Wednesday, October 26, 2011


Halloween season! IT IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR! Ghosts, witches, goblins, zombies, vampires, and werewolves! I LOVE IT! Don't you?! It's fun!

As I enter middle ag...ER, my mid twenties, I am starting to reflect on my life. I feel regret for having hurt certain people. Whether it was deliberately or unintentionally; although I truly feel I've never done anything with malice or on purpose. Ya see, I do have a conscience. And I do feel guilt. And I happen to have empathy. I reall
y wish I were a colder and uncaring bastard, but that is only the facade I seem to present to the world. I'm sarcastic, cynical, and quite silly with my sense of humour. The real ME is very sentimental and easily moved. I've been pretty fortunate in my life. I've always had a roof over my head, food, and basic necessities to survive. My nagging mother has been pretty good to me despite our sometimes heated disagreements. I happen to have at least two or three good friends in whom I can confide and tell my deepest secrets and thoughts to without being judged or mocked. That is sooooooooo important to have ya know? We all need to be heard/listened to, but it is hard to find an accepting audience. I've been fortunate not to have any serious financial problems or health issues. My worst enemy has sadly been my own mind and my emotions. I'm way too sensitive and having to grow up in the real world has been a very humbling and almost unbearable lesson at times. I do give humans the benefit of the doubt and try to believe in people, but sadly I have been disappointed way too often. I'm trying not to be bitter or spiteful, but it is hard. There is EVIL in this world folks. There are those among us who do not care, love, or feel guilt at all. I come from a very dysfunctional broken home, and I have had to face the world carrying that dumb awful baggage, which I am slowly but barely still getting rid of to this day. I cry a lot easier now than ever in my life, only because I've had to accept tough lessons about love and other general disappointments. The good thing is: I have faith that everything will work out and I shall triumph despite recent trials and tribulations in the past few years. Someone keeps telling me I'm going to live a very long healthy life and that I shall die peacefully. Okay then. I'll take it! LOL. I hope I look this good at 95!

Okay, it is Halloween time, and I wanna talk about serial killers! I've probably discussed this topic somewhat before, but let's take another STAB at it! EVIL IS REAL! No remorse, no empathy, no guilt; the serial killer is one twisted mindf*cked human being. Jack the Ripper is the most famous and perhaps the first "celebrity" serial killer. He terrorized London during the height of the British Empire and Victorian Age and became a sensation for his murder of prostitutes and his meticulous surgical destruction of the corpses. There's a good film on this topic called From Hell starring Johnny Depp. Serial killers are found the world over and are usually males who grew up wetting their beds late into their teens, abused or killed animals, and had a fascination with fire. Ted Bundy was handsome and educated and brutally murdered tons of pretty girls. John Wayne Gacy was a respected family man and member of his community that got off by killing young men and boys because he was a self-hating homosexual. He used to dress as a clown for kids' parties whilst burying bodies under his house. THE STENCH MAN! UGH! Jeffrey Dahmer became world famous for keeping body parts and eating them in his apartment. YIKES! He was a nice-looking unassuming man that had one SICK mind! Richard Ramirez terrorized L.A. during the summer of 1985. Known as the Night Stalker, this oogly S.O.B. was a Satanist that broke into people's homes and killed mercilessly. One of the creepiest and most fascinating serial killers was the Zodiac up in the Bay area. He was never caught! The Jakey G. film Zodiac is long but interesting to check out. All you've ever wanted to know about these sickos is at this link right here! I cringe to think of who has yet to be caught!


Tuesday, October 11, 2011


My brother insists I blog! I know I know, it's been a while. What is there to talk about? Hmmm...

I'll have to
discuss one of my favorite topics of the last two years or so: NARCISSISM! Yeah, so if you're sick of it and not in the mood or just plain don't believe me when I tell you of the destruction these people create in the normally good and decent around them, then stop reading. But if you wanna learn and be informed and open your eyes to something that is rarely discussed and given attention to, but needs to be given proper coverage, then continue forth! Ya know that horrible c*ntrag Joan Crawford as depicted in the film MOMMIE DEAREST by Faye Dunaway? Yes, that psychotic evil twisted movie star bitch that abuses her daughter and acts like the world revolves her? Yes my friends, that is a NARCISSIST. Or the malicious terrible ghetto trash puta that Mo'nique so convincingly plays in PRECIOUS? Yes, that is a NARCISSIST. But let's not forget the more subtle, more delicate yet still manipulative and emotionally destructive witch in 500 DAYS OF SUMMER. Yes, she is a NARCISSIST. In all the movies I just used as examples, women are the perpetrators, but more often than not it is MEN that are guilty of having this personality disorder. Daniel Day-Lewis' amazing performance in There Will Be Blood for example; that character is a NARCISSIST. How would I ever have known about these energy vampires had I not fallen for one? He was so charming, so sweet, so seemingly gentle and caring. But it's all a front. A mask. For once it slips off and they know they've got you hooked in, their assault on your soul begins. So many times I heard other naysayers tell me, "GET OVER IT! BIG DEAL! YOU'RE SO DRAMATIC!" Oh really now? Well, when you come from a dysfunctional family where two of the main adults in my life were savage NARCISSISTS, and then you end up developing feelings for one in adulthood, I think it's safe to say I got some really bad lessons about what a healthy relationship is all about. Yes, they are usually successful and very ambitious and liked by many, but this does not eliminate their abusive nature or self-absorbed ways. They do not know what love is, and sadly they never will. They hate intimacy and sensitive people. They feel unique and misunderstood. No, it's not just a jerk or bitch you're dealing with folks. You're dealing with a truly damaged and malignant soul. Am I narcissistic? Why yes. To a certain degree I am! Sure! But I'm not a NARCISSIST. A true narcissist is just plain EVIL. And I know some that at this point in their lives are trying desperately to change and be better people towards others, but this is rare, for most (like my self-absorbed FATHER), never change and are proud of it. Remember, you are not a person, you are an object. To be used and discarded. Plain and simple. Eerie and depressing isn't it?

Yes, the NARCISSIST may be good looking, financially successful, and appear to have it all. But here's the catch: they don't care about your thoughts, your opinions, your feelings, or YOU. Period. You're just an object that is doing its job for now, until someone else "better" comes along. The victim who willfully enters a relationship with one of these douches is then put through a mindf*ck of epic proportions. Some days, the NARCISSIST is fun, nice, and sweet all over again just like the first time he lured you in. This is meant to confuse and keep the victim hooked in. But then the real true bastard comes through once again, and he's abusive, condescending, withdrawn, and just plain horrible to you. The victim (AND YES THERE IS A VICTIM) has lost their self-esteem, does not know how to get away from him, and is confused and truly hurt. Once the victim decides they've had enough of this douchebag and wants to leave, the NARCISSIST does everything to beg, manipulate, or even threaten to keep that person with them. A NARCISSIST doesn't want YOU to end the relationship! NO! He/she has to end it! THEY HAVE TO BE VICTORIOUS! They have to have the last word/laugh! DUH! Don't you get it? Don't you see their modus operandi by now?! This woman beautifully explains it in this article. I'd give her a Pulitzer if I could. Even if the victim has managed to escape and cut all ties with Donald Trump, the recovery from one of these beasts will take a long time and many tears will be shed mourning Mr. Asshole. Don't I know it from personal experience. Oh boy. My mother knows it from dealing with my late father. Nicole Simpson knew it, and got murdered by her NARCISSIST. Yikes. This is no joke folks. This is no sweep-it-under-the rug issue. This is serious and highly destructive. These people are psychopaths. Even if they don't physically murder someone, they are pretty lethal and damaging nonetheless to the sensitive and giving souls out there. I like and admire the achievements of Madonna, Pablo Picasso, and the recently deceased Steve Jobs, but this does not mean they are/were good kind sweet caring people with empathy for others--all narcissists, all of them abusive. The only way to successfully deal with these heathens is to keep them at a distance and deal with them here and there once in a while. Better yet, cut them out of your life completely if you can! For
to be in love or related to them is to invite nothing but suffering.

I shall never EVER be the same person again. Forever changed and scarred. And this is a good thing! Waking up and realizing what I was dealing with my whole life and carrying with me into my recent adulthood is very eye-opening! I've been mocked, criticized, scoffed at, and dismissed by even my closest friends about this subject and my harrowing experience. But as this writer so brilliantly puts it: "Does all this sound far-fetched and like a lame made-for-TV movie? Then you’ve never had an encounter with a narcissist."

I'm sure I'll come back to this subject sometime in the near future. Lucky YOU. LOLOL! In the meantime, I'm waiting to see what happens to the world economy...