GOOD RIDDANCE 2010.

I warn you, as soon as my voice comes in, the sound is BOOMING LOUD! LOL! My apologies, I was a bit overly excited with my opening song choice. Anyway, watch/listen to this clip and I hope you enjoy it and comment! 2010 is over! HALLELUJAH! I'm looking forward to the chaos and awesomeness of 2011!! WOOHOO! JULIAN ASSANGE FOREVER! LMAO!

CHRISTMAS 2010

I'm behind on blogging. It's Christmas. BLAH! It's almost over thank goodness. Nice meal made by my mom yesterday though. YUMMY!

The battle to find a smartphone! ARGH! I can't freakin' decide, but I will be upgrading soon finally! Sprint gives me a "discount" starting in January, and my contract with them is due in March. I dunno what to do. Boost Mobile seems cool in that it has no contract and gives you the Blackberry Curve device for 200 bucks and $60 a month service. That sounds dirt cheap to me. The girl at the Sprint store yesterday told me it was better to stay with Sprint and gave me the whole spiel about why they were better than the no contract companies and blah blah blah. There's the trendy and overadvertised iPhone of course. But their carrier AT&T sucks I hear and it gets expensive and the touch screen does sound a bit irritating. I've tested it, and it does kind of get cumbersome for my large fingers to touch the small screen. Then there's the Android phones, which I have no idea what they're all about! Sprint does have the cool HTC EVO, which does seem pretty awesome. Well, I'll eventually decide, and one of these amazing new modern phones will be in my possession. Then again, is having access to the Internet at all times really THAT important?! I can only stomach Facebook for so long, and I find that most weekends I am disconnected from the Net for the most part and it is quite liberating. Anyway, I've heard all kinds of suggestions from everyone at this point. What say YOU on a good smartphone?!

I'm going to write a few words here on the British Royal Family. This pack of lazy bastards! ARGH! I hate Queen Elizabeth and her annoying mean-looking twit husband. And don't even get me started on Prince Charles and that ugly whore Camilla! F*CK these people! They are a bunch of snobs and a**holes. I like Sarah Ferguson a lot for being so down-to-earth, and I did have much respect for the late Princess Diana, even though she seemed a bit moody and emotionally depressed most of the time. But then again, I can totally identify with her in that she was an astrological Cancer and so am I! She seemed like a really nice humanitarian woman, caught up in that stuffy rigid annoying atmosphere which nearly drove her insane. Let's face it, she was used to breed those two handsome boys and then tossed aside by Charles and the family. Probably was murdered by them too. Anyway, I do like William and Harry, although Lord only knows what happened to Wills looks, because he used to be really attractive, but now he looks bald and old and his bride is not that much better in my opinion, but their wedding next year is going to be HUGE I presume so ok then.

Anyway, I hope to blog before the year is up, but if I don't, I will return soon. I promise.

HOWARD STERN SIGNS FOR FIVE MORE YEARS ON SATELLITE RADIO!

I wanna thank all of you who loyally read this blog and comment! MERCI!

What tha hell is going on here?! WHAT AN INSANE AND AWESOME STORY THIS IS! JULIAN ASSANGE! I love the way his name just rolls off my tongue! LOLOLOL! Say it with me: JULIAN ASSANGE! This Australian dude is apparently the guy that was running Wikileaks, which was shut down by the government for recently releasing top secret classified information. He was arrested and is now in London on sexual assault charges, but it's a bunch of baloney and an obvious ruse; the U.S. government is just pissed that this guy has taken freedom of expression to a whole new level--this is an international espionage story of epic proportions man! I dunno how you feel, but this guy is my HERO! LMAO! Read this article here. Man, there is tons of information on this massive story all over the Internet, so you won't have any trouble finding ample stuff on this incredible tale. Fierce supporters of Assange have now begun hacking and shutting down major websites like Visa, MasterCard, and even Sarah Palin's site I believe, in support of this most subversive and controversial figure. Amazon.com might even be next! Listen kids, I dunno how this all got so big, but it has, and in the midst of our worldwide depression, this is one story I am really enjoying! HAHAHHAAHHA! I LOVE CHAOS! ANARCHY! WOOHOOOOOOOOO! Time Magazine, JULIAN ASSANGE has to be your Person of the Year 2010, without a doubt!

I have recently discovered the culinary joy of eating trail mix. Can you believe it?! My co-worker/bud got me addicted to his nuts. HEE! Love me dem nuts! Yeah yeah, crack a gay joke or two if ya like. PHOOEY! When I was a kid, I didn't even wanna go near peanuts, hazelnuts, almonds, etc. Now?! MY GOD MAN! I think I'm addicted to this stuff! DELICIOUS AND NUTRITIOUS! And I have been reading that nuts have good cholesterol and can actually help in gaining healthy weight which I think I have been actually achieving. Yes dude, for years I've been ingesting all that crappy junk food like crackers, chips, and cookies which are really not good for you, so I say substitute it with more fruits and trail mix baby. I'm noticing that as I get older, all that sugary and salty snack food I used to enjoy as a kid is now kind of grossing me out. Is this a normal reaction? All the healthy more bland plain stuff I am now liking more. Weird. I guess one's taste buds do change. YAY FOR TRAIL MIX!

This is truly an incredible song:

CHER IS OLDER THAN ISRAEL.

I'll tell you what: I don't hate anybody okay? I don't. So there we have Israel in the middle of a sea of hatred, and although I wanna believe that they have a right to exist and stuff, I've met quite a few people from Israel and they are not very nice. There. I said it. They are very full of themselves and quite f*cking rude! I guess this comes from being embittered and always on the defensive, but STILL MAN! YEESH! And I won't say it's all the Jews in general, because I've met some cool American ones, but it seems the hardcore Jewish folk from that area are really militant and mean. And the more I've delved into the history of how Israel came to be, the more annoyed I get to find how so many Palestinians were displaced and uprooted from their homes. I'm not siding with the Arabs either, although the men are f*cking hot (LOL), but I am not the U.S. government that allows and sanctions Israel to do as it wishes. As I've gotten older, I see the whole thing for what it is, and it is a bit disturbing to see how these poor Arabs are treated. It's kind of shitty. But anyway, what do I know? Our media only presents the Israeli side when they get terrorist-attacked, but there's more to this; both sides have blood on their hands as far as I'm concerned. Now someone please find me a hottie Arab to shag!

So I went to see Burlesque, mainly to please my mom and visiting cousin and while very entertaining on a visual level, the movie is quite made-for-TV retarded. Everyone is talking about how great Cher looks, but I disagree! I think she's acquired some sort of strange manly look and her lips been injected so many times she almost looks like a fish. LOL! Any of those professional male drag queens who play her can now safely get away with fooling people. Christina Aguilera is actually quite likable and decent in her role. Stanley Tucci is always fantastic of course. But my eyes were fixated on that amazing and incredibly hot piece of ass CAM GIGANDET. Life is not fair I tells ya. Why don't I look like that?! The camera loves this kid! And so did I! There were some pretty hot erotic scenes in the film, without being tasteless. I think at one point I wanted to actually cry; I was so upset I wasn't CAM or allowed to have him. AHAHAHAHA! I know, how f*cking gay. The musical numbers are very cool, but the plot like I said is just lame. LAME. My mom and cousin really liked the movie, but then again they don't have the existentialist annoying overanalyzing f*cked up brain that I do.

Cheers.

WAT ON WEBCAM!

I did not feel like writing, so out came my webcam and mic and here's the result:

IN MEMORIAM: PADDY THE DOG

This awesome little dog got terribly sick all of a sudden and had to be put to sleep this week. My friend who one day saw him as a puppy staring at him in the driveway of his house some 5 years ago gave this dog a good decent home and he was really funny and wonderful to be around. I will miss him and have cried over him, since I saw him practically every weekend.

My narcissistic crazy ex-lover and I have reached an amicable parting decision. He keeps insisting as of late like some sort of desperate lost soul that I return to "hang out" with him, but I very civilly and intelligently told him he had his chance earlier this year, and chose someone else instead, and that now I am irrevocably changed and different and past all that drama. In other words, I'm just not interested in YOU anymore. LOL! This is a great feeling folks. And I told him I still resent him for the bad mean things he did, so what's the point of even trying?! BROTHA PULEAZE! He was very polite, apologetic, and sounded almost defeated. Of course, it could all be an act since these people are terrific actors and full of BS, but I tell ya one thing, poor is the next man who is unaware and has to deal with HIM. He claimed to me he feels sorry and has "changed" and has taken time to analyze and be introspective. LMAO! Uh huh. Yeah. It sounds so convincing and I can't wait to return to him! I'm moving forward here folks, not backwards. Gracias. I've wanted my power back all this time, and I think I finally got it; ignoring this fool and playing hard-to-get recently from my end is apparently very fun, enticing, and challenging to him -- whereas trying to build something cool and maintain it turns him into an abusive maniacal bastard. Oh boy, God help ya kid. I'm over it. There's plenty of other lands to conquer, and it's obvious to me now after all of my personal suffering and insightful eye-opening research that he's hopeless. "Don't call me a narcissist, I am not like that!" I somehow think I've managed to upset him with the truth, but more than likely he forgets within 10 seconds and happily continues on his destructive path.

I watched Julie & Julia finally! Yeah, so Amy Adams' character and her boyfriend were a bit annoying and sugary, but man does this film make one wanna eat! What more can be said about Meryl Streep? WHAT MORE?! I hate to heap more accolades onto this woman who doesn't need them anymore, but she is really fun in this role as the late great eccentric kitchen goddess that was Julia Child. Julia had a very nice and loving husband, although they never had kids; both of them lived well into their nineties --Julia outlived him ten more years before she passed. Funny how all lives seem to end in death, no matter how remarkable. HA.

A look back at my doggy friend and good times we shared:

MIDTERM ELECTIONS = MORE OF THE SAME BS.

We should not hold on to resentment, because ultimately it poisons the person who clings to it, not the person it is intended for or directed at. Yes, how correct and true, but there are times it is also part of the healing process, and we must feel this inner rage and anger at having been wronged in order to come to terms with the damage done. It is normal/natural to really despise the person that treated you so poorly, and in my case this past spring and summer, I have more than enough reasons to truly loathe the creature I erroneously thought I loved. He manipulated the entire situation for his own selfish reasons, belittled me in the most subtle dark and evil ways, and then finally drops me for someone younger and better-looking whom he eventually proceeds to abuse as well. And then he wants me back as if nothing happened, as if he did not act in the most despicable manner?! This is how horrid and truly evil this individual is. There is no remorse, no empathy, no accountability for the psychological and emotional hurt caused to me or the many others he must go through like a pair of shoes. I will eliminate my rancor towards the savage, but it will take more time and little by little I have gotten stronger on a daily basis, but I won't lie or deny I am fully healed or over the pain yet. There are moments I do break down and wish him cancer or a serious car wreck, but I will slowly let this all go and let karma or God himself work their magic and teach this monstrosity a lesson. Or two. Or three.

Work has been pretty laidback as of late, and thank God for that right? I feel much less stressed here, and am very grateful for this. I have other issues that are weighing me down a bit, but onward I must go. This has been a very challenging tough year for me. WHEW! I cannot believe I am still standing and forging ahead. And so many have told me I have never looked better, more refreshed, or handsome than I do now. Ironic isn't it?! The invisible man in the sky that I try to have faith and believe in must be showing his mercy towards me at this very interesting part of my life. The world as a whole is going to hell kids. The natural disasters are going to get worse, poor Haiti just can't get a break, the economy is on course to collapse, and Lord only knows where we are headed as a species/civilization. I'm all for this f*cking mess to crash, explode, and burn for I feel this planet needs a good purging. Even if I have to die so be it. Bring forth that massive LA quake already! YEAH!

In the meantime, I'm going to simply concentrate on the present, on the very moment I am living. F*ck the future. There is none. There never was.

Like Ancient Rome, here's what our modern day lawmakers really think:

HALLOWEEN 2010.

It's HALLOWEEN weekend! As of this posting, I still have no definitive costume, but so what?! Something will materialize...

My good dear friend manages this blog on extraterrestrials and other strange out-of-this-world phenomena here in Los Angeles. He claims he's had close encounters of the third kind. YIKES! Or is it fourth?! Listen, I have never seen or had any direct contact with aliens and sh*t, but I've seen UFOs. Have you ever just gone outside on a regular night and stared up at the stars and the sky in general? Chances are you'll start finding really weird creepy aircraft doing strange things up there that defy normal logic. At my old place one night, I remember vividly seeing ships flying up there that were tiny and could be mistaken for a shooting star, but that definitely did not burn out or behave the way a meteorite should. This is one big vast incredibly complex universe, and who knows what kind of other "intelligent" life may be out there. I doubt they're as nice or friendly as E.T. was to Elliot in the famous film. The many drawings and renditions shown on television and in movies are pretty freaky. This documentary kind of creeps me out and it goes as far as to say that demons are the ones manifesting themselves here in the third dimension trying to effectively fool the masses so they can doubt the existence of God and to confuse minds. Like Howard Stern, I used to dismiss all this, but now am starting to wonder/entertain the idea of just what tha hell is going on here.

Holy cow, speaking of creepy, have you ever looked at a normal American dollar bill? Yes DAWG, A NICE OLE'-FASHIONED DEAD PREZIDENT! There's a lot of symbols on there. My oh my, what's this?! Most of us take George Washington on there for granted, but there's some interesting things going on there. Thank you YouTube again, for these videos. Freemasons helped found this country, but where they also part of a much bigger and dark secret society with nefarious intentions? Nothing was put on that bill by mistake, that's for sure. Fascinating interesting stuff indeed!

You won't believe this, but I was just about to end this post, when this news story popped up.

MON DIEU JEAN-JACQUES! THE FRENCH ARE RIOTING!

The only time I sincerely watch TV is if I am at friend's house. I can't seem to really enjoy it on my own anymore, and it's such a vast God damn annoying wasteland anyway! LIKE THIS BLOG! HA! If I'm by myself, the first thing I gravitate towards is the Internet and gay por...YOUTUBE! Yes, good ole' YouTube! It really is quite an incredible website that has ridiculously revolutionized my life and that of millions. I do watch silly clips here and there from time to time, but what most fascinates me and what I truly do appreciate about the Tube are some very awesome uploaded documentaries, biographies, and movies. You can learn so much! And lots of cool clips from old TV shows and news events before my time. Then there's those awesome conspiracy theory videos like Loose Change, Zeitgeist, and now I'm in the middle of watching this one which is quite long and a bit repetitive, but very informative nonetheless. I have nothing against wanting to be entertained and getting your mind off life's problems, but I feel American television nowadays is retarded and many of these sick horrible reality shows and lame talk shows are a sign of the true decay of our society. It's the way of keeping the masses dumb and distracted, while the government continues its unprecedented corruption and the economy keeps on tanking; you really believe this is just a recession or that it's over?! NO F*CKING WAY.

I been discussing GOD a bit lately with certain friends and my brother in Georgia even. After the harrowing traumatic experience this past spring and summer with the evil monster who cannot love, I have come to believe in God more than ever only because I can't quite comprehend or understand how I did not jump off a bridge or go insane with the awful grief I just went through. I guess time and perspective eventually heals everybody and it has nothing to do with God, but my particular story has a lot of instances that cannot be explained rationally, scientifically, or logically--at least to me. There was that dream I had after I prayed and prayed for an answer on that psychopath and why I was so hurt, and boom, it was granted! Or dead-on Bible verses that would pop at me randomly reassuring and comforting me that everything was going to be okay. Or the woman who does not know me, whom I've never met that recently during prayer told my aunt about everything that I had been through and how my blessings would return and be multiplied; kind of like the story of Job. There are plenty of atheists these days and rightfully so: religion is terribly corrupt, evil exists, and suffering is endless. Why would there be a God right?! But within me, it's been a feeling, a powerful feeling that I just cannot explain. I just don't think I'm still here and healing nicely just because. Call me crazy, kooky, retarded, or just plain ridiculous. But that's my story. I fully admit, I need this kind of comfort, especially for the kind of horrific crisis I just survived. Others cope differently and that's okay. Leave me with this at least please?

Wes Bentley and I look alike okay? And I love this scene period. And I love the classic "C*NT!" delivery here. Thanks again YouTube:

CHILEAN MINERS RULE THE WORLD.

AYN RAND! Have you ever heard of this woman?! She was a Russian-born Jewish lady that came to America, and ended up loving this country more than even her own husband! HA! Well, communism I'm sure was a drag, so Ayn was probably blown away by American capitalism and all its amazing smoke and mirrors. She was very intelligent and gifted from the time she was little and always felt a step ahead of her classmates and most people in general. She is most famous for her two classic books The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged, which are usually required reading in high schools and colleges across this country. These novels basically profess Ayn's philosophy of objectivism, which believes in complete rational reasonable thinking and the supreme power of the human mind to achieve whatever it wants. Therefore, there is no God in Ayn's view, because he or SHE cannot be proven logically. The woman was a staunch atheist and made no apologies for it. She was also very much against altruism, which is giving up your own interests and potential to help others through charity; Mother Theresa was probably not high on Ayn's list of admirable people, LOL! And she most certainly did not believe emotions were productive or necessary to the human experience, and get in the way of achieving one's true greatness. I find Ayn's ideas very interesting and fascinating and perhaps sometimes sensible, but the woman was a major narcissist. Humans are not just rational creatures, we have deep profound emotions too, and many who in their youth follow Ayn, eventually become disillusioned and abandon her extreme selfish and egotistical views. She has several riveting interviews on YouTube, but my favorites are her two appearances on Donahue's old talk show here and here. Who knows, you might find yourself agreeing with the bitch. HAHAHHAHAA!

I know this upcoming election is very important, but I just don't feel like voting. I've just about had it with the American political system. They all promise change and great things, but in the end, they're in it for themselves. What else is new right? The last politician that I feel actually did something good for this country was that horny womanizing Bill Clinton. Then Bush came into office, and the whole system began to fall apart for me--I find both major parties full of sh*t basically. They're always at each other's throats, but at the end of the day they're having dinner together and getting richer, while the f*cking country continues to crash and burn! The governor's race here in California has this annoying Meg Whitman woman who is already filthy rich and has spent $140 million of her own money already in advertising! GOD DAMN! There's no way an average Joe can even run for public office at all; it's all about how much money you already have! GEEZ! I hope that egomaniacal millionairess Meg loses to that closeted homo Jerry Brown, who has already been governor before in the 70s, although what does he have to offer this time around I'm not even sure, because all I ever see on TV are Meg ads left and right. And there's Prop 19 on the ballot I believe, which is regarding good ole' Mary Jane--WEED! Ugh, my sample ballot has arrived in the mail but I'm too lazy and apathetic to care. Might as well just toss it in the trash already.

I hold the 1976 fim Network in high esteem. The script is incredible, the acting superb, the relevance of the material and ideas as fresh today as they were then:

THE AMERICAN ECONOMY CONTINUES TO SUCK...

Good news kids! I have new job functions at work! WOOHOO! Feels like I've started a brand new job actually! A refreshing change! 2010 is starting to pick up for me I believe. KEEP ROOTING FOR ME WILL YA?!

Ya know, sometimes I stop and think about what a strange cultural clash upbringing I've lived through; the first generation son of immigrant parents from El Salvador. EL SALVADOR?! Boy, isn't that the place that is often mocked as backward and dirt poor?! LOL! In reality, it is just that, but from the three major visits I made to that small little country back in the 90s, it really is a very beautiful tropical land and to see the places where my mom and sperm donor came from is really quite humbling. Kind of like that part in The Godfather where Michael Corleone, who has only known America his whole life, goes back to Sicily for temporary exile, to see where his roots are based. Being born and growing up in the U.S. as first generation is very interesting. I was forced to speak only Spanish at home; my mom, late sperm donor and maternal grandma all had little to very broken English. I gotta give credit to my mom though, she has mastered speaking English very nicely with some trouble reading and writing still, but the woman can genuinely communicate in the Anglo world, although all her advice, scolding, and general ideas still come at me en español. So to learn English naturally through TV and school, and Castilian at home, I got to luckily become bilingual! My house was like another country basically, but once I left those doors I was always and still am a light-skinned average tall skinny American dude. My very Anglo friend said once years ago as he visited me, "Your house smells Hispanic." LOLOOOOL! Whatever that means! I guess he was referring to the odors left behind by the food we ate: beans, tortillas, cheese, rice, pupusas, etc. All washed down with a nice cold glass of good ole' Sunny Delight! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH! I saw a lot at my old house. Many good times and bad, and millions of people visited that place; relatives, friends, and strangers! The little Salvi house, 1982-2006. I live much more Anglicized now. I've moved up in the world! HEE!

So tomorrow Saturday would have been John Lennon's 70th birthday, had he lived of course. I love Paul McCartney's upbeat melodic playful enthusiasm in his songs, but I have always existentially identified with Lennon; he wrote from the deepest part of his subconscious that was filled with true angst and pain at the world he was born in. The guy was very much a cultural, social, and political mover and shaker, and wanted a more just and peaceful world, because he knew deep down inside that human society is unfair and rotten, and that we are a confused little species trying to figure out the true meaning of this bizarre yet fascinating existence.

In honor of John, who was without a doubt, a songwriter of immensely epic inspiration; I give you this awesome political/social anger anthem:

TONY CURTIS IS DEAD.

I want to thank all of you who stop by to read and most especially to those who comment with such interesting advice and comical colorful commentary! This past Monday, we had a record-breaking hot day of 113 degrees here in Los Angeles--hell is gonna be a lot worse for the next atrocious character I'm about to discuss:

Yeah so I was reading about Ryan O'Neal, who is probably best known for his cheesy ass role in Love Story. A moderately popular actor during the 70's, O'Neal has four kids by three different women: Griffin, Tatum, Patrick, and Redmond. When he meets the stunning sex symbol Farrah Fawcett in the late 70's during her prime, he manages to seduce her and she leaves Lee Majors! Anyway, Farrah and Ryan never got officially married, but he managed to put her through hell nonetheless as he cheated on her with many other women, and his kids are all f*cked up and have battled drug addiction problems. Tatum won an Oscar when she was just a child; it must've filled Ryan with a lots of inner envy but phony pride shown to the world that HE fathered such a talented child. Well, where am I going with all this? OF COURSE! Ryan O'Neal is none other than a PATHOLOGICAL MALIGNANT NARCISSIST. LOLOLOL! YIKES! And his son Griffin once had some terrible things to say about his father during an interview with Larry King right here. He was only by Farrah's side to get attention, and as a cancer survivor himself, Ryan was mad Farrah got the press to focus on her disease more than they had on his. He finally promised to marry Farrah only at the very end of her cancer (what a GREAT guy, blah!), and was seen smooching and running around with Farrah's supposed best friend as she was dying. He even did drugs with his son Redmond (Farrah's son) and hit on Tatum at Farrah's funeral not recognizing his own daughter! THE MAN IS A VILE SICK TWISTED PIG! UGH! It only takes one narcissist to ruin many lives, and this guy is a prime example. It's amazing how the pattern with these nightmarish scumbags is always the same: they seduce sweet nice attractive people (like Farrah who was described as very kind), and then emotionally abuse/destroy them and the kids they may leave behind. Yes, my thankfully deceased father and a still living disgusting uncle of mine in particular come to mind. I don't care how blood-related, if ya got one of these vampires in your family, RUN!

Lemme tells ya, this current boom of movies being released in 3-D is Hollywood's sad last attempt at getting people to come into theaters because they know they're losing audiences fast to the Internet and DVD home viewing. First of all, it's annoying to watch films in 3-D. I HATE IT! It gives me a headache and to have to wear dem retarded glasses over my current ones is frustrating. And have ya seen the cost of a movie ticket lately?! And the quality of films has gone down in my opinion with maybe three films a year at most worth going to see on a big screen. And then all these remakes and retelling of movies we've seen before or pointless sequels! CALGON TAKE ME AWAY! LOL! And now George Lucas is gonna milk the Star Wars cash cow with the movies being re-released in 3-D! HOW MANY MORE TIMES CAN HE MAKE MONEY OFF THE SAME MOVIES?! HOW MANY MORE BILLIONS DOES LUCAS NEED?! I WANT TO SCREAM! First on the big screen, then on VHS, then on the big screen with special editions, then on DVD with the original editions, then on DVD with the special editions, then the Blu-Ray, then the boring shitty prequels, IT NEVER ENDS! This galaxy far far away never goes AWAY! AHAHAHAHAHAH! Maybe I'm just old and bitter?

A modern track for you to enjoy--what a great little song, and wonderful video:

IT WILL BE HOT IN L.A. THIS WEEKEND.

I'm in a fairly good mood today! COULD IT BE?! Despite some hefty challenges in my life this year, I am trying my best to forge ahead. Ya know what I've noticed though through my own personal experience with heartbreak and other issues this most hellish year?! There are a lot of people out there who lack compassion or empathy. IT AMAZES ME. Seems like when you're down, the more others try and kick you! I think it pleases certain others to see ya in the gutter so they can have their chance at f*cking ya up some more! It is at this time that I have seen who my TRUE friends are. My mother (God bless her) has been so supportive and kind to me. She still nags me to death, but she has been very understanding and concerned about me as of late. I dunno man, if someone I know is really down and going through sh*t, the last thing I would ever do is make them feel worse. Yeah, they call it constructive criticism right? F*CK THAT. It's BS. My dear beloved friend in San Diego gets me. She really gets me. And I get her. Time is the only true healer. It is also the one true road to aging and death. LOL!

I have writer's block today. It is the worst feeling in the world! Or is it:

HEY HEY! BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP!

This pic was taken just a bit after the incident you are about to read about:

So there I am at the very back of the bar by the restroom and stuff, when I see one of the buff but not too handsome (God yeah, I've got a better face folks) strippers back there taking a break. He had a strange accent; I was a bit buzzed and I was casually trying to make conversation about where he was from. "I'm from California." he kind of rudely replied. A bit later another stripper showed up and he was actually nice, not wanting to tell me where he was from either. Jesus, is there such a thing as erotic dancers working in the country illegally or something?! LOL! They looked Brazilian I suppose, and as I hear the first rude dude speaking again, my annoying skinny ass has to confront him, "Oh come on now, you are not from California, tell me dude." To which he angrily replies, "What do you f*ckin' care? Imma beat yer ass up! IMMA KILL YA MOTHERF*CKER!" WOW. Can we say unnecessary maniacal 'roid rage?! Okay okay, I got it you stupid douche. So I casually look at the nice stripper and say to him, "Ya know, you are a nice guy actually, unlike this one." AND ASSHOLE SMACKS THE LEFT SIDE OF MY HEAD! HE ACTUALLY STRIKES ME! Well, I was prolly gonna get my lanky self killed and all, but I didn't care, so out came my long left arm and I whacked him up right across the right side of his head too. EAT THAT F*CKFACE! That's where he proceeds to try and jump on me and the nice dude holds him off and tells me to leave. Where was my killer psychotic brother when I needed him?! LMAO! Listen kids, I'm not one that likes this kind of conflict, but even if I was being a bit pressing and stuff, this dumb jackass had no right to strike me. He could verbally say all he wanted, but once he struck me (which wasn't that hard either the wuss), I wasn't gonna take that shit. I swear I would've bitten him or worse. UGH. I did walk out of there kind of proud of myself with my bud, and a bit disappointed too, but there ya go. Should I call the bar later today and report this jerk or let it go?

My mood as of late is fair. Like our weather. I dunno man. I could talk about some of the same BS issues that plague me, but just read the last few posts and you'll know what I've been dealing with for most of this year. So whatever. I really need thicker more gym-looking arms. HA! Yeah, time to go work out before the end comes in 2012.

This is without a doubt, one of my top-ten favorite movies of all time! The script, the lines, the actors! PRICELESS:

DON'T BURN THE QURAN!

Can ya call it a midlife crisis if I'm not even 40 years old yet?! LOL! 2010 is proving to be quite the challenging year. I'm living it day to day, apathetic about what may come. I still brush and floss my teeth very carefully though, so that's at least encouraging! HA!

There was this report on Howard Stern's satellite radio show read by his sidekick Robin that says that people who earn less than $75,000 a year are unhappier ---> Yes, that would be ME. HEE! Interestingly enough, just because you earn that much or more, does not mean you are happier, but you at least seem to be a bit more content. Well sure! Having enough money is definitely comforting. This world does not run on love folks, sad to say. Cash is king. And here's another thing nagging at me as of late: romantic love. Yeah, this idea that one finds the perfect soul mate in one person? This must be a joke! An invented fairy tale! The first few months or years are blissful, but then what happens? Ya either get bored, start disliking many things about the person, or they just lose their physical attractiveness. It takes quite a few people in our lives I believe to fulfill our needs; one person alone will not be the answer, yet so many of us are still striving to find that one person that will complete us. I envy those marriages that last years or relationships that seem to go on forever; quite frankly it seems most people fall into and out of relationships like flipping over pancakes. It amazes me how certain people can do this without batting an eyelid. They fall in and out of love with amazing ease! Something MUST be wrong with me. If you're nodding your head in agreement, I HATE YOU.

This Saturday marks the 9th anniversary of those harrowing terrorist attacks. Remember those? They seem like they happened so very long ago. I do remember being horrified and upset like most people having to watch all those folks die on live television, and thinking it was those crazy religious fanatics up to no good and stuff, but as the years have gone by my cynical and conspiracy theorist mind has taken over. I so hate what Bush did to this country and I hate how blatantly we were lied to about 9/11. I can't stand how four planes were so easily hijacked! I CAN'T STAND IT! WAY TOO EASY DON'T YA THINK?! And for years I didn't wanna believe that there could've been bombs planted in the World Trade Center to bring them down, but now I dunno. UGH! It sucks not being able to believe or trust our government, but when they behave so damn poorly, it makes ya wonder.

The pop music world is all crazy about Lady GaGa, but I'm bringing back that once awesome slut Madonna for just a brief moment. I really love her on this 1993 tour:

...AND JUSTICE FOR WAT

Yes folks. GOOD HAS TRIUMPHED OVER EVIL! The narcissist got dumped, but claims it was a mutual break-up. Of course! He never admits defeat. EVER.

An email I sent to a friend generally describing (more or less) events last week:

I saw him Tuesday. he thought he was gonna be slick and act like nothing happened. But I had to vent. AND VENT I Did. He came to pick me up and took me to his place. I told him I wasn't gonna give him any and yet he kept insisting the f*cking douche. On our way back home he kept lamenting like a child "Things are so broken now between us, I wish they were back the way they were..."

"Yeah" I says, "guess who broke it? Guess who ruined it? YOU. YOU DID. and you expect me to act as though my last five months of suffering did not happen?!" He tried so hard to defend himself and made very few valid points, but in the end, I chewed him out like you have no idea. I walked out of that car triumphant. I really did. It was marvelous.

He even called me to say he wanted to hug me as I left the car, but was a bit angry at me for chewing him out the way I did. And I saw the bruises on his body from a fight he had with his now ex just days ago. How horrid.

Yes, no sex. He tried so hard. "You think you're that irresistible?? I already told u I am not having sex with you before u picked me up tonight. And here u are fondling me and I'm in this bed where u and your last victim (his now ex that has been through worse than me) screwed and fought and it just makes me sick really. I should not have even known about your ex or spoken to him but u tried cheating on him with me and got caught about a month ago. Do u see the horror of your ways? How terribly narcissistic and disordered u are?" It was truly priceless.

"You have to accept your responsibility in this too! You are not a victim! I am not a villain! Why are you psychoanalyzing me?!" --The narcissist

"Yes u are correct on some level, but the fact is you are a mean cruel a**hole and you know it. And I did not deserve that, because all I did was tell you I cared about you, and you took advantage of that and ran with it. Sorry if I have changed or am not the same, but what do you expect? And why do all your lovers and ex's seem to end in such terrible dysfunction?! Something is wrong here and I don't think you are being fair or aware of what it is YOU are doing to screw things up. You are almost 36 and yet you don't get it."

All that time last week, he'd been in hot pursuit of his ex too and getting neither him nor me to respond to his silly desperate attempts at getting laid. The narcissist found out I told the ex everything that happened last week and that was the final blow to his ego! In a series of text messages he proceeded to try and hurt me one last time: "He was MY boyfriend! You talking to him behind my back?! You are pathetic and I never dated you because you are embarrassing and I only had you come here under the cover of dark, because I would never introduce you to my family. You sad sack of sh*t. F*ck you forever!" Yes folks, he only saw me as an object, and his confession says it all.

WAT replied: "Pathological malignant narcissism as I have told you already! You are an amazing case study! You are an awful, abusive, controlling, manipulative, lying monster. I am so over you, and I know this because last week I rejected you and it felt tremendous; frankly you disgust me now. I can see right through you like never before and it is empowering. Get help, go to therapy."

And so there it is! THE END! THE END TO MY NIGHTMARE! My tears are over! I feel redeemed! Proof that this guy was and still is the problem! I did care for him a great deal once, but no more! He killed it completely! His ex says he wants to meet me eventually; says that when he and I compare notes, it is remarkable how much our emotionally abusive stories match.

I have carried on and on about this ordeal, but all I have to say is, anyone who has never fallen for a true evil narcissist has no idea how harrowing and truly traumatizing it is. This is why I almost lost my sense of self-worth and felt so distraught these past few months--these psychopaths really get under your skin when you are unaware; one is truly a victim of these parasites. But now I am well-read and much too aware. Knowledge truly is power.

Never again.

FIN

ZSA ZSA'S FINAL MOMENTS...

So the world's second largest economy is now China. Yeah well, this is not a big surprise I guess, since a lot of the junk we buy nowadays seems to be made there. Well, good for you China! Everyone around the world is racing to be like the United States and to mimic the standard of living we perfected, but I dunno if this is a good idea. I mean, it's overpopulated and if every human being is to live with all the comforts possible, I don't know if this planet can support it. They say the greatest most precious resource in the near future is going to be fresh water. Can you believe it? WATER! YIKES! And if ya look at the latest unemployment figures, they are horrendous! This is not a recession, and why they keep saying that is f*cking irritating. This is a major economic depression folks and even though I have a decent job at the moment, it annoys me to even go there. LOL! I spoke to someone recently and I had mentioned that I really felt America was going to collapse economically within the next few years simply because we are broke, but he proceeded to tell me I was a negative a**hole. AHAHAHHAHA! Yeah, maybe I am but then again I'm having a great year remember? Sometimes I really wish I was a cute little dog in a nice home without a true care in the world...

I watched a lot of Julia Child this weekend. My bud has these DVD's where she cooks up a storm with Jacques Pépin. I had no idea all this time that Julia was American; I thought for sure this woman was British, but she was born in Pasadena, CA of all places! WOW! She spoke funny. LOL! She was quite witty and charming too. Not a care in the world for the dishes to be health-conscious at all; the woman uses more butter and eggs than I could keep up with, but man did that food look GOOD! I say why not? Ya only live once right? Julia lived 91 years, not a bad run at all and she must've eaten some really damn good food during her lifetime. I have yet to see the Meryl Streep movie, but I will sometime soon I suppose.

To the late great silly Julia:

I SAW RICHARD STARKEY!

I'm thinking of changing this blog's template/look sometime soon. I'm also thinking of going on a blog vacation/hiatus while I try to clear my brain. I have neglected to visit so many of your blogs my friends. I feel bad, I truly do, but my mind is overburdened and underpaid. LOL! Ya know, I need to join a cheap gym or something to work out all the toxic negativity. Would be nice if I had an expert personal trainer but those are so expensive and the one time I had one I thought I was going to die. I have really awesome ideas and solutions, but I always fail to set them in motion or put my life in true order. Then again, whose life is really in order?! It's mid-August already, and the hot weather has been virtually non-existent. This is quite surprising and welcome I suppose, but something feels out of place and off really.

Did I tell ya I went to see Ringo Starr in concert this past Saturday? I got complimentary tickets from the nicest bartender at my karaoke bar on Mondays, and I was a bit skeptical and blah about going and all, but off to the Greek Theatre my bud and I went and it was actually quite enjoyable. All these other dudes with a hit or two once upon a time on the charts were part of the band such as Edgar Winter, Gary Wright, and Rick Derringer. The crowd was most enthusiastic and the venue is really beautiful. And I got to see my second living Beatle! Ringo is actually very charming and funny, I can see why the other bandmates loved him so much since his ego was much more grounded than the other Beatles. Here's a small clip of the show. Okay, so it was no Paul McCartney concert, but it worked for me okay? HA!

This movie stands as one of my all-time childhood favorites. John Williams' score won an Oscar, and rightfully so; the music was truly masterfully composed and used in the film to great effect:

I WISH I WERE FROM ST. OLAF.

I'm not a drug addict, but I have terrible demons apparently! GO FIGURE! Hey, it is an existential blog is it not?

I'm super sensitive and very impressionable. I just don't think I ever grew up. No wait. I KNOW I NEVER GREW UP. My mom was very overprotective, but I understand; my father was non-existent really, and when he was around, he was a nightmare. YIKES. The man was emotionally and physically abusive! Anyway, I've been heavily battling depression this year as you may have read. My job, my love life, and now the possibility that I may lose my dwelling? The only thing I really wanna be able to deal with first and foremost is to heal my broken heart. I've made progress don't get me wrong, but sometimes I think back to my sappy ass pathetic dramatic hopeless crush on that mediocre putz, and I do get down. UGH. I know, I know, it will just take time they all say. I often wish we human beings did not have to go through these trials/tribulations. Everyone says you learn a lesson though. Oh really? How nice. I appreciate all the suffering just to learn a f*cking lesson or two. NOT. Why does it have to be this way dawg?! I mean, YEESH! Okay, okay. All of us go through this journey in one way or another, and life is just painful at times I'm afraid. Be optimistic WAT, think positively. Um, okay. Whatever.

How nice to see the overturning of Prop 8 here in my home state, but I think the celebrations are a bit premature. The ugly religious right groups and other closed-minded folk will fight this with appeals and it will more than likely head all the way to the Supreme Court where interestingly enough, there are now three women! Anyway, I'm not all crazy about marriage and crap, but the principle of society as a whole not being homophobic is what I support. When people oppose gay marriage, it's as if they're against gays and lesbians no matter what. Lemme tell ya, life is hard enough, but when one is born and has to face a sexual orientation that has been oppressed by the straight majority, it is one tough existence. Add to this the prejudices and stupid views by homosexuals against each other, and you've got a REAL hurdle! Gays can be some of the meanest, cattiest, and horrible people towards each other--you don't have the right look, clothes, or God forbid you even have HIV! But I digress...

This show never ceases to amaze me, to make me laugh, to forget about my dark and painful thoughts. I loved it as a teenager, and I still love it today; even my 12 year-old niece says she likes it: