This blog used to be more entertaining and carefree, when all I did was bitch about my job once in a while and focused on useless fun facts and info. Lately, it's become the saddest place of them all; I was doing a bit better with regards to my recent heartbreak which has hit me worse than the death of a loved one ever did...
And then my co-worker whom I thought was a trustworthy confidante (more proven toxicity at work) spills the beans to me last week that he'd been secretly corresponding with my ex-lover and told him everything I was going through, detail by detail. WHY IN THA HELL WOULD HE DO SOMETHING SO RIDICULOUSLY STUPID?! MEDDLESOME IDIOT DUMBASS OF THE FIRST KIND!!! He had no business or right to intrude with someone he does not even know or ever will meet in person! I demanded a full transcript of their conversation. Thanks for stroking the narcissist's ego, thanks for making him enjoy my misery, thanks for helping bring me down again. Everyone says my co-worker meant well, but I dunno anymore. What he did was horrible. It has re-opened my wound and sobbing is the only thing I seem to be doing once again. He went out of his way to find the demon on Facebook and email him my recent sorrows, severe depression, and all the horror-- IN EXPLICIT COLORFUL DETAIL. None of my misery was spared, for the soulless coward to enjoy and to help elevate his monstrous imagined grandiosity. And my once trusted confidante (big mistake on my part) even goes out of his way to wish the f*cktard success in his new relationship and a Happy Easter! HAPPY F*CKING EASTER! UGH! The f*cktard replied with the following exact words:
Thank you for the email. I am very sad to hear that WAT is having such a hard time. I appreciate you letting me know. I have not been in contact with WAT for some time now, but I did tell him last week that I was seeing someone else. i felt like it was the right thing to do. I know how he feels about me and I unfortunately have not felt the same way about him. I do care about him and really want him to be happy. I know that the only thing I can do is to leave him alone, which is what I already have been doing. I probably should not have told him that I have a new boyfriend. I thought it would help him, rather than hurt him. I guess I was wrong.
Please take care of him. He is a very sweet and wonderful person and I want him to get well, meet someone new and be happy. He has a lot to offer someone. I feel really awful about all of this. I never meant to hurt him. I am glad that he has friends like you to take care of him.
I am sad that I have played a part in this...
What a loving nice man right?! Sure. I don't buy his fake concern for one minute. At all. He doesn't even know how to lie the phony piece of narcissistic sh*t. It would help me to hear of your new boyfriend when you told me originally you didn't wanna date ANYONE?! F*CK YOU AND DIE. I did get a text some two weeks ago wishing me well from the incubus, but now I know why; thanks to the secret corresponding and some possible guilt he may have felt! UGH! UGH! But trust me, this lying self-serving egomaniacal monster is as fine, cool, and collected as ever. Such a hot shell, such a nice-looking dude he is, and so polluted and vapid inside. Makes me wonder why I'm so superficial in the first place, but then again, I'm not ugly and all I really want is a cute one with a good heart. Good luck with that right?
I don't think I will ever stop crying anymore. It's happening at work now too. It's so much f*cking fun, I tells ya. My friends are right. I really am the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz. I am that character. I have no strength, no true courage, no balls to face something like this head on. I'm just mushy, messed-up, and broken inside. This is why I have avoided all this relationship mess for years, because somehow I knew I was too sensitive for this sh*t, and I was rightfully protecting myself.
And then comes August of 2009, and my world is negatively changed forever. I don't know how much longer I can withstand this nightmare. "Get over it!" "Don't let this control or have power over you!" I've heard it all, and yet I can't seem to heal. I feel terribly lonely and worthless.
If the people who truly genuinely care for me are worried, imagine how I feel...