Thursday, May 15, 2008


This post means a lot to me. I'm frustrated today. Channing, I'm green with envy that I cannot have you nor look like thee.

It's difficult enough to be a gay male in this dominant hetero world, without the added pressure exerted upon us by the media and our own superficial culture to look good. Wait a sec. You can't just look good in our world, you have to look pretty f**king great. That means nearly flawless skin, a nice natural-looking tan (if you're a pale vampire like myself), perfectly straight white teeth, and the cut up ripped gym bod. Alas, the irony is that I too am trapped by these constraints, for I will immediately veer or be attracted to those Adonises myself, but am left feeling very mediocre when stupidly comparing myself to them. What a terrible unhealthy emotional vicious cycle really. I often feel like I'm not doing enough to look like this, and am angry that I wasn't blessed with super awesome Ryan Reynolds or Chris Evans genes. Those dudes are just gorgeous and I am super jealous and envious yet have to acknowledge that besides being naturally good looking they have worked hard for their bodies. It's all about looking like an Abercrombie & Fitch model basically. HOW ANNOYING! These hot-as-hell gay dudes won't give mere mortals like me the time of day unless they're high or something.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't think of myself as ugly at all, for I do think I hold my own. I'm pretty slim, but fairly toned. Got decent masculine facial features. Many claim I have a very Eastern European look, which is kind of flattering because Czech and Hungarian porn is big in the gay world. LOLOL! I have a cool personality for the most part which doesn't please some people, but can gel with about 80% of the population. I'm tall and well-endowed. AHAHAHAHA! Yeah, as crude and laughable as that sounds, that is a BIG plus in the gay man's world. Hell, don't lie ladies, you like a dude who has the goods too and knows how to use them, so it's a BIG plus period! But there I am, time and time again, frustrated by my own insecurities about not measuring up enough. How utterly sad and wasteful of my precious time. I'm fully aware of this. I haven't been to the gym in almost a year, and my diet is decent but could use a little more work to bulk up and add some 20 more lbs. of hot well-distributed muscle. Alas, the ads in magazines, on TV, on the Internet, just continue feeding into this ridiculous vain banal existence. Whenever I visit places like Valencia, Orange County, or local L.A. beaches, the reality of me not measuring up to these hotties truly hits me. Not only do I want those dudes badly, but I feel worse for not "measuring up". Or maybe this is just Los Angeles. Maybe this is the sick plastic world of L.A. Come to think of it, these fools ain't THAT good-looking right? They're probably just photogenic and cameras like them more than they do me!
Those Adonis hot-as-hell men are not perfect, and their youthful beauty like us all shall fade someday, rendering them even more bitter perhaps at the cruel hands of time. But they sure as hell look like they're having all the fun in the world whilst young, virile, and universally adored. I want them, and yet I hate them.

And to end this post, here's a story that I'm finding very hard to believe.


LBIC said...

I know how you feel. Although I don't want to have sex with Adriana Lima, I wish I had her body. I'm 5'3 and would kill for her height and legs for days. But then I remember I look perfectly fine and that Adriana isn't perfect so I shouldn't strive to be either.

And you're right. We ladies do appreciate size, but as long as he knows what he's doing. Otherwise it can be painful.

M- Filer said...

But you are so hot! You have one fine 0% body fat physique, a f a b u lo u s l y big-fat-cock,and lips I would die to eat whole. You need to stop hanging out at those trendy beaches, because next to normal people YOU ARE THE ADONIS

Do Me.

Todd said...

Oh yeah, I can understand your frustration. Some of the guys on campus... geez. But I'm old enough to be their father and in some case, probably older than their fathers. That's depressing. But I just let it go and forget about it cause it's all in the genes.

(and most of the hot dudes at the bar are so awfully arrogant they're emotionally sick and they're all into drugs and will burn out fast)

Gary said...

I think you may be correct in stating that in L.A. this skewed view on perfection is heightened. I was so turned off my how shallow it is out there and would never subject myself to the feeling that I should feel bad about myself because of my imperfections. All that focus on looks and trends made me long to be back in NYC. You are a hot guy and wasting time wanting to be something else is taking away from your joy. And that is bullshit.

Gledwood said...

The black-&-white guy looks so tightly packed in he must surely be in PAIN...!!

Lewis said...

You know, from the way you've quite adeptly described yourself, I think I want to sign up on the LONG list of people waiting to get into your pants. Cool with you? Just send me an application, please.

dennis said...

Dennis says "i'm just a cat, so what do I know about human beauty?" but Dennis thinks you are very beautiful.

Bill German said...


Darci said...

Oh honey. This is why I don't go to the beach at all. Waaaaay too depressing. ;-)

mouse (aka kimy) said...

hey babe, I've seen pictures of you and you are a looker!! you don't even need to be airbrushed and photoshopped!

haven't you heard it's not the outside package that matters (and hey you said you have a package - so only an added bonus) as long as there is beauty in one's heart, you can stop hearts.

so sweet wat, no worries!