Thursday, March 30, 2006


It would never happen (due to the destruction of America by the ignorant liberal left vs. the right-wing nut Conservative neo-cons and the fact that I'm gay and Hispanic), but one can dream right?

"Mr. Speaker, Vice President Gyllenhaal, members of Congress, fellow citizens:

Tonight, we are gathered here to welcome the dawn of a new American age. America is no doubt, the greatest country in the history of mankind. But it is undoubtedly torn and sadly broken--By corporate greed, racism, intolerance, conservativism, liberalism, ignorance, and petty divisiveness. The time has come as your newly elected president to take serious control of the devastating situation we now find ourselves in.

Our military is stretched thin and to its breaking point. We can no longer police the world or worry about what other countries are doing or up to. We have meddled enough and been blatantly corrupt for years. No more
overthrowing of dictators or the imposition of our ways on anyone. The time to stop our incursion in other's people's business has come. I demand the immediate withdrawal of all military personal worldwide to appease the world's obvious and justifiable hatred of us. WE MUST BECOME AS ISOLATIONIST AS POSSIBLE WHILE CONTINUING TO HAVE FRIENDLY RELATIONS WITH OTHER NATIONS. Our military-industrial complex must be dismantled and used exclusively only to defend our nation's territory in the face of any undeniable perceivable threat. Israel will have to defend itself and so will the rest of the world. I must take care of the territories over which I have been given responsibility, and that's it.

I propose free health care to all our citizens. The greedy HMO system and insurance plans have got to end. I want compulsory free and available work/college programs for all willing dignified youth, and a public school system that is unmatched in the world by teaching our students with only the highest qualified teachers.

English shall be the sole official language of the land, with a strong mandatory emphasis of our citizenry to learn other languages such as Spanish and French, which can only serve to make our people more qualified, well-rounded and educated to rival the already bilingual and trilingual citizens of Europe and the world.

I propose a flat tax imposed to pay for many the ideas I will state tonight. The time for serious reform has come, the time for political bickering is over. Things--good things will be accomplished, instead of wasting our time arguing over who's right or wrong. Justice must prevail, and I intend nothing more and nothing less. We shall be even greater than what our forefathers could have imagined.

We shall keep abortion legal and sanction gay marriage. My fellow conservative Judeo-Christian Americans, I know this is a bitter pill for you to swallow, but let's face reality: our homosexual brethren deserve dignity and respect, as do our women who do not want to bring unwanted and mistreated children into our already broken system. And our Constitution clearly states the unequivocal separation of church and state, and I as your newly elected president have sworn to uphold and defend our precious document. In personal matters, we must always choose the tolerant road, for it is what is right and just. Our personal morals and views cannot interfere with the dignified rights of others--for it is cruel, inhumane, and un-American. All religious fanaticism, terrorism, and obvious hate speech will not be tolerated under any circumstances.

Our illegal immigration problem must be resolved here and now. The border is to immediately close and seal for good. It is after all, the only right thing to do. We cannot continue to allow so many poor and uneducated to just freely come in. My heart goes out to all the world's noble hard working poor, but my job is to govern and help my home. To those already illegally here and gravely intermixed within our system, I offer you just one and ONE chance only to redeem yourselves: you will prove to us your desire to stay by learning and speaking English, holding down a decent job, waving our flag, and respecting our laws. If you fail and commit a crime, your privilege is immediately revoked and you will have to go home to try and resolve your own corrupt government's problems. If you stay here with dignity towards the path of full legality, you can still keep your original culture with family and friends, but you shall be as American as apple pie in our general society.

All death penalty sentences will be carried out within one year of the sentence after full review of the case, petty-crime and career prisoners will be required to work under heavy supervision and do necessary hard manual labor like the rebuilding of New Orleans to appease their crimes, and frivolous lawsuits will be terminated.

Our dependence on foreign oil is over. All vehicles are to become dependent on electricity or other fuel options. Artistic censorship is forbidden. What you do not want to see, you shall avoid, either for yourselves or your children. Our environment is first priority and will not be tampered with, for our animal brethren deserve this land just as much (if not more), and it must be preserved for the future and health of coming generations.

I applaud and will require the advancement of science, including eradicating terrible illnesses such as cancer and AIDS through mandatory stem-cell research and cloning. We cannot sit on our hands and let our populace die so horribly. We must move forward to extend life, health, and ultimately happiness to all.

Our domestic economy must be reinvigorated after its long tragic drought. The encouragement of businesses to manufacture world-class goods MADE IN THE USA must be a priority in order to create lost jobs to other countries such as China and India. American cars and products will be the envy of the world once again as they were back in the 1950's--made by American hands and technological ingenuity.

The political bickering is over. All politicians will be held accountable for how they serve their constituents. There is no more room for blatant leftist liberalism or hand-outs. No more ACLU, ethnic rights groups, affirmative action, socialist labor unions or a free meal ticket. Make no mistake, we will not and cannot tolerate racism in any form, but must require that all work for what they want to accomplish regardless of race, gender, creed, background, disability, and sexual orientation. The racial sins and other intolerant mistakes of our past cannot continue to burden us as we move forward towards the future.

The conservative right too, will be dead after tonight. There is no more room for the intolerance, hatred, and frightening unhealthy display of nationalism over the last few years. We were all created equal right? Our glorious Declaration says it so. The time to disarm and end the nuclear and personal gun owning race is now. Violence of any form in our great land will not stand.

I, your new humble servant MODERATE president has promised you this and so much more. The work ahead is difficult, not impossible. The task at hand is worthy, dignified, and what will impel us to move forward. We shall be the shining beacon the world has always known, only better, because we will have learned from our mistakes throughout our history, instead of repeating them.

A good night to you all, thank you, and may God bless THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA."

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


A shout out to Sttropezbutler, who beat me to it, and has written a very good piece on the immigration issue which has gone absolutely mad this past week! He's right on many points, but I'd like to add some more:

Massive protests throughout the country, especially here in Lost Angulless have set the whole damn thing ablaze once again. Congress, the president, and the American people are at each other's throats as to what is to be done with the 11 million estimated illegal immigrants now in this country.

Okay folks. To reiterate the obvious: we are all guilty of aiding and abetting the illegalitans (<--some word!) by going to the restaurant and eating their cooked food, supermarket to buy produce, or paying them cheap wages to do construction, gardening, car washing, and housekeeping. It's my uneducated people (yes I am Latino/Hispanic) that are doing these grotesque inferior jobs, just to put food on their table, and ironically, ultimately our own. We are all hypocrites and to blame for this problem. We like the comforts of America and do not mind exploiting Juan, María, Rodrigo, and Lola just to get what we have for cheap. Employers, you as well are to blame for not enforcing the laws, and getting away with almost murder here.

And Juan, María, Rodrigo, and Lola are only flooding in because the idea of staying in Mexico or El Salvador is a nightmare. A BONA FIDE NIGHTMARE. The crime rate in those countries is abonimable, and the salaries are even worse. To try and raise a family over there is akin to a death sentence. I know plenty of people in my family and friends who ran through that border because there was no choice: ya either wet your back through the Rio Grande or starve to death in HISPANICA, or however many freakin' shithole countries there are South of us. Ya ever seen that movie EL NORTE? Damnit, I wish it were on DVD already. A must-see! So sad, so sad, so very sad.

That being said, I (one lucky-as-hell spoiled American-born Citizen brat) do call for immigration reform and security of that border. Enough is enough. Do you realize the growing garbage we're attracting from those countries? You got your hard working noble humble amazing human beings infiltrating alright, but you also have a shitty thug gang drug-addicted group of real losers coming in here! Some of the neighborhoods in Los Angeles are quite embarrassing that not even an Americanized civilized Hispanic would be caught dead in! I don't care how proud you are of your culture! ¡GUACATELA! EW! Our streets and freeways are overcrowded, our schools at the breaking point, and don't even get me started with our hospitals! It's quite disturbing! More Spanish being spoken is certainly not the problem (for the Southwest's Hispanic heritage is undeniable), it's just the enormous amounts of people taxing the system, and us to death! Let's not be hypocrites on the issue. And to wave any other flag than our own at protests is embarrassing and does not help tha cause! UGH!

They need to secure that border before some terrorist just walks in with the nuclear device that'll pulverize Phoenix, AZ. That might already be in the works perhaps by El Presidente Estúpido Bush, who would need something that shocking to further his fascist takeover of America. Who are we to believe anymore anyway?

The real criminals in all of this? The politicians in power. The ones sitting there filling their pockets with dinero whilst the rest of us are dealing with this and many other problems day to day. George Bush of the USA has got the rest of the Latin American world in his grip. Vicente Pendejo Fox, president of México does nothing to solve his country's unemployment and living condition problems so he expects us to take care of it. LOSER! That goes for all ye Presidentes. You're all being bought by the American Dollar. FOR SHAME! ¡DESVERGONZADOS MALDITOS LADRONES! That's Spanish for: "Shameless bloody crooks!"

UGH! It's all a sick vicious cycle really, and a problem of epic proportions at this point. Ya know Congress and Co. are gonna pass some stupid little amnesty law and just sweep it under the rug as usual.

And thus, the continued comical and obvious downfall of America right before our very eyes.

And then there's France...

Sunday, March 26, 2006


And that honour I dare say goes to Britain's COLDPLAY.

Their first two albums were great and introduced us to the group's catchy and introspective sound alright.

But it's their X&Y release last year that has (in my opinion) cemented their status as the biggest most popular band on Earth.

Way ta go boys! And the lead singer and bassist are quite cute too.

P.S. Goodbye sweet grand and pretty lady. You sure did have a voice and will be greatly missed:

Friday, March 24, 2006


America has been shoving The Wizard of Oz down children’s throats for decades now! This "supposed" film classic is considered one of the greatest films in history and appropriate for all ages!

Well no sir! NO NO NO! Follow tha Yella Prick Road-- I think not! The Wizard of Oz is not appropriate for our snot-nosed bratty mini-humans! FUCK NO!

After careful brainstorming, analysis, and one too many drinks tonight, here’s why I believe this film should be rated R...if not XXX! If we can all come together on this, we can probably even ban this filthy film forever! A masterpiece of perdition!

The film starts out with a spoiled brat named Dorothy who does nothing but play pranks and misbehave the whole God damn day with her silly furry mutt named Toto. She has a real sweet life in Kansas while her Uncle Henry, Auntie Em, and the farmhands work like dogs just to keep the fuckin’ farm going. One of the farmhands is obviously smitten with Dorothy and probably bangs her in the pigpen when no one’s looking. I mean, the spoiled bitch falls at one point into the pen and is pornographically rescued by this farmhand, who coincidentally looks like the hay-filled dancing rag doll that appears later in the film. Uh huh.

Dorothy is disrespectful to her elders, including oogly Ms. Gulch, and has the nerve to run away (without any birth control mind you) once she has her hands on sweet li’l Toto again and goes and visits a psychic/fortune teller of sorts who is nothing more than a God-hating SATANIST. Her delving into the occult is scandalous I tells ya! She conveniently runs back home because she really sucks as a runaway, when JESUS MARIMBA, a God damn whirling dangerous FUCKIN’ tornado is on its way to blow down the little piece of land these honkies own. Hell, since spoiled Dorothy abandoned them, Uncle Henry doesn’t even think twice about shoving everyone into the basement, even as Auntie Em screams frantically for her. But who cares? Let the little bitch die right? And her little dog too! AHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!

Well, this is the part of the movie where Dorothy runs into the house and supposedly gets knocked in the head by the window or something and goes unconscious. NA AH. No sir. What we’re not told is that the skank actually drops some LSD at this point to rid herself of the fear of what is happening to her body. In my humble opinion, the tornado represents Dorothy’s descent into puberty--in other words, her fuckin’ period! She cannot deal with this fact, and being a teenager torments her( like many of us), so she can only deal by hallucinating. Good for you Dorothy! Way ta go you li’l brat!

Well, it does not take long for her black and white dull world to finally land with a sharp drop into the Wonderful Merry Old Land of Oz! Uh huh indeed! She can now see in color mind you! The trip this bitch experiences is beyond anything John Lennon could’ve imagined, even in his song Tomorrow Never Knows.

This is a beautiful place, much nicer and more pleasant than boring as hell cracker-infested Kansas! No KKK here, but tons of pretty flowers, streams, and little drunken people to have massive sex orgies with! And just great! She’s landed on some supposed fuckin’ c*nt with ruby red slippers! Those ruby red slippers are nothing but symbolism for...YOU GOT IT!–breast implants. Glinda, the Good Pimp of the North gives Dorothy some hot new titties, disguised as ruby red slippers of course!

Out of nowhere, Dorothy’s hallucinations begin to get weirder and weirder. The Wicked Bitch of the West wants Dorothy’s ruby red boob...I mean, er...slippers, Dorothy has to follow the Yella Brick Road, she sings and hops like a crazy woman and ends up meeting an epileptic called the Scarecrow who becomes her hot lover in this drug trippy world. She meets two more dudes along the way, both homosexuals, one Tin Man, and another Cowardly Lion.

Scarecrow wants a brain because all he’s good for is shagging Dorothy who uses his cock for her pleasure. The Tin Man wants a heart, because he’s tired of sleeping around like the fag that he is and wants to settle down once and for all with a dude instead of Brokebacking with so many. Meanwhile, that Cowardly Faggoty Fag Lion just plain needs courage because he’s a big giant sissy period. Get some balls man you furry supposed King of da Jungle! MAN!

They all hop, skip, and dance their way through this sickening nightmarish world complete with plenty of hardcore pornographic sex scenes and tons of racism!

Yes. RACISM! You see folks, The Wicked Witch of the West is really a smelly suicide-bombing Arab in disguise. It is implied that this filthy evil terrorist green bitch does not bathe, but what eventually kills her? Hmmm? Yes, a bucket full of water! And the Jews are also misrepresented as the apple trees! Those filthy cheap apple tree Jews right Dorothy? U try to take an apple and see what they do? And don’t even git me started with my hip hop brothas and sistas! FLYING MONKEYS?! THAT IS JUST PLAIN OUTRAGEOUS! DOROTHY IS ONE TWISTED AND ADDICTED REDNECK IN SERIOUS NEED OF HELP!

Oh, the great and powerful Oz is nothing but a poor old senile man in desperate need of Viagra and with a sad and serious advanced case of Alzheimer’s. She even hallucinates doing more drugs in the field of poppies, the horse of a different color is obviously radiation poisoning, and the Wicked Witch of the West’s guards are non-English speaking Mexicans who don’t hesitate in giving Dorothy the broomstick she so desperately needs to get back home.

What an ingrate! Turns out she had the power to go home all along (yeah a serious stomach pumping) in her booby slippers and click those heels together u moron and back in boring black and white Kansas she comes back to once more, being nursed back to health by all the hard-working white people she could not stand and hated.

"There’s no place like rehab..."

For these reasons, I ask the people of this great nation to ban this most insidious motion picture, or at least give it the proper rating!

Such trash in the minds of our little ones really disturbs me!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006



Written this past Monday night:

I just got back from seeing V for Vendetta and am anxious to read all the critical reviews, message boards, and other fellow bloggers’ posts. Finally!

But first, my own untainted and unblemished personal thoughts. WOW! This is a remarkable motion picture. The story is engrossing, the action non-stop, the symbolism pervasive, and its overall political message one that has left me pondering and questioning my own current government more than ever before!

This movie comes at the right time for me, in that I have had enough of trying to stand by a president who has become a sick repressive war-loving tyrant. Natalie Portman is great in her role and so many times I saw myself in her character—that of a conforming member of future English society who has accepted what her government has been telling her. That was me, except I live in America and don't dress up like a girl. Ahem.

The stabs at America are eerie and merciless in the movie, despite it taking place in future Britain. I could’ve sworn I was watching President Bush as Chancellor Sutler, Dick Cheney as Creedy, their supposed War on Terror, biological terrorism, martial law, anti-gay rhetoric, and media control. It was quite comical, yet chilling at the same time. In the film, America is in deep civil war, something I also found quite disturbing and perhaps prophetic. Why the original comic book author of this story divorced himself from this incredible movie is a mystery to me. I’ll have to read up on that.

Hugo Weaving is absolutely wonderful as the rebellious V: an outspoken, sophisticated, and subversive killer who will stop at nothing to keep the value of freedom and his hero Guy Fawkes' memory alive, to the point of even wearing a mask of Fawkes' likeness, which in addition helps to ironically hide his horrible disfigurement. I loved every moment of Weaving's performance, and credit the actor, director, and screenwriters for conveying lots of wonderful emotion (even through the mask) with awesome soliloquies from this most intriguing and profound character. Marvelous!

The movie is also beautifully laced with deep emotional scenes, such as the final moments of a once corrupt murderous doctor who finds redemption and forgiveness as V mercifully kills her, or the sad story of a tortured lesbian, who despite what the government has done to her still manages to leave her heart-wrenching story written on rolled up toilet paper to be found by whoever does with love in its words and overall message still intact long after she is killed. Powerful stuff indeed!

So the controversy lies in the question: is V a revolutionary or is he a terrorist? If we are to believe the American government/media--Osama Bin Laden and Al Zarqawi want to repress the world with their fundamentalist evil form of Islam. Hence, they are terrorists right? Repression and fundamentalism are what V stands against; hence, he is a revolutionary hero.

Bravo to the cast and crew! This is a smart comic book special effects big budget blockbuster movie that is as intelligent and politically intriguing as any of the end-of-the-year Oscar films we've seen or will see.

Well...except for Crash of course.

“Fear became the ultimate tool of this government.” - V

Monday, March 20, 2006


Whether they’re big stars, or just mediocre players in Hollywood, this is my top ten list of the hottest actors in the business. And some of them do have talent too! Nevermind if their movies are good, just watching them is a pleasure in itself. In no particular order:


The two eldest on my list: Dennis Quaid has been in about 17,459 movies I think up to this point, and still looks incredible at age 75. Matt Dillon is still (if not more) unbelievably sexy in his forties, and that voice is enough to make anyone melt. Way ta go middle age!


Jesse Bradford, of Speedway Junky and Swimfan fame. This boy is cute. And of all the annoying Lawrence brothers, it’s Matthew Lawrence that takes the prize as thee hottest. EF JOEY! That old withered-looking balding stuck-up jack-off doesn't hold a candle to middle brother Matt.


Chris Evans has an awesome cut-up built body now, even though most of his movies suck, including that awful Fantastic Four. Sean Patrick Flanery (of Young Indiana Jones fame) is still acting, but who knows in what. I just saw pics of him in a mag recently and thought he looked amazing, even at 41. So there!


The Brokeback Mountain lovers: Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. If these two never made another movie again, it would not matter. They have forever cemented their glory as the greatest masculine hunky gay sheepherding cowboys in film history. Heath is handsome and mostly in mediocre films, and Jakey G. has become a man, after looking real goofy and boyish for years. Congrats to both. The girls already loved you, and now we the homos have joined your fan clubs. How could we not?


Paul Walker is working hard making lots of dumb movies as is Ryan Reynolds. Paul looks great, while Ryan has lost lots of his appeal to me now that he’s an uber worked out stud. I used to like him skinnier and college boy looking, like in that pic. But he's still hot.

There you have it. HOW GAY! I know I missed some boys, but that’s all I can think of for now. Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, Brad Pitt, Keanu Reeves, Mel Gibson, Orlando Bloom, Colin Farrell, Matthew McConaughey and all the other obvious ones never did it for me really. They’re just too popular or over hyped.

What a life. To be good-looking, rich, famous, and adored the world over.

Friday, March 17, 2006


From the classic (and amazingly still relevant) 1976 movie NETWORK, this is how I fuckin' feel:

Howard Beale (speaking for WAT and his failing blog): [shouting] You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, [shouting] 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and BLOGGER and the inflation and the fuckin' war in IRAQ and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: [screaming at the top of his lungs] "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

Listen to my frustration:


Thank you.


Wednesday, March 15, 2006


This f**kin’ movie just plain looks cool.

The cast is excellent and the visuals look phenomenal. I hope the movie is not all hype and does not disappoint.

From the guys who brought you the original cultural earthquake phenomenon film The Matrix, I give you:

V for Vendetta

What makes this film interesting as well, is its strong political message dealing with totalitarian governments and terrorism

Ironic in these our times ain’t it?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


Two guys kissing! BIG F**KING WHOOP!

I've lost my patriotism and love for America.

I never thought I'd be thinking, let alone writing these words. Besides the war in Iraq and the continuing economic dismantling of our beloved home, there's also this kinda crap that bugs me:

With the current anti-gay marriage presidential administration currently in power and all the controversy and hatred demonstrated over a simple, yet cultural phenomenon film like Brokeback Mountain, what this country has proved to me is that even though there are plenty of cool awesome people who support and are for gay rights (of course like you who is reading this my blogger friend), there is still an overwhelming majority that loathes and hates me for my sexual orientation. And that sucks and makes me sad--that ignorance can still be so rampant and powerful in people's minds!

It is unforgivable.

The uncomfortable straight males in America waste no time in being hypocrites by being homophobic every stupid chance they get. I read it all the time in message boards on the Net or how they and others react in a movie theater when two male characters kiss onscreen. Nothing irks or pisses me off more than when I hear a loud, "EEEEEEEEWWW" at a simple same sex smooch. Of course, it's okay if two women are going at it mind you. BUT NOOO! Not two men!

Such sickening hypocrisy. "Two women kissing is hot, but two guys is just plain gross!" is what they'll say. Oh, I see. So some homosexuality is acceptable but not the kind that stirs your true inner desires huh?

And that f**kin' sends me through the roof. So many "straight" men continue to lead secret closeted bisexual lives it's not even funny. It's more common and widespread than many will admit to. Yeah, leave the girlfriend/wifey at home, while you go out and have some hot quickie gay sex fun. It happens in high school locker-rooms, college campuses, your own neighborhood, in the military, in jail (for sure), and anywhere and everywhere all over this country. One need just to take a look here and see how widespread it is:,,,

SICK! SICK BASTARDS! You continue to perpetuate the homophobic environment we are festering in by living double lives and then acting anti-gay. How lame!

Yes, things are changing I know. Thank you Brokeback Mountain, Will & Grace, Logo Cable Network, Queer as F*ck, um...I mean Folk, and anyone and everyone who can see past all this bullshit and just accept the effeminate men and butch women and all others in between as people.

I got news for you folks: gay men and lesbian women are actually regular people. Who they f*ck, suck, or do whatever to is no worse or grosser than what men and women do to each other. And honestly, aren't most of us inherently bisexual anyway? I mean, as long as it's consenting adults, why are we still arguing over this issue in 2006 America???

Some guy on a Brokeback Mountain message board told me I should move to Canada. They really don't care about personal sex lives like they do here in America. At least, that's what he told me. Sounds almost too good to be true.

DAMN YOU RELIGIOUS RIGHT, PRESIDENT BUSH, AND ALL YE HYPOCRITE STRAIGHT MEN. Religion has brainwashed, tarnished, destroyed, manipulated, and taken your brains and turned them into useless fodder. Face it ye fools, fags and dykes are in your families, at your jobs, and everywhere else you turn. We are not magically going away, getting cured, or destroying your way of life.

Homosexuality is as old as time itself, was revered in ancient cultures and does not corrupt anyone nor anybody. Heteros are doing all kinds of weird sh*t in porn and in private all the time too! But what heteros do is all well, fine, and dandy--even outside of marriage. F*CK THAT DOUBLE STANDARD SH*T!

In the end, it's just sex--we all want it, need it, like it, and do it. BIG DEAL!

F**K YOU HATERS. I HOPE YOU (not a cocksucking fag like me) BURN IN HELL.

Not that I'm bitter or anything mind you. ;)

For a really frightening and extreme anti-gay view of things, check these assholes out:

I hate these people, but you gots to know your enemy.

Sunday, March 12, 2006


Just a hop, skip, and a jump away from where I now live!

The dates: August 23, 1964 & August 29, 1965.

The greatest rock/pop group in music history performs at the Hollywood Bowl.

Twice within the span of one year!

The screams from the girls are enough to drive one deaf, let alone mad.

And there's actually someone who captured this amazing piece of music history on film:


Friday, March 10, 2006


I’m doing something unprecedented in my life.

For the past two days or so, I have avoided eating meat. Yeah, vegetarian animal lovers everywhere rejoice--I have seen the light! I love hamburgers, tacos, and burritos to death, but let’s face it, too much of this delicious stuff makes for poor digestion, increased cancer risk, bad skin, and cruelty to our precious animal friends.

I may from time to time cheat mind you, but if I can find adequate veggie substitutes, imma do it. I mean, I know that humans are designed to be omnivores per se, but I cannot pretend to not notice how bad chickens, cows, and pigs are treated in those slaughterhouses and stuff and how gross it all really is. Meat is loaded with germs and chemicals and all the reading I’ve been doing has really really turned me off.

It's not easy growing up in meat-loving America, and certainly even worse for me as a Latino, where eating meat in our culture is overdone!

I won’t become some crazy militant PETA animal-rights activist all of a sudden that is going to start attacking my fellow carnivore humans, this is all a matter of personal choice. This means of course, eating more soy than I ever have before, although I was reading that THAT itself may be unhealthy and not good for men because it increases estrogen levels abnormally, although this is highly disputable.

Call me suggestible, but my tummy doesn’t feel so damn bloated or constipated ever since I started doing this.

Now onto a colon cleanser…
(<---insert gay joke here! LOL!)

Wednesday, March 08, 2006



I think it’s pretty safe to say that The United States of America is going to go to war with Iran. You read me. We are going to go to war with Iran. So soon. So very soon.

My God. My dear God.

We’re not even out of the muck in Iraq, and the signs are all pointed towards this eventuality. Call it fear over their nuclear weapons program, greed, oil, or insanity, but this is going to be happening in very little time. I can predict it in the articles I’ve been perusing with the threats and Israel’s growing uneasiness in taking action. Russia and China are on Iran's side, and there we are (geographically speaking) to the right and left of our next target--with troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, and Iran right in the middle.

So World War III (or just plain Armageddon) really started on September 11, 2001. It really f*ckin’ did. "I can see clearly now the rain is gone!" Since that awful nightmarish stupid day, it’s been nothing but downhill from there: threat of terrorism, increased fear, government surveillance, anti-gay/abortion rhetoric, more natural disasters, a hideous war in Iraq, and increased tension with nations the world over. It’s the Bushy administration ain’t it? They orchestrated that killer tsunami and Hurricane Katrina too I bet....okay, that's a stretch, but I'm only kidding!

Ah…the Clinton years. When all we worried about was his penis getting Lewinskied.

Those were the days…


Monday, March 06, 2006


Now that I'm a little more composed after yesterday's Oscars, I'd like to kinda review the show and some of the winners.

Jon Stewart as host was not great, but was not that horrible either. I thought he did a decent job. My absolute favorite line of his was after the social injustice/problems/issues movie montage that Hollywood has portrayed and tackled where he said, "And thankfully, none of those issues were ever a problem for us again." That had me roaring!

A wonderful surprise and most deserved award went to composer Gustavo Santaolalla for his Brokeback Mountain score, which is truly haunting and beautiful. I was very proud of him, as he has produced one of my favorite Mexican rock groups for years, the amazing Café Tacuba, and now the Argentine is working in Hollywood no less! He made me even happier as he dedicated his award para todos los latinos, or "to all Latinos everywhere." That was cool.

How did that hip hop song even win over the Crash or the Dolly Parton tune? That was so low class! I hated it! It made me wonder if that award wasn't rigged, for just as they had finished embarrassingly performing it, Queen Latifah came out and gave them the award for Best Song! I've heard way better hip hop songs than that piece o'shit! UGH! Gimme Missy Elliot, Busta Rhymes, or Tupac puleaze!

I like Reese Witherspoon, and I watched Walk The Line the night before the Oscars and she was okay in her role, but not Oscar worthy like Felicity Huffman was in Transamerica. That was a mistake! It's Joaquin Phoenix who really makes that movie. Oh my God, he is incredible in that film. My hats off to you!

And then Buttcrack Mtn. won the Adapted Screenplay and Best Director award (which are great prizes indeed), and for sure all the rumors that Trash was gonna sneak up and take the big prize could not be true...and out comes Jack Nicholson (who voted for BB Mtn. according to Oprah), and he almost fainted as he read the upsetting winner. Just like when Shakespeare in Love beat Saving Private Ryan. Yeah, I took it personally allright, I thought I was watching the Twin Towers on fire again.

And the message/bulletin boards have gone off ever since:

-"With all of the things that are a problem in this country right, due to the neocon agenda, ya mean, I gotta listen to faggots whine too? Look, I'm lactose intolerant (born that way) and they haven't made a movie about it, or given me a place at the political table. Please, save your "poor queers" sob story until after we fix the mess this country's in."

-'Crash' was nothing more than a sub-par TV Movie Of The Week but I'm glad it was made, actually released and then nominated for a bunch of awards it doesn't deserve if only so that we could all be treated to a literal dance interpretation of its ham-fisted bullshit premise."

-"As for the the Acedemy voted for Crash becuase they all live in LA that's a load of BS. It was and is a better movie than Buttcrack Mountain. America does not want to see gay cowboys? Yes you are absolutely right! I would say many Americans are sick and tired of seeing the homosexual agenda pushed down everybody's throats! They proved that the movies are based on merit and NOT on sexual orientation or what is fashionable at the time! ith! However, I know I can do one of two things: 1. Change the channel, 2. Turn the TV OFF. I elected for #2.If ABC and the "academy" wonder why the ratings are so low, maybe they should ask "mainstream" Americans why! Most people in America don't care for queer movies for starters...."

-"I am happy that Crash won because it said some very important things we should all know:1.) When crazy Muslims come to kill your kids, Jesus will protect you.2.) The best hope in life for crazy upper class white women is to have a faithful servent who will listen to their abuse and not quit their jobs. 3.) Racist cops are all really good people underneath. 4.) Liberals are all really potential murderers. 5.) Black hoodlums do in fact carjack. But they draw the line at participating in the slave trade. That's best left to elderly Asian men."

-"Back In Your Closets, Faggots!! Your 15-minutes of fame is over!"

Ah yes, this is America folks!

Further reading:,0,5359042.story,0,5184709.column?coll=env-home-headlines

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Sunday, March 05, 2006


Okay. I almost had a heart attack, but I'll be fine...

The Academy Awards are over, and Crash just pulled off one of the biggest upsets in Oscar history by winning the Best Picture of the year! Yeah, I’m horrified to say the least.

The gays in America are probably dropping like flies at this very moment and the homophobe folk are having a field day I'm sure. Hey, nothing to be ashamed about kids, Brokeback Mountain took home some big awards and will be remembered and stay in people’s hearts long after tonight’s Best Picture winner’s excitement dies down.

It’s only an awards show anyway. Well, to some of us:

Friday, March 03, 2006


So this week, CBS chairman Les Moonves decided to sue Howard Stern for mentioning his new home Sirius Satellite Radio too much during his last few months in 2005 on the air as king of the regular morning radio airwaves.

How utterly lame! This is certainly in retaliation over Stern’s incredible influence on his fan base (me included) to move from regular boring morning radio to subscribing to Sirius to catch his incredibly amazing and funny show. Let’s face it, isn’t it a coincidence that ratings released this week show Stern’s replacements doing poorly in the morning? Why is this? Because every other morning show is pretty bad! Unfunny, unoriginal bores! And in the same week, he gets sued. Uh huh.

Stern’s former employer is no doubt pissed off at its failure to find adequate morning jocks to replace him, and is most likely jealous as hell that he got me and about two million others to faithfully follow him to his new Sirius home and subscribe to him no matter what.

SUCKAS! I have been a faithful Howard listener since 1995, and will continue to for as long as he’s around. Yeah, I gotta pay now for it, but he brings me so much laughter for being the stupid crude hawk-nosed silly ugly Jew bastard that he is, that it is well worth it. He should win against this lawsuit easily, for it really has no merit whatsoever.

As Howard would say, “What else is in the news Robin?”

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


YES! The lost tape! My noble, but failed attempt to be the next American Idol!

Oh well.

this is an audio post - click to play