McCartney at the H
ollywood Bowl this past Wednesday night! Thank goodness the predicted rain never manifested itself. The traffic getting there and in the surrounding areas of the venue was an utter nightmare! I don't think I'd ever seen it like that in my life. The vibe was exciting and my friend Paul and I had to do quite a bit of walking, but we made it to our lovely seats; McCartney had already started the show, and we missed the first five minutes or so. I took some decent pics which I wanna post soon, but it was a beautiful stage, and the sound quality was tremendous. Nice packed sold-out crowd, and at first everyone was pretty docile and kind of out of it, but Sir Paul quickly won us over and got us going with some of his terrific classic rock standards. I can live without having to hear "Yesterday", "Let It Be"or "Hey Jude" ever again, but he has to do those tunes of course. The show ran a nice 2 hours and 45 minutes or so. And although it did not rain, it was pretty chilly. Paul is 67 years old and worth 1.2 billion dollars. WOW. And he can still put on quite a show! The highlight was "Live and Let Die", when my bud Paul refused to believe the fireworks were going to go off in all their glory at the Bowl, and yet THEY DID and it was mighty spectacular as I had predicted. Some highlights here. And here.But even with that wonderful concert, I'm emotionally exhausted right now. Yes, I did love him, but he was so selfish and narcissistic towards me and never gave a damn really. I was warned by him that nothing serious could ever develop, but I foolishly hoped and wanted it to be so. Alas, it was not meant to be. I'm very sad. I know that I never fully built anything substantial out of this brief tryst, but it still sucks, and I am still reeling from it. Close friends and other people in my life with good advice told me to walk away a while ago, and I had truly honestly tried, but when one cares for someone it is almost blinding--it's as if I had to learn this the hard pitiful way when the other party simply told me to my face recently th
at they were now seeing someone new. UGH. I almost think he enjoyed throwing that terrible bit of news at me, because some people are just plain f*cked up and mean. It's exactly like that movie 500 Days of Summer I tells ya. I can never watch that film again. Or think about it without wanting to cry like a pathetic fool. I'm not the first, the last, nor the only one to suffer at the hands of unrequited love. But it is happening to me. And I don't like it or appreciate it one bit. It hurts so bad. Why me?! I'm so sorry to anyone else who has gone or is going through this. I really am. Only now do I know how empty, worthless, and lonely this feeling can be. Add to this the fact I am overly sensitive. I wish I had no feelings. Like HIM. If he ever read this post, he would enjoy a tremendous ego boost from it, and be quite proud of himself. Trust me. My suffering means nothing to him at all. This person has a damaged soul, and I had to find it out the bitter way. This makes it worse for me.If there is a God, I hope he can hear my prayers and help me through this pretty f*cked up time...
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6 comments:
Maybe I could offer a little insight as to why your broken heart pain is a little more acute now. In the week prior, you had the wonderful concert to anticipate - which was huge, considering what a Beatle fan you are. (Like me!!) And that distraction gave you some help in not focusing on the loss of the relationship so much. Once the concert was over, it's a little like the day after Christmas. There is a let down - almost a sadness - that now you have nothing to look forward to. So you feel vulnerable, and more prone to experience the pain that was just waiting to strike.
Getting over someone you have fallen in love with is a very complicated process. Your ability to deal with it sooooooo depends on the attitude and input of the day. And, there is a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes there is anger, and you can feel stronger and say f@#& that asshole. But other days, you can feel lost and without hope. Please believe that the down days will lessen with time. Try to stay as distracted as you can, until you are allowed the space to heal. Hugs coming your way....
Wat - what a clever reader you have here in Alice. Of course I agree with her. There is nothing like the pain of a broken heart, especially if you have the time to wallow in the misery. I have been there. And on the one hand it is fantastic to be in the thick and mess of life, deeply feeling, totally alive. On the other, it is miserable and painful. That makes the moments like the concert all the more meaningful. Be kind to yourself and remember that you are in control only of what you are feeling, your journey. He is on his own journey and the two weren't meant to be. It does not make him a terrible person.
Gary: I may be hurt, but speaking as objectively as possible, he IS a terrible person. The things said, the behavior, and exploitation of the situation was damaging to me. I know I am not without fault or my own responsibility, but I do believe his narcissism is deep and destructive.
Okay, maybe he is a terrible person.
I wish you were closer so we could hang out and I could try to ease your pain a bit.
I lose my internet connection for three months and all hell breaks loose!
I'll tell you what, you can hold my purse while I fuck him up? Deal?
Sorry to hear about HIM being such a jerk. There are plenty of them around and, I hope, the right one for you in the near future.
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