Monday, July 30, 2007


It's Shark Week on the Discovery Channel! YEEHA! All about dem awesome underwater predatory killing machines with dem razor-sharp serrated teeth!

Ya know, sharks get a bad reputation and all for attacking people and stuff, but they're really quite shy and harmless most of the time. The best way to prevent a shark attack is to avoid going into ocean water like I do! I've survived quite a youthful while without ever having been attacked by a shark, because I just don't go to the beach period! I live in LA and all, which is supposedly world-famous for its beaches and shit, but BROTHA PULEAZE! Water's too cold off the West Coast, sewer-ridden, and ya just never know when a great white might be lurking beneath the surface ready to take a nice chomp at one of yer precious ass cheeks! T'is why I'm prolly pale like Casper the Friendly Ghost, because I just don't tan either; melanoma sounds more evil to be honest, than a sharkey bite!

I must've been scarred for life or traumatized in a good way I suppose by the 1975 classic Spielberg film Jaws. My mom says I was obsessed with it as a child and would hum the now famous tune all the time and even play with toy sharks during bath time. I can't even recall at this point how many freakin' times I've seen the movie, but it has been a'plenty. Ya gotta love the adventures of Chief Brody, geeky scientist Hooper, and that chauvinistic old school fisherman Quint and their Moby Dick-like adventures on the high sea battling that massive behemoth man-eating great white off the East Coast. It really sucked for though for poor Chrissie at the beginning of the movie; that poor bitch was thrashed and shred to pieces by that monster.

As of this very moment that I type this, they're showing on Discovery the story of that WWII vessel the USS Indianapolis that sank off the Pacific in 1945. Those poor Navy guys were floating around in that water for days as sharks circled them and took bites here and there; this was that creepy story Quint tells in Jaws while the boys were chilling one night having a few drinks at sea. Most of them died from drowning and exposure, and this is when the sharks truly chowed down on the poor seamen and left their bodies stripped to the bone.

I'm all for conservation and saving the environment okay? Four people on average are killed a year by sharks, whereas 40 million sharks are killed by humans! Who's really the more destructive species hmmmm? Leave the sharks alone! They are part of our ecosystem and belong there for a reason. If you like going into the ocean, be aware that a shark can get you in water that is really not that deep, but the chances are highly unlikely. We're more at risk of getting rammed head on by a drunk/coked up Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, or Lindsay Lohan than we are of getting bitten by a shark okay?!

Stick to swimming pools like I do if you're that concerned and deal with the possible danger of a floating turd instead!

Saturday, July 28, 2007


I'm sure you all heard this past week about Oscar, the cat that can predict the death of patients at a certain nursing home:

PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) - Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live.
Yeah, not the kind of kitty you'd want near ya, let alone going into yer room huh? He's generally antisocial, unless the person is about to die, which is when he decides to crawl into their beds and snuggle next to them. EEK!

Is this tasteless, or just downright hilarious? My friend sent me this, and I could not stop laffing:

Thursday, July 26, 2007


Yeah, still loving the new office location, but it's clear now the TIME NAZI has been assigned to supervise us in order to make our jobs more difficult and stressful. Before she came to our office, work was pretty manageable, but in the last few months she's been quietly here and sneakily unleashing her plan, it's now obvious what her mission is; stupid ass beatch is not only concerned about what time we get here and shit, but she's also tacked on extra work to make the experience of being here more "productive." Let's just say I'm really hating her and the power trip she is currently enjoying. So it goes. This is what having a job is like folks. What a shitty deal. The real world makes me cringe at times. The things one has to put up with to earn a living. ARGEE MY ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll have to deal with it, until I finally decide to get off my skinny ass and move onto greener pastures, hopefully by the year 2020. AAHAHAH!

Well, week/round 3 of that karaoke competition was held this past Tuesday night at the local bar again, and although I don't think I did as well as I would've liked, I still pulled it off to make it into round 4 next week! WOOHOO! I felt the audience was a bit harsh and cold last night, but overall I had a good time and enjoyed myself. Sure, the $1000 prize still sounds great and all, but as long as I don't take it too seriously, I am having fun. It is great to hang, talk shit and see old and new friends alike. Ya meet some really nice people, and some real annoying ones. So it goes, just another night at the watering hole in LA man.

What really struck me about being at the bar yet again, was the extraordinary ability some people have to drink and smoke away like there's no tomorrow. I have my psychotropic med I take every other day as my crutch I suppose, but I am telling ya man, people out there must be truly miserable; there they are: gulping down beers, cocktails, and shots in such vast quantities whilst smoking a good pack of cigs in the span of just a few hours! I'm not saying ya can't have a drink or two to mellow out and stuff, but I noticed some serious alcoholism and nicotine addiction last night that left me baffled! I get bad heartburn after a bit of pot, and alcohol just makes me feel worse, which is why I really can't drink. I suppose having anxiety disorder stops me from abusing my bod this way, but man am I jealous that people can get this plastered time and time again. I guess it's something I really should not envy, but it is an interesting and fascinating observation.

Like Lindsay Lohan, the inner emotional and mental pain many out there are suffering from is real.

P.S. One of my fav John Lennon solo songs ever. John was the only other songwriter that could match Paul McCartney's genius. Why of course you say:

Monday, July 23, 2007


I could barely stand watching a clip of Larry King Live this week where Tammy Faye Messner made her final appearance. She looked so horrific, so cadaverish, and so physically ill that I had to click it off because I was going mental. I mean, that old goat Larry King looked great compared to poor Tammy, and that's saying something! If you got tha balls, watch this clip, but I am warning you, it is utterly devastating to watch someone's final moments alive when terminally ill like this; cancer is one cruel motherfucker. I think a good heart attack/stroke is a better way to go man.

For all the scandal and fraud this Tammy Faye was involved in, her downfall sure was quick and embarrassing. Husband Jim was schtooping Jessica Hahn, while their little Christian PTL Empire crumbled under all that weight of begging gullible people for money. I'm sure many out there will find it terribly hard ta ever forgive this woman for being involved in this sort of scam, but I think Tammy Faye really tried her best to redeem herself the final years of her life.

Last time I saw her pretty good and relatively healthy was on that show The Surreal Life where she lived with Vanilla Ice and Ron Jeremy. Did y'all see that? LOLOLOL! It was actually pretty funny, and everyone really loved Tammy Faye; they all thought she was the nicest, kindest most tolerant person they had ever met. She had a sort of underground gay following, because many respected Tammy for not judging or damning gay men to hell like other Christian fundamentalists have and continue to do so (i.e. Jerry Falwell). Interesting time now to check out that documentary on her called, The Eyes of Tammy Faye.

It breaks my little sensitive heart that she suffered so, but bravo to this woman for her bravery in facing her own mortality and waking us up into realizing how precious and short this journey truly is. God bless your soul Tammy Faye. Whatever wrong ya did, I'm sure the good Lord hath forgiven thee, like I'm sure we all hope he does, when our time comes.

Tammy Faye: a true mascara-wearing over-the-top American original.

Thursday, July 19, 2007


Yes! This blog, this very blog is officially three years old today! Can I git a big YEEHA?! I SAID CAN I GET A BIG YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAA?! WAT CENTRAL - An Existential Wasteland was officially started on July 19, 2004. HOT DIGGITY DAMN!

Well, I dunno how it even got this far, but am most pleased to have all of you around! The irony here of course is that this blog was also started on my birthday! 26 years ago (just buy into my fake age ok?) a small little adorable blond whiteboyish Latino lad was born to a very Hispanic mother in Los Angeles, CA. The horror here of course is that I am still in this plastic cesspool! ARGH! WHY GOD WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??!!! Hey, I've made it this far right? Regardless of where I am at this stage in life, I am still alive, and that in itself is a true blessing.

I don't know if I've made it to round three of that karaoke singing contest for next Tuesday (most likely I did) but this past Tuesday night's round two was a bona fide success. There were only about 14 contestants left, and we all had to sing two songs to prove our worth. Many of us were truly on and performing at our very best, including yours truly, if I may say so myself semi-modestly. I sang Rocket Man by Elton John and My Sacrifice by Creed. There were some very nice people I'd never met who really showered me with praise for my Rocket Man rendition and I was quite flattered. They voted for me! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

To myself, a big Happy Plopped-Out-Of-My-Mama Day, and to this blog continued success into the heights of the stratosphere for informing and documenting as much as possible on just about every topic known to humankind, with special praise often reserved for my good friends John, Paul, George, and Ringo.

And to you: the faithful reader, commenter, or casual fan, a million thanks!

God bless.

Monday, July 16, 2007


I'm not from St. Olaf or as dumb as Rose Nylund was on The Golden Girls, but I'm certainly as sensitive as she was.

I was watching this movie today, and in it, one of the two main characters dies, and the scene was so emotionally heavy and devastating to me. I felt awful watching this character die on film, really really awful! I mean, this is a reality sooner or later we must face through loved ones, friends, people we know, and worse, our own demise! I mean, if ya aren't lucky enough to die instantly, what if yer freaking death is slow and gives ya time to reflect and say goodbye and shit? There he was, this guy in this movie, with all his qualities and faults, dying slowly, and knowing it! How vulnerable! HOW UTTERLY VULNERABLE AND HEART-WRENCHING! Aside from when we are infants or children, to slowly die has to be the most terribly vulnerable moment of our lives. Damn freakin' movie made me cry. UGH!

So since I am mortal, as of late, I'm doing my conscious best to be a better person ya know? I'm obviously still a work-in-progress mind you. Physically, I'm already pretty hot (INSERT ROARING LAUGHTER HERE), but emotionally and mentally I still have a lot to learn and master. I know that I can't live a completely worry free life, but I want to bring my worries and fear down to a manageable and tolerable level. The one thing to also master is my reaction to other negative people. I have to admit, I'm still a sensitive wuss to other people behaving badly towards me. I can stand up for myself and defend myself when the need calls for it I suppose, but it'd be so nice to just let things go and not resent others to the degree that I sometimes do, and for those moments to not make me feel genuinely bad as they often do.

Examples? There's this girl at work who has never acknowledged me, even when I've said "hello" to her and walks by and looks at me like a piece of garbage really. Of course, now I hate her guts, but why should I? She doesn't like me, and that's just fine right? It's acceptable for people to not like me, even if they haven't gotten to know me! It's the nature of the world, but it still sucks and hurts my feelings that they didn't bother to even gimme a chance! I have another friend who goes into weird mood swings and acts very distant and aloof with me from time to time for no reason other than he is mentally/emotionally ill, but it still makes me feel bad when he behaves this way towards me. Or there's the good friend of my dear friend who treats me like crap because he's envious of me (I'm not that special), and it really hurts my feelings. WELL FUCK THIS SENSITIVE SHIT ALREADY! I am able to tell another human being who is being totally reprehensible and obnoxious to go to hell, but the pain of their behavior does linger within me and makes me very cynical about human nature. Thank God for the genuine good people out there, or Idda already become a hermit and went ta live with nature and the animals.

I have a tough facade. I really do. Most people assume I am in complete and utter control. That nothing phases me. That I am carefree. I am always happy and laughing. Clean cut and fun. Yes, this is true. I am all these things. But my interior is so sensitive, so fragile, and so loving and giving. I often wonder, if only people really got to know the real me, I think they'd be awfully surprised and perhaps quite pleased to know my heart is worth gold. To those who already have broken through (and I can count them on less than the fingers on one hand), you are the lucky ones who know and appreciate the real me, as fortunate am I to know thee as well! To those who will just brush me off or continue mistreating me for whatever reason, so be it. I obviously cannot please everyone or make everyone like me, and others will be mean to me from time to time. It's just the way it is, although me initiating negativity towards another person is inconceivable! I'll attack to defend, but to just attack someone is beyond my comprehension.

The great thing about all of this? I can become an even greater human being than I am now! This is a terrific empowering feeling! I cannot change the world, but I can change myself and my reactions and perceptions to it. I gotta stop taking it all so personally and just let things go.

I knew writing stuff out like this was good therapy.


Wednesday, July 11, 2007


Shit man, I just got back from a karaoke singing contest with some 20 other contestants at the local watering hole. Grand prize? $1000 BUCKS! Not bad, but I gotta hang in there the next few Tuesdays, which will be hard, because the competition tonight was tough. Not that I didn't do pretty good mind you; I sang that famous tune from The Breakfast Club by Simple Minds, Don't You Forget About Me. Yeah, I've practiced it enough that I felt comfortable doing it, although it was difficult being the second one up with everyone paying full attention to my skinny ass whilst on stage! EEK! It was hard not to feel my legs shake, so I had to tap away and pretend I was in control. I pulled it off I suppose, but as of this time I don't know if I'm still in for next week, since I had to leave the bar to come home and get ready for bed. I'm tired. And I have a slight sore throat. Damn bar was packed. FUDGEPACKED! GAY MEN GALORE!

Yeah, I was caught by surprise too, by this little movie starring my boy Jakey G. It came out in 1999 and it's called October Sky. I had never seen it, and I was pretty impressed. What a cool little film man! So moving and inspirational, very Americana, back when the Soviet Union was our sole competition and menace in the world. Can ya freakin' believe it? Back then, the Soviets were our main threat and technological rivals. Americans really felt down when the Russians were able to launch the Sputnik satellite into space before us back in 1957. There was this real competitive urge between the two superpowers that now seems but a distant memory. Good little movie! Kudos to Jakey who was very good in the movie and looking quite hot although a bit goofy and still growing out of his adolescence. The film felt very much like Stand By Me at times, in capturing the innocent magic that was the 1950s in the U.S.A.

Off ta brush ma choppers...

Monday, July 09, 2007


Hey, this Live Earth event was decent, but not great. Duran Duran sounded so damn good, even all these years later! And I thought Madonna looked amazing, even if she was dressed like some retro 1950s housewife; there was CLOUD again, that hot as hell dancer of hers. MAMA MIA!

I am a bit excited, but not expecting too much out of the brand new Smashing Pumpkins album. Yeah, The Pumpkins are back, but two of the 90s members are not returning, which kind of sucks. Yes, the brains behind the band Billy Corgan is back as well as Jimmy Chamberlin the drummer, but bassist D'Arcy and lead guitarist James Iha are not back. Bogus comeback I suppose, since so much of the great material put out by the band consisted of these four "original" members. I'll give the new album a chance nonetheless, but in this lost strange first decade of the 2000s, the rock music being put out today is nothing like the genius stuff that was being made in the 1990s.

And The Smashing Pumpkins were part of that genius--in particular, I cite their 1995 CD, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness as one of the greatest rock albums of all time; the greatest of the 1990s period. What a beautiful collage of music this masterwork is! Billy Corgan's creative songwriting juices were most definitely at their peak during this period alright, and almost every song on this double CD is listenable and a joy! It's got beautiful ballads, hard rock songs, and wonderful arrangements throughout. If you do not own this CD or have not downloaded it in these modern times for whatever reason, you must renounce your music lover's card now and come back when you have finally gotten your hands on the whole thing. There were some notable hits from Mellon Collie like 1979 and Tonight, Tonight, but there are many more great tunes on it worth checking out.

Like many bands, The Smashing Pumpkins had a lot of fighting and drug abuse issues, which is why they have returned without all the original crew. Why can't people just make up and get along again, especially these bands whose original members are all still alive?!

The Beatles sadly, will never get that chance to truly re-unite again...

Saturday, July 07, 2007


Whatever the criticisms, it's all still for a good cause; attention given to our environment and global warming must be a priority! You can tune into the BRAVO cable network all day today Saturday starting at 9a.m. or just watch it on the Internet here:

Of course, the show in London will be the highlight with most of the good musical acts; there we go again with all that attention on Britain!

Thursday, July 05, 2007


I trust y'all had a nice Fourth of July?

There is heavy promotion for the new Hairspray remake film with John Travolta, but it only makes me wish transvestite Divine was still around. Ah yes, the incomparable and unforgettable Divine! Glen Milstead was his real name, and John Waters had the brilliant eye to use him lots in his early twisted movies like Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble, and Polyester. Apparently, John and Glen went to high school together back in Baltimore, Maryland and soon after their degenerate and hilariously revolting collaborations began.

If you've never seen some of John Water's classic 70s films, you owe yourself a look at some fine work with absolutely no social value, other than to disgust and make ya laugh your head off. It was Divine's overly dramatic deliveries and a competent ridiculous regular cast (including Mink Stole and the enormously hilarious Edith Massey) that made these films so fun; the epitome of white trash indeed! Pink Flamingos gets all the glory for showing Divine eating doggy poo in the final scene, but I wholeheartedly believe Female Trouble is the better film; funnier and more twisted than can possibly be imagined. These films can still shock today; they received an X rating back then and were even banned in certain countries. John Waters went very mainstream in the 1980s and his films since then have not had the same grotesque impact as his early work; by the time he directed the original Hairspray, Waters was pretty tame.

Sadly, drag queen Divine died at the young age of 42, due to being overweight. He was fortunate though to die in his sleep--as a result of sleep apnea and heart failure. But the legacy of his work, as preposterously tasteless as it is, still remains highly comedic. There is no doubt that Divine was a terrific comedic performer, and I defy anyone to watch one of his films and not roar out a good one.

It'll be interesting to see what Travolta does with the role Divine played some 19 years ago.

Monday, July 02, 2007


The eyes of the world are on Britain kiddies! Or at least mine are!

They're on edge over serious terrorist attempts in the last week of course. What I hadn't noticed though is that they just got a new prime minister! WHY THAT'S PRETTY SIGNIFICANT AIN'T IT SHERLOCK? My beloved bud made a good point, which I had not realized; these failed attacks must've been attempted in order to influence the new U.K. leader Gordon Brown and his developing government. WHY OF COURSE! That's just what they did in Spain during the elections there back in 2004; they bombed that train station in Madrid and soon after the new prime minister pulled all his support out of Iraq.

And just this weekend, they celebrated a huge charity concert at Wembley Stadium in honor of Princess Di. There they were, those two adorable boys, her sons: Prince William and Prince Harry. Don't know why man, but unlike that rich witch Paris Hilton, I think Diana's kids are so nice, friendly, charismatic, and likable, despite being born into wealth. It doesn't hurt that they're good looking too right? I just hope William doesn't continue physically morphing into his oogly father as he seems to be as of late. They certainly don't seem as stuck-up or cold like their father's side of the family; Her Majesty THE OLD BAG and PRINCE EARS. And that nastey Afghan Hound-looking stepmother of theirs, Camilla.

Who needs to culturally focus on the U.S. these days, when there's so much going on in the good ole' United Kingdom?