to go crazy. To have this stable (sometimes boring) but decent job, a nice car, good friends, and lots of hope to move ahead, is really quite miraculous. I am seriously considering going into teaching so the road back to school is a ‘comin’ soon! The motivation to do something more with myself is certainly there.

I am not entirely perfect in my life right now by any means. My one and only true romantic personal relationship barely hangs on, and not because of me. I am not a good boyfriend in the monogamous sense of the word. I have a promiscuous lascivious side which I like to fulfill from time to time. Why anyone would want an intense relationship with me is beyond my comprehension. Could it be that I’m just a nice guy? That they can see I do have a good loving heart after all? I dunno. One thing is certain, I have never felt so confident of my sexuality as I do now. So what if I like boys? It bothers so many still, yet to me, it’s an integral and enjoyable part of my life which frankly boosts my ego. It’s nice to be told I’m a stud! At 25, I didn’t believe that, now I think I do. I really think I am good-looking, not because I am conceited, but because so many have said it so, and my self-esteem is now healthier than ever before.

Even the moderate drinking, some occasional pot use, and other acts reserved for rebellious teens have come to play a major point in my life. And it’s ok! I might even do a porn shoot soon for crying out loud! Is this all too wild to be true? Perhaps. Do I care? Not really. Does it make my current life interesting and worth living? Totally. Do I have shitty days? Of course. But that’s fine. I shall not let them destroy the progress, the incredible progress which I have made. Unless someone I love dies on me, I end up with a horrible disease, or other major setbacks occur, nothing can stop this. NOTHING.

Thank you God. Thank you therapy. Medication. Mikey. My friends. Wisdom from living.
If only I had figured it out when I was younger, but then again, do any of us ever?

With age (a mere 30 years old), so much has come to be…

And I’m loving it.

I had a great weekend!

Yeah, there was a bit of drama here and there, but overall, a not too shabby weekend for me!

And oh yeah, there are some real sick people in this world:

http://www.fox21.com/Global/story.asp?S=3456745

"I'm so scared now, I'm shaking!"

My job sucks donkey penis, my direct supervisor is a good naive woman at times, the one above her is a c**t, and they let lots of employees here get away with murder and pick on those of us who are really trying.

FIRE ME THEN! HA!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/usatoday/warningyourcleverlittleblogcouldgetyoufired

How is this still an issue in TWO THOUSAND FREAKIN' FIVE???!!!

Such hypocrisy. We have a shortage of military personnel, so let's just let the "gays" come out now and still die for their country like they have been doing forever.

F**K OFF!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8218961/

Somewhere Over The Rainbow...

Well, I guess all storms eventually clear up and the sun does shine once again. All my current drama seems to be subsiding. Thank God for small favors...

God, why have you abandoned me this week?

My whole life feels like it's falling apart. My personal problems are overwhelming me, I am in tears, true painful tears as I write this. I am being dumped for good, my friends are all depressed and some hate each other now, and I've been physically sick all week.

God, please don't abandon me. I need you at this moment of so much pain...

:(

Let The Pride Begin!

Well, it's Gay Pride weekend in Los Angeles. I am looking forward to tonight's huge party at the Paramount Studios backlot with all my friends and some hot boys from all over.

Thanks again to William, my metrosexual fashion expert extraordinaire for helping me shop for clothes and get a tan.

HEEHEE!

http://tomwhitmanpresents.com/events.wonderland.html

So what you're saying is...

Presently and in the not so distant future, most men are going to be fags!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20050608/lf_afp/afplifestylefashion_050608142956

Fear is a powerful thing...

I conquered it though, and made myself get checked for all kinds of STD's yesterday. If I am going to be sexually active, I might as well be responsible about it, right?

I hate clinics, hospitals, doctor's offices, nurses, and the like. But the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center is one of the most efficient amazing places I have ever been to.

BRAVO TO THIS GREAT PLACE. YOU GUYS ROCK.

I will be donating money to them, for such great free service and peace of mind provided.

http://www.kintera.org/site/pp.asp?c=8dJGKQNsFoG&b=374225

I am not surprised.

Onward with the destruction of our planet.

Dear God man.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/TECH/science/06/04/un.atlas.reut/index.html

I hate myself in pictures, but oh well!

This is me over the just passed Memorial Day weekend!

Strawberry Fields Forever (Lennon/McCartney) --The Beatles

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050531/en_nm/life_beatles_dc

Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to strawberry fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry fields forever.

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out, it doesn’t matter much to me.

Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to strawberry fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry fields forever.

No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low.
That is you can’t you know tune in but it’s all right, that is I think it’s not too bad.

Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to strawberry fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry fields forever.

Always, no sometimes, think it’s me, but you know I know when it’s a dream.
I think I know I mean a ’yes’ but it’s all wrong, that is I think I disagree.

Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to strawberry fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry fields forever. Strawberry fields forever.

A Memorable Memorial Day Weekend Alright!

Well, I partied quite a bit this weekend. Had all kinds of wild fun. My friend David finally lost his mind, and disappoints me tremendously for not being able to handle his dramatic immature temper.

And this very heartbreaking story:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050530/ap_on_re_us/corpsman_s_life_honored

Tastes yucky, feels great!

I don't know why my sudden increased use of alcohol to make me feel better about my life, but it's working.

And no, I'm not a raging alcoholic, but I can now understand why people use and abuse it so...

CHEERS!

I have turned to the Dark Side, but in a good way I believe...

No, I will not become a cold emotionless asshole. That's not what I mean.

What I mean is, the time hath arrived for me to cease trying to climb unreachable summits and concentrate on the hills and bluffs that I already know.

I deserve to be adulated, instead of being the adulator.

So be it.

Lord Tobar...RISE!

I quit!

I wish to no longer play this or any games. Therefore, I am going to shed much emotion from my being.

I have no choice, if I want to survive...

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRIIIIIIIIINGGG!

I'm really starting to feel like the main character in the movie, Office Space, BORED TO TEARS with my current job! I need to find a way to make a living that I enjoy, not yawn my way through this whole fiasco...UGH!

"Twisted by the Dark Side was he!"

O.k. Went to early this morning's packed showing of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, and I gotta say that although it was full of some mega cheesy moments, it was the by far the very best of the prequels.

Never to match the original last episodes however. NEVER.

And oh yeah, my iPod is working again. I am now happy once more.

"I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM ALL!"

My messed-up iPod, this boring as hell job of mine, and other issues I'm going through are enough to make me feel like Anakin Skywalker and want to turn to the dark side.

If the new Star Wars film tonight/early tomorrow morning is just as bad as the last two, then my transformation will be complete.

Um, so what happened again?!

All my beautiful hard work, all my 1000 plus songs so far on my new iPod were mysteriously deleted by an apparently defective device!

I'm off to replace this puppy and get some answers today!

Bring On The Musical Revolution!

I GOT AN IPOD! I GOT AN IPOD! I GOT AN IPOD! I GOT AN IPOD! I GOT AN IPOD! I GOT AN IPOD!

AH HA!!! Bingo!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/wendy_s_finger

The Challenge I Bear

I wish to describe to you these feelings which I feel
I do not know how it came to be or why the need
But there they are, truth be told, like the sunrise
Even when the clouds conceal its shining splendor

I know it can never be, but alas I always hold out the hope
That I can perhaps one day climb that high mountain
Or achieve that beloved goal of showing you
The value of your presence in my meandering journey

I wonder often if this too shall pass like the wind
Or if this is really what so many write and dream of
This simple thorn which doesn't sting, but is constantly there
Like your wide catchy smile and incredible brightness

It is with great regret that my heart can no longer refute
The limerence in which it now finds itself in
Alas, the deed and duty itself is done and irreparably fulfilled
The seal forever branded in its core and my being throughout

Break the seal, and change yours and my life forever...

The dichotomy of human versus animal nature.

These kinds of stories bring me close to tears!

The evil of humans towards their own children:

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050511/ap_on_re_us/girls_dead

And the greatness and love of dogs for a species like ours:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/kenya_abandoned_baby

It boggles the mind really.

A most impressive film!

I saw Kingdom of Heaven Friday night into Saturday morning with my co-worker/bud William. What an impressively good historical account of the Crusades!

Bravo to the cast and crew, although for some I hear, Orlando Bloom's portrayal is not heroic enough. Oh well, the young Englishman is a star and women love him, so it is only fitting he'd get such a role over better actors out there. It's a given!

I'm sorry...WHAT??!! HUH??!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/homosexual_brains

BLOG SCHMOG!

I was surfing through other people's blogs last night, amazed at the creativity and insanity of so many out there. Everyone wants to be a star, popular, and loved no matter how truly annoying and senseless they are! This is starting to make me ponder even more, WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER WITH THIS???!!! This blog shit is pretty fuckin' stupid, but I cannot stop now that I've started. It's like washing one's clothes or the car, you just gotta do it.

What is gonna happen to my blog when I die? Who owns the rights? Does it stay online forever? Will all of the ridiculous nonsense-filled vain narcissistic blog community just be deleted after 100 years as the future becomes aware that we can't possibly be alive anymore?

Or maybe that won't even be an issue. At the rate the world is going, we may not have much longer:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/usnkoreanucleartest

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050506/ap_on_re_mi_ea/iraq_050506202830

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/afp/20050505/pl_afp/usnuclearnkoreairan_050505193251

BLAH! It's cinco de freakin' mayo, where's the party?!

I’m bored. And it’s cinco de mayo too. I guess I could go out to a bar, but most of my friends are probably just gonna wanna stay home like me. It’s slightly raining outside too.

David now claims to be full-blown depressed and has decided to isolate himself from us while Sonny figures out how to proceed in his serious relationship with him after catching David cheating. Hanging out with Johnny and Sonny last night was great, but not the same. I feel as though the Beatles have broken up here with all the drama that has occurred. I just hope it all works out in the end, because our little silly quartet is something I really do enjoy.

Driving to and from Johnny’s new pad in Winnetka last night had me concerned since I had to take the 101 Ventura Fwy and all throughout my trip going and coming back, I kept thinking about the recent shootings on L.A. freeways! GEEZ MAN! As if I and everyone else in the city didn’t already have enough to worry about! The media doesn’t help either, probably adding to the fear of the populace.

I cannot wait for this work week to end. It feels like an endless burden. Except when I get to see and talk to my co-worker/buddy William. He’s endlessly fascinating and too adorable to describe. Mediocre to most women, the poor guy is actually quite intelligent and cute. At least to me and to many gay men as well, who are just itching to get him out of the closet, at least bisexually! HAHA!

If only those bitches he dates knew the real William...

All I can do is observe.

I’m having a disappointing week. Everyone around me is imploding emotionally. Mikey, my soulmate, is complaining of migraines and deteriorating health, my good friends Sonny and David (who were supposedly dating) are in serious trouble after David was caught with his hands in the cookie jar, Johnny is having problems with his family and living situation, my longtime friend Steven was dumped by his lover George, and my co-worker/buddy William cannot seem to let go of a harmful relationship with a bitch and meanwhile I get to witness and hear it all, a helpless spectator who wants nothing but everyone to be healthy and happy. Instead, it all makes me sad and disappointed.

As for myself, I could complain, but why bother? Unlike many people, I acknowledge that we humans are where we are in life most of the time due to our own choices. Here I sit at work, wondering where this twisted journey called life is taking me. Nowhere really, if I continue living the way I am.

I love my new computer, and that at least keeps me happy somewhat. Right now, my life lacks drama, but I always wonder for how long?

Hopefully forever…as life is really short and comes to such a dreadful end anyway.

FUCK IT.

MADE IN CHINA.

It scares me folks. It really does. The United States of America is losing its position as the world's dominant economy to the Chinese. IS ANYONE PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS??!!! JUST LOOK AT WHERE MOST OF YOUR STUFF IS NOW MADE!!!

PLEASE READ ON:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7693580/site/newsweek/

2005: The Year of the Finger.

MORE! OH YES! LOTS MORE LADIES AND GENTS ON THIS FINGER AT WENDY'S STORY, WHICH KEEPS GROWING IN INTRIGUE! WOW!

Just one look at this woman's face and you can see what kind of an evil conniving con artist she truly is!

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/04/26/Wendys.finger.ap/index.html

The Finger That Would Not Die

A-HA! So the lawsuit crazy bitch I've been harping about finally and justly got arrested today!

YEEHA! BUT GOD ALMIGHTY MAN, TO WHOM DOES THAT FINGER SHE PLANTED IN HER CHILI BELONG TO??!! I CAN ONLY IMAGINE AND CRINGE AT THE THOUGHT...

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&e=5&u=/ap/20050423/ap_on_re_us/wendy_s_finger&sid=84439559