Friday, March 05, 2010


NARCISSISM! Do you know a narcissist?! We've all run into them at one point or another, and some of us have even become friends or lovers with these people. Narcissists are very charming and gregarious at first, as they suck you into their deceitful world, but pretty soon you begin to feel like sh*t once you've hung around one of these energy vampires long enough. The narcissist only does what they want to do, thinks that only what they like is important, sees him/herself as being really hot (and some of them actually are), and does not ever truly care about your feelings. The unhealthy superiority complex these fools suffer from is serious, and if you are not aware of this personality disorder from the get-go, you're in for a lot of heartache and feeling miserable with one of these beings. They like to be around you to feel better about how great they are, they like to put you down, and generally destroy your self-esteem if you're not adept at seeing them for who they are. I am truly starting to believe that the person I was recently very much into, is in fact, a narcissist. It was always about HIM, and nothing but. ME, ME, and in the end, ME. The narcissist is selfish, arrogant, cold, detached, pretends to care (only to get what they want), and thinks hanging with highly influential or successful people is a must--they most likely have lots and lots of shallow Facebook friends. The narcissist doesn't believe in humility, empathy, feelings, true love, or tries to work with you to compromise; they find you annoying for even showing a moment of weakness or true sentiment. They will drop you without warning if they feel they can no longer use you. The narcissist is always right, attacks you out of the blue, praises him/herself way too often, and can go from being extremely nice to being a royal A-HOLE, in order to confuse and keep their victims in their web--giving the victim false hope that the narcissist does truly love or care about them somehow. Many professionals believe narcissists are hopelessly incurable, but I believe they can change if they recognize their disorder and truly work at it. More than likely, with the passage of time and severe aging, the narcissist finally will begin to see how much he has alienated most people from his/her life and how mortal and vulnerable they are, like everyone else. To learn so much this week about the narcissist has been overwhelmingly empowering to me! If I even want to have a friend like this, I must let go of having any true good expectations out of someone with this problem! LOL! The best thing though, is to rid yourself of these toxic people altogether, if you simply cannot deal with their f*cked up ways. A shout out to my Kentuckian bud for being so insightful into human personalities and their shortcomings!

All in all, I have to reiterate how much of a truly great and optimistic week I've had. I've gone out a lot, been to work relatively on time, and have not felt bogged down by depression or any other negative thoughts which sometimes plague me. Listen people, let me give you some HEALTHY constructive narcissism of my own, not that toxic sh*t I just discussed. I'm smart, tall, handsome, funny, witty, and can get a nice decent hot dude if I really want to. So what's the problem right? But in the end, I also have a truly good and noble heart, and although I suffer badly sometimes because of it, I think it's better than being a cold unfeeling jerk. A true f*cked up narcissist can't be happy can they? They must surely have low self-esteem and be depressed in the end about their condition, about how truly average and mediocre they are right? So many say though that narcissists are probably happy, because they think they're the sh*t. Regardless, I know now what to look out for, and it is highly unlikely one of these people will ever fool me again. YAY!

This woman explains it beautifully:


Conclave27 said...

WoW I was checking out the rest of her seminar.... I don't know what to say. Umm if it helps you then kudos???
Anyhowzit thanks for introduces me to her.. funnything by her criteria... so far I am a borderline empath narcisist... lets see what other labels she can put on me....

WAT said...

Sadly, most gay men are narcissists, especially if they are young and good-looking.

Professor Benjamin Levi Marks said...

Well put, my friend.

Trying to have a long-term relationship with a narcissist is not anything that I would recommend. Narcissism, from my close observation (yeah – I tried to have a relationship with such a person and it damn near finished me off) is driven by a subconscious and intensely powerful inferiority complex. The ego is unable to face such feelings of inferiority, so they remain squashed in the sub-consciousness of the individual.

And like all junk trapped in the sub conscious, it seeps out into the conscious personality in an inverted form. Self love, neurotic boastfulness, made up stories that serve to prop up and to glorify the narcissist individual, and an inflated ego that sucks all the oxygen out of the air and the relationship, leaving the other person gasping for air. This relationship sputtered on for a decade eventually becoming an on again off again staggering friendship.

Finally, one afternoon as I was headed to his house for dinner, I stopped my car, sat in silence for five minutes at a service station, and realized that I just could not endure a single step more of this relationship on any level. One never gets any real reciprocation from a wounded narcissist – they are too busy trying to prop their wounded ego up by endless self love. So, I turned around, went home, which set off a rage-a-thon in the narcissist (I had rejected them). That was the end of all contact.

Seven years have passed, and I find myself in a very happy place again. So I have tentatively sent out feelers to him to see if we can be occasional, casual friends, and to see if he has done a bit of self awareness growing. I have known him since I was 22 and he was 15. And as exciting as new relationships can be, there is something valuable about old friends – especially if you have been thru the mill together.

Stay tuned on this one.

Professor Benjamin Levi Marks said...

PS Somewhere, lost on my other blog is the image of that same painting of Narcissus gazing at his own image in the pool. I’ll be damned if I can find the post it is hidden on. I can’t even remember the context of why I included it. Running two totally unrelated blogs is like have two brains and two lives. Uh – you probably have a blog post for that syndrome. Cheers

alice said...

Will - I am sorry that you have found yourself attracted to the narcissist. I have had several in my life (not love interests, but friends), and they have been exhausting and defeating people. One person will usually be the "giver" in the relationship, and whether it is friendship or romance, generally it is usually the giver that is more generous with affection, attention and praise. But everyone can reach a point when they have nothing left to give. They become emotionally bankrupt. Unless a deposit, of some sort, such as acknowledgement or appreciation, is given by the other person, the giver flounders to have the energy or the inclination to continue. When the realization hits you that the other person is incapable of focusing on your needs, it serves as a giant-in-your-face-wake-up-call of questions. Like, do I really want to put up with this??

You are such a deeply thoughtful and quality human being - you deserve to be appreciated and loved devotedly. Please don't settle for any less.