CONGRATS TO KATE! ME ON THE OTHER HAND?

You see, the world was pretty much introduced to Kate Winslet in the monster hit film Titanic, and although looking back at that blockbuster and how ultimately cheesy it really is, there was no denying that this British girl had a je ne sais quoi about her, a hidden talent/star power that promised to give us film buffs some fine performances in really unique wonderful movies. After seeing Kate (in the years since Titanic) in films such as: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Quills, Finding Neverland, and Little Children, I have ever since admired this woman tremendously for her daring roles; there are box office stars, and then there's Kate, who makes sure the script is first-rate, regardless of whether the movie will make millions or not. And last night, she finally won not just one, but TWO Golden Globes! Congratulations to this remarkable actress! I love ya Kate! And she can play American women really well; you hardly notice she's even English. It's about bloody time she earned these awesome awards, and I smell an Oscar now.

If reading about life's downs is going to get you upset/depressed, then please skip this paragraph! I have to vent though, in order to detoxify my system of the doom and gloom I currently feel as I write this. Although I have high hopes for this new year with respect to my attitude towards it, I have to admit that I often struggle with a terrible lack of motivation, particularly the last several months. I go to work because I have to and it helps to give me structure, but there are days where I frankly do not want to get out of bed. And on my days off, I often find myself sleeping till mid-afternoons. Of course, I do go to bed late on weekends, but this amount of sleeping/sloth can only mean one thing: I AM MAJORLY DEPRESSED. At so many things really. I resent having to work at something I don't enjoy doing for a living. I resent having to pay bills. I resent all this imposed responsibility. The last 12 years of my life, I have spent struggling to understand and accept the real world for what it is, but I can't seem to ever get over my bitterness towards it all; why did I have to grow up, why was I suddenly thrust upon this ridiculous slave capitalistic dumbass robotic system like this?! I don't know if I even make sense, but many say that in the end, I am ultimately responsible for how I feel and what I am going to do with my life from this moment forward is all up to me. Yes, I know that I can change my life, but sometimes I feel so helpless, as if I can't do it, like I'm trapped in my own skin/circumstances. I just don't feel like doing much anymore, except live a complete life of total hedonism. If only someone could just take my hand and guide me along, like a personal trainer at the gym and help me with what to do with myself! Yeah, I was looking to become a teacher last year, but I lost interest in that fairly quickly, because I just don't want to put in the effort for that either! What a terrible quandary I often find myself in!

I take an anti-depressant/anxiety med for all of this and it helps, but STILL! I feel like I really try and put in as much effort as possible, and yet I'm still stuck in the same mud.

Will I have to take ABILIFY as well and combine it with my current happy pill?

AHAHAHAHAAHAAH!