Lots of seismic activity this year huh? The quakes are strong and quite scary this year...
I am not a religious man at all, and I readily admit doubting the existence of God from time to time. My faith is very shaky, especially when I see all the suffering and injustices in this cruel evil world. However, I also do believe in God in times of terrible personal trouble/peril, and am not embarrassed to pray if that's all I have left to console my empty heart/soul. I know this would piss off some of my most staunch atheist friends to even read this, but as emotionally bruised as I have been lately, prayer has been very soothing and comforting, and quite eye-opening. I just asked my mother a few days ago to tell her sister (my aunt) to pray hard and heavily for me at this time of personal sorrow for having erroneously been in love with a manipulative cold narcissistic man. I mean, these two women are devoted, almost crazily fanatical religious Christian nuts if you ask me, and yet I am thankful and blessed to have these ladies in my life, for it could possibly be through them that I am buffered and protected in some strange way. For you see, not only did I ask them to pray for me, but I myself prayed this week long and hard for an answer, and it came to me in a dream. Roll your eyes if you must, but I swear it's true:
In my dream, I was lovingly caressing the ugliest most vile pet rat you have ever seen. And as a passenger in the car that my mom was driving, I was trying desperately to show this rodent true and pure affection like one would a dog. But the rat bit me. Four times. On the palm of my hand. And so my mother begins to drive the car frantically to get me to a doctor. "It has rabies! It is rabid my son!", she says. "Emergency at the hospital will take too long, maybe there is a doctor that can help you faster and right away!" And so I let go of my treacherous pet, the one I so wanted to desperately love and care for, and it jumps out of my car window and when I turn to look back at it, it grins at me in the most horrendous evil way and crawls into the sewer. It was almost like a horror film I tells ya. I have never seen a more hideous creature. And into the gutter it went, long disgusting thick pink tail and all. And my mother continues driving the car frantically. And who is in the back seat? My aunt, with a syringe, trying to give me an antibiotic shot into my arm...
And I woke up. Now I don't know about you, but this vision gave me the shivers. And it confirmed that I have actually been saved and liberated from a truly damaged person. My love was never wrong, but the person it was mistakenly directed to IS, for he is polluted by his own vanity, he uses others with no regard for their feelings, and thinks he is above others. He was subtle and very slick in doing so, but many times brought down my self-esteem. I am not a victim by any means, but my naivete in this situation was truly great, for I am in awe how HE could even think or operate in such a fine crafty seductive manipulative fashion. He lies and lies so very well. I am dumbfounded and astonished. I know for a fact he has done this to many, and will continue to... Evil is real folks. It really is, and it preys MOST on the weak and noble.
I will pick myself up from this, and am learning a most valuable lesson. As for my once beloved filthy rabid sewer rat, I pity him. I really do.
The road ahead for him will be terrible.
As for me, the healing begins now. My eyes are now truly wide open.