I'M READY FOR 2010.

No Palm Springs for this New Year's weekend. My BFF's boyfriend is really sick and cannot host us. I'm a bit bummed, but I'll live.

It's too bad 2009 did not end on a truly high note for me. The year started off decently, and has emotionally gone downhill the last few months. So it goes. Life is tough sometimes. I sure damn wish none of us had to suffer or shed tears, but we must bear our circumstances and ask for strength and patience sometimes. My depression/anxiety can be strong. I feel worthless. Unloved. A failure. Super unmotivated. I just wish someone would hold my hand or give me a real strong hug and say, "It's gonna be alright." And truly mean it. And then take my hand and guide me as to what to do next. For I can be weak when making certain decisions and taking control.

But ya see, I'm not worthless. I do have value. Tremendous worth as a good awesome citizen of this world! And I'm not unloved, for I know I do have people who care! And I'm not a failure, because I have survived this long, and still truly believe within my soul that my true greatness is yet to come! I have never achieved anything in life right away or instantly. I've always had to patiently wait until the light bulb goes off in my head to tell me it's time to go for the gold. SO NO DAMN IT! I SHANT give up on my own greatness, on my true potential, on my abilities to love and be loved! NO SIREE! For I hold a candle for 2010 to be the breakthrough year for WAT! No more tears! No more fears! Risks aplenty! And joy abundant! I will conquer as much as I possibly can. Please root for me, send me good vibes, pray, or wish it so. I need all the positive energy I can get.

To ye reading these words, thanks again for stopping by, and most especially to those of you who comment. I truly appreciate you visiting this blog about a simple guy like me, living in this great plastic cesspool of Los Angeles, CA.

A really great song about another year gone by with wonderful YouTube images, done by the now defunct and once brilliant group from Spain, Mecano. Happy New Year everyone:

THAT IS SO 2009.

The new Almodóvar movie was not my cup of tea. Filmed beautifully and well-acted, but the storyline did not convince me somehow. Maybe a second viewing on DVD will change my mind?

So last night, I had an epic moment. That's right. I have been struggling a lot lately with my emotions, and had not had a toke in a while, so I went for it. Well, as I lay in my bed trying to get to sleep, I had my iPod on with my headphones nicely placed into each ear canal, and randomly the famous piano opening to John Lennon's Imagine begins. My God, I've heard the overplayed tune countless times as most of us have, but yet for some reason, it really resonated with me this time. And John's haunting but gorgeous voice comes in and his words begin to move me. REALLY MOVE ME. Yes, if only we could all really get along without so much baggage and be as one right? Yes, I began to cry in earnest, touched by the profound message in this classic tune. It's as if John's spirit was in my room at that very moment. I mean, a really great moment I must say. Must be some good herb! LOL! Or just a testament to how amazing this guy really was. Not much later, John's song with The Beatles Nowhere Man popped up, and I finally realized that song describes me! I'm the guy with no direction, with no way out, who doesn't see his own greatness! I MEAN, WOW MAN!

It's kind of strange and immature perhaps how in my mid-thir...TWENTIES here, I've reached a point of wanting to live a hedonistic life, without the responsibilities. I don't mind working, but it'd be nice if I had a good-paying part-time job or something seasonal. LOL. I mean, this working all day every day sh*t is annoying. IT REALLY IS! Of course, I hear advice from others all the time that you can't party unless you work hard, unless you earn it. Yeah yeah, whatever. Jack McFarland, from Will & Grace seemed to enjoy life to the fullest without ever really having to worry about finances, why tha hell can't that be me?! But that was a sitcom, reality is much much different. I dunno man, life takes money, and this irks me at times, that I don't have enough of it to do as I please. I mean, most of us don't have enough of it quite frankly, while others seem to have it growing on trees practically. I've got my sex life all figured out, I'm a nice-looking fellow, funny, witty, social, intelligent, but how do I tap into welcoming more financial wealth into my life?! HOW DO I DO IT? And please no sugar daddy suggestions, because they tend to be oogly old men I could not sleep with.

I think I'm going to Palm Springs for New Year's.

FESTIVUS! OH YEAH, AND XMAS TOO.

My only post this week due to stresses and other issues these past few days.

It was FESTIVUS yesterday! Did you forget?! HOW COULD YOU! You were supposed to put up an aluminum pole and gather around to air grievances! It's the perfect anecdote for the commercial and overdone Xmas holiday! So to all who remembered to celebrate, a Festivus for the rest of us!

She was only 32, and Brittany Murphy just dropped dead! WOW. My guess is homegirl was doing coke, or too many meds, or had a bad eating disorder. To have cardiac arrest like that so very young is practically unheard of. It's too bad. She had quite a nice Hollywood career there going, and was not too shabby an actress. I had no idea that she did the voice of Luanne on King of the Hill. Ain't that something? It just doesn't take much for one's life to end at all. That's how fragile we are folks. Drink and be merry as much as possible, for tomorrow you'll be some lifeless cadaver! LOLOLOL!

I was watching this show on the Discovery Channel called Man vs. Wild. I know you've seen/heard about it. The guy on the show is some hunky British dude named Bear Grylls who puts himself in some very strange and precarious situations where he has to hunt for his own food and make his own shelter. This guy makes the late Crocodile Hunter seem like a walk in the park! Just yesterday I saw him swimming in ice cold water almost getting frostbitten, eating a dead squirrel carcass, and using a dead camel's body and fur to sleep in! HOW BLOODY RIDICULOUS CAN YOU GET MATE?! Meanwhile I'm wondering, how does the cameraman survive all this mess?! Does he have to do the same things Grylls does, or does he have comfy nearby accommodations and plenty of food and water? I'm confused, and I find all these situations he puts himself in to survive nature utterly insane and unnecessary! We all know most of us (including myself) would just die under such extreme conditions!

SNL had this hilarious Xmas skit this past weekend. James Franco plays James Dean. The cast is brilliant as always:

FAITH.

Just great.

I had my first (and hopefully last) car accident Tuesday evening. In stop-and-go heavy freeway traffic on my way home fron work, a dumbass woman hit me from behind and knocked me into the car in front of me. CHP had to come to help and issue a collision report. There went my hood, and the instant neck/back pain I felt was horrible. Even worse, my car insurance had expired and I was two days away from my new one taking effect. ARGH! I've heard every lecture in the book, "You should never drive uninsured, this is your fault, hope you learned your lesson, etc..." Gee, thanks to those who have shown their support by nagging me! Others have been genuinely kind, telling me that the woman behind me is at fault, and that ultimately her insurance will have to pay for damages and my physical therapy, which begins later this morning. We shall see, but I'm sure the whole thing is going to be a bureaucratic nightmare. Luckily my brother is a paralegal, with years of experience in auto wrecks, so his help will be worth gold. Hard to believe I can feel such pain for something so seemingly minor, but there ya go. How frightening it must be to be in a really major car wreck. YIKES. I am, in the end, really fortunate. Could've been a lot worse. My poor car seems okay, but not sure if it is truly drivable or not yet, so I'm in a rental for now. Cars are death traps man; amazing what they can do to a human body.

Have y'all heard of the adorable bipedal dog named Faith? She was born with three legs, but her front one was pretty much dead/useless, so they had to amputate it, and the family that rescued her trained her to walk upright with her hind legs. It really is the funniest/weirdest thing to witness this dog walking like a human would, but this is the most inspirational and sweetest story ever. Makes me tear up a bit, to see funny Faith walking around unlike most dogs. She's become a hero for many and symbol of perseverance against all odds. Faith now tours hospitals and disabled soldiers to help them overcome their own obstacles and offer much needed emotional support. Is she not the cutest thing ever?! AW! I love her.

I'm going to have a great weekend, after all the drama of this week, and thank my lucky stars, despite it all. Because I feel newly inspired, I'm going to post this song, which has a beautiful message:

Jewel - Hands - Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

WHILE MUNCHING ON A BAG OF SUN CHIPS...

Why haven't I won the Nobel Prize in Literature for this amazing blog yet?! Do they even award it to blog writers?! Well, I'm here to say that due to my incredible magnetic fascinating content and witty writing style, I deserve that damn prize! GIVE IT TO ME! ARGH! I really need that money! LOLOLOLOL!

Ya gotta hand it to that Susan Boyle. She has the #1 album in America and many other countries and has already sold millions! I've heard some of the songs, and although I do think she has a nice voice, I don't think I'll be running out to buy it, because I think it'd put me to sleep right away. She covers many well-known songs, but I think the audience for this type of musak is older folk, many of whom actually bought actual CD copies, because they just don't bother with digitally downloading like us young folk do. I think Susan's had a long hard life being ignored and unwanted, and now she's practically on top of the world. I think this is a tremendously inspiring story, and gives hope to many, including myself. Although not as homely as Susan, I can still make it in show business somehow! It's never too late! I think.

My friend showed me a bit of Oprah's Xmas Special at the White House Sunday night, and it was soooooooooo ridiculously phony, yet fascinating! The inside of the official presidential residence is really beautiful; I mean, they live like royalty in a very palatial mansion. And unlike us mere mortals who have to decorate our own homes with the lights and tree, the Obamas have other people do it for them. They also get cooked and cleaned for too. MUST BE NICE. My friend remarked that the gingerbread White House replica was excessive and wasteful. LOLOLOL! Yes, and guess who pays for all this? UH HUH. You know it. It was nice to see Bo the dog though, he is adorable and very well-trained. Sometimes I really wish I was a spoiled dog with a nice decent home. I wouldn't have to worry about a thing.

I watched a film from 1939 called The Women, starring Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, and Rosalind Russell. Good movie, but lots of cackling and gossiping--my beloved bud said it was the original Sex and the City. There are absolutely no men in this picture, even though the director was a male, the very queer George Cukor. And although I'm not a big Will Ferrell fan, I did enjoy his Xmas movie Elf. Pretty sweet and genuinely funny.

Okay, I will admit I am sucker for Amazing Grace, one of the most beautiful songs ever written, done by none other than:

HAPPY HANUKKAH!

Today is a good day! Even though I'm doing mindless boring work here in the office, the weekend is here! It's raining too! And the weather has gotten chilly. But the best part is this hellish week of dealing with an annoying cold/cough is over! I feel good again! ALIVE! YEEHA!

I was discussing trivial useless information with my beloved bud/co-worker about María Félix. Ya ever heard of this bitch?! She is Mexico's and the Spanish-speaking world's greatest female movie star of all time. My mom has said she was never a big fan of hers because she felt Félix was too mannish, but millions adored and followed this magnetic woman's every move while she was still alive. María had plenty of offers to come to Hollywood, but she refused, because she did not want small bit parts; she was used to lead roles in her native land and even worked in Spain and France. A very secure and tough lady--married four times, María Félix earned the honorific Spanish title of La Doña, which means "The Grand Lady." She was a feisty opinionated woman, very much like our own Bette Davis, with lots of class and style and the attitude to go along with it. Fittingly so, María only had one child, a handsome son named Enrique who was a wonderful actor in his own right, but sadly he died of a heart attack at age 66, outliving his famous mom and devastating her. And he was GAY! An open secret that Enrique Álvarez Félix of course was a homo, but no one dared discuss it. Anyway, Mexico too had a Golden Age of Cinema, and María was part of that legacy. Just thought I'd share.

I wanna thank those who have visited and commented. I have fallen behind on yer blogs, but I will get to them I promise. Christmas will be low-key for me, because I really do not care for this holiday as much as I once did when I was a child. Besides, the best part of winter is New Year's anyway! 2010 is just around the corner man! I can hardly grasp the concept that the year 2000 was already ten years ago! MY GOD! How has time gone by so quickly? Astonishing! A lot of hoopla over James Cameron's new film Avatar. We shall see. Finally, the release here in L.A. of Pedro Almodóvar's exciting new Spanish film, Broken Embraces (Los Abrazos Rotos). I can't wait!

I ran into this totally by chance, and I found it funny:

"THE DREAM IS OVER."

29 years ago tonight, one of the saddest days ever--the tragic murder of songwriting master, John Lennon! MY GOD MAN! Where have the years gone?! Lennon could have technically still been alive; he'd be 69 years old, but alas it was not meant to be as that psychopathic slimeball ended Lennon's life by cruelly gunning him down outside his famous apartment building in New York City. I was much too young to remember this most devastating event, but grew up always sadly knowing that John had been viciously murdered, and that the music world would never be the same without him. A simple man from Liverpool, England, Lennon achieved worldwide greatness and fame as the undisputed founder and visionary of his timeless group, The Beatles, and went on to have an equally brilliant solo career. Only Paul McCartney remains as the greatest songwriter alive. Yes, Lennon is the other, now dead genius, whose music forever lives on. R.I.P. John.

Yours truly and great admirer and fan...

Love,

WAT

IS XMAS OVER YET?

Well, here we are my friends. The last part of 2009. And I can't wait till this f**king year is over.

I thought I had it all under control somewhat at the beginning of this year, then I made it into my mid-thir...TWENTIES in July, and something changed. For as much as I have easily slept with most of the city of LA without forming any true attachments, I began to develop really strong feelings for someone in particular, and although this person likes me, I know deep down inside they are not, nor will ever be in love with me. And of course, we all know love cannot be forced. Ya either feel it, or you don't. Alas, all those years of feeling romantically impervious and invincible against the forces which made Romeo and Juliet madly enamored--those very feelings suddenly descended upon me. So many have told me that this is a step in the right direction, that I am finally maturing and ready for commitment, that the one-night stands are no longer going to be fulfilling and that the time has finally come for something truly meaningful. I cannot argue with this at all. But did I have to be into someone this much that will not really reciprocate back?! WHAT GIVES MAN?! AM I STUPID?! HAVE I LOST MY F*CKING MIND?! ARGH! Must I shed these tears and feel this pain in order to GROW AND MATURE as they say? What a shitty raw deal! I mean, REALLY! It's so depressing and downright cruel. My beloved bud from Kentucky told me last night, "Now you pull yourself together honey, and don't even think about going on job disability. If everyone that feels heartbroken did that, our economy would get worse! And the last thing you need is time off to get even more depressed!" He's right, but I'm not used to being romantically heartbroken for God's sake! I'm just not. I feel weak and terribly vulnerable.

To add to my misery, I got the c*nt supervisor at work giving me more tasks to do and giving me subtle warnings about my attendance and my desk being messy and crap. Yeah, I just love her phony smile and new wig. Makes the ho look like she cut off a horse's tail and put it on her head. It would've been so neat if I could've just reached across the meeting room table yesterday and choked her till her eyes comically popped out of her skull. This is the bullshit of working in the real world I'm afraid. This is what happens when one does not plan one's life accordingly and show more ambition, but instead one allows procrastination and a lame anxiety disorder to take fierce control over one's soul. They say it's never too late? Oh for Christ's sake, all my whining and carrying on will not solve a thing. My issues will still be there tomorrow and the day after, until I take appropriate healthy and constructive action. What exactly should I do though is always my fundamental problem.

I love Almodóvar's movies, and I love Penélope Cruz:

I NEED A NEW HOPE. HELP ME OBI-WAN!

I thought for sure I was going to have an amazing Thanksgiving weekend, but it was not meant to be. Sure, I had a nice family meal, and got to hang out with some friends here and there. But somehow, my mind could not stray away from negative/pessimistic thoughts about my life and worth in general. My levels of frustration, irritability, and hopelessness at times were and continue to be strong, and this is not good. I need a new happy pill or two or three. A new job for sure. A new sense of worth. A handsome wealthy bastard to take care of me for a bit? LOL! Oh, Lord. People are supposed to have all this figured out by my age correct?! I don't understand...I really don't and it sucks. Yesterday I could not get myself out of bed, and this is happening more frequently. I don't care about Tiger Woods' accident or his marital problems. He has lots of moola, and it helps tremendously to help deal with many of life's curve balls, so STFU already about him. He is obviously successful, something which I am frankly not. Anyway, pray or wish me well, or whatever it is you do to send me good/positive energy. Please do understand I am not trying to be a victim here or garner sympathy, but the level of despair I feel is real and profound and I would not want to wish this on anybody whatsoever. It does not help that I am very much into someone as of late and cannot get over them as easily as I would like to either. ARGH! At least my HIV test came back negative last week. Something to cheer about right?

I did watch a very good 1933 film called Dancing Lady starring Joan Crawford and Clark Gable. This was well made and fun to watch. Franchot Tone (Joan's second husband and the man Bette Davis wanted and hated Joan for), was in the movie, as well as cameos by the Three Stooges and Fred Astaire's first major film role. I love old movies, and this one was certainly entertaining and fascinating, and looked damn good on DVD.

Anyway, there were some moments of true fun and glee at least this past weekend, as evidenced by these photos: