IMAGES OF BROKEN LIGHT WHICH DANCE BEFORE ME LIKE A MILLION EYES...

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the only review that matters of the new Beatles-themed motion picture called Across The Universe. WOOHOO! I'll keep it short & sweet because as you all know, I hate The Beatles! MAY LIGHTNING STRIKE ME FOR EVEN MAKING SUCH A JOKE ABOUT MY BOYS! ACK!

Anyhowzen, the story and general plotline was really poor. Weak, weak, weak, and did I say WEAK?! Yeah, just a cheap superficial overview of the 1960s with no real substance. Kind o' disappointing. Heck, The Wonder Years did a much better job of capturing the decade, but I guess it's harder for this 130-minute movie to do so than what that classic TV show was able to do every week. The beginning of the film shows great promise, then it kind of starts falling flat and gets a wee bit irritating by the time the Vietnam War protesting goes into overdone mode; some of the songs also seemed out of place and just thrown in at times which kinda left me a bit puzzled.

With all that being said, some of the visuals in this film are quite enjoyable and very well done! Look at the colors man! TRIPPY! I also really enjoyed some cameo appearances by some pretty big stars/celebrities that I was not expecting. They were all quite good in their individual scenes, which made the movie quite fun. Some of the Beatles covers were nicely done too, and I found myself tapping my foot and humming along here and there.

So yes the movie is flawed, but director Julie Taymor still manages to pull it off somehow with some nice casting and decent acting/singing from all.

If anything, this film reiterates just how important and glorious the music by The Beatles continues to be.

DOOMSDAY COMBO # 1 PLEASE.

UGH! As I type this, there's yet another global warming show on The History Channel! I hate to say it. I really hate to say it, but: IT'S TOO FUCKING LATE! WE'VE RUINED OUR PRECIOUS PLANET FOR GOOD! Keep on trying to do your individual part I suppose, but we are royally screwed! I guess there's no choice but to start having Roman-style orgies and eating copious amounts of Taco Bell! FART all yer pains away like I am amidst this terrible set of glacier-melting events befalling humanity at this time.

Did you know that the Aztecs foretold their own demise? Hell yes they did. They saw their white-skinned God Quetzalcoatl (The Plumed Serpent) returning from the East one day. Lowe and behold, who lands on the shores of ancient Mexico in the 1500s but white-skinned smelly Catholic disease-ridden Spaniards! EEK! Aztec mythology was right after all, and in no time, their amazing empire fell. Alas, long gone but never forgotten, the Aztecs gave the world chocolate, tomatoes, and one hell of a fascinating read in the current book I'm checking out about their conquest called, Visión de los Vencidos or The Vision of the Defeated. It's a bit of a sad read, but nothing a rich strawberry milkshake with whip cream and a cherry from Carl's Jr. can't help alleviate.

And Lord Almighty, just what tha hell was that slimy president from Iran doing here in America besides maybe enjoying some delicious greasy artery-clogging McDonald's french fries? Why did Columbia University even invite that grinning creep to speak anyway? He was royally insulted by the president of the college mind you for being a Holocaust denier and war instigator, but yet he can just smirk his ass off in TV interview after interview and portray himself as a loving kind peaceful man. BOLOGNA! This guy is bad news and well on the way to inviting war with the U.S. and Israel over his country's nuclear program. He's so laughable, as when someone questioned him on gay rights and torture in Iran and he had the nerve to say that his country had absolutely NO gay people. Yes, 'cause y'all kill them! WE'RE GOING TO WAR WITH IRAN! YOU WATCH! The signs are all there! Imma need some finger foods from Jack in the Box to cope!

Weather changes, upcoming war, terrorism, the hated dorky American president, the devalued American dollar, etc. The world is in deep caca! I'm going to become a singer/songwriter that sings to happy-sounding tunes with depressing lyrics! Oh wait, Morrissey did that already! SHOOT!

I'll need to stuff my face with a Whopper with cheese no pickles from Burger King in hopes that this beautiful fast food world is truly not at its bitter end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDsDQCfZQ-I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4bhMnVlKx0

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR.

Did any of you catch that silly Star Wars spoof episode of Family Guy last night? I thought it was pretty clever and entertaining, but then again, I sometimes get entertained by watching bread toast so THERE!

Fall is here! The autumnal equinox has arrived! YEEHA! This is my favorite season of the year bar none! The weather's getting cooler, certain trees here in LA are losing their leaves, traffic is still a congested nightmare, my sex drive is just as healthy/perverse as ever, my favorite holiday Halloween is just around the corner, and the time has come to watch all kinds of interesting horror movies/ghost haunting shows on cable! WOOHOO! ¡Viva el otoño! Um, that's Spanish for, "Long live autumn!" Ahem. If only autumn weren't ruined by that upcoming turkeymurderfest bore of a holiday Thanksgiving! UGH!

-

So I was at a fast food joint this weekend, and I saw these really young thuggy-looking Latino dudes who were prolly in their early teens eating away all the delicious unhealthy junk a restaurant like this has to offer, and I could not believe the size of these kids! I am very lucky to be thin in this life, but also alarmed at the obesity rates in America! It really is a problem, and these kids I saw are proof! WHOA! Dat ain't just the tacos, enchiladas, or burritos your madre makes at home man; there's some serious extra overeating going on here!

I also started watching PBS last night and their new documentary by Ken Burns called The War. Yeah, yet another damn look and thorough ANALysis of World War II, but let's face it, everything about that war still fascinates man! The cruelty and bloody mass killings which left some 60 million people dead! Hitler and Hirohito almost took over the damn world! EEK! Thank God for the good ole' United States back then!

As for America now? EEK! I had a scary dream/vision of a terrorist nuke going off at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena! How comforting right? Nukes are bloody cool and fascinating, but unfortunately terribly destructive.

On that obvious and happy note, CHEERIO!

"THE FORCE IS WITH YOU HILLARY CLINTON, BUT YOU ARE NOT THE PRESIDENT YET!" - DARTH CHENEY.

At a fundraiser earlier this week, LA HILLARITA CLINTON called Vice-President Cheney none other than the evil half man/half machine dark lord of the galactic empire, the honorable and Mr. Dark Side Representative himself, DARTH VADER! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! That's kinda funny actually, but Hillary gets lots of criticism of her own of course, all the time.

Some rip-roaringly hilarious comments made by common folk about Hillary's recent jab at Cheney:

-she doesn't even realize that she's the evil one...

-I find her lack of faith..... disturbing

-Is this really newsworthy? She is such an attention whore.

-ok maybe im a giant nerd but darth vader was good turned evil turned good. cheney is just an evil face shooting republican

-Sounds like she's on her period

-I wish Cheney WAS Darth Vader, so he could crush Hillary's throat with the Dark Side of the Force. WE ARE SITH!!! The Jedi are religious fanatics a la Al Qaida.

-Is Darth bad? In the last episode, he was among the most loved and respected Jedi's - Yoda and Obi Wan :-)

-Does this mean Hitlery is Jabba the Hutt?

-At least if shes president...she will be sitting behind the desk in the oval office instead of under it like the other women did with the other president Clinton.

-I would much rather have Darth Vader on our side fighting the terrorists than Hillary. Darth could kill lots of them in short order. Hillary would just try to understand them and offer them free healthcare.

-You'd think these two would get along a little better considering that Cheney's daughter is a lesbian and so is Schrillary.

-...He may be Darth Vader, but if elected, she'll be the emperor(ess)...

-What does that make Bill? Dark Helmet???

-Hillary, I am your father.

-Cheney isn't cool enough to be called Darth Vader. He is just a mean ole white guy that would cut up your Nerf football if it fell in his yard. But I think hillary is a chump too.

-So why do felons vote democrat? Why do sex perverts vote democrat? Why do welfare whores vote democrat? Why do athiests vote democrat? Let's be honest, democrat party is the party for human garbage.

-Hillary...the wicked witch of the east...

-If the American people are stupid enough to elect this Marxist bitch they deserve the Orwellian fascist nightmare that follows.

-...Jabba-the Butt callin Cheney Darth Vader. ...Bill must be Jarjar Binks..."Me-ska hates-ska dat kuunt-ska!"

-It's impossible to imagine actually giving the keys to the kingdom to these Demoncats in a time when radical Islam is on the march. She is a turd.

-At least Darth Cheney has sex with his spouse. Old Hillary hasen't seen a dick in 20 years.

-Kobar Tower bombings, embassy bombings, lst WTC bombing, bombing of USS Cole and the clinton's did NOTHING about it. At least Cheney and president Bush tried! Thank hillary and her cheating husband for 9-11. They emboldened the terrorists. They are responsible.

-So let me ge theis straight....if Cheney is DART VADER that would make President Bush the....EMPEROR?? LORD SIDIOUS...what a bunch of crap coming from the Hypocrite herself. WHY ARE WE WASTING TIME ON REPORTS LIKE THIS WHEN OSAMA IS MONTHS AWAY FROM GETTING NUKES FROM PAKISTAN and IRAN IS DEVELOPING NUKES TO DESTROY AMERICA AND ISRAEL????? The world has gone MAD.

-He looks more like a tall Yoda to me.

-Hillary Rodham Clinton. Most Un-Impressive.

-You sheeple need to wake up. This is your sheepdog speaking. Hillary and Cheney are working toward the same goal. Enslavement of America. Look up Cheney, PNAC and his former position in the Council on Foreign Relations. Bill Clinton is also a member. Hillary has attended Bilderberg meetings. It's all a facade to focus our attention on something else while they sneak us toward world government. Ever wonder why these folks are trying to take your constitutional rights on a daily basis to make you safer?

-She just wishes she had mind powers like cheney does!!!

-Hmmm... adolescent, she is. Lose the election, she will.

-Wow I wish Cheyney was president. The death star would've wiped out the sand people by now.

-"MAY THE FARCE BE WITH YOU", Mrs. Bill Clinton.

-Remember. in the very end, Darth Vader was a good guy and everyone cried when he died. At least I did. I love Dick Cheney and Pres Bush@

-She is why a woman will NEVER be president.

-Perhaps she thinks she is being treated...unfairly? She is part of the liberal alliance and a traitor, take her away!

-I hope Hillary and all her supporters die tragically and violently.

-The majority of Americans, basically mainstream Americans, know a corpse lying dead in the street would do a better job running the country than the current president.

-We need Obama Wan Kenobi!

-Huck Fillery

-Not surprising. She seems to have the oratory skill of Chewbacca. And a big harry muff as well.

WAT IS GOING TO WET HIS SHORTS.

I cannot contain myself! I'm about to do a headstand, three somersaults, and play the banjo; all while naked on the 134 freeway! You mean to tell me they made a sequel to the awesome original? YEEHA! Most of the great cast and crew are back! As much as life can SUCK, I really love living when a movie studio can brighten my day with this kind o' film:

http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/elizabeththegoldenage/large.html

The film is set for release on October 12, which is incidentally, Columbus Day. A bit ironic, considering the "enemy" nation in the film.

FREEDOM OF SPEECH ONLY GOES SO FAR.

All ye who posted on my rant about America last time are terrific conscientious thinking citizens! Keep up the good work and keep America alive and freeeeeeeeeeeeee! Or at least, let's continue pretending and deluding ourselves okay? HEEHEE!

So much for freedom. I know this dude is kind of a geeky annoying little brat of sorts, but did it really merit him getting tasered while doofusly questioning John Kerry at the University of Florida? GOOD GOD MAN! I've watched this clip several times, and I just don't think it warranted him getting messed up like this! ARGH! THE POLICE STATE IS HERE! WHAT IS THIS, NAZI GERMANY?! DAS GESTAPO IST LEBENDIG UND WOHL!

Maybe I'm just pissed off and bitter at authority right now because I'd like to choke, run over, and/or clobber my indirect supervisor at work for being a royal evil bitch, but watch and read all about this over-the-top incident. I feel the university cops went too damn far. The news articles are here. More good info. is here.

The video clips of the tasering below and on the YouTube sidebar as usual:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIYTJ75U4NU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bVa6jn4rpE

Tasered student even has a silly "dating" video he made a while back:

-

http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=5722

What do you think?

"BYE, BYE MISS AMERICAN PIE."

I suppose everyone has this kind of dilemma with the country they were born and raised in. It's just that I happen to have been born and raised in the most powerful, most watched, admired, and hated of all the world's nations: The United States of America.

How do I feel to be American? Well, when I was much younger, I often felt proud to have been born here. This is the vast land of endless opportunity, of hard work, and achievable dreams. This is the nation that has a cultural and social impact on people the world over like no other. We are raised loving our television shows, our first-rate blockbuster films, the mall, a seemingly vast food supply, our cars that can go anywhere along our highways, catchy pop music, and a rabid love of American sports. As a child and teenager, America seems like tha place ta be right? This country has certainly been a scientific, economic, technological, cultural, and social marvel unlike any the world has ever seen. WOW! What a joy to be part of this incredible historic heritage!

And while these wonderful things make America truly unique and a bit more enjoyable than most countries, it's a facade really. We no longer truly lead the world as we once did. American foreign policy is deeply flawed and has been for decades. The last justifiable war we were involved in was World War II, and everything after seems to have been done for capitalistic profit. The American Dream is all but gone. We the middle class struggle more and more as prices go up and our salaries stay the same. It's harder to make ends meet, jobs lay us off more and more, our government is greedier than ever, our military's stretched thin and its morale is low, the education system sucks, everything's made in China, our dollar is weaker and weaker, racism and homophobia are still around and sometimes worse than before, and this country continues to disappoint not just its own citizens, but the world entire.

And after all those years of foreign intervention, of replacing elected officials with dictators, of helping rebels at one point who then become American enemies, of defending greedy American capitalistic interests all over the world, how can we sit here and then wonder why terrorism a la 9/11 has now made it to our land? The world could not do anything for years, because American might was unsurpassed and the only real competitor was The Soviet Union. But with all that communism shit practically gone, other nuclear powers have emerged, and the world's disenfranchised and bitter would be happy to see an American city go up in a nuclear mushroom cloud. We've had it good way too long, we've been spoiled to think we were untouchable, and this has all changed. How many times have we cocky Americans said about an enemy nation, "Just nuke them!" Well, guess what? Others now have the potential power to say that and DO IT to US now. How sad. It pains me to see my nation so damn fucked up from within and despised by so many on the outside; it isn't normal Frenchlike envy/jealousy at work here either, but the years and years of American abuse of power. We've been lied to for so long, we believed in our government, and have been brainwashed for years, until only now do we begin to see the damage that has been done and continues, because finally we the American citizens are starting to suffer from all these horrible policies, domestic and foreign.

Am I bitter? I don't think so. Realistic? Very much so. Everyone still wants to come to our shores though. They still say America is the best damn country in the world. Despite all of our problems and continuing downfall, they all say that this is still THE PLACE.

For how much longer though, when it's all now hanging on such a thin wire?

http://fromthewilderness.com/free/ww3/081606_burning_bridge.shtml

IT'S ALL TOO MUCH.

A run-down of current interesting issues:
-

-Iraq. Iraq. IRAQ! IRAQ! HOW MANY MORE YEARS WILL I HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT THIS GOD FORSAKEN COUNTRY/REGION OF THE WORLD?! ARGH! Bush still defends the invasion of that shithole, we all wanna get out, but they're gonna do it gradually, and blah, blah, blah. It's all so horrid and annoying really. God help this country!

- In other news, this is kind of neat, but a bit on the creepy factor:

-

RICHARDSON, Texas (AP) -At 17 inches tall and 6 pounds, the artificial Zeno is the culmination of five years of work by David Hanson and a small group of engineers, designers and programmers at his company, Hanson Robotics. They believe there's an emerging business in the design and sale of lifelike robotic companions, or social robots. And they'll be showing off the robot boy to students in grades 3-12 at the Wired NextFest technology conference Thursday in Los Angeles.

Wow! Spielberg's movie A.I. is virtually a reality! Hollywood proves yet again that it isn't as far-fetched or out there as we may think! The articles are here.

-Did you hear about Hurricane Humberto? It went from a tropical storm to a major hurricane in the fastest amount of time in recorded history! YEEHA! Sure caught the Gulf Coast by surprise, and actually flooded a bit of poor New Orleans again.

-They're busting people in Kansas City, MO for having sex in public parks! What else is new?! The majority of offenders are men with men. BIG SURPRISE! AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH! The video clip is short but here.

-I remember this television show fondly not only because it was so well-written and wonderfully acted, but because it somehow gave me the chance to live the late sixties and early 70's which I wasn't around for, but often feel I had a past life in. They're currently airing reruns on this cable network.

-Last but not least, pay attention to these clips I found! WOW! WHAT A TRIP MAN! The Beatles will forever be discussed and dissected ad nauseum! PAUL MCCARTNEY IS TRULY DEAD! OMG! Well, whatever, but this guy has made some amazing very well-produced and eerie clips called The Rotten Apple Series on YouTube. There's dozens of them by now I believe, but here's some for y'all to check out when you have some free time this weekend, and more on the sidebar of each individual clip at your leisure.

FASCINATING:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cesHpBY2qQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1TOPORe99M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nj5MUG_r-k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pGKKh8M4S8

"I'M A VULGAR MAN, BUT I ASSURE YOU MY MUSIC IS NOT."

Well, he only lived 35 years, but he more than made his mark on the world. I'm talking about that Austrian dude who composed some 600 works during his very brief but amazing lifetime. Who else, but the incomparable Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?! WOLFIE! Some facts about this amazing man:

-His full official name was Johannes Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophillus Amadeus Gottlieb Sigismundus Mozart.

-Mozart could write music notes before he could write words.

-Mozart composed: 50 symphonies, 25 piano concertos, 12 violin concertos, 27 concert arias, 26 string quartets, 103 minuets, 15 masses, 21 opera works.

-Mozart's first compositions, a small Andante (K. 1a) and Allegro (K. 1b), were written in 1761, when he was just five years old.

-Mozart made decent money during his lifetime, but was a terrible spender and was constantly in debt and had to borrow from others.

-Like in the film Amadeus, although a genius composer, Mozart could actually be quite crude and vulgar in his behavior, and his laugh was notoriously unique.

-Many theories and myths surround his death, but it is generally accepted that he died of rheumatic fever.

-No one know where Mozart's body is buried, as he ended up in a common grave.

-Mozart was 30 years old when he met 16 year-old Beethoven.

-Was married only once to Constanze with whom he had six children, but only two survived into adulthood.

Although the 1984 masterpiece motion picture Amadeus takes many liberties and is highly inaccurate in its depiction of Mozart's supposed rivalry with the Italian composer Salieri, it is still a wonderfully enjoyable film with terrific acting and music of course:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Du-rD2QL1Pc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noUTz1dGr1Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3nqiKzB5fs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fl9RyAIWL-I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROllcRNrGI4

IT'S HARD TO BE A POP STAR IN THE POST 9/11 WORLD.

What tha hell happened to Britney Spears last night?! She looked bored and very washed up performing on stage at her supposed "comeback" at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards . The show was okay I suppose, with that adorably cute young Chris Brown delivering a truly terrific entertaining performance; at one point dancing like Michael Jackson used to during Billie Jean. Ah yes, those were the good ole' days, though. Alas, us old folk must make room for the new generation of kids and their musak right? GULP! I try and stay hip and with it as my hair gets grayer and grayer and frankly, EF all these music celebrities! There they were, partying it up in Las Vegas at The Palms, filthy rich and famous bastards that they are. Nelly Furtado looked gorgeous as usual though, me love that girl so much I think I would renounce my gay card for her.

Speaking of being a singing superstar, I lasted about four weeks at the first karaoke singing contest held at the local watering hole last time, and got eliminated due to lack of enough people/fans voting for me. There's a new contest starting in another week and a half or so, but I'm not sure I wanna participate at all this time. I mean, the damn thing is held on a Tuesday night and starts and ends so late. Shoot man, but don't many of us have day jobs to go to the next morning? Call me an old geezer, but I can't function on just three or four hours of sleep anymore. Maybe when I was 23, but no longer. I still consider myself young, vibrant, fresh, and virile, but I admit my body ain't just what it used ta be. Alas, time to go shopping for a walker soon. AHAHAHAH!

-

And tomorrow is the glorious sixth anniversary of 9/11! YEEHA! Bloody hell! Six years since that stupid day that changed all of our lives forever and ushered in the most ridiculous presidential policies since the days of Richard Nixon. Bushy was supposed to become a real leader/hero and take care of business after the World Trade Center was destroyed, but instead we've earned the utter supreme and absolute hatred of the world! This month is depressing to me also because my old man died five days before the towers came down. Whatever man. The last six years have been one of scaring people, of getting us into a lame war, of economic woes, of tragic uncertainty, and of a heavy pessimistic cloud from which it seems impossible to get away from. Yes Virginia, 9/11/01 really did happen. EEK!

Your job as well as mine, is to keep going forward in this life, for what choice do we really have? 2008 elections maybe?

AND THE MOST ENTERTAINING CLIP HERE IS...

Oh ye amazing YouTube, the extraordinary little repository of instantly accessible recorded footage! Some clips that bring a smile to mee face, as I hope they do for you as well:

-This late great genius director in a very witty movie trailer; irony being that he actually hated eggs and was grossed out by them:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC6Zhqg-xTE

-I love this modern Aussie band just because they remind me so much of the boys from Liverpool:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPfBm50YVPY

-And speaking of the boys from Liverpool, is that John taking a toke after he sings the chorus each time in this brilliant song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYl0iMSlMQg

-And finally, this brilliant stand-up comedian is just terrific. But you knew that already:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pe4XVVUbiA

HE IS GAY AFTER ALL, DISASTERS ARE RAD, E L'OPERA TRISTE.

Y'all remember me meeting Lacy's good-looking George Clooney/Taylor Hicks hybrid husband at work right? Just last week, she made a comment that was really quite revealing, and proof that my gaydar is in good shape! We were discussing Senator Craig's bathroom antics, when she retorts, "He's in denial, like my husband!" WAHAT??!!! COME AGAIN?! I nearly fell out of my chair, and had to feign confusion. "I tease my husband all the time about being in the closet, because he's very popular with gay men who check him out all the time; it's a running joke we share." MMMMMM HMMMMM! I SEE! Nothing further to say on that one right?! Shit, what if she found and read my blog? ;)
-
And as usual, The History Channel doesn't disappoint! They got this show called Mega Disasters which presents all kinds of cataclysmic catastrophic events befalling human cities and settlements and what they would look like with really convincing CGI and boy do I love me this show! Nothing like watching havoc/chaos rain down and having thousands upon thousands killed! Yeah, it would totally suck if I were one of the dead or suffering survivors in a massive LA earthquake I know, but this program really fascinates me! Comet chunks, tsunamis, super volcanoes, earthquakes, asteroids, tornadoes, frozen airplane waste, used condoms, and torn underwear are all very real destructive scenarios that could wipe out lots of people in a bloody instant! I'm so morbid I know, but the show is well done! Several good clips to watch are here.

Luciano è morto! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Signore Pavarotti, your presence and extraordinary voice have made you forever eterno:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaufjDVYivc

THIS HEAT WAVE SHOULD'VE MELTED ROB ZOMBIE'S MOVIE INTO OBLIVION.

SWEET MARY JANE! We've had about six days or so of really intense heat here in L.A. Us poor folk in the San Fernando Valley always have it the worst though, with temps daily in the last week in the 100s. One day I think it even got to 113 degrees. Good God man. This heat is enough to melt one's soul! And if nighttime is supposed to be a relief, well good luck; it only goes down to the 90s or 80s. Pretty muggy, miserable, and sweltering.

Every year I feel the heat waves we get here are getting worse, and this year is no exception. This is Phoenix/Las Vegas weather man although I guess I have to remind myself that Southern California is really a desert after all. Whatever bitches! We had almost no rain this past winter! Wait till those winds start a'blowin' in October! Yer nice little house in the hills next to all that dry brush is gonna go up in flames! EEK!

Other than the fact that we got ass cheek-melting heat going on right now, Labor Day Weekend was purty cool. Y'all gotta watch this really cool suspense film on DVD starring the good-looking Wilson brother Luke called Vacancy. It was well done! Pretty creepy and an effective horror film without all the gore and brutality. Speaking of slashed necks and bashed-in heads, the new remake or retelling of Halloween was HARRIBLE! ABSOLUTELY APPALLING! Rob Zombie's own take/version of the John Carpenter 1978 classic is shockingly laughable; nothing but an exercise in gore with cheap acting, crude unnecessary cussing, a terrible white trash backstory, and terrible pacing! The young crowd clapped at the end (prolly since they don't know the difference between shit and shinola), but old geezer me was really missing the Jamie Lee Curtis version. Carpenter's film is a classic; a low-budget perfectly acted little teen slasher movie with some of the most excellent horror music ever composed! All hail the original Michael Myers!

At least we got free movie passes for our next visit thanks to my bud complaining to the theater manager that some in the crowd were being disruptive, which they actually were. So, no harm no foul I suppose except that I kept fidgeting in my seat during the showing stupidly hoping someone would replace the current version with a copy of the original instead. I'll have a tribute to the original Halloween sometime in October I suppose. The new version didn't even feel like it took place during the Halloween holiday to be honest. That's how lame it was.

And I finally saw The Omen, 31 years after it was made! A bit cheesy, but still effective! Way ta go Damien! I'd heard about this sick evil brat bastard for years, and finally got ta see what the fuss was all about.

Now it's time to watch The Omen 2006 remake and be disappointed huh?

EVERYONE HAVE A HAPPY LABOR DAY WEEKEND 2007!

This shit is just sad. And kindo funny too! ROFLMAO!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5iCX6r6UIE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbHfm7LS1q4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNiWZ-98FuA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bB-9QnGNvxg

I AM SOOOOOOOO GLAD I'M NOT THIS GUY.

HOLY JACK LEMMON & TONY CURTIS IN DRAG BATMAN! You must have already heard by now about this pitiful old coot senator who was caught trying to go brokeback on a hottie undercover police officer in a bathroom stall at the airport! The actual event happened some three months ago, but was only revealed this past Tuesday. Republican Senator Larry Craig from the great big beautiful rustic state of Idaho has had a terribly conservative voting past against gay people, all the while living a "secret" lifestyle himself for years and years! GO FIGURE! Here's a ridiculous reenactment. WHAT?!! Anyway, his press conference denying it all is here. The full juicy police report and picture of the hot cop who caught him is here.

And here's just some of the comments from ordinary Americans:

-I don't have a problem with the fact that he's gay. I'm not gay myself but I have family members, and friends and acquaintences over the years, who are.It's his duplicity about it. I DO have a big problem with duplicity, both from personal aspect of it and the elected official aspect of it.I hate being lied to.

-Everyone should lighten up! I've been lmao at all the jokes about this creepy, old, pervy man. Jay Leno: "Senator Craig told his wife not to worry about having dinner ready for him, he's gonna wolf down a hotdog at the airport." *dies*

-Those who hate gays the most are usually gay themselves and repressing it to the point of self-loathing.

-Soliciting Sex vs Lying to get us into war. Which is worse??? Darn, I hate these moral dileminas

-It is time for homosexuals to get their own bathrooms. I don't even like using the public restrooms anymore because of these perverts.

-I just don't see what laws are being broken with cruising. Until these men have caused a serious disturbance, I don't see how they are breaking a law or hurting anyone. Having sex outside or behind a locked door of a bathroom is not hurting anyone. If no one sees a #### or buttock, then where's the harm? Knowing a couple is having sex behind a bush should simply mean you giggle and move on, regardless of what gender they are. Two consenting adults should be left alone

-I think this is absurd and every homophobe will be in the bathrooms thinking that a gay guy is in the stall next to them trying to hook up. Fearmongering again. Good grief. This homophobic society will be the death of us all.

-wow, I'll make doublely sure to not tap my foot in a public bathroom, or touch my stall wall, hell I'm just going to keep out of public bathrooms period and when I get a bladder infection, someone will be getting sued, isn't that how it works in America?

-May the Lord have mercy on this sick world!

-It's sad to live in a country where gays are trolling for sex in public bathrooms where kids are! Go on the internet or a gay bar if you are looking for that. It's disgusting how people can just meet a stranger and hook up no wonder AIDS is rampant.

-It's just sad to live in a country where sex is illegal.

-This is nothing new......these deviants have been doing this for over 25 years. That's why I never let my 2 sons when they were younger into a men's bathroom - ANYWHERE!!!!! You men are SICK!!!

-He’s lucky he didn’t get the crap beat out of him. But, then it would be a gay bashing hate crime. These folks on the hill are really disgusting.

-Do you’re business, wash you’re hands, finished, the whole bathroom ordeal should be over at most 5 minutes. Unless you are a Durky Lurky. ew.

-Craig clearly realizes the homosexual lifestyle is wrong. If these allegations are true, he should seek treatment.

-The Republicans are so far back in the closet, they're hiding in the shoe boxes. Soliciting sex in men's rooms, good lord. Well, I guess they're not exactly welcome down at the local gay bar, so that's where they go for their jollies. Ugghhh....

-Coudn’t he have just used Craigslist? You would think that he wouldn’t have much of a problem remember the name.

-Paging George Michael…

-Tapping toes=I want gay sex
Good to know.

-Have any of you ever thought about this? Or do you all just know a “cool gay guy at work” or have a “gay uncle” so they’ve decided, against common sense, to accept it. “Homosexuality” by definition relates to sex. And again, sex is a specifically designed (or evolved, if you must) act for reproduction. It’s not just some random coincidence, and that some people choose to use their reproductive parts in an act of non-reproduction on someone who could never use the… provided material for reproducing!

This guy is the one who started the ball rolling and wants all the hypocrite closeted gay men outed:

http://www.blogactive.com/

DANE COOK HAS GOT IT BETTA THAN I DO.

Yeah, so I've been doing PA announcements at work from time to time, like announcing the lunch truck (roach coach) coming into our parking lot around noon right? I mean, I've been praised quite often for my distinguished-sounding vocal talents in the past six years and a half that I've been there. I have an established fantastic reputation as the supreme PA announcer in the whole damn place!

But last week I started using a phony British accent, a lower more sinister tone, or was just being plain silly. It seemed to be lightening up the workplace a bit and co-workers had been laughing and singing the praises of the highly comedic WAT in all his effervescent humorous glory, when yesterday the head clerical administrator walks into the front desk area I was covering, with this distressed 9/11 look on her face and says, "The announcements like that have to stop. It's just not professional."

What else could I say to middle-aged blondie? "Oh. Ok. I see." Inside I felt crushed! Humiliated! The stick is so far up certain people's bungholes that a light sounding PA announcement is unacceptable?! HUH?! WHAT GIVES?! Is my faux-British accent not as spectacular as I thought and instead brings memories of the Challenger explosion to certain people who are horrified by my silliness? EGAWDZ MAN! LIGHTEN UP PEEPS! YA ONLY LIVE ONCE! IT'S ONLY A JOB! IT REALLY WON'T MATTER AS U GASP FOR YER LAST BREATH ON YER DEATHBED AND TAKE THAT FINAL CRAP IN YER UNDIES! ARGH! SILLY DAFT HOMO SAPIENS I TELLS YA! WHERE'S YER SENSE OF HUMOUR?!

Or maybe my comedy style is just not funny. Maybe I'm just not the gifted talented comedian I thought I was. Oh GAWD! What was blondie trying to say? That I am as unfunny as Dane Cook?! Sure, I know I'm just as good-looking as him, but am I also really that devoid of humorous talent like Dane? Watch this clip of Dane. He's mildly funny really, if at all. But he sure is a hot dude I tells ya. I just love it when MADtv spoofs him by the way. Yeah, that clip is here. Oh well, at least Dane is making good dough, has over 2 million friends on MySpace, and doesn't have to worry about no blondie higher up telling him to stop being unprofessional. Alas, so it goes, the life of a working peon like myself amidst this sea of hypocrisy.

But whatever my brothas and sistas! Why end this post on a sour bitter note about the turd office and my controversial earth-shattering PA announcements, when I can just pull out some good retro music from the late 1970s?! It's Paul McCartney & Wings circa 1978 when they was down to three members towards the end of the group. There he is, Paul the genius along with his lovely late wife Linda and Denny Laine. Rumour has it Denny and Paul weren't getting along so much anymore, but whatev! The song rocks! Don't be hating on Linda either okay? So she sang off key here and there, but she was just lovely. Simply lovely! This is beautiful power ballad-type elevator musak if ya ask me!

Turn up that bass and listen/watch to masterful songwriting:

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3j4xKYiz-Y

SOME GOOD DECENT CINEMA!

I'm a bit behind getting around to some of your blogs my awesome good-looking fellow bloggers, but I promise to read them perhaps during work hours this lovely Monday morning! Yeah, I had a very nice weekend, watching more and more films of course!

My buds and I went to check out Mr. Bean's Holiday, and I gots ta tell ya, it had me laughing with gusto! Maybe it was that dirty raspberry martini I had at the bar a bit earlier to mellow me out, but boy did I enjoy the movie. Rowan Atkinson makes some of the strangest faces, and his eyes are very expressive; he's a real retarded hoot and does that physical comedy rather well, since our very own Jim Carrey and his brand of humor pretty much died out long ago. What struck me about this delightful little movie was how innocent and non-crude it was, and yet it was still funny. All the kids were in the theater and they were rather well-behaved I must say, even more so than my uproarious self just hollering at Mr. Bean's zany adventures in France. A must-see movie says moi, to git one's mind off those pesky bills and other responsibilities in life. WAY TA GO MR. BEAN!

Even more fascinating was this 2001 film made in Spain called Intacto. This is required viewing folks; what a mind trip awesome piece o' celluloid this was! I'd say a second or third viewing of this picture is required to really get deep into some of the complex parts. Mostly in Spanish, with some English spoken; the actors are all terrific and it even has that old Swedish legend Max von Sydow (the old man priest from The Exorcist) playing a wealthy lucky Holocaust-surviving Jewish man in the movie who owns a casino and...well, shit man, please get your grimy little hands on this fackin' film! It is very intriguing and wonderfully done. Kudos to Spanish director Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, whom I believe this year made his English-speaking film debut with that sequel 28 Weeks Later, which was highly praised by fans and critics alike.

Yes, Mr. Bean's Holiday at a theater near you, and Intacto on DVD! Got it?!

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co11W43faAA

WHEN NEWS BECAME NEWS TO ME.

Do you remember your first major news story?

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I was so innocent and unaware really. I remember coming home from school wondering why my cartoons weren't on; why did they keep repeating this weird footage over and over again? I had no clue, had no idea, didn't really understand the way the world worked I suppose. This moment however, is terribly important and significant, for it was the beginning of my loss of innocence. Yes, I was but a mere pipsqueak barely in the first grade and still had a lot to learn, but it was in these repetitive images that I began to perhaps realize what harm/evil truly lies out there.

The original footage that kept my precious cartoons and stuff from popping up on the TV that afternoon was a lot less graphic, but here it is, presented in all its shocking entirety:

http://tinyurl.com/yoy8xe

http://tinyurl.com/g28ax

THE REMAKE THAT SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN MADE.

There's this little movie from 1960 which stands as my favorite Alfred Hitchcock film of all time. It's about this pretty woman who steals $40,000 from her job and drives away only to end up in a strange eerie motel run by a shy handsome creepy mama's boy gentleman who has a knife-wielding jealous murderous "mother." We all know the name Norman Bates and the deserted motel he ran, for this is the shocking creepy black & white masterpiece seen around the world. A classic in every sense; from Bernard Herrmann's haunting score, the now often imitated (but never duplicated!) shower scene, and its mature themes such as implied masturbation and transvestism which are forever etched in our minds. There was no better cast than Janet Leigh, Anthony Perkins, Vera Miles, and even the wooden stiff but very handsome stud John Gavin.

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So why then, WHY I AXE Y'ALL, would director Gus Van Sant remake Psycho in the late 1990s into the laughable and God awful waste of celluloid that he did? WHY???!!!!! WHO THA HELL KNOWS?!!

But let's compare the masterpiece with the piece o' crap shall we?

-The original shower scene. Perfectly executed in every sense with the famous screeching violins by composer Herrmann. Perhaps the most famous scene in film history:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdrDpELNbks

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-And a comparison of the new remake shower scene. Anne Heche looks retarded and epileptic, the new Bates house looks dumb, and all that red blood just don't work!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEguGhhPWMA

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-The second murder in the film. It's disturbing. It really is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--v0-I0waqs

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-Now take a look at the remake version. One has to laugh not only at the way William H. Macy (who is usually a terrific actor) falls back and screams, but at the strange imagery Van Sant uses in this ridculous scene!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k15XkQgP9JU

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-Norman is discovered to be a murdering mentally disturbed transvestite! Creepy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RbgcvrNCDQ

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-Vince Vaughn however, is discovered to be a cheap ludicrous drag queen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZ4Uo5Edn

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-Anthony Perkins really played the part to perfection. Look at his face and just listen to "mother's" chilling voice:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ri64k4Y0gHA

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-Vince Vaughn on the other hand, kinda turns me on here. He looks somewhat hot and like he's about to jack-off! LOLOLOL!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9gcxZ-qpg0

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