Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Yes folks. GOOD HAS TRIUMPHED OVER EVIL! The narcissist got dumped, but claims it was a mutual break-up. Of course! He never admits defeat. EVER.

An email I sent to a friend generally describing (more or less) events last week:

I saw him Tuesday. he thought he was gonna be slick and act like nothing happened. But I had to vent. AND VENT I Did. He came to pick me up and took me to his place. I told him I wasn't gonna give him any and yet he kept insisting the f*cking douche. On our way back home he kept lamenting like a child "Things are so broken now between us, I wish they were back the way they were..."

"Yeah" I says, "guess who broke it? Guess who ruined it? YOU. YOU DID. and you expect me to act as though my last five months of suffering did not happen?!" He tried so hard to defend himself and made very few valid points, but in the end, I chewed him out like you have no idea. I walked out of that car triumphant. I really did. It was marvelous.

He even called me to say he wanted to hug me as I left the car, but was a bit angry at me for chewing him out the way I did. And I saw the bruises on his body from a fight he had with his now ex just days ago. How horrid.

Yes, no sex. He tried so hard. "You think you're that irresistible?? I already told u I am not having sex with you before u picked me up tonight. And here u are fondling me and I'm in this bed where u and your last victim (his now ex that has been through worse than me) screwed and fought and it just makes me sick really. I should not have even known about your ex or spoken to him but u tried cheating on him with me and got caught about a month ago. Do u see the horror of your ways? How terribly narcissistic and disordered u are?"
It was truly priceless.

"You have to accept your responsibility in this too! You are not a victim! I am not a villain! Why are you psychoanalyzing me?!" --The narcissist

"Yes u are correct on some level, but the fact is you are a mean cruel a**hole and you know it. And I did not deserve that, because all I did was tell you I cared about you, and you took advantage of that and ran with it. Sorry if I have changed or am not the same, but what do you expect? And why do all your lovers and ex's seem to end in such terrible dysfunction?! Something is wrong here and I don't think you are being fair or aware of what it is YOU are doing to screw things up. You are almost 36 and yet you don't get it."

All that time last week, he'd been in hot pursuit of his ex too and getting neither him nor me to respond to his silly desperate attempts at getting laid. The narcissist found out I told the ex everything that happened last week and that was the final blow to his ego! In a series of text messages he proceeded to try and hurt me one last time: "He was MY boyfriend! You talking to him behind my back?! You are pathetic and I never dated you because you are embarrassing and I only had you come here under the cover of dark, because I would never introduce you to my family. You sad sack of sh*t. F*ck you forever!" Yes folks, he only saw me as an object, and his confession says it all.

WAT replied: "Pathological malignant narcissism as I have told you already! You are an amazing case study! You are an awful, abusive, controlling, manipulative, lying monster. I am so over you, and I know this because last week I rejected you and it felt tremendous; frankly you disgust me now. I can see right through you like never before and it is empowering. Get help, go to therapy."

And so there it is! THE END! THE END TO MY NIGHTMARE! My tears are over! I feel redeemed! Proof that this guy was and still is the problem! I did care for him a great deal once, but no more! He killed it completely! His ex says he wants to meet me eventually; says that when he and I compare notes, it is remarkable how much our emotionally abusive stories match.

I have carried on and on about this ordeal, but all I have to say is, anyone who has never fallen for a true evil narcissist has no idea how harrowing and truly traumatizing it is. This is why I almost lost my sense of self-worth and felt so distraught these past few months--these psychopaths really get under your skin when you are unaware; one is truly a victim of these parasites. But now I am well-read and much too aware. Knowledge truly is power.

Never again.


Monday, August 23, 2010


So the world's second largest economy is now China. Yeah well, this is not a big surprise I guess, since a lot of the junk we buy nowadays seems to be made there. Well, good for you China! Everyone around the world is racing to be like the United States and to mimic the standard of living we perfected, but I dunno if this is a good idea. I mean, it's overpopulated and if every human being is to live with all the comforts possible, I don't know if this planet can support it. They say the greatest most precious resource in the near future is going to be fresh water. Can you believe it? WATER! YIKES! And if ya look at the latest unemployment figures, they are horrendous! This is not a recession, and why they keep saying that is f*cking irritating. This is a major economic depression folks and even though I have a decent job at the moment, it annoys me to even go there. LOL! I spoke to someone recently and I had mentioned that I really felt America was going to collapse economically within the next few years simply because we are broke, but he proceeded to tell me I was a negative a**hole. AHAHAHHAHA! Yeah, maybe I am but then again I'm having a great year remember? Sometimes I really wish I was a cute little dog in a nice home without a true care in the world...

I watched a lot of Julia Child this weekend. My bud has these DVD's where she cooks up a storm with Jacques Pépin. I had no idea all this time that Julia was American; I thought for sure this woman was British, but she was born in Pasadena, CA of all places! WOW! She spoke funny. LOL! She was quite witty and charming too. Not a care in the world for the dishes to be health-conscious at all; the woman uses more butter and eggs than I could keep up with, but man did that food look GOOD! I say why not? Ya only live once right? Julia lived 91 years, not a bad run at all and she must've eaten some really damn good food during her lifetime. I have yet to see the Meryl Streep movie, but I will sometime soon I suppose.

To the late great silly Julia:

Friday, August 13, 2010


I'm thinking of changing this blog's template/look sometime soon. I'm also thinking of going on a blog vacation/hiatus while I try to clear my brain. I have neglected to visit so many of your blogs my friends. I feel bad, I truly do, but my mind is overburdened and underpaid. LOL! Ya know, I need to join a cheap gym or something to work out all the toxic negativity. Would be nice if I had an expert personal trainer but those are so expensive and the one time I had one I thought I was going to die. I have really awesome ideas and solutions, but I always fail to set them in motion or put my life in true order. Then again, whose life is really in order?! It's mid-August already, and the hot weather has been virtually non-existent. This is quite surprising and welcome I suppose, but something feels out of place and off really.

Did I tell ya I went to see Ringo Starr in concert this past
Saturday? I got complimentary tickets from the nicest bartender at my karaoke bar on Mondays, and I was a bit skeptical and blah about going and all, but off to the Greek Theatre my bud and I went and it was actually quite enjoyable. All these other dudes with a hit or two once upon a time on the charts were part of the band such as Edgar Winter, Gary Wright, and Rick Derringer. The crowd was most enthusiastic and the venue is really beautiful. And I got to see my second living Beatle! Ringo is actually very charming and funny, I can see why the other bandmates loved him so much since his ego was much more grounded than the other Beatles. Here's a small clip of the show. Okay, so it was no Paul McCartney concert, but it worked for me okay? HA!

This movie stands as one of my all-time childhood favorites. John Williams' score won an Oscar, and rightfully so; the music was truly masterfully composed and used in the film to great effect:

Friday, August 06, 2010


I'm not a drug addict, but I have terrible demons apparently! GO FIGURE! Hey, it is an existential blog is it not?

I'm super sensitive and very impressionable. I just don't think I ever grew up. No wait. I KNOW I NEVER GREW UP. My mom was very overprotective, but I understand; my father was non-existent really, and when he was around, he was a nightmare. YIKES. The man was emotionally and physically abusive! Anyway, I've been heavily battling depression this year as you may have read. My job, my love life, and now the possibility that I may lose my dwelling? The only thing I really wanna be able to deal with first and foremost is to heal my broken heart. I've made progress don't get me wrong
, but sometimes I think back to my sappy ass pathetic dramatic hopeless crush on that mediocre putz, and I do get down. UGH. I know, I know, it will just take time they all say. I often wish we human beings did not have to go through these trials/tribulations. Everyone says you learn a lesson though. Oh really? How nice. I appreciate all the suffering just to learn a f*cking lesson or two. NOT. Why does it have to be this way dawg?! I mean, YEESH! Okay, okay. All of us go through this journey in one way or another, and life is just painful at times I'm afraid. Be optimistic WAT, think positively. Um, okay. Whatever.

How nice
to see the overturning of Prop 8 here in my home state, but I think the celebrations are a bit premature. The ugly religious right groups and other closed-minded folk will fight this with appeals and it will more than likely head all the way to the Supreme Court where interestingly enough, there are now three women! Anyway, I'm not all crazy about marriage and crap, but the principle of society as a whole not being homophobic is what I support. When people oppose gay marriage, it's as if they're against gays and lesbians no matter what. Lemme tell ya, life is hard enough, but when one is born and has to face a sexual orientation that has been oppressed by the straight majority, it is one tough existence. Add to this the prejudices and stupid views by homosexuals against each other, and you've got a REAL hurdle! Gays can be some of the meanest, cattiest, and horrible people towards each other--you don't have the right look, clothes, or God forbid you even have HIV! But I digress...

This show never ceases to amaze me, to make me laugh, to forget about my dark and painful thoughts. I loved it as a teenager, and I still love it today; even my 12 year-old niece says she likes it: