Friday, April 11, 2008

FEEL THE QUEER AND DO IT ANYWAY.

Joyous Friday is here!

So I redecorated my blog again. Like the Sir Elton and Sir Paul pic? Ain't it great? Two music legends posing oh so gayly! And above you see Jakey G. and some of his stats. Ain't he a stud? He makes just about anyone drooooooool!

I have signed up to take the CBEST exam in about two months time, which is required to get into our public school district and other institutions to begin the application process for teaching and credentials and stuff. I've told several co-workers about my plans and while some have met with approval and congratulated me, I am also surprised at how many of them sound discouraging and negative! People are truly pessimistic! "But children are impossible to work with!" "I don't think you'd make a good teacher!" "That sounds like so much trouble!" While I have taken many of their comments and suggestions into consideration, isn't it remarkable how everyone immediately limits themselves in life? Isn't this why so many never achieve what they really want to out of life, because they're too busy listening to other people dashing their hopes/dreams or that terrible negative inner voice that tells us we can't do it? I've been tormented by that stupid inner party-pooping voice for way too long, and I'm sick of it! I'm taking baby steps here, but at least doing something right? Wish me luck readers! I pray and hope all my fears and doubts will be minimal and not get in my way like they did in the past. Isn't this why successful people make it? Because they never listened to others who told them they couldn't, and they never let fear stop them. Amen!

Another issue relating to work is something my fellow co-worker brought up which is very true. Lots of the gay dudes here don't really talk to each other or get along as they maybe should which is kind of sad and creates a feeling of division
in a way. I guess not everyone is gonna get along just because they have certain/some traits in common, but he is right in that it would be nicer if more of us did talk to each other and try to hang out and stuff like one big giant queer family, which is not going to happen anytime soon, because gay men have so many emotional issues and baggage and cover those up by just being conceited or stuck up and aloof with others. I find gay men at times to be very distant/cold towards each other and a bit presumptuous; we tend to be very superficial about GQ model looks, hung up on youth, and the size of a dude's tool! I tried to become friendly with a previous co-worker who I knew was gay, but he just never let me in, no matter how hard I tried. He was always aloof and put a barrier up when time came for me to socialize with him. Maybe it was the sexual tension perhaps? I dunno, but this happens a lot, and it is a bit disappointing. It's bad enough the hetero world is against us, it'd be nicer if we were more united and not so against each other within our own community.

Nothing too exciting in this post to discuss I'm afraid. I'm a bit blank and suffering from writer's block to be frank. I was upset though at the honest Hispanic dude who turned in $140,000 he found from an armored truck. I mean, DAMN! I wouldn't have turned in such a fine amount of cash at all, because times are tough, but more power to him I guess for being a good guy. UGH! Why wasn't it me who found that MONEY?! ARGH!

A good weekend to thee, wherever you may be. Comment freely, even if it has nothing to do with my topic/s at hand.

15 comments:

Gary said...

This is great! I love that when you decided that you wanted to go after becoming a teacher that you made that happen. It may be 'baby steps' as you write but all great journeys begin with a single step (isn't that how that saying goes?) Congratulations, I am so happy about this. I think the coworkers may be experiencing some of the crab mentality. It may be difficult for them seeing you 'crawl' out of the office life and into something that inspires and speaks to you, thereby leaving them behind. Folks can be selfish sometimes and speak from what is best for them and not necessarily what is best for you. Only you know what is best for you.

And about the gays getting along, so true. Especially ugly at a gay bar when it is all about posturing and looks, but that seems to melt away at a piano bar. Must be the music.

Again, great news about the CBEST. I am thrilled and proud of you.

durante vita said...

You make it sound like these aren't fun/important issues but I think this is one of the best blog entries that I have read of yours.
1) Taking the CBEST is awesome! I am fully supportive!
2) The community can be rough. Try not to get jaded. For every one person that is aloof, there is another who is just as frustrated as you are about the community, so, find each other, and you'll have a great relationship.

I think you're doing great!

Anonymous said...

Agree the community does suck and not in the fun way.

Myself with fellow gay co-workers.. there is huge tension. we have one guy who calls himself princes... he is a stuck up queenie little bitch. He hate the fact that there is me (his polar opposite..a masculine gay guy). It is sad cause I feel really lonely. The only frienda i Have are all the women and the bi-curious str8 guys who just act weird.

I do wish the gay community was a big rainbow flag...but each f us stays wihin our own colors. I wish I had someone... I though I did. I just have my doggie and puppy friends/ It sad, we all need someone.

Maw. Cheer up your, well loved. I think you would make an excellant teacher... but don't worl in LAUSD. They suck... other counties pay better (or on time).

Todd said...

Great about the teaching thing!! You go. And it's perfectly fine to take the baby steps at first but you'll find your stride will widen fast enough and you'll be hauling ass soon!

d. chedwick bryant said...

I'm really proud of you-- when you visit NYC I want to meet you. Gary is so right with his comment...

thrilled and proud.

now go hit a piano bar!

sttropezbutler said...

Work it!

Simple but true.

I know you are a smart lad and can make anything happen that you want to happen, except finding 140,000.00 sitting on the side of the road.

And who knows, there are lots of roads to keep traveling, so even that might just happen!

Cheers

STB

Palm Springs Savant said...

agree on the deciveness thing- I was that way for a year or two back in the early 90's when I was dealing with my own baggage, but am quite happy these days. I get along with most people...except for the total druggie heads.

ps- you'll be a great teacher

M- Filer said...

I can't believe you are calling this "writers block". I love hearing about how you (anyone really) takes steps to realize dreams or goals. And you are doing just that. B R A V O. And I agree entirely on the whole gay on gay social ritual. It's ridiculous. When I am not conscious of it, I am an offender too...really aloof when the sexual tension becomes to much for me to bare. It's fucking stupid.

Amadeus said...

Im kinda surprised you say this about gay men. I have experienced this going into gay bars, where I have always felt at home, only because I have ventured into them for years. As you know. But what always bothered me, is that I alwaysalwaysalways wanted a close gay male friend and never felt that this is what I achieved when going into bars anyway, altho I am friends with you. I just was so disappointed. I felt I was the wrong sex and therefore less valid..but then later I thought if anyone was that hung up on gender alone then they werent anyone I wanated to hang around with anyway.

I still wish gay men were more than passing friendly with me.. I guess its not very conducive to getting to know people, but I have forged friendships with all the bartenders and dj's, because they were the only ones that could actually hear me over the music. lol Plus I used to stay till after closing on weds and thurs w/ my friend.

Amadeus said...

Did I mention Im a GIRL.

j/k

Amadeus said...

Im leaving another comment. You know I just can't believe that you wrote theres all this distance between gay men! You would think that they would try to FIND each other and appreciate it when they do, because they are the 10% more or less of society right. (altho to me gay men seem like a big part of my life in a very indirect way so it feels more) You know what I think it is.. I think that ever since gays became very mainstream and aligned with society, and it wasnt shocking anymore and it became socially acceptable..thats when the snobbery and little clic's formed.

I notice this with EVERY single minority. Suddenly everyone thinks they are too good for this person or that person, and yet they should be appreciating that person instead. Theres no stonewall anymore, theres no fight left, theres nothing to fight for in fact, things have become ordinary and commonplace and this is when segregation usually rears its ugly snobbish head.

I notice the same thing with vegetarianism. Soon as I find another vegetarian, I feel like we should know each other, and they act like its no big deal. The thing is it is a BIG DEAL to me, because I never meet any!

I have always noticed the distanced feeling I get from gay men.. and I always feel like its my responsibility to make the first move. Im so tired of making the first move, all the time!

Whats it all about Alfie.

alice said...

Hey Wil - I believe you will be a fascinating and funny teacher. So many educators feel they need to be so serious, but I think when you are entertaining, it captures their attention and they actually listen. Way to go on the small steps..... forge ahead, sweetie.

About the gay community - I have known only four gay men that I can call my friends - in that we have kept in touch and had some good heart-to-hearts. But that makes me no expert because I'm on the outside, looking in. I am just wondering if it's all a self-protective thing. They might act elitist and lofty, but it may be to cover their fears and insecurities. Even though the lifestyle is more mainstream, gays are still judged, they are still ostracized, they are still made to feel rejected. You have even blogged about it, Wil. People can be incredibly harsh and narrow-minded sometimes. Could it be they close themselves off to humans to keep from getting hurt? When you shut down feelings or construct barriers, it's not so easy to tear down those walls - even if you want to. I could be way off - but it seems that most individuals that appear to have the most bravado, have the least amount of confidence, and can't bear to reveal it to the world. It's really too bad because if they could depend on each other, issues might be easier to deal with. A burden shared is less heavy.

mouse (aka kimy) said...

yeah wat! I'm so glad to hear you are taking the step toward realizing a dream - best for cbest! like gary I am thrilled and proud!

don't let the negativity of others get to you - like all emotions, negativity can be contagious! we need to be strong in our resolve so we don't get infected by such crap.

LBIC said...

My uncle found a huge diamond ring in cushioning of the seat on a plane once and turned it in. The stewardess gave him free drinks all night. I'm guessing she kept it for herself. I consider myself to be a good person, but I would not have turned it in. Or the money, for that matter. If it doesn't have a name on it, I'm keeping it. Ugh, I'm so evil lol.

Good for you though, following your dreams. It's good to see someone actually going for what they want instead of settling.

Marko said...

A few months back, Tom from queer eye was at this club we were all at. Everyone was freaking out that he was there, I hardly noticed...it was funny.