Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I MUST BE A TANNED GYM-MUSCLED GOD.

Just what does it take to get a tan?! ARGH! My co-worker said I should lather on the SPF 30 sunscreen and lay out there for about 90 minutes; my front and my backside some 45 minutes each. I did just that on Saturday, but nothing! I guess that SPF is too high. I laid out there in my white Jockey briefs mind you and lathered up the Banana Boat lotion. And there I was in all my skinny glory. And the pool was packed on Saturday afternoon with all kinds of people from my complex. And then out came one of my hot neighbors to show off his nice bod and awesome tattoo on his back. He's got that Brazilian skin tone. DAMN HIM! Anyway, something tells me this method of mine is not going to work. Or maybe I gotta keep doing it every weekend? I was also reading about the dangers of some sunscreens and that many of them contain bad chemicals and that regular exposure to the sun is actually good for you because we all need that Vitamin D and sh*t, but I dunno what to believe anymore because there is so much contradictory information out there! I have honestly not been very outdoorsy since I was a child, and I am trying to be more sun friendly here as of late, but they freakin' scare me with the skin cancer warnings and severe aging horror stories! My mom says I should just be happy with the way God made me and embrace my pale vampiric pastiness. LOL! What kind of a pseudo Latino am I?! Must be that German or strong Spanish blood in my background.

This ob
session with muscle in the gay community is starting to make me feel very inferior. But then again, heterosexual women are into muscled men nowadays too. GOD DAMN IT! WE SKINNY BOYS DESERVE LOVE TOO! Okay, it's not like I can't get my own fair share of nice-looking fellows, but STILL! These TRUE jocks don't even give me the time of day! At least not the ones here in L.A. But then again, this is Los Angeles mind you. Gay dudes here are really mean and narcissistic. Have you heard this all before? HAHA! But seriously, everyone claims they're out looking for love or that right guy, but we all have these really sick and twisted standards of what we should be physically attracted to and being picky out here is not an exception, but the norm! What about a guy's personality or character?! I blame the media for this! I really do. The magazine ads and TV and movies for giving us the standard athletic dudes that we all have to be like and only attracted to! I'm quite attractive and I'm quite lean also so there! And I got a pretty slammin' personality to go with it. Oh yeah, and I'm hung. LMAO! Ya know, this British kid is a bit boring, but he makes some excellent points about online dating and I do love his accent! LOL! We are often fooled by pictures of those we see in chat rooms and we would go for more average cute guys out in the real world if we didn't have the Internet and the media to dictate our preferences. Anyway, just listen to him:

6 comments:

Gledwood said...

I used to know a load of lesbians who used to go to this gay (not lesbian) club called Love Muscle. Anyone could go. Anyway we went once. It was pretty OK. Then late one night someone says lets go clubbing. It had to be a gay club so we went to the Fridge ~ Love Muscle it was not, but a follow up called "hard muscle". Afterwards I asked a gay friend of mine "why was it full of fat bald blokes in their underpants" he laughed and said they're muscle Marys.

I wouldn't worry about being thin. Most of those muscle Marys want to be thin, because they can't be, they work out obsessively.

I still don't see why it means they have to have no hair either.

RG said...

Most of the Muscleheads are as stupid as a sack of hammers. Yes, they're are pretty to look at, but really how much quality time could you have with someone who spends most of their adult life at the gym? I mean really...

Give me a man with some meat on his bones and a "work" body, not a "workout" body.

And for the record I like skinny big-dicked guys too. :)

Conclave27 said...

LOL....well if it is not the muscle thing it is also the "Youth" thing. Everyone wants to be forever young as well. As it is once you hit 30 as a gay man your as good as dead (if you don't have HIV). Just be glad you athletically thin....if you were overweight your already dead (if you don't have HIV). Sad... no wonder the gays are so fucked up... if it's not chasing after Mr. Perfect... then its the all about "Me" syndrome.

Be happy with who you are and not what people want you or expect you to be...there is such a thing as improving once's self... and then breaking it. How many people have skin cancer from "Tans"...how many roids-queens are there.... how many sick bulimic/anorexics... etc... you get my point. I never saw anything wrong.

RG said...

And btw, is it just me, or is the guy who is bitching about gay online dating really sexy. I like the scruffy beard.

Palm Springs Savant said...

I say that I like to avoid the sun (cancer fears) but whenever I accidentally get a suntan I am secretly thrilled. It does boost my confidence, I admit. And forget about those muscles, who cares anyway. Usually its just guys over-compensating for their undersized unit, if you know what I mean. :-)

Gary said...

Ha, this guy is boring! At first I wondered what you meant but as he kept on I began to see your point. Very cute though and I do like me his accent.

Now that I am almost (one more day!) on my summer break I too "must be a tanned gym-muscled God". Wish me luck!