BREAKING NEWS!

-From the Associated DePRESS:

In a shocking display of absent-mindedness or possible rebellion, exiting President Bush was found sound asleep in his pajamas Tuesday night at the White House to the surprise of incoming President Obama and the First Lady.

After a day full of celebratory activities ranging from Mr. Obama's inauguration, parade, and ball, the Obamas arrived at the White House for their first full night of repose, only to find Bush sound asleep drooling and farting incessantly in the master bedroom. The Obamas were understandably exhausted and ready to enjoy their new quarters; unconfirmed reports say that Mrs. Obama was the first to walk into the presidential bedroom and scream as she found the Texan cowboy sound asleep and snoring away. Mrs. Obama yelled, "DIS MUTHAF*CKA STILL AIN'T LEFT?!" President Obama tried to calm Mrs. Obama and her hysterical display, gently nudging President Bush, but to no avail. After several grunts and the passing of wind by Mr. Bush, Mrs. Obama took charge of the situation and violently shook Bush awake with cries of, "GIT OUT OF MA HOUSE! YOU F*CKED DA COUNTRY UP ENUFF, NOW LEAVE BEFO' I KICK YO AZZ!"

Meanwhile in Texas, Mrs. Bush was phoned of the situation and she calmly explained, "Well, I never even noticed my husband wasn't with me on the helicopter leaving the Capitol building this morning! As a matter of fact, I had no idea he was even missing from my bed last night! What was I thinking? Oh George, he's such a character. I guess I've gotten used to his antics, what with his heavy drinking and coke use of the past!" Former Vice-President Cheney was not available for comment, but exiting Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice said, "Ya know, my sugar daddy Bush be fo' real ya know? Y dat new beatch Michelle gotta be up in his face like dat? Y?! Man, I would've socked that petty nappy uppity wannabe! Dey couldn't let him sleep da rest of the night? She could've just slept on the couch or somethin' and waited her turn! Disturbing my precious little whitey like dat!"

Once awakened, Mr. Bush, who was disoriented and groggy said, "I, I'm sorry. I guess I just had a brain fart or something. Ya see, I've gotten so used to this bed, these curtains, this room, and well I just...it hasn't yet hit me that I've been replaced like this! I'm not ready to go back and shovel hay and tend to tha cows ya know? It's been nice to live this good life for the last eight years and improve my vocabulabary!" President Obama respectfully replied, "It's alright George. I completely and totally understand. Change is a hard thing to accept, but change is something we must embrace, for the promise of the future lies with change, and like our forefathers before us who took to change, we must also envision that same drive, that same degree of hope and ultimate change which comes along with the enormous responsibility and task at hand of remedying the disastrous consequences of a failed policy which has brought us to economic ruin and unparalleled challenges from which we must come forth and bring about new and true CHANGE." Perplexed and a bit dumbfounded, Mr. Bush was finally escorted out of the White House and flown out of his residence for the past eight years.

Meanwhile, the country continued to worship its new president, mostly unaware of the ridiculous previous situation.