I just realized how much I love Cheetos. Both the Crunchy and Puffs versions. Really unhealthy snacks I suppose, but I love them. Thee fingers are left orange-stained messes; chemicals in that junk probably cause horrid mutations inside the human body, but I just can't resist me a nice bag of the stuff. I tried getting into the Flaming Hot Cheetos, but hot damn, they destory my gastrointestinal tract and cause me some bad heartburn. As a child, Doritos were my fav I suppose, but not so much as an adult anymore due to the fact they leave ya with that strange malodorous breath for hours and I just never know when I might meet someone and decide to French kiss and stick my tongue down their throat with passionate delirious wild abandon! Frito Lay, you are my heroes, even if the rest of America is turning into a nation of the really plump and obese.
Speaking of weight issues, I could use an extra 20 lbs. The gym tones me up, but doesn't really bulk me up per se. It's not easy for me to gain weight, since I happen to be naturally lean with thankfully broad shoulders. Plus, suffering anxiety disorder and taking an anti-depressant also keep me on the skinny side. Most are jealous and think I look fine. BUT THEN THERE ARE THE NAYSAYERS. THE ONES THAT THINK I AM ON MY LAST LEGS SUFFERING FROM THE LAST STAGES OF A TERMINAL ILLNESS. Usually dumb envious fat people will say comments to me that I should eat more or ask if I am okay. How hurtful can these people be?! I guess it sucks for them since they're upset their once thin frames have collapsed and morphed them into large ocean creatures! One particular girl/co-worker who's about average size constantly mocks me for being skinny, until just the other day I got fed up and told her to leave my cubicle and get lost! Yeah, the bitch felt bad, but it's too late Mexican crater face! She went too far when she said I looked as anorexically hideous as J Lo's skeleton hubby Marc Anthony and that I had no ass! HUH? I almost felt like saying, "Lemme pull my pants down and show you my nice sweet ass and giant thick jackhammer cock you stupid bitch!", but common sense and decency won out and so a good, "I'm not liking you very much right now, so please leave my cubicle." was enough to make the beast leave with her tail between her legs. She tried to apologize but I had my back turned to her as I typed away on my computer and gave her the silent treatment. Her loss right? Yeah, her f*cking loss is RIGHT. No more of my cool jokes, wicked laugh, or hilarious anecdotes for you sweetheart. I only wish she and other indiscreet skinny hating assholes understood and knew that I look decently okay and actually kinda hot naked and that I'm not some starving Somalian lying on a dirt floor with flies buzzing in my face and vultures flying overhead waiting for me to croak. In the hetero world I guess, skinny women are much more acceptable than skinny men. Women expect males to be built/buff and crap. Well, not in the gay world. IN MA WORLD, I AM POPULAR, SO STFU AND THANKS! Must be the swinging large thick pendulum. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ahem.
And yeah, so I'm skinny, Jodie Foster is a lesbo, Major League Baseball is ridden with steroid users, and the military is full of shit and knowingly allows openly gay men to serve anyway, especially during wartime.
So obviously obvious! Where's my Cheetos?