Friday, November 19, 2010


I did not feel like writing, so out came my webcam and mic and here's the result:

Friday, November 12, 2010


This awesome little dog got terribly sick all of a sudden and had to be put to sleep this week. My friend who one day saw him as a puppy staring at him in the driveway of his house some 5 years ago gave this dog a good decent home and he was really funny and wonderful to be around. I will miss him and have cried over him, since I saw him practically every weekend.

My narcissistic crazy ex-lover and I have reached an amicable parting decision. He keeps insisting as of late like some sort of
desperate lost soul that I return to "hang out" with him, but I very civilly and intelligently told him he had his chance earlier this year, and chose someone else instead, and that now I am irrevocably changed and different and past all that drama. In other words, I'm just not interested in YOU anymore. LOL! This is a great feeling folks. And I told him I still resent him for the bad mean things he did, so what's the point of even trying?! BROTHA PULEAZE! He was very polite, apologetic, and sounded almost defeated. Of course, it could all be an act since these people are terrific actors and full of BS, but I tell ya one thing, poor is the next man who is unaware and has to deal with HIM. He claimed to me he feels sorry and has "changed" and has taken time to analyze and be introspective. LMAO! Uh huh. Yeah. It sounds so convincing and I can't wait to return to him! I'm moving forward here folks, not backwards. Gracias. I've wanted my power back all this time, and I think I finally got it; ignoring this fool and playing hard-to-get recently from my end is apparently very fun, enticing, and challenging to him -- whereas trying to build something cool and maintain it turns him into an abusive maniacal bastard. Oh boy, God help ya kid. I'm over it. There's plenty of other lands to conquer, and it's obvious to me now after all of my personal suffering and insightful eye-opening research that he's hopeless. "Don't call me a narcissist, I am not like that!" I somehow think I've managed to upset him with the truth, but more than likely he forgets within 10 seconds and happily continues on his destructive path.

I watched
Julie & Julia finally! Yeah, so Amy Adams' character and her boyfriend were a bit annoying and sugary, but man does this film make one wanna eat! What more can be said about Meryl Streep? WHAT MORE?! I hate to heap more accolades onto this woman who doesn't need them anymore, but she is really fun in this role as the late great eccentric kitchen goddess that was Julia Child. Julia had a very nice and loving husband, although they never had kids; both of them lived well into their nineties --Julia outlived him ten more years before she passed. Funny how all lives seem to end in death, no matter how remarkable. HA.

A look back at my doggy friend and good times we shared:

Friday, November 05, 2010


We should not hold on to resentment, because ultimately it poisons the person who clings to it, not the person it is intended for or directed at. Yes, how correct and true, but there are times it is also part of the healing process, and we must feel this inner rage and anger at having been wronged in order to come to terms with the damage done. It is normal/natural to really despise the person that treated you so poorly, and in my case this past spring and summer, I have more than enough reasons to truly loathe the creature I erroneously thought I loved. He manipulated the entire situation for his own selfish reasons, belittled me in the most subtle dark and evil ways, and then finally drops me for someone younger and better-looking whom he eventually proceeds to abuse as well. And then he wants me back as if nothing happened, as if he did not act in the most despicable manner?! This is how horrid and truly evil this individual is. There is no remorse, no empathy, no accountability for the psychological and emotional hurt caused to me or the many others he must go through like a pair of shoes. I will eliminate my rancor towards the savage, but it will take more time and little by little I have gotten stronger on a daily basis, but I won't lie or deny I am fully healed or over the pain yet. There are moments I do break down and wish him cancer or a serious car wreck, but I will slowly let this all go and let karma or God himself work their magic and teach this monstrosity a lesson. Or two. Or three.

Work has been pretty laidback as of late, and thank God for that right? I feel much less stressed here, and am very grateful for this. I have other issues that are weighing me down a bit, but onward I must go. This has been a very challenging tough year for me. WHEW! I cannot believe I am still standing and forging ahead. And so many have told me I have never looked better, more refreshed, or handsome than I do now. Ironic isn't it?! The invisible man in the sky that I try to have faith and believe in must be showing his mercy towards me at this very interesting part of my life. The world as a whole is going to hell kids. The natural disasters are going to get worse, poor Haiti just can't get a break, the economy is on course to collapse, and Lord only knows where we are headed as a species/civilization. I'm all for this f*cking mess to crash, explode, and burn for I feel this planet needs a good purging. Even if I have to die so be it. Bring forth that massive LA quake already! YEAH!

In the meantime, I'm going to simply concentrate on the present, on the very moment I am living. F*ck the future. There is none. There never was.

Like Ancient Rome, here's what our modern day lawmakers really think: