HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2011.

Halloween season! IT IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR! Ghosts, witches, goblins, zombies, vampires, and werewolves! I LOVE IT! Don't you?! It's fun!

As I enter middle ag...ER, my mid twenties, I am starting to reflect on my life. I feel regret for having hurt certain people. Whether it was deliberately or unintentionally; although I truly feel I've never done anything with malice or on purpose. Ya see, I do have a conscience. And I do feel guilt. And I happen to have empathy. I really wish I were a colder and uncaring bastard, but that is only the facade I seem to present to the world. I'm sarcastic, cynical, and quite silly with my sense of humour. The real ME is very sentimental and easily moved. I've been pretty fortunate in my life. I've always had a roof over my head, food, and basic necessities to survive. My nagging mother has been pretty good to me despite our sometimes heated disagreements. I happen to have at least two or three good friends in whom I can confide and tell my deepest secrets and thoughts to without being judged or mocked. That is sooooooooo important to have ya know? We all need to be heard/listened to, but it is hard to find an accepting audience. I've been fortunate not to have any serious financial problems or health issues. My worst enemy has sadly been my own mind and my emotions. I'm way too sensitive and having to grow up in the real world has been a very humbling and almost unbearable lesson at times. I do give humans the benefit of the doubt and try to believe in people, but sadly I have been disappointed way too often. I'm trying not to be bitter or spiteful, but it is hard. There is EVIL in this world folks. There are those among us who do not care, love, or feel guilt at all. I come from a very dysfunctional broken home, and I have had to face the world carrying that dumb awful baggage, which I am slowly but barely still getting rid of to this day. I cry a lot easier now than ever in my life, only because I've had to accept tough lessons about love and other general disappointments. The good thing is: I have faith that everything will work out and I shall triumph despite recent trials and tribulations in the past few years. Someone keeps telling me I'm going to live a very long healthy life and that I shall die peacefully. Okay then. I'll take it! LOL. I hope I look this good at 95!

Okay, it is Halloween time, and I wanna talk about serial killers! I've probably discussed this topic somewhat before, but let's take another STAB at it! EVIL IS REAL! No remorse, no empathy, no guilt; the serial killer is one twisted mindf*cked human being. Jack the Ripper is the most famous and perhaps the first "celebrity" serial killer. He terrorized London during the height of the British Empire and Victorian Age and became a sensation for his murder of prostitutes and his meticulous surgical destruction of the corpses. There's a good film on this topic called From Hell starring Johnny Depp. Serial killers are found the world over and are usually males who grew up wetting their beds late into their teens, abused or killed animals, and had a fascination with fire. Ted Bundy was handsome and educated and brutally murdered tons of pretty girls. John Wayne Gacy was a respected family man and member of his community that got off by killing young men and boys because he was a self-hating homosexual. He used to dress as a clown for kids' parties whilst burying bodies under his house. THE STENCH MAN! UGH! Jeffrey Dahmer became world famous for keeping body parts and eating them in his apartment. YIKES! He was a nice-looking unassuming man that had one SICK mind! Richard Ramirez terrorized L.A. during the summer of 1985. Known as the Night Stalker, this oogly S.O.B. was a Satanist that broke into people's homes and killed mercilessly. One of the creepiest and most fascinating serial killers was the Zodiac up in the Bay area. He was never caught! The Jakey G. film Zodiac is long but interesting to check out. All you've ever wanted to know about these sickos is at this link right here! I cringe to think of who has yet to be caught!

CHUCKY! SUCH LANGUAGE! LOLOL:

THE N WORD, REVISITED.

My brother insists I blog! I know I know, it's been a while. What is there to talk about? Hmmm...

I'll have to discuss one of my favorite topics of the last two years or so: NARCISSISM! Yeah, so if you're sick of it and not in the mood or just plain don't believe me when I tell you of the destruction these people create in the normally good and decent around them, then stop reading. But if you wanna learn and be informed and open your eyes to something that is rarely discussed and given attention to, but needs to be given proper coverage, then continue forth! Ya know that horrible c*ntrag Joan Crawford as depicted in the film MOMMIE DEAREST by Faye Dunaway? Yes, that psychotic evil twisted movie star bitch that abuses her daughter and acts like the world revolves her? Yes my friends, that is a NARCISSIST. Or the malicious terrible ghetto trash puta that Mo'nique so convincingly plays in PRECIOUS? Yes, that is a NARCISSIST. But let's not forget the more subtle, more delicate yet still manipulative and emotionally destructive witch in 500 DAYS OF SUMMER. Yes, she is a NARCISSIST. In all the movies I just used as examples, women are the perpetrators, but more often than not it is MEN that are guilty of having this personality disorder. Daniel Day-Lewis' amazing performance in There Will Be Blood for example; that character is a NARCISSIST. How would I ever have known about these energy vampires had I not fallen for one? He was so charming, so sweet, so seemingly gentle and caring. But it's all a front. A mask. For once it slips off and they know they've got you hooked in, their assault on your soul begins. So many times I heard other naysayers tell me, "GET OVER IT! BIG DEAL! YOU'RE SO DRAMATIC!" Oh really now? Well, when you come from a dysfunctional family where two of the main adults in my life were savage NARCISSISTS, and then you end up developing feelings for one in adulthood, I think it's safe to say I got some really bad lessons about what a healthy relationship is all about. Yes, they are usually successful and very ambitious and liked by many, but this does not eliminate their abusive nature or self-absorbed ways. They do not know what love is, and sadly they never will. They hate intimacy and sensitive people. They feel unique and misunderstood. No, it's not just a jerk or bitch you're dealing with folks. You're dealing with a truly damaged and malignant soul. Am I narcissistic? Why yes. To a certain degree I am! Sure! But I'm not a NARCISSIST. A true narcissist is just plain EVIL. And I know some that at this point in their lives are trying desperately to change and be better people towards others, but this is rare, for most (like my self-absorbed FATHER), never change and are proud of it. Remember, you are not a person, you are an object. To be used and discarded. Plain and simple. Eerie and depressing isn't it?

Yes, the NARCISSIST may be good looking, financially successful, and appear to have it all. But here's the catch: they don't care about your thoughts, your opinions, your feelings, or YOU. Period. You're just an object that is doing its job for now, until someone else "better" comes along. The victim who willfully enters a relationship with one of these douches is then put through a mindf*ck of epic proportions. Some days, the NARCISSIST is fun, nice, and sweet all over again just like the first time he lured you in. This is meant to confuse and keep the victim hooked in. But then the real true bastard comes through once again, and he's abusive, condescending, withdrawn, and just plain horrible to you. The victim (AND YES THERE IS A VICTIM) has lost their self-esteem, does not know how to get away from him, and is confused and truly hurt. Once the victim decides they've had enough of this douchebag and wants to leave, the NARCISSIST does everything to beg, manipulate, or even threaten to keep that person with them. A NARCISSIST doesn't want YOU to end the relationship! NO! He/she has to end it! THEY HAVE TO BE VICTORIOUS! They have to have the last word/laugh! DUH! Don't you get it? Don't you see their modus operandi by now?! This woman beautifully explains it in this article. I'd give her a Pulitzer if I could. Even if the victim has managed to escape and cut all ties with Donald Trump, the recovery from one of these beasts will take a long time and many tears will be shed mourning Mr. Asshole. Don't I know it from personal experience. Oh boy. My mother knows it from dealing with my late father. Nicole Simpson knew it, and got murdered by her NARCISSIST. Yikes. This is no joke folks. This is no sweep-it-under-the rug issue. This is serious and highly destructive. These people are psychopaths. Even if they don't physically murder someone, they are pretty lethal and damaging nonetheless to the sensitive and giving souls out there. I like and admire the achievements of Madonna, Pablo Picasso, and the recently deceased Steve Jobs, but this does not mean they are/were good kind sweet caring people with empathy for others--all narcissists, all of them abusive. The only way to successfully deal with these heathens is to keep them at a distance and deal with them here and there once in a while. Better yet, cut them out of your life completely if you can! For to be in love or related to them is to invite nothing but suffering.

I shall never EVER be the same person again. Forever changed and scarred. And this is a good thing! Waking up and realizing what I was dealing with my whole life and carrying with me into my recent adulthood is very eye-opening! I've been mocked, criticized, scoffed at, and dismissed by even my closest friends about this subject and my harrowing experience. But as this writer so brilliantly puts it: "Does all this sound far-fetched and like a lame made-for-TV movie? Then you’ve never had an encounter with a narcissist."

I'm sure I'll come back to this subject sometime in the near future. Lucky YOU. LOLOL! In the meantime, I'm waiting to see what happens to the world economy...

"IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM."

I did not want the month of August to end without at least ONE blog post, so here I am! WHERE OH WHERE HAS THIS YEAR GONE KIDS?! LOVING MY NEW HOME BY THE WAY! LOVE IT! Thank you SO MUCH for still reading and most of all for commenting! This post is of major importance, so PLEASE FOLLOW IT CAREFULLY:

Is something major and catastrophic going to happen on or around September 26, 2011? Apparently every time some comet aligns with the Earth astronomically speaking, we have a major quake somewhere in the world. The last three times have been along the Pacific Rim, with quakes hitting Chile, New Zealand, and Japan. I'm hoping L.A. is spared; yeah, I love catastrophes and chaos because I'm twisted and evil like that, but it's much more fun to sit back and watch live coverage on the Internet or television! LOL! If Los Angeles were to have a disaster, I'd be caught in the middle of it, and it would really suck not to have electricity or water! HAHA! Anyway, here's hoping I'm not jinxing my city and the other 10 million souls living here, although we could benefit from many bastards and bitches getting killed in a good-sized temblor. So much going on! WHAT AN EXCITING TIME TO BE ALIVE! Global communication is instant nowadays with any natural or man-made disaster or event being reported within minutes! The thing that makes it all more devastating is the large population of heathen...er, HUMANS living on the Earth. 7 BILLION PEOPLE?! THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS MAN! I suppose all this crazy stuff has happened in the past, but it's much more serious now when you have so many lives at stake. The tornadoes this year were terrible, and that rare 5.8 quake in D.C. and surrounding areas last week made me think of the NEW MADRID fault and the frightening scenario of a massive quake in an area of the U.S. that does not really have building codes! YIKES!

In all honesty, with all the weird sh*t taking place on this planet, my focus this year has been more on the universe! How truly small and insignificant we are when compared to our Solar System (look at this picture of the Earth from the surface of Mars), and how even more trivial WE BE when compared to our place in the Milky Way galaxy! Then you start to think of all the other galaxies out there, and it becomes a bit unnerving and totally incomprehensible. IT'S JUST MINDBLOWING FOLKS! Billions of galaxies with billions of stars and planets--there has to be "intelligent" life out there besides our lame asses! Like George Lucas envisioned and beat us over the head--with his popular franchise--I often wonder if there is a galaxy out there where they trade and fight wars between planets and can travel freely and effortlessly in ships or through stargates! CAN YOU BLOODY IMAGINE?! And no, I'm not stoned as I write this post either. LOLOLOL! I talk about this with my Woody Harrelson lookalike buddy/co-worker often and his knowledge on this topic is very very good. Of course, there are those among us who have seen UFOs and have suffered abductions (like my beloved bud at this blog), who would swear that beings from other planets have already visited us and continue to monitor and study our species very carefully. My mother --for crying out loud --swears she clearly and undeniably saw a UFO earlier this year outside her bedroom window where we used to live! So much to fathom, to study, to research, and to learn! Thank God for the Internet right?! I can safely bet that waste of space slut whore Kim Kardashian doesn't spend time even thinking about these incredible and fascinating topics.

Did we ever even go to the Moon? And if we did, why did we never go back after 1972? A new major Hollywood motion picture directed by an unknown Spaniard, Apollo 18, explores the terrifying idea that aliens scared the bejesus out of our NASA astronauts and warned us to never return. EEK! Makes my skin crawl! Watch this brief British documentary here. SO VERY CREEPY! The Hollywood movie trailer on this very subject/event is here:

SEVEN YEARS LATER...

A BLOG POST! A BLOG POST! OH MA DEAR BELOVED GOD! AND TODAY MARKS THE SEVENTH ANNIVERSARY OF THIS BLOG TOO! SO YOU ARE MORE THAN ENCOURAGED; YOU ARE OBLIGATED QUITE FRANKLY TO LEAVE A COMMENT!

Well, it's been tough to just write as of late. I've taken up exercising again and I am seeing some early decent results which is a bit motivating. You've heard of the P90X workout program? Yes, my friend was kind enough to burn me the whole set of DVDs and I'm in my third week. Okay so I kind of skip the YOGA day because it's 90 minutes and it is a bit grueling and boring and it seems to take an eternity to get through, but everything else I've been sticking to and lemme tells ya it is HARD WORK. The workouts tend to be about an hour long and they are very diverse and definitely interesting; supposedly I'll be ripped in about three months or so. Unlike sex, after about 30 minutes though I am really really tired! The last half hour is the hardest for me. I really feel winded and out of it and to just lay on the floor and close my eyes is almost as good as an orgasm. So I'm working out really hard about four days and two days I do some abs and blah blah blah. It's nice not to have to go to the gym and deal with the parking and crowds and monthly stupid fee so this system is perfect in that you don't need all that fancy equipment and stuff. Anyway, it has put me in a better mood since they say exercising does help with depression and my sex drive seems to be really revved up. Anyway, if you're looking to get moving and stop being sedentary, this is a good program although you better be prepared to keep up and be careful not to get injured. And I drink those protein shakes after each workout which taste really good and hopefully will turn me into a hot ADONIS by the end of the summer. The main trainer and designer is this dude named Tony Horton who's about 50 and in incredible enviable shape and his positive silly attitude makes me want to hurl, but ya can't blame the guy for loving life and looking the way he does. YES SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY LOVE LIFE! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Okay so not only is it this blog's seventh anniversary, but it's also my birthday okay? Yes, another year to add to my RIVETING life! Well, I'm still alive and still going so there must be a purpose for me on here right? Even more shocking is how amazingly good I look for my age! YEAH! Oh my God, I'm such a NARCISSIST! LOL! I'm slowly but surely inching towards the big FOUR-O, but everyone is pretty impressed at how well I maintain myself, despite some dark moments there in the last two years. UGH. I owe my youthful appearance to lots of sleep, little to no sun exposure, and good genes I suppose. And this past weekend I saw my dear old friend who now lives in Chicago at the local karaoke bar and it was fun! I hope she posts our pics soon so I can share with all of you. She hilariously calls me her GAY HUSBAND and there are now actual shots of both of us kissing! YEOOOOOOOOOOOOW! She's a sweet silly gal who thinks I'm handsome. Well, that's sweet/kind of you to say my dear and cruel of life that I'm not straight ain't it?! OH! I've officially moved to a new place near my old one! NO MORE MORTGAGE! Renting like everyone else and it feels liberating! I posted the pics on Facebook here so you can see. And my best BEST bud got me a brand new digital TV for my bday! WOOHOO! Ain't that super nice?! Well, leave a comment okay? PLEASE!!! HAPPY SEVENTH BLOGIVERSARY! And Happy Birthday to me too!

I don't know if Katy Perry is going to score a fifth #1 hit off her Teenage Dream album with this song, but it is already in the Top Ten and the video is terrific with some great cameos by Hanson, Kenny G, Corey Feldman, and Debbie Gibson:

¡ VIVA MEXICO !

What do I write about when quite frankly, I don't feel inspired to write about anything at all anymore! I may just have to shut down my awesome little blog here after seven years of philosophical, existential, and journalistic awesomeness! Unless I have a sudden burst/surge of writing creativity in the near future? Well, my life is rather bland I suppose. Routine. Monotonous. I mean, I have been trying to have fun and enjoy the good times when they arrive and stuff, but as of late I feel kind of detached from it all. I guess this is a good thing in a way, but at the same time I feel kind of robotic. On automatic pilot. I have a decent job and entertaining co-workers who at least like to be silly and laugh at the stupidities I find funny as well, but I dunno why I feel so blah now. I was feeling massive depression and sadness for a good while there, only to be replaced now with a kind of lost and apathetic feeling! Ok, so I'll count my blessings. I'd rather feel the way I do now, than to break down and cry! I'LL TAKE IT! MY GOD MAN! THAT WAS SOME HORRIBLE MOURNING THERE! UGH! Tears have to be shed in order to become stronger?! CHRIST ALMIGHTY! NOOOOOOOOO!!! I've been quite spiritual lately, praying a lot (in a Christian sense) and it seems to be yielding results. Atheism seems to be growing a lot lately and is the current fad among many people I know, which is fine and all, but I feel a spiritual connection right now with a higher power that I do not with any human being here in this f*cked up world.

Speaking of this f*cked up world, I was looking at blogs and other sites online recently about the drug trafficking war in Mexico and this is a NIGHTMARE! The daily killings of civilians and authority figures is downright shocking and horrific! These criminals are no joke, and do not mess or get in their way; rival cartels battle each other and are massacring whomever they can to send a message that they are in charge of these towns and that the money coming in is good enough to commit all kinds of atrocious murders. Frankly, if the United States were not so addicted to drugs, this problem would not exist, but we have a culture that loves to get high. Common graves are found with corpses all the time in border towns, people get decapitated frequently, and two dudes were found lifeless and hanging from an overpass bridge this past week. Gruesome and gory man! EEK! What is gonna be done to stop this mess?! The police in Mexico are accused to be in on it due to bribing and the U.S. and Mexican federal governments have no real solution to this growing terrible problem, nor do I think they care. In the past five years or so of this disturbing upsurge in violence, more than 35,000 people have been killed. The cartels are organized and heavily armed, with most of the weapons manufactured here in the good ole' U.S.A. They send our troops into Iraq or Afghanistan, when we've got this kind of serious trouble right in our back yard?! YIKES MAN! This kind of crime is already spilling into our country and if economic conditions continue to deteriorate here, GOD HELP US. It's really sad to see all of this happening, especially when I actually find certain Mexicans quite sexually attractive at times. LOL!

This is a BRILLIANT movie trailer. THE LONG-AWAITED SEQUEL TO E.T. IS FINALLY HERE! WATCH:

♪ "I CAN'T TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE NO MORE, NEVER FELT LIKE FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE..." ♫

I've been very lazy and suffering from terrible writer's block as of late; thanks to anyone who still visits and comments on my silly posts:

So there are no dead photos to be released of the most popular terrorist in modern times? And his body was dumped into the ocean?! WHAT?! I used to believe the official 9/11 story for about two years, and then I began to question and research all kinds of information on my own. I just can't understand how FOUR planes were so easily hijacked that morning, with three of them hitting their targets so successfully. The average citizen was definitely caught off guard, and we were all pretty shocked and horrified at the magnitude of the event, but I know the government was not that unaware--the FBI and CIA have a history of cover-ups and corruption don't ya know? We used to be friends with Saddam Hussein, and then he became an enemy in a terribly expensive unnecessary war were no WMDs were ever found. The whole entire War on Terror has bankrupted this country and implemented ridiculous security measures that don't guarantee our safety. Saddam and his two sons were not dumped into the ocean right away mind you. I hate to doubt or question all this mess, but I DO. Frankly I do. Label me a conspiracy theorist then. I used to really love and stand behind this country, but the last decade and previous presidency left me exhausted and very disillusioned and disenfranchised. Movies like V for Vendetta, Network and the gold mine that is the Internet have opened my mind and made me realize that what the official media tells us may not be the truth after all. Brainwashing the masses is very easy and effective. Osama had tons of porn and plans for more terror attacks and blah blah blah. The story just gets more bizarre and weird by the day; I thought the man had kidney disease?! Anyway...

I've recently picked up going to the movies again. It had been a long while actually. I saw THOR on Mother's Day with mom and friends and it was entertaining. Ever since my depressive crisis of 2010, my life has never felt or been the same again. I dunno. I'm probably repeating myself, but it's as if I've been forever transformed. I guess we all go through something similar that changes us for good, but I frankly don't like what it's done to me; at times I feel lost/confused and angry that I fell for someone who did not feel the same about me. I know life is unfair and we don't always get what we want and that I am hugely blessed in many ways and that I have come out of that deep terrible dark moment pretty decently, but I still don't feel like my old more carefree self like I once did. It'd be nice to finally settle down and build something substantial, but then I wonder if I am not just deluding myself with fairy tale dreams and the ridiculous idea of wanting to be in love. I just hate this "new" me. I F*CKING HATE/DESPISE IT. A sentimental big giant crybaby fool is what I've become and it irks me. I'm human after all, but WHY DAMN IT?! WHY?! There's plenty of hot dudes in the world right? So much to still see and do correct?! A whole life still ahead of me n'est-ce pas? Yeah right. I try to enjoy each day and be thankful for the little things, but sometimes my sadness overwhelms me and takes over. I resent it. Just like Lady Gaga who breaks down and cries before her Monster Ball Tour concert that recently aired on HBO where she feels that she's not good or competent enough--that's how I often feel! Add to it living in this superficial gay sh*thole Los Angeles where I am nowhere near as good-looking as these narcissistic A-HOLES and I frankly do feel ugly at times, even though I'm an attractive man regardless. Anyway, you can see how tormented I've become; not that I wasn't before, but now I just break down easily, like that guy John Boehner in Congress. LOL! UGH. F*ck this sh*t. Pointless annoying sentimentality which only makes me needlessly suffer. THANKS LIFE! THANKS A LOT! I've been cursed. I pray and pray for it to go away...

I'll leave ya with some Britney. I frankly do wish the world would just blow up and end. Life is fun and cool at times--it's the misery and BS I cannot stand which makes me wish for an asteroid to hit the planet more often than not! At least this retarded top ten hit song is catchy:

TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT?! EEK!!!

My modem at home has been acting up and is not connecting properly so here I am at work trying to sneak a post in. Sorry for any typos or odd sentences:

One of the things I want to vehemently clear up in this post is the distinction between a victim and an abuser. So many times, abuse by an evil person is directed at someone else verbally, emotionally, or physically and others try to justify or understand why the perpetrator did it. "Well he/she had a bad childhood or they don't know any better and this is why they abuse..." OH REALLY NOW?! I don't care what the person's past or hardship has been or may currently be, ABUSE IS NEVER TO BE JUSTIFIED OR EXCUSED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM! NOR TOLERATED NOR ACCEPTED! An abusive person needs to be reprimanded and dealt with according to the law, and one should get away from them as soon as possible. Sadly, even victims tend to want to make excuses or feel sorry for their abusers, by trying to only see their good side or because they love him/her. Kind of what happens with Stockholm Syndrome. Anyway, as someone who has been emotionally and verbally abused myself, I have never made excuses for the people who have done this to me. F*CK THAT. Evil is real, and these savage poor wastes of space deserve to be punished and made aware of their misdeeds. No one deserves to be abused so terribly by someone else who wants nothing but to exert their control and power over YOU. Shall we feel sorry for what O.J. Simpson went through which lead him to beat and finally brutally kill his ex-wife? Poor Ted Bundy and Adolf Hitler! WRONG! NO! Some people are just plain wicked and need to be dealt with. Let their feet swing...

The sad truth is, today's job market is a nightmare. Recent college grads are no longer finding work and many have to move back home and live with their parents working odd jobs or searching endlessly for that first REAL job which doesn't seem to ever come. Middle-aged people who have had their jobs for years and get laid off are in even more dire straits. The unemployment situation in this country is profoundly serious, and the consequences of people being out of work like this is not good. This is the kind of crap that happens in Mexico or Hati, where lots of unemployed folk turn to crime to "make ends meet." THE THIRD WORLD BABY! I just ran into a friend who is in his mid-thirties and lost his job a few months ago and he cannot find work; to the point where the man will leave California in a year if nothing materializes. What this does to one's self-esteem and mood is devastating. All this official unemployment data you get out of the government is a bunch of baloney, the numbers are much higher. But you go on believing them okay? You go on being distracted by Dancing with the Stars and Justin Bieber and the latest antics of those losers on Jersey Shore while the country sinks further and further into the worst economic depression in its history. A bunch of our good jobs have been outsourced, the unions are being cracked down on for egregious corruption, and the greed of this ridiculously individualistic capitalist system has now been exposed. The whole damn system is one giant decomposing festering deer cadaver complete with maggots and ants! AH THE IMAGERY! LOL! McDonald's hiring 50,000 recently?! THIS IS THE AMERICAN DREAM NOWADAYS?! EEK!

Katy Perry is married to that super douchebag Russell Brand, but her pop star career is another matter. She is on fire! Four #1 singles off her current album alone! This is no easy or small feat:

LET THE GOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN.

This is one depressing lonely place for a decent relationship I'm afraid; if you're a gay man that is. The dudes in this town are highly superficial: gym bod, tan, and a career in modeling/entertainment are required, or else you're less than trash. And THOSE jocks are quite lonely themselves too, because who can stand being around a narcissist anyway right?! The really hot ones also tend to have the personality and sex skills of a sea urchin anyway. BORING! Yes, I'd like a handsome good-looking one myself with a nice face, decent body, and fresh breath/nice teeth, but I can accept a few imperfections here and there okay? UGH. I dunno man. I used to be liberated and carefree and did not care about settling down, until HE happened to me, and it's been all downhill ever since then. WHAT HAPPENED?! Is this what becoming mature is supposed to be like? I've actually grown tired of the casual sex and one-night stands?! ME?! OMG! THIS IS MADNESS! ARGH! What I really don't understand is how people can get into and out of relationships effortlessly like changing a song on their iPod. It's pretty amazing and quite frankly, I don't know how that even happens. Aren't you supposed to feel giddy feelings of being in love? Isn't that supposed to happen very rarely? I guess I don't fall that easily and don't feel that spark often at all. I must be damaged. I'm starting to lose hope. At least in L.A. In other more REAL places, I'm sure I would have found a cool hottie long ago. But dating here? A NIGHTMARE. I have no problem getting laid, but no one seems to fall madly in love with me. This makes me a bit sad and I feel very inadequate quite frankly...

Some two weeks ago, the tooth pain I was experiencing was driving me up the wall. I had to get my first ever root canal. How come no one told me that it took so long to get one done?! ARGH! Thank God my dentist is one cool awesome dude with very soft delicate hands. Anyway, I'm glad he killed the nerves and the pain has gone away. I have a temp crown for now as they manufacture my new permanent one in a lab somewhere. I'm getting new glasses soon too, after a long lengthy annoying eye exam last week. I'd been sporting this cool facial hair scruff recently, but I'm tired of having to trim and maintain the grass so I pretty much got rid of it tonight. I look five years younger already! Been doing push-ups and stuff to get some exercise into my life, and although I'm looking nice and more toned as of late, I'm still pretty thin and not meeting L.A. standards on muscle. WHY SHOULD I EVEN BUY INTO ALL THIS PHONY IMAGE BALONEY RIGHT?! Damn I'm lonely, so very lonely...

I can't get this song out of my head as of late. She's finally really grown on me I tells ya:

THE BOMBING OF LIBYA.

I had an upset stomach on Tuesday and now I have some sort of allergy/cold and one of my teeth is in severe pain that comes and goes! Sensitive tooth?! DAMN I HOPE IT ALL F*CKING GOES AWAY! ARGH!

Yeah, I was pretty sad to hear of Elizabeth Taylor's passing, but the gal lived a good full amazing life, so it's bearable. We all gotta die one day and poor Liz was terribly weak and sick and in lots of pain so it was time. 79 years old. Not a bad run at all for one of the most famous women in history. I'd blogged about Liz before here and here. A great heart and soul and EYES to die for of course! R.I.P.

The reason the Japanese were hit by that massive quake is because they are being punished for their perversions! I'm kidding of course. Did the Japanese invent the Fleshlight? I'd like to buy one of these contraptions and try it out. Hey, the life of a single man is tough ok? And then a bud of mine points out these hysterical masturbation toys that WERE invented in Japan. JUST IN TIME FOR EASTER! LOL! I had seen them recently at the local sex shop but truly had no idea what they were until he explained it all to me this week. Mighty tempting! And then there's this thing that looks like some sort of device one would use in outer space! AHAHAHAHAHAH! All I need now is an astronaut suit, a helmet, and I'm ready to be launched in a rocket to the moon with my sex toy...

This blog post is short, but sweet. Let's look back at the once stunning Elizabeth! Yep, that's her late best bud MJ singing:

THE GREAT JAPANESE QUAKE OF 2011.

Long week at work, but all is well I suppose. Another video clip follows for you kids. Hope you enjoy! I started doing push-ups at work whenever I get the chance thanks to inspiration from my co-worker/friend Rivers, and I've gotten quite strong! I could barely do five when I first started last week and now I'm up to doing twenty in a row almost effortlessly! WOW! Muscle memory they call it? I'm even starting to look a little more toned, or is it my imagination? I know I'm eating a lot, and other co-workers are shocked by the amount of food I shove into my mouth--it's a combination of having a fast metabolism, stress, and the recent exercise I've been doing that is making me so hungry. Now I gotta get some squats and crunches into my "workouts" and I'll be on a roll. I've gained some weight too, which is great news for a such a lean dude like myself, but I'm also starting to see a bit of a gut, which is actually kind of sexy. LOLOL! Okay, watch this and tell me what you think:

HOW MUCH IS GAS THIS WEEK?!

I finally have a decent camcorder thanks to my new smartphone, although I'm learning that I have to keep my clips within a reasonable time frame in order to successfully upload them to YouTube. Ya see, in my own twisted warped NARCISSISTIC mind, I am a very smart funny witty important superstar individual with interesting things to say and talk about and I could go on and on and on like some long-winded Oscar acceptance speech. In reality, much of what I have to say is a bunch of baloney BS, but I want you to please watch and comment anyway. Please enlighten and entertain me just as much as I do you. Thanks! Oh yeah, this clip does end quite suddenly as I accidentally pushed a wrong button or something, but it certainly is a fitting parting shot:

THE LIBYAN REVOLUTION.

It's been a while since I've discussed malignant narcissism! LOL! Carlos Estevez! Better known to you and me as Charlie Sheen. This fool is one piece of work. Lemme tell ya something, the dude is out of control: a drug addict, overpaid, obnoxious, conceited, and just plain disastrous in every possible way, Charlie is a classic malignant narcissist. Once married to that very pretty Denise Richards with whom he had kids with, this guy is self-absorbed, selfish, and narcissistic in every way. No regard for anyone but HIMSELF. WHEW! I really dislike this man a lot. CBS finally had the common sense to yank his very successful sitcom Two and a Half Men off the air due to really mean things Sheen said about the show's creator. Sheen was born into privilege thanks to his legendary actor father and is so damn fortunate to have had a decent film career and a hit TV show of his own where he gets paid tons of cash for basically playing himself, but he does not see this at all of course, and takes it completely for granted. I'm waiting for the day he overdoses! YAY! The guy has been involved in tons of scandals for years now; too numerous that I've lost track or count really. He likes prostitutes, porn stars, and cocaine a lot. AHAHAHHAAH! Hey, he can do what he wants with his life I suppose, but Sheen is a father and he drags other people down with him-THIS IS WHY narcissists are so dangerous and destructive; they do not take other people's feelings/emotions into consideration at all! I cannot imagine what a nightmare it must have been being married to this dude. I'm sorry Denise. YIKES! Actually he's been married several times and had tons of women. OH BOY.

END TIMES! My good friend in San Diego always says that when we discuss the massively disturbing events happening all over the world. I love to have fun; I really do despite my dreary mood swings. I love to laugh, eat, sing, and screw. But you cannot deny that what is going on here on a GLOBAL SCALE is very very worrisome. Massive quakes, solar flares, people rioting all over the Middle East, economies collapsing, strange extreme weather, overpopulation, animals dying off, etc. DOOM AND GLOOM BABY! Those Mayans may have been onto something with that 2012 sh*t. Do you realize how truly bad the American economy is?! No, of course not. We've been busy watching football, Justin Bieber, and American Idol. IT IS GOING TO GET WORSE. Yes, you can be an eternal optimist, but reality is what it is. The price of gasoline alone lately should be a red flag! EEK! And food! Just the other day I went to get Mexican grub with my girl cousin and was shocked when I got so little change back! EXPENSIVE! Millions of Americans are struggling now. It is very sad. The gas and food prices alone are going to send many more into poverty they have never known. Inflation is here kids. IT IS TRULY HERE. And how is our once powerful DOLLAR doing? It's gonna collapse man. And people the world over are tired of starving, being unemployed, and neglected by the rich so they're losing it, especially dem Arabs! Government union jobs (like mine) are being cut and the backlash is going to be enormous. Austere measures are going to piss a lot of people off accustomed to their usual standard of living. The assault on the middle class has begun. IS ALL OF THIS LEADING US TOWARDS A NEW WORLD ORDER?! A ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT?! The whole system is falling apart! The world has always been chaotic and cruel, but this is at quite an unmatched scale! It is a fantastic and fascinating time to be alive! Stay tuned...

Some songs are just immortal and never go out of style. This is one of those classic tunes:

AS THE ARAB WORLD REVOLTS...

I'm going to talk about Lady Gaga. That's right. LADY F*CKING GAGA. Like the bitch needs any more attention/promotion?! It's taken a while for her to grow on me, since the pop music world has been sorely lacking for quite some time for a really STANDOUT performer, in my humble opinion. I know Beyoncé, Britney, Rihanna, Katy Perry, and Pink have a remarkable strong presence on the modern charts, but it is Lady Gaga that has now truly hit her stride to quite possibly become the biggest pop star on the planet. Elvis, The Beatles, Elton John, Michael Jackson, and of course Madonna have all been there before, and the endless comparisons with the latter are justified and understandable, but I do believe Lady Gaga is now her very own original entity. We've seen the bizarre costumes, looks, and personas on David Bowie and Elton John before, and the sexually provocative and engaging videos by Madonna in the past, and it has all now come to a perfect amalgamation into this one freakshow of a woman. Or is she a hermaphrodite?! LOL! The hilarious bizarre arrival to this past Sunday's Grammy Awards was a hoot; and her performance on stage was nothing short of brilliant and the true birth (hatching in this case, haha) of a superstar. She is definitely entertaining and truly talented; let Anderson Cooper show you. Or her appearance on Jay Leno perhaps? Or this gem clip in Tokyo? The woman can play the keys and sing for sure. The gay community has been crazy about her for a while now, but there I was simply observing and biding my time. I feel she came out of nowhere and just took off into the stratosphere quite frankly. She's kooky and maybe goes over the top, but I am now convinced and on TEAM GAGA. You can now call me a "Little Monster" I suppose? Her latest song has become an instant #1 hit. What must it be like to get noticed and talked about like this?! And what does the once trendsetting Madonna do now?! Her Royal Highness has already established herself and worked so very hard anyway right?

My teeth have never looked better. I've had my fair share of cavities and annoying distressing dental work, but never to the point of root canals. I hear those really hurt. Anyway, I've got nice truly clean teeth now thanks to my obsession with chewing gum right after meals or brushing them whenever I get the chance and more responsible recent visits to the dentist. I was fitted for an upper mouth guard at the dentist recently because I tend to grind while I'm asleep, but have found it hard to get used to wearing that weird thing. I have sensitive teeth, which can be kind of painful sometimes. I would love to truly whiten them, but am worried it's going to be very very harsh on my poor choppers which are still recovering from some inlays I had done late last year. At my last cleaning, while I was being flossed by the assistant, she was amazed at how no food particles were flying out of my pie hole. "I don't need to teach you how to floss, you seem to do it well." I would hope everyone would! EW! POOR ORAL HYGIENE on a lover can send me running far FAR away never to return.

My car brakes and tires are done! I did not mind spending money for that, since it's nice to have a car in LA and be able to go wherever. It was however, very upsetting to be towed recently. OUCH. A bit of a long story, but getting one's car towed is never fun, nor is having to pay for its release.

THE EGYPTIAN REVOLUTION.

I finally own a smartphone! This one to be exact. Aren't you proud of me? I think I've almost mastered how to use it in just one week's time. That's riveting WAT. So very f*cking riveting...

My car needs the front brakes repaired, new front tires, and the dents and crap fixed from that accident I had about a year ago. I need to clear all this junk post office mail from my room and just looking at it is driving me crazy. The search for a new place to live continues and the time to start cleaning out and throwing out unnecessary clutter is now. I'll tell ya the truth folks, I just don't want to get out of bed sometimes. I find my life overwhelming in many ways right now. Yes, I am overly sensitive okay?! HOW DO I STOP THAT BY THE WAY?! I easily break down or cry now like some wuss; ever since I got my heart crushed last year by that dude. UGH. I'm lucky in getting laid, but at true relationship-based love?! What a disaster! Yeah, life's really great right?! There's this dating website I recently joined and it astonishes me to sometimes read profiles where guys say they are loving life and they can't wait to welcome a new day! WOOHOO! REALLY?! LOLOLOL! That kind of amazing joy exists?! AHAHHAHAHA! Don't get me wrong I have plenty of happy moments, but Good Lord this existence annoys and frustrates me quite often. The grass always looks greener on the other side--yeah, that is so my issue. I often feel everyone else is living life to the fullest and I'm kind of just here cruising along. Actually, when I come to think of it, it's nice not to have children. I can't imagine having to support and tolerate one of those things, let alone have to bring them into this amazingly sick twisted world. I hope to return to my once carefree selfish way of living soon and forget this idea of wanting to be in love. I failed someone long ago who was very much into me and now I got punched in the face and gut and thrown into the middle of running traffic as karma perhaps? JUST GREAT. Life is good. HA.

My cousin has flown in from Oklahoma to stay with us the next few months and enrolled just yesterday into a medical assistant program at a school near downtown. Good for her I say! Jobs in the medical field are thriving, despite the still huge unemployment numbers. She said the weather out there right now is a nightmare; cold and snow everywhere. Harsh winter this season all over the country right? You'd never know it here in L.A. though. The weather has been nauseatingly beautiful. Every day there is sun and blue skies. Every day. EVERY. F*CKING. DAY. I want some clouds and rain damn it! I LOVE THE RAIN! I'm obviously living in the wrong city right? Time for Seattle or Portland baby! With my cousin in town, it will be a lot easier to move and her help will be desperately needed and appreciated. I like my cousin very much too. We get along very well and she seems to get me without judging me. We both have the same music tastes too which is very cool. She just might be my current favorite HAG. I realize I don't really have that many friends that are girls and my two favorites always keep in touch with me through the Internet. Jesus, what kind of homo am I that I don't have women friends?! I seem to gravitate towards men (gay or hetero) period! WOW. I never thought of this, but it's so true.

Damn I'm so straight and can't wait for the Super Bowl this weekend.

LARRY KING, WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?!

I have to move soon. YES. I am a victim of the disastrous housing crisis. Sometimes I feel like an utter failure for trying to own a place and not being able to continue with the outrageous mortgage and other fees after four and a half years. Oh well. At least we tried right? Life just does not turn out the way one would like at times. JUST GREAT. I'm kind of sad and feel a bit worthless. Ya gotta earn big bucks to own a place in this country, and EVEN THEN! Property taxes are ridiculous, the paperwork involved is atrocious, and the way this bank has treated me is beyond horrendous. These guys are EVIL. Pure and simple. I did everything in my power to refinance and submitted all kinds of documents to get them to help me during these tough times, and THEY DID NOT BUDGE. So, I am wishing these massive criminal A-HOLES nothing but terrible things. DIE. DIE! JUST DIEEEEEEEEEE! So what happens now? Well, my older brother Charles has to move out of his place soon too, so shall mom and her two sons live all together nice and happily ever after? LOL! Or should I move out on my own, or perhaps with a roomie?! OH MY GOD. What to do, what to do? Decisions, decisions! I am just so relieved I don't have to deal with the stress of the last few years anymore. It will be a great weight lifted off of my shoulders. I'm not looking forward to having to pack things up and moving them, but it will all be over soon; I will find a good place to put that noose on the ceiling, place it around my neck, and effectively kick the chair from underneath my feet...ahahahahhahahhaha! Saddam Hussein, you lucky bastard!

Yeah so I was stoned okay? And I wanted to prove my insane talent. This is strictly off the top of my head, so no copy was read; ten minutes of true improv. My voice changes several times, and I start off with a cheesy radio talk show and how it would sound in LA hosted by a middle-aged conservative married dickwad, the station identification for Mozart's music (I sound eerily like George Takei), a breaking news story on TV (Bernard Shaw then turns into Anderson Cooper with an awesome English dude in the mix), the stoned DJ, Spanish public access Christian talk radio, and the old Nightline intro?! LOLOL!

It's bizarre! Hope you enjoy:

TWO THOUSAND ELEVEN.

How was your New Year's?! I went to Palm Springs! Yeah, that was kind of out of character for me, since I rarely if ever take a road trip by myself, but I did not want to spend YET ANOTHER boring as f*ck New Year's Eve in Los Angeles. Ya see, after ringing in 2004 and 2005 in New Orleans, I've been forever spoiled; seems to me other places have a much better vibe and energy than my hometown to welcome a new year in. The drive to Palm Springs is about 90 minutes, which is very tolerable. My bud who lives out there was kind enough to let me stay at his place for two nights. Palm Springs was so very cold, but it was fun too! I went to this hotel to a huge happening party on December 31! I still can't get over how beautiful this place is! WOW! The party was really fun and quite deafening. This is the song that will most stick with me from that great crazy night. Lots of homos from LA were there. The music man! THE MUSIC WAS SO GOOD BUT SO GOD DAMN LOUD! UGH! I could feel my internal organs vibrating within my ribcage man! I got to this shindig around 10:30pm and left at about 3am. I'll never forget the night sky as I left the party--it was so crystal clear and gorgeous; I think I saw stars and planets I'd never noticed before. I got very sentimental in Palm Springs at times; I had to let go of all the pain and suffering of 2010 and so far my new year has started off pretty nicely.

So here's the deal. My late mean narcissistic father was nice to me sometimes and did once tell me long ago that I have a nice radio voice. Ever since I started doing most of the announcements and paging of people at work recently, I get compliments left and right by most of the staff there that I am one crystal clear sexy-sounding dude! This is most flattering folks! I did try my hand at some light voiceover work a while ago, but I've never really pursued it. I mean, I am in the right town for this right? I don't even know where to begin though. UGH. I often feel I have all these amazing talents and they're just wasting away. GOD. But I do need to have a real job and income folks, because even though I'm a mostly artistic individual, I can't afford to f*cking starve, so I need to begrudgingly work at a day job. And this town is so very competitive; who doesn't do voiceover work here?! The really good and lucky ones like the cast of The Simpsons make millions. Must be nice. Anyway, I guess I'll continue to enjoy my celebrity-like status at work and endless compliments from men and women alike. Actually, I believe it's mostly women who love my voice. I must be making many of them feel very erotic or something. HAHA!

Speaking of great voices -- a marvelous actor with depression issues? We're all human after all: