Thursday, May 13, 2010


Hello and thank you to anyone who is actually taking the time to read these words. My enemies/foes and those envious of me are probably enjoying my recent troubles. So be it.

I went to the de
ntist this week after three years. Actually, I went to my original doc about two weeks ago, but he was trying to do really stupid expensive unnecessary work on me, and I detected this early on, so I had to go in for a second opinion to a new dentist which turned out cheaper and much more sensible. I have excellent hygiene as usual, but my enamel is sadly weak; probably due to my incredibly GREAT diet, genes, and amazing optimistic view of life! LOL! Whatever. They drilled the upper right side of my jaw and worked on three deep cavities Tuesday afternoon. That was so much f*cking fun! I have to give credit to my new Russian dentist though; a truly nice sweet man with a gentle hand. Two hours of open-mouthed excitement. UGH. I vow never to have a cavity again in my life. EVER. I shall brush, floss, or chew sugarless gum after every meal or drink from now on. I SWEAR. I don't like these barbaric methods of dentistry I tells ya. Granted, at least it's not 1600s dental technology, but STILL! I have temporary fillings right now, but will get nice custom-made natural-looking permanent inlays in about two weeks.

Monday night, I went to karaoke, and drank a bit way too much. So much in fact, that alcohol did its terrific job of depressing me enough to the point of making me cry like a child. YES! It felt so f*cking good to shed emotional gut-wrenching tears again! It'd been about a week since I last broke down so severely over my recent mistreatment at the hands of that heartless human, but there I was at the bar watching others sing and I had to run to the restroom a couple of times to pathetically weep. But then it got too much for me to bear, so off to my parked car I went to continue my unabated suffering. Listen folks, never in my whole life, have I cried and cried and cried so much like I have in the last few weeks, and my car seems to be the spot where it happens worst of all. Only the good Lord above knows what personal emotional misery I have been through. I'm not any more special or a bigger victim than other souls who have endured or are going through worse, but it feels so awful and so lonely during those moments, that I do feel like the saddest most abandoned person on the planet. Have you ever felt like this? I'm sure you have. We all have. Oh life, can't you just be fun and games? Hedonistic joy? Why must you torment me with these ridiculously sad tragic-feeling moments? I hate my job, I hate having loved a worthless evil man that has nearly shattered me, and...

And yet, and YET, I still have hope that the best years of my life are just ahead, despite recent setbacks. I shall cling to all I can, for I'm not finished yet. I AM NOT. However, I can only deal with and bear so much, and I hope to never reach a point of no return. Folks, I ain't gonna leap off a cliff anytime soon, but do I get why people make an exit out of here by their own hand? YOU BET I DO.

MGMT is amazing. I love these boys:


Anonymous said...

Sorry that you couldn't have gotten laser dental work. Supposedly then can zap the cavities out!

Dentistry is scary, especially when major work needs to be done. Yet I am glad you got your second opinion.

As I have always said... I hope and pray for the best for you. Maw

Armando said...

I just got a wisdom tooth pulled that mother fucker hurt. God damn dentist are a ripoff.

alice said...

A broken heart can be such a roller coaster of emotions - and it lasts way longer than it should, if nature were kind. It is very isolating and defeating - as though it will be impossible for you to feel happy ever again. Time really does help. Eventually, whenever you think of him, it might still sting, but you recover from feeling sad much faster. I really hope and pray that the "grieving" period is as brief as possible for you.