Tuesday, October 11, 2011


My brother insists I blog! I know I know, it's been a while. What is there to talk about? Hmmm...

I'll have to
discuss one of my favorite topics of the last two years or so: NARCISSISM! Yeah, so if you're sick of it and not in the mood or just plain don't believe me when I tell you of the destruction these people create in the normally good and decent around them, then stop reading. But if you wanna learn and be informed and open your eyes to something that is rarely discussed and given attention to, but needs to be given proper coverage, then continue forth! Ya know that horrible c*ntrag Joan Crawford as depicted in the film MOMMIE DEAREST by Faye Dunaway? Yes, that psychotic evil twisted movie star bitch that abuses her daughter and acts like the world revolves her? Yes my friends, that is a NARCISSIST. Or the malicious terrible ghetto trash puta that Mo'nique so convincingly plays in PRECIOUS? Yes, that is a NARCISSIST. But let's not forget the more subtle, more delicate yet still manipulative and emotionally destructive witch in 500 DAYS OF SUMMER. Yes, she is a NARCISSIST. In all the movies I just used as examples, women are the perpetrators, but more often than not it is MEN that are guilty of having this personality disorder. Daniel Day-Lewis' amazing performance in There Will Be Blood for example; that character is a NARCISSIST. How would I ever have known about these energy vampires had I not fallen for one? He was so charming, so sweet, so seemingly gentle and caring. But it's all a front. A mask. For once it slips off and they know they've got you hooked in, their assault on your soul begins. So many times I heard other naysayers tell me, "GET OVER IT! BIG DEAL! YOU'RE SO DRAMATIC!" Oh really now? Well, when you come from a dysfunctional family where two of the main adults in my life were savage NARCISSISTS, and then you end up developing feelings for one in adulthood, I think it's safe to say I got some really bad lessons about what a healthy relationship is all about. Yes, they are usually successful and very ambitious and liked by many, but this does not eliminate their abusive nature or self-absorbed ways. They do not know what love is, and sadly they never will. They hate intimacy and sensitive people. They feel unique and misunderstood. No, it's not just a jerk or bitch you're dealing with folks. You're dealing with a truly damaged and malignant soul. Am I narcissistic? Why yes. To a certain degree I am! Sure! But I'm not a NARCISSIST. A true narcissist is just plain EVIL. And I know some that at this point in their lives are trying desperately to change and be better people towards others, but this is rare, for most (like my self-absorbed FATHER), never change and are proud of it. Remember, you are not a person, you are an object. To be used and discarded. Plain and simple. Eerie and depressing isn't it?

Yes, the NARCISSIST may be good looking, financially successful, and appear to have it all. But here's the catch: they don't care about your thoughts, your opinions, your feelings, or YOU. Period. You're just an object that is doing its job for now, until someone else "better" comes along. The victim who willfully enters a relationship with one of these douches is then put through a mindf*ck of epic proportions. Some days, the NARCISSIST is fun, nice, and sweet all over again just like the first time he lured you in. This is meant to confuse and keep the victim hooked in. But then the real true bastard comes through once again, and he's abusive, condescending, withdrawn, and just plain horrible to you. The victim (AND YES THERE IS A VICTIM) has lost their self-esteem, does not know how to get away from him, and is confused and truly hurt. Once the victim decides they've had enough of this douchebag and wants to leave, the NARCISSIST does everything to beg, manipulate, or even threaten to keep that person with them. A NARCISSIST doesn't want YOU to end the relationship! NO! He/she has to end it! THEY HAVE TO BE VICTORIOUS! They have to have the last word/laugh! DUH! Don't you get it? Don't you see their modus operandi by now?! This woman beautifully explains it in this article. I'd give her a Pulitzer if I could. Even if the victim has managed to escape and cut all ties with Donald Trump, the recovery from one of these beasts will take a long time and many tears will be shed mourning Mr. Asshole. Don't I know it from personal experience. Oh boy. My mother knows it from dealing with my late father. Nicole Simpson knew it, and got murdered by her NARCISSIST. Yikes. This is no joke folks. This is no sweep-it-under-the rug issue. This is serious and highly destructive. These people are psychopaths. Even if they don't physically murder someone, they are pretty lethal and damaging nonetheless to the sensitive and giving souls out there. I like and admire the achievements of Madonna, Pablo Picasso, and the recently deceased Steve Jobs, but this does not mean they are/were good kind sweet caring people with empathy for others--all narcissists, all of them abusive. The only way to successfully deal with these heathens is to keep them at a distance and deal with them here and there once in a while. Better yet, cut them out of your life completely if you can! For
to be in love or related to them is to invite nothing but suffering.

I shall never EVER be the same person again. Forever changed and scarred. And this is a good thing! Waking up and realizing what I was dealing with my whole life and carrying with me into my recent adulthood is very eye-opening! I've been mocked, criticized, scoffed at, and dismissed by even my closest friends about this subject and my harrowing experience. But as this writer so brilliantly puts it: "Does all this sound far-fetched and like a lame made-for-TV movie? Then you’ve never had an encounter with a narcissist."

I'm sure I'll come back to this subject sometime in the near future. Lucky YOU. LOLOL! In the meantime, I'm waiting to see what happens to the world economy...


alice said...

Wow........I found you again. It's been a while!!!!!

Who cares if someone gives you shit about posting on this subject again - it's good to exorcise it once in a while. It gets the lingering demons away from you, instead of residing within.

Hope you are doing well, and free of any of the leftover "effects". Big hugs

David Garry said...

It's true… I wish more people knew about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and understand what 'victims' can go through. I've had more than one narcissist in my world… Apparently, I can be drawn to them, being giving, being a 'codependent'.

They charm, lie, and do whatever they can to get adoration and attention…and can be abusive and punishing, no matter how overt or subtle, eventually (after the amazing 'idealization' stage, where they put someone on a pedestal quickly, only to tear them down again).

I didn't quite know how detrimental hanging out with this type of person was until I had given so much of myself over time that I had my own personal sense-of-survival alarms blaring, and I realized I had nothing left to give and had become a shell of a person, just constantly giving to (and thinking of, and being manipulated by) a narcissist…who is a shell of a person themselves, with their false mask to the world. I had lost myself, had become incredibly depressed, and started to research online why I had felt this way. It was such a wake up call of awareness that made me realize patterns in my world previously. I would never be the same again… but with a heightened sense of awareness, knowledge is power. I had gained my power back.

I like to think the best solution from what I've heard, read, and believe, is to get away. It's such an imbalanced relationship… the narcissist is never truly able to to give whether in an intimate way, emotional way, or they can barely give attention unless they think they need to garner more for themselves. Then, they'll roll their eyes and act interested, if but for a brief moment.

I wanted to point out from your blog: You know some that are 'desperately trying to change and be better people towards others?'… I hope that's true for them, and that they're not just lying to garner more attention. I hope they can out themselves to the people close to them (so friends/family can get a better understanding of why they act the way they do), that they seek out therapy, and work to try to become better people. From all I've read, heard about, or experienced, I'm not sure that it can be successful. But I'll wait to be proven wrong. It's all about consistency, I suppose.

D1RTY said...

Well it's about mother fucken time you posted. Lazy fucken beaver hater. Kid you got talent most people would kill for use that shit. Don't go wasting away locked up in your room becoming an online troll. I got more ink just haven't posted pics up yet, thought you might wanna know if not fuck you now you do. Anyways I can't type as much as your homie above but I'm glad your writing shit and you need to do it more often. Member when Big Brother Charles pushed that kid down the stairs. It is not illegal to have sex with a bagel. Aight I'm out.

RG said...

Listen to your brother. Post more, get out more.

mkf said...

i'm not gonna give you grief; i know first-hand how hard those old demons are to exorcise. but the fact that you're still allowing this guy to live rent-free in your head--that would give him soooo much pleasure if he knew.

WAT said...

This post is for ME. And anyone else who has gone through this. I come from a very abusive narcissistic background. All of this has finally come together and become crystal clear to me in the last two years or so.

So what if HE knew or knows? I cared about him like I haven't felt for anyone in a long LONG time. And there's nothing wrong with that. Even if he is a narcissistic buttFACE. LOLOL!