BEING A "STRAIGHT" GAY MAN, OR SO I THINK I AM.

The stereotype of course, is that your typical gay dude talks with that funny lisp (FABULUTH!), is meticulously clean, knows his fashion, cooks, and has other very effeminate qualities. Yes, while this kind of gay man does exist (as seen in that dumbass show Queer Eye For The Straight Guy), I often wonder what category I fall into.

Let's see. Let's analyze myself. I use very big flowery high vocabulary words when I speak and write. Does this make me gay? Maybe, although plenty of educated straight men do the same. I don't care for much for fashion at all either. I do like to look nice, but hate shopping for clothes/shoes. I don't care for wearing hats, scarves, or the latest jeans. F**K IT. Clothes and shoes are expensive and it's a waste of precious time to spend it in a department store, except twice a year or so. So in this regard, I don't think I'm gay at all. I do trim hair here and there, but nothing that makes me look too femme.

My taste in music is kind of in-between. I love The Beatles, Beastie Boys, Led Zeppelin, and Radiohead. That's pretty straight guy music ain't it? But then again, I ruin my straight image by also listening to Madonna, Scissor Sisters, Morrissey, and Elton John. Yeah, not too straight there. Damn. I don't really care for musicals though! Bonus points right?! Yeah, those musicals made into movies are cool, but I won't really pay money to go see people singing and dancing live onstage too often. Kind of boring really, as is that real annoying fag hag Barbra Streisand. BLAH!

I watch all kinds of movies, and am very open-minded when it comes to motion pictures. Kill Bill, The Godfather, Scarface, and The Matrix are pretty cool movies and very straight-dude oriented. But then come my film choices such as Brokeback Mountain, All About Eve, Chicago, and Torch Song Trilogy. Yeah, most straight dudes wouldn't be caught dead watching those films, and yet there I am. UGH. So gay.

I do lose lots of straight-acting points when it comes to sports. Honestly? Sports are pretty boring and a waste of time. Yeah, I'm checking out the Super Bowl only to watch who sings the national anthem and the halftime show. Basketball used to be interesting back when the Lakers were battling the Celtics in the 1980s and it's never regained my interest much since then. I really only dig the World Cup and the Olympics, and those only occur every few years anyway. So no, you won't see me often sitting in front of a big screen TV drooling over sweaty men in uniforms as they play with bouncing balls. That's such a straight man's thing to do. UH...YEAH! Real straight. Ahem.

My mannerisms are pretty straight most of the time. MOST OF THE TIME. Once in a while I will catch myself having a very effeminate moment, and it irks me, but oh well. I am what I am. It is what it is. And I do check out that straight hardcore porn, just to see how nasty those girls are getting in those scenes, but ultimately I end up checking out the dude which straight men never DO! OH NO! NOT AT ALL! UH HUH.

It doesn't help my case either that I am attracted to other dudes and like to plow the crap out of them. Yeah, pretty masculine here, but when I get laid it throws all of that out the window--or does it?

Oh well, what this post clarifies is absolutely nothing. NOTHING!

It does prove however, that I am no less a man despite whatever freakin' category I fall into, and most happy to be one.

:-)