Friday, December 30, 2005


Well, the year is about to close. I feel much better today I guess over the recent tragedy in my family. Going to the gym yesterday afternoon certainly helped and I’m hoping to make time to go again today. Nothing beats exercise to clear the mind, soothe the soul, and tire out the body. All this while still giving me a renewed sense of hope that it will all be okay and that this is just another test. Life’s full of them. I am so appreciative of every little moment now.

So let’s think HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! Because despite it all, life’s wonderful! It’s a gift! Hell yeah! I had planned to leave to Las Vegas tonight to ring in 2006, but I did not want to deal with traffic to and fro. Someone told me it could be up to ten hours on the road both ways! EF THAT! And I had my hotel room reserved and all, which wasn’t going to be cheap, but alas not a bad deal for this time of year. And the flights at this stage in the game are horribly expensive.

Oh well. Vegas’ll still be there next year...barring any terrorist attack God forbid. So I’ll just go next month or something, when it’s less crowded.

I’ll be in Los Angeles for the first time in years on New Year’s Eve. For two years in a row, I spent it in New Orleans, and boy oh boy was that a blast.

Forward march my friends. I thank you all for your kind words offering condolences.

I’ll try and find a party for tomorrow night and get my alcohol on.

And I offer you this song, as one of my favorite and most inspirational of 2005:

God bless.

Thursday, December 29, 2005


Well, at about 10:30p.m. last night, my half sister of only 44 years of age passed away. I am, to say the least, very sad but not surprised over the news, and especially feel terrible for her mother, her immediate brothers, sister, her children, and her husband. How bloody awful. Cancer is a terrible evil heinous murderer.

My relationship with her was extremely distant, but it affects me nonetheless, for we did have the bond of having the same father. And so, she has taken that final jump/leap/step towards the "other side." What in God's good name is over there anyway? I dunno, but I'm hoping it's a long while before I ever freakin' find out! UGH MAN! I wonder what she's doing right now? Is Cecilia meeting up with Dad and other deceased loved ones? Are they now looking at us here in this dimension? Do they talk to each other there? Hug? Enjoy neverending happiness now that world pressures are done with and they no longer have to worry about a physical body?

Or perhaps there is nothing, and that's just it. We all just die and the lights go out for good. I'd rather think, hope, and pray that Cecilia has gone to a beautiful place, and that all of us who deserve it, will go there too.

As for now, alls I can say kids is, make the most out of every little minute you have. Whether you're stressed, tired, upset, happy, bored, busy, stuck in traffic, angry, joyful, or whatever---enjoy it. This is one short ride apparently. Forgive those who screw you over and let stupid shit go. It's all so trivial and meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

It really truly is.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005


Well my Xmas was mediocre, only because what had been feared is almost a reality. My father’s (R.I.P.) oldest child is in the hospital, dying of cancer. I haven’t seen her in over ten years, and never really kept in touch with her but it still sucks, because after all, she is my half sister. She’s got lots of kids (some adopted) and has been an exceptional housewife all this time, battling this disease on and off for the past seven years. And she's only about 43 years old or so.

It started I think as some sort of neck tumor, then to the breast, and well…why get gruesome with all the details? It’s like a heavy gray cloud hanging over all of us right now, especially her immediate family and brothers and sister. These would be my dad’s first kids with his first wife. I’m depressed over this, they must be devastated.

Only a miracle now would save her. But unfortunately I do expect to be at a wake or funeral sometime soon.


It’s a fact kids. We gotta die. And now it’s her time.

Enjoy this journey as much as possible.

Friday, December 23, 2005


Christmas Time Is Here Again! (1967)

Christmas time is here again
Christmas time is here again
Christmas time is here again
Christmas time is here again

Aint been round since you know when
Christmas time is here again
O-U-T spells "out"

Christmas time is here again
Christmas time is here again
Christmas time is here again
Christmas time is here again

Aint been round since you know when
Christmas time is here again
O-U-T spells "out"

Christmas time is here again
Christmas time is here again
Christmas time is here again
Christmas time is here again

Aint been round since you know when
Christmas time ... [music continues and fades to background]

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Wednesday, December 21, 2005


Well congratulations to Reginald Dwight, better known to the world as Sir Elton John! The piano-playing extravagant entertainer got married to his longtime boyfriend, some David Furnish he’s been with for quite a few years. Didn’t they just make gay marriage in England legal? Or is it just a union/partnership thing?

I dunno frankly. It’s hard to keep up, but only a few countries (that can be counted on one hand) have made
homo union legal. The rest of the world thinks gays and lesbians are perverted family-destroying sodomite degenerate devils! WELL GOLLY!

I’m glad for Elton and proud of all that genuinely open-mindedly support this. I think it’s a step in the right direction. I would much rather have gay men with other gay men, than run the risk of having a guy who is trying to repress it all and marry a poor unsuspecting naïve woman (er, Brokeback Mtn. par exemple). Now that’s awful! Society trying to convert a hardcore gay man is stupid and destructive to the individual and his family. Worse yet are all those poor dudes who go into the priesthood. UGH.

As for Elton, he’s a phenomenal songwriter with the hot-blooded temper of a diva. Cheers to his
marriage and may all the haters pass out and die from heart attacks/strokes at this "disgusting family-threatening act."

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


There once was this child, a mere 5 years old or so the first time he realized that he was perhaps different. He was a little more of a sissy than usual, and clung to the only parental figure he ever really could depend on: his beloved mother. Then his older brother and grandmother suddenly came to America able to finally escape a deadly civil war, and came to live with this delicate child.

The older brother began teasing him and exposing him as nothing but a mama’s boy. The barely present tyrannical father figure would do nothing but yell and scream when he pleased. The child’s older half brothers would from time to time visit and also tease this boy.

As the boy grew and grew and saw the severe dysfunction that was his family, he turned towards himself and began to discover stronger feelings towards the same sex. He did not know why, but he knew it felt good to think of boys every time he masturbated, starting at a very early age 11. As he grew older, the feelings of shame and guilt increased, as did his attraction. Hatred and mocking of homosexuality was everywhere: at home, school, and in the media. He felt lost, alone, scared, and like a real failure.

Then one day, the now lanky, tall budding young man at age 15 ran into a story about a gay teenager who was so afraid of his sexual orientation, that he killed himself. Inspired by this tragedy, the adolescent decided it was time to admit to himself and to God that this was his nature, to not question it, nor to be ashamed or afraid. No, he was not going to go to hell, nor was he a horrible human being for having these desires.

He finally had his first intense sexual experience with another man at age 18, then decided to soul search some more for the next five years and remain celibate until he was ready to fall in love at age 23 with a wonderful young man, in his first and only real romantic relationship, which didn’t quite work out the way he had planned and has turned him into a cynic regarding love. But he is glad that at least he got to experience it.

Alas, due to many circumstances in life, this older young man still struggles with others accepting him, and cannot understand why people would still have a problem with his homosexuality, but so be it. He has tried his best to love himself and not give a damn about what anybody else says or thinks.

This, semi-briefly is my story. It hasn’t been easy, but here I am.

Monday, December 19, 2005


O.k. I’m still dentally sensitive, but one final chopper is causing me the most pain. This is good news, because it means the other teeth are responding well to the gel my PILIPINA dentizt gave me.

I sawr KING KONG! Oh my! This movie had me balling. Naomi Watts is emotionally moving in her role and the special effects are first-rate! Thrilling! Exciting! Non-stop action and emotion! Bravo to the cast and crew, even though the first part of the movie is a little too long in my opinion. But yeah, so I cried like four times during the whole film, literally with tears streaming down my face to see what a gentle soul King Dong is, and how evil and exploitative humanity can be. One sole good woman can see how good this oversized gorilla is, yet everyone else treats him like an evil terrorist savage. How utterly sad. Animal abuse wrenches my heart and soul, and this film did it alright. HOLY COW DID IT EVA! And not as big a box office hit as expected this opening weekend, but word-of-mouth might just redeem it.

And lemme tells ya, I’ve always known Dave Chappelle is funny from his cable show and the hilarious Undercover Brother film (a movie he nearly steals), but Saturday night I caught one of his stand-up shows filmed back in 2004, and this guy is an entertaining comic genius. He really had me laffing. Genuinely laffing. Way ta go!

More gifts to buy and lots to do this week. Onward!

Saturday, December 17, 2005


I finally saw that BROKEHISBACK MOUNTINGHIM film last night.

I don’t wanna give too much away for those who haven’t seen it, other than to say that it is one of the most tragic films I think I have ever experienced. Reminded me a lot of Far From Heaven, another wonderful film similar to this. Emotionally devastating and beautifully filmed. The scenes of the Wyoming countryside are gorgeous, and director Ang Lee is very skillful in bringing out the very best emotionally out of his actors.

All of them give tremendous performances, but handsome Heath Ledger in particular is amazing. A lonely, repressed good man trying to live his life in a cruel demanding world. DAYAM BOY! YOU GO HEATH! IMMA ROOT FOR YOU AT OSKAR TIME! And Jakey G? Hot damn that boy is so cute and adorable. You lube it up just right so it can go smoothly in...they make a great couple. They really f**kin’ do.

None of the sex/intimate scenes are disgusting or gross, they are done in very good taste, and to dem naysayers that have been offended, I SAY Y’ALL NEED TO GROW UP AND GET OVER IT. So they do a little backdooring. Whatever. And yet, people can still be pretty cruel and insulting. This film opens our eyes to the reality of societal/internal pressures and horrible shame instilled within us all about homosexuality. To miss this essential point, is to be a real DOOFUS.

It’s so sad really. So very sad.

I didn’t cry like some people in the theater, but I did feel like I needed a noose, a gun, or some Prozac after viewing it. Heavy, heavy, heavy.

And oh yeah, eight dollars for parking here? Nice place, but EF YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

Highway robbery!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005


 the pain has moved from my upper jaw to my lower jaw. Weird. But I'm holding out hope it'll subside soon, right before I take an anvil and drop it on my dentist's head. But I digress...

I've liked classical music since I was a kid, and for some reason, Xmastime always brings out my desire to listen to it. I mean, it really is beautiful music to behold. So soothing. Relaxing. And it probably makes one smarter too! Last night, I spent it downloading some stuff onto my IPOD from immortals such as Ludwig Van Beethoven, Mozart, Bach, and some Italian composers too.

By the way, two fantastic films (embellished for dramatic effect) on the most famous classical composers of all time would be Immortal Beloved and Amadeus. Very entertaining, and well made. F. Murray Abraham and Tom Hulce are wonderful as Salieri and Mozart and Gary Oldman (always a brilliant actor) is phenomenal as Beethoven. If you have not seen these films, time to get the DVDs! PRONTO! Fantasia, the 1940 Disney cartoon is also pretty cool. That they were able to beautifully animate already existing classical musical compositions is pretty awesome.

How did these composers think up these melodies and write them for all kinds of instruments in an orchestra?! It's mind-boggling! Note for note man! That shit takes work and true admiration! The music can be just plain gorgeous!

And here we are, hundreds of years later, still listening to the work these people left behind, when they are now dead and gone...

Life's weird like that.

So take a listen to this gorgeous piece, by Wolfang Amadeus Mozart. A genius that only lived till age 35:

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Tuesday, December 13, 2005


-------------------------------------I think my sensitive teeth are getting better with the special gel my dentist gave me. I think. Crossing mee fingers...

But focusing on something more entertaining, how about BAREBACK MOUNTHIM? Looks like it did very well this morning at the Golden Globe nominations. That oughtta frighten and disgust the religious right huh? Gay-themed films did very well overall, signaling Hollywood’s slow but sure acceptance that homosexuality is not to be feared or despised like serial killers or terrorism, but embraced and depicted as a very integral and normal part of all of our lives.

And I’m not just saying this because I’m part of the rainbow pride team, even if I wasn’t, my workplace alone is proof that these people exist and are contributing members of our society. They’re with us at work, in our social lives, and in our families. SO EF YOU YE CONSERVATIVE A-HOLES. Love thy brother and sister o.k? Regardless of whom they decide to pork in bed. Jesus man!

Mind you, Brokeback Mountain was only showing at one theater here in L.A. this past weekend, and it was completely sold out thanks to the other fags dying to see dem cowboys getting it on. I tried to go, but could not get a ticket. It should get better as it opens in more theaters this coming weekend.

Ah, but the big, and I mean BIG release this week is none other than KING KONG. Wow. The reviews this film is getting are astoundingly good and it probably is going to be a massive box office hit a la Titanic back in 1997/1998. It’s the perfect Hollywood film. A damsel in distress, a big special effects creature, a city in chaos...what more do ya need? I’m a big fan of the original 1933 version, and hoping this already known story will have only improved under this magnificent director, Peter Jackson.

As expensive as it has become to go to the movies, PLEASE GO YE faithful blogger! Support good ole’-fashioned entertainment!

That’s the beauty and greatness of our phenomenal country! Well, with significant contributions from the Aussies, Brits, and New Zealanders of course too!

Monday, December 12, 2005


A little over a week ago, my dentist (whom up to this point I had loved and have had for the past ten years or so) performed some small fillings on two of my teeth on the right side of my mouth. I had to go back on Friday complaining about pain still and she gave me a special fluoride gel that I am to use because upon testing my teeth, she said that unfortunately I was going through massive sensitivity.

Jesus Christ man! Not even having my wisdom teeth removed a few years back was this painful! It gets bad when I drink something cold, and sometimes there’ll be this lingering throbbing pain out of the blue. I hate it! It’s bloody awful. Maybe that’s why I found
The Chronicles of Narnia pretty mediocre Saturday night at the movies, because I got this pain I’m still dealing with in my piehole. I pray and hope that within the next few days the special gel will relieve the sensitivity and I don’t need fillings redone or God forbid a root canal which I hear can be very painful.

Yes, it could be worse right? Kidney stones, earache, giving birth, or a swift kick in the balls could all be causing me worse pain, but if you’ve ever had a toothache, it’s enough to drive you mad.

If indeed I need further dental work, I might just take that nasty drill and take it to my dentist’s head and kill the bitch.

Saturday, December 10, 2005


Good God. I can't believe I'm dedicating a post to one of pop culture's most hated oogly as hell women: Yoko Ono. Frankly, after all I've read about her and the things she's done and said, she has been quite the bitch. I don't blame her for breaking up The Beatles as so many have claimed, but she was most certainly instrumental in creating an even bigger rift between John and Paul. And frankly, I know Paul McCartney and her dislike each other.

However, John was most definitely madly in love with her. And if this is what made him happy in the last years of his life, then so be it. She too loved John, and to have witnessed him murdered in cold blood before her very eyes really must have been devastating. That just plain sucks. I applaud her though for staring coldly and not saying a word to Lennon's killer as he sat in the back of the police car immediately after the horrible crime. That asshole has said the image of Yoko just staring at him blankly like that has haunted him till this day. GOOD!

What if Yoko had been shot instead? What a horrible thought, but at least we'd have John! I know, I'm a selfish mean bastard.

And good God, how would John have handled his muse getting killed?,2933,178072,00.html

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


It breaks your heart:

"I've always felt that animals are the purest spirits in the world. They don't fake or hide their feelings, and they are the most loyal creatures on Earth. And somehow we humans think we're smarter - what a joke. " -Pink

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


Well, not to be Debbie Downer, but I worry. Iran is now only a few months away from having a viable nuclear weapon. How awfully dangerous for the region, especially Israel of course.

60 some years ago, the United States beat the Nazis thankfully, and developed the atomic bomb before Hitler could ever get his grimy hands on one. The Japanese were taught a lesson by having two of their cities obliterated, and the greatest most horrifying war in human history was mercifully ended. But all of this incredible power the U.S. possessed came with a huge price. The Soviets followed, and now the chickens have come home to roost. Countries that many feel are too dangerous to own a nuclear weapon, now do and are in a race to get a hold of one, including the beloved Iranian government. What monster did we create? What door did we open? A very dangerous one, where now we are in danger of getting attacked by terrorists and where enemy countries of Israel might just use one against them to appease their hatred.

Einstein, a major contributor to the development of nuclear weapons later regretted encouraging the creation of such a destructive force, which we will probably see used again in our lifetimes.

Perish the thought.

Monday, December 05, 2005


-----------------------------------------I better not get too excited, but two upcoming movie releases this month are bona fide blockbusters. Well, at least King Kong is. Brokeback Mountain might suffer from a still very closed-minded American public. Or it just might benefit from all the controversy of the very gay issue it tackles. We'll just have to wait and see!

I for one, cannot wait for both these films, although the CGI used for the gorilla in the trailers I've seen so far does not look convincing enough for me. I hope I'm wrong. And to see Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger as cowboy lovers? MINDBLOWINGLY F**KIN' HOT!

Jesus Marimba! Imma gonna cum in mee pants at this rate...,,14936-1904842,00.html

Thursday, December 01, 2005


Sir Paul McCartney. The Staples Center in Downtown L.A. last night. A concert I've been waiting and wanting to go to for years finally came true. What can I say? Lots.

--I almost cried (how gay!) when the curtain went up, it felt so surreal to even be there, seeing this 63 year-old legend in top form. Deep down inside, I wanted a surprise visit from Ringo, and was deeply missing George and John.

--Great seat, except for the bloated shit brickhouse dude to my right I had to keep elbowing for possession of my space! But I kept winning! HA!

--Great band, nice guys, and a very funny lovable drummer

--Beautiful lights, background images, and pyrotechnics man! Live and Let Die never sounded so f**kin' awesome! BOOM!

--Awesome renditions of Let Me Roll It, I'll Follow The Sun, In Spite Of All The Danger, For No One, Too Many People/She Came In Through The Bathroom Window, Helter Skelter and I've Got A Feeling. These are obscure songs to the casual fan, but to a hardcorer like me, I enjoyed these the most.

--Front row fans and their funny as hell signs. LOL! "Remember me Paul back in '65 at Shea Stadium?"

--Paul is very witty, and connects well with the audience, and his signature move is to raise that bass/guitar over his head every chance he gets.

--I don't know if it was the lighting, heavy make-up, or plastic surgery, but he looked phenomenal and his skilled ability with all sorts of musical instruments is impressive when seen and heard live.

We can only hope this isn't the last time he'll tour, but the reality is, Paul is not getting any younger. But at least I got to see him, which leaves me very giddily satisfied.

And here's the setlist: