Friday, July 30, 2010


Somewhere in Pasadena earlier this week, my Hungarian bud and I went to karaoke! I can sing much better than this, but I was buzzed okay? Enjoy! Laugh! Mock me if ya will! WE HAD A BLAST:

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Monday was my birthday. And guess what I did?! I WENT TO THE DMV! To renew my license! YIPEE! It was a blast! I saw about two or three hotties there and the rest were really ugly people. LMAO! I know, I'm going to get ugly too as I get older; me and my a**hole comments and all. I'm still heartbroken. I don't even know why. I looked at myself in the mirror with a fresh new haircut recently and I think I look pretty damn hot if ya ask me and I've caught dudes checking me out lately in public. No joke. Monday was also the SEX, I mean, SIX year anniversary of this blog. That's right kids. So two milestones on the same day! AIN'T THAT A F*CKING KICK IN THA HEAD?! OH MY GOD--I AM SO BRIMMING WITH JOY AND COMPLETE HAPPINESS RIGHT NOW! ONLY A WORLDWIDE ALL-OUT NUCLEAR WAR WOULD MAKE IT EVEN BETTER!

I actually had my Hungarian bud play the Céline Dion Vegas show on DVD which I'd never watched, and it has got to be one of the cheesiest most horrid things I have ever had to view. It's just GOD awful and strangely entertaining at the same time! LOLOL! Seriously, I think Céline has an awesome voice and deserves all her amazing success because she really seems like a very humble sweet woman from very modest roots, but damn this show is excruciating at times to sit through! HA! Her backup dancers are quite irritating and corny, although I have to say the show seems to pick up a bit towards the end and stuff. But who am I to criticize or talk sh*t when the bitch was a huge success at Caesar's Palace and she has more money than God, so WHATEVER WAT! Now she's expecting twins, and will return to Las Vegas I believe sometime in the near future. And she's in love with an 80 year-old! Wish I could find true love in a senior citizen, but it's just not working for me I'm afraid. I get to go to my nifty awesome-paying tremendously exciting scintillating cubicle job while Céline just made the amount I make a year in less than a nanosecond. Good Lord Almighty.

It's the obscure songs that made The Beatles so damn amazing; not the hits, but the hidden gems! John Lennon wrote songs effortlessly:

Thursday, July 15, 2010


The heat has finally hit L.A. and with a terrible vengeance too.

Some of ye kids want to get violent on my ex, but that is NOT the answer. I me
an, I won't deny that I'd like to deck him, but I do love him; sadly he has a terrible almost incurable disorder. Narcissism is selfish, controlling, hurtful, and highly toxic. You heard about Mel Gibson's horrible tantrums right? THAT'S NARCISSISM IN ALL ITS AWFUL HORRID GLORY. To the victims like me, it is a nightmare because the original charming person we fell for is gone, but to the one who is causing it, it will ultimately prove to be self-destructive, for he will end up alone. As of now, he hates me and has banished me forever, and this makes me feel awful (which is his intent), because I don't deserve it ya know? All I've done is called him on his terrible behavior and gone off on him for being such an a**hole, and so he got caught trying to cheat on the new doormat BF and now I'm the enemy. Why should I even f*cking care what he thinks of me? Why do I allow him to emotionally manipulate me like this?! WHY DO I SUFFER OVER YOU?! I'm walking around like a zombie now, functioning on automatic pilot. I don't want to get out of bed at all. I go to work when I can, and all I do is sob. And all everyone says is STOP IT ALREADY! Okay. Sure. I'll just pull out a Harry Potter wand and make it all magically go away. There I lay late at nights, and feel a tremendous pull and attraction towards him sometimes, as if he is connecting with me psychically wanting to be with me, but not having the courage enough to ever give in. Am I projecting my emotions on him? OR ARE THIS FOOL AND I REALLY COMMUNICATING? He still wants me. I know it. I F*CKING KNOW IT. I CAN FEEL IT. I want to move on, but it's so tough. Worst moment of my life ever. EVER. If you dislike me as a person, you can rejoice/enjoy my misery, because it is serious. SO DEEPLY PAINFUL. :(

25 years ago this week, Live Aid was held and guess who stole the show?! QUEEN of course! Freddie Mercury had thousands of fans at Wembley Stadium in the palm of his hand:

Friday, July 09, 2010


Please visit my beloved bud's new blogs so you can help him with traffic and ad revenue okay? You promise me you'll do that before you continue reading the SUCKITUDE that is my life? Spread the word-- here are his two new blogs, one which he swears details his experiences with alien abductions:


And the other blog; a more playful cute one involving a funny little mischievous dog:

Do you know that I sent out a silly mass cell phone text on July 4th wishing everyone a HAPPY F*CK THE BRITISH DAY! Yeah, I mean, I love the British, but I thought it was something fun and witty, and I got generally positive feedback, EXCEPT... I did not notice I had accidentally texted it to: THE NARCISSIST. And his amazing reply? After trying to fake apologize to me last week and being evasive about his new BF to get me into the sack, then getting caught by the BF, and involving me in the stupid process, they're both fine and dandy and guess who the bad guy is now? THE CRAZY SICK TWISTED ONE? ME OF COURSE! "F*CK YOU FOREVER AND LEAVE ME AND MY BF ALONE. ERASE MY NUMBER." Ya know folks, I had never in my life known what it was like to have that feeling where you swear someone just punched you in the gut and you literally had to bend down to crawl and grasp for the floor in horrible pain, but that is exactly what I felt as I read his final monumentally giving and loving text message. I literally, QUITE LITERALLY almost threw up. That's right. No responsibility, no accountability. I'm the enemy. Well sure, I had to talk sh*t about you to the new guy, but surely he relayed it all back to you to deny it and sweet talk you into staying. This is one sick twisted world folks. No doubt about it. And my one crime? CARING ABOUT YOU. Uh huh. LOVING YOU. How sweet. How very f*cking sweet. Narcissism has effectively and profoundly scarred me for life. My friends and co-workers just don't get it, but I DO, and any other survivor of the emotional Holocaust it is to deal with this evil personality disorder cannot deny how horrid it all truly is. My father was the worst of them all, and now this bitter utterly cruel experience with the dude I was really into, where I have shed enough tears to fill a f*cking ocean and write at least 20 hit songs. YOUR LOSS BABY. DEEP DOWN INSIDE, I KNOW YOU MISS MY HOT C*CK TREMENDOUSLY YOU DUMBASS F*GGOT. And call me crazy, but I can often feel HIM thinking about me late at night as I lay here in my own room. You're so into me, but YOU WILL NEVER ADMIT IT. You're too proud, too arrogant, too NARCISSISTIC. I am glad that I never kept my mouth shut. NEVER EVER. He hates me for it. I'm too damn smart. I unmasked his game. He's no match for my mental superiority.

But the terrible sadness and tears shed have left me with no choice but to get closer to God and read my Bible every little chance I get. I can't resort to alcohol or weed really because I'll end up crying more, and if I have too much random sex I feel cheap and worthless too, so really it's in the heavens for me. Yes, if you're an atheist and think I am insane, try being in my shoes at this very moment. It's not pretty. Through an intense prayer session on the phone today with one of my aunt's church members (a woman who has never met me nor has any idea of my current sadness) down in Central America, she randomly and out of the blue told me that God is looking out for me and that it's all simply described in the book of Joshua, Chapter 1, Verse 9. Now go look it up, and yes it did make me cry and actually gave me hope.


Thursday, July 08, 2010


Kids, I am so happy to see Spain and Holland in the grand finale of the World Cup! Finally, two teams that have never won the trophy! It's about damn time! I get tired of Brazil, Italy, Germany, or Argentina always winning.

Interestingly, Spain and the Netherlands have been rivals historically. Back when Spain was very powerful and influential in the 16th Century; as they were out conquering, pillaging,
and raping the natives in the "New World", Spain was also in charge of many lands and territories in Europe itself due to royal inheritance and intermarriage. The Spaniards controlled vast chunks of Italian lands and the Netherlands believe it or not. Spain was fiercely Catholic, but the Netherlands had already been converted to Protestantism. Anyway, a bunch of conflicts ensued, and the Netherlands gained its independence from Spain and became a world power with its own strong military and overseas colonies. So ya see kids, this little bit of obscure history should be a bit useful for Sunday's big game when the two former European powers face each other off in the world's most popular sport. Or maybe like most Americans, YOU just don't care! LOLOLOL!

As I write t
his, I'm watching Joy Behar interview Liza Minelli. HOLY COW! This is hysterical! Liza is out of her mind! NUTS! CRAZY! Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it?! Listen, I love Judy Garland (what homo doesn't), but she obviously led a very sad tragic life plagued by drugs and alcohol. Her daughter seems to have lead the life and made the same mistakes her mother did. Liza is probably on tons of prescription meds, and I know for sure the girl has had a battle with alcohol and has married many a gay man too just like mommy. For God's sake, Liza's father was GAY! I like Liza; I think she has been immensely talented, and although nowhere near the greatness of her mother, she has carved her own niche in pop culture. Yeah man, Liza is a legend in her own right okay?

Mother and daughter, so many years ago:

Thursday, July 01, 2010


Oh the drama!

About two weeks ago, I got a call and was left a voicemail by my ex-lover. "Hi, wanted to see how you were, and that I want to make peace." Well, I rolled my eyes of course, but it's obvious I am still not over him, because part of me
felt good at getting his attention/focus again. My rational mind though was suspicious and distrustful as it should be with this fool, and I knew he was up to no good again. Testing me to see if I will reply back and to see if he still has power over me? UGH. Once you know how this narcissism works, it can still be quite daunting and overwhelming, and the best thing is really no contact AT ALL. Of course, everyone just says the obvious, "Ignore him! Get over him! Move on!" Folks, it just has not been easy. I cannot explain it. I never thought I'd be in this situation because I'm pretty damn smart, but I really fell for this f*cker. I really did. Effectively charming and seductive at first, only to pull the rug from under me ever so slowly, and even though I was often and much more aware than most, he still GOT ME. I did not call him back and resisted the temptation to feed/fuel his ego. Good job WAT! Ignore him! They hate that! I stood my ground.

Until Monday night of this week that is.

He texted me saying he was sorry for everything and blah blah blah. "I fantasize about you all the time. Miss the times we had, it was special." IT WAS?! LOLOL! Honestly, you weren't that great in the sack--rather cold and detached and u belittled me constantly and then dumped me for your new boyfriend/victim. So I call him back and start berating him, "What do you want?! Why are you calling me?! Where is your boyfriend?! Are you trying to cheat on him with me?! You're a narcissist!" He could not handle it and told me he'd call me back, which he never did. He could not answer me about the boyfriend, but it was obvious he still has him. The dirty jerk. SICK DIRTY JERK. Tuesday night, I texted him with the same questions I had yelled at him on the phone. And guess who calls me back? THE BOYFRIEND! A really nice Argentine man who proceeds to bond with me in Spanish and realizes he's got a true monster on his hands. All I could say to him was, "You need to get out. You need to leave this man. He is a narcissist and he will destroy you emotionally. He was trying to be slick/sneaky and get sex from me again." The Argentine says, "I know, he's a piece of sh*t. He treats me so bad. Monitors my phone calls. Even punched me tonight. But I finally got his phone and saw your messages. He has said some horrible things about you. But now that I talk to you, I know that you went through the same things I am going through now. He's a liar, cold, and highly unstable. I have to leave him soon, but I have practically moved in with him."

Oh boy. I went off on the heathen with more texts and some of them were quite offensive but true. He could only say he was sorry for inv
olving me and that he had made a mistake, and was going to try and work things out with the boyfriend. What an unbelievable savage! He wished me good luck with my life. UGH. He sure knows how to remain stately and civil with me without ever resorting to profanity, and it drives me crazy because he's still a deeply troubled and hurtful man.

So now I'm hoping/praying the new abused victim WILL leave and dump this
fool and take back his sanity. I am rooting for him, because he does sound like a genuinely nice man, but I dunno. He is no doubt in love with him and will forgive him and stay. And the nightmare for him will continue. As for me? Well, I am lucky to not be in his shoes, but don't get me wrong, this all makes me very sad in the end. Part of me is glad that karma has finally began to strike somehow, but it only brings back the feelings I still have for the incubus. Yes, I'm stupid to admit I am not over him. But I cannot lie or deny it to myself. Besides, it's not really karma if he's just abusing someone new. It's just a pattern he enjoys and is used to and will continue to get away with sadly.

Why? Honest to God, WHY?! Why didn't I fall in love with a good awesome guy?! ARGH! WHAT THE

This year sucks. Get me out of here.