Oh the drama!
About two weeks ago, I got a call and was left a voicemail by my ex-lover. "Hi, wanted to see how you were, and that I want to make peace." Well, I rolled my eyes of course, but it's obvious I am still not over him, because part of me felt good at getting his attention/focus again. My rational mind though was suspicious and distrustful as it should be with this fool, and I knew he was up to no good again. Testing me to see if I will reply back and to see if he still has power over me? UGH. Once you know how this narcissism works, it can still be quite daunting and overwhelming, and the best thing is really no contact AT ALL. Of course, everyone just says the obvious, "Ignore him! Get over him! Move on!" Folks, it just has not been easy. I cannot explain it. I never thought I'd be in this situation because I'm pretty damn smart, but I really fell for this f*cker. I really did. Effectively charming and seductive at first, only to pull the rug from under me ever so slowly, and even though I was often and much more aware than most, he still GOT ME. I did not call him back and resisted the temptation to feed/fuel his ego. Good job WAT! Ignore him! They hate that! I stood my ground.
Until Monday night of this week that is.
He texted me saying he was sorry for everything and blah blah blah. "I fantasize about you all the time. Miss the times we had, it was special." IT WAS?! LOLOL! Honestly, you weren't that great in the sack--rather cold and detached and u belittled me constantly and then dumped me for your new boyfriend/victim. So I call him back and start berating him, "What do you want?! Why are you calling me?! Where is your boyfriend?! Are you trying to cheat on him with me?! You're a narcissist!" He could not handle it and told me he'd call me back, which he never did. He could not answer me about the boyfriend, but it was obvious he still has him. The dirty jerk. SICK DIRTY JERK. Tuesday night, I texted him with the same questions I had yelled at him on the phone. And guess who calls me back? THE BOYFRIEND! A really nice Argentine man who proceeds to bond with me in Spanish and realizes he's got a true monster on his hands. All I could say to him was, "You need to get out. You need to leave this man. He is a narcissist and he will destroy you emotionally. He was trying to be slick/sneaky and get sex from me again." The Argentine says, "I know, he's a piece of sh*t. He treats me so bad. Monitors my phone calls. Even punched me tonight. But I finally got his phone and saw your messages. He has said some horrible things about you. But now that I talk to you, I know that you went through the same things I am going through now. He's a liar, cold, and highly unstable. I have to leave him soon, but I have practically moved in with him."
Oh boy. I went off on the heathen with more texts and some of them were quite offensive but true. He could only say he was sorry for involving me and that he had made a mistake, and was going to try and work things out with the boyfriend. What an unbelievable savage! He wished me good luck with my life. UGH. He sure knows how to remain stately and civil with me without ever resorting to profanity, and it drives me crazy because he's still a deeply troubled and hurtful man.
So now I'm hoping/praying the new abused victim WILL leave and dump this fool and take back his sanity. I am rooting for him, because he does sound like a genuinely nice man, but I dunno. He is no doubt in love with him and will forgive him and stay. And the nightmare for him will continue. As for me? Well, I am lucky to not be in his shoes, but don't get me wrong, this all makes me very sad in the end. Part of me is glad that karma has finally began to strike somehow, but it only brings back the feelings I still have for the incubus. Yes, I'm stupid to admit I am not over him. But I cannot lie or deny it to myself. Besides, it's not really karma if he's just abusing someone new. It's just a pattern he enjoys and is used to and will continue to get away with sadly.
Why? Honest to God, WHY?! Why didn't I fall in love with a good awesome guy?! ARGH! WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH ME?! THIS BASTARD NEVER LOVED ME AND NEVER WILL. OR LOVE ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER! WHY CAN'T I LOGICALLY UNDERSTAND THIS?!
This year sucks. Get me out of here.