Saturday, May 14, 2011

♪ "I CAN'T TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE NO MORE, NEVER FELT LIKE FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE..." ♫

I've been very lazy and suffering from terrible writer's block as of late; thanks to anyone who still visits and comments on my silly posts:

So there are no dead photos to be released of the most popular terrorist in modern times? And his body was dumped into the ocean?! WHAT?! I used to believe the official 9/11 story for about two years, and then I began to question and research all kinds of information on my own. I just can't understand how FOUR planes were so easily hijacked that morning, with three of them hitting their targets so successfully. The average citizen was definitely caught off guard, and we were all pretty shocked and horrified at the magnitude of the event, but I know the government was not that unaware--the FBI and CIA have a history of cover-ups and corruption don't ya know? We used to be friends with Saddam Hussein, and then he became an enemy in a terribly expensive unnecessary war were no WMDs were ever found. The whole entire War on Terror has bankrupted this country and implemented ridiculous security measures that don't guarantee our safety. Saddam and his two sons were not dumped into the ocean right away mind you. I hate to doubt or question all this mess, but I DO. Frankly I do. Label me a conspiracy theorist then. I used to really love and stand behind this country, but the last decade and previous presidency left me exhausted and very disillusioned and disenfranchised. Movies like V for Vendetta, Network and the gold mine that is the Internet have opened my mind and made me realize that what the official media tells us may not be the truth after all. Brainwashing the masses is very easy and effective. Osama had tons of porn and plans for more terror attacks and blah blah blah. The story just gets more bizarre and weird by the day; I thought the man had kidney disease?! Anyway...

I've recently picked up going to the movies again. It had been a long while actually. I saw THOR on Mother's Day with mom and friends and it was entertaining. Ever since my depressive crisis of 2010, my life has never felt or been the same again. I dunno. I'm probably repeating myself, but it's as if I've been forever transformed. I guess we all go through something similar that changes us for good, but I frankly don't like what it's done to me; at times I feel lost/confused and angry that I fell for someone who did not feel the same about me. I know life is unfair and we don't always get what we want and that I am hugely blessed in many ways and that I have come out of that deep terrible dark moment pretty decently, but I still don't feel like my old more carefree self like I once did. It'd be nice to finally settle down and build something substantial, but then I wonder if I am not just deluding myself with fairy tale dreams and the ridiculous idea of wanting to be in love. I just hate this "new" me. I F*CKING HATE/DESPISE IT. A sentimental big giant crybaby fool is what I've become and it irks me. I'm human after all, but WHY DAMN IT?! WHY?! There's plenty of hot dudes in the world right? So much to still see and do correct?! A whole life still ahead of me n'est-ce pas? Yeah right. I try to enjoy each day and be thankful for the little things, but sometimes my sadness overwhelms me and takes over. I resent it. Just like Lady Gaga who breaks down and cries before her Monster Ball Tour concert that recently aired on HBO where she feels that she's not good or competent enough--that's how I often feel! Add to it living in this superficial gay sh*thole Los Angeles where I am nowhere near as good-looking as these narcissistic A-HOLES and I frankly do feel ugly at times, even though I'm an attractive man regardless. Anyway, you can see how tormented I've become; not that I wasn't before, but now I just break down easily, like that guy John Boehner in Congress. LOL! UGH. F*ck this sh*t. Pointless annoying sentimentality which only makes me needlessly suffer. THANKS LIFE! THANKS A LOT! I've been cursed. I pray and pray for it to go away...

I'll leave ya with some Britney. I frankly do wish the world would just blow up and end. Life is fun and cool at times--it's the misery and BS I cannot stand which makes me wish for an asteroid to hit the planet more often than not! At least this retarded top ten hit song is catchy: