Sunday, February 05, 2006


Well, the Super Bowl starts soon, and the only real interesting thing going for it would be the opening national anthem, the commercials, and the halftime show. For me, most of the freakin’ spectacle is quite a bore!

I usually don’t post to this blog on Sundays, but I feel the need to make an exception. I have been on a long hard struggle the past few years with my anxiety and ridding myself of this drug I’ve been on. I can’t lie, the drug has been wonderful and has helped me tremendously overcome lots of hurdles and negativity.

But in the end, my true goal is to be able to quit this thing one day for good. Today marks day three of not taking one single pill, and although I can pretty much manage to do this quite well when I don’t have to go to work, it’s when I am on the job that is the true test. Little things, like being the passenger in a car for an extended period of time, getting on a plane, or being amongst a large group of rowdy people can be a real challenge to my nerves.

It’s stupid really. Those of you free of panic attacks and useless negative thinking consider yourselves truly lucky and fortunate. Of course, you probably have a different set of problems that make up for mine huh? Life is cruel that way ain’t it?

I shall take comfort in that there is a God. Yes, I do believe so. I can do this. I can live a prescribed drug-free existence. I’ll do my best B.G. I really will. And if I fail this time again, it’s okay.

FDR said it best, “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”



Mario said...

I was put on exactly the same drug, but I didn't last 4 days taking it. I wasn't hungry and wouldn't eat much (normally I'm always voracious) but had lots of energy, and that scared me a lot. I didn't really give the drug a chance. Now I am just trying to be busy and not think about anything negative, like you told me once. For some reason I think exercising helps some, at least it helps me... Anyway, I wish you the best of lucks in this drugless stage of you life.

Bill German said...

Do it for your liver. Go the distance! Those drugs are a mask. Be yourself. But then again, I take klonopin to go to sleep; so do as I say and not as I do.

Dave The Hat said...

No drugs for me! I'm on high on life!


Seriously though, I'm struggling with this Super Bowl. I mean, the commentators go NUTS when a guy, wearing his body weight in stiff foam padding, runs 5 yards before being raped to the ground.

Now, in Aussie Rules, that'd be considered soft. Sure, it's not as congested as the NFL arena, but those guys run way more than that - on average close to 10km a game, more if they're one of our stars - and STILL avoid tackles.

Oh, did I mention that the only armour they have is strapping on sore joints and a mouth guard?

Still, gotta admire those tactics.

G-Man said...

Interesting post. I have a history of mental illness in my family....My grandma had many spells with her nerves and I even remember her getting shock treatments when i was very little. She is fine now, but when she gets nervous, on a rare occasion, her "wind" (her breath) will get short. She has learned to deal with it over time.

My dad, on the other hand, is on a servere regiment of pills and medication, all for the severe pain his is on due to his physical illness. THis once workaholic can no longer work because of the side effects of his medication. At times, he just seems like a shell of a man...just kind of there...zoning out. It's hard as fuck to watch. If they take away the med cocktail, he's in severe pain. What's worse?

I am fortunate that in all of my life, I've had a few prescriptions of penisilan for bronchitis and a couple dental related infections...Otherwise, the strongest medication i've ever been on is advil.

Do what you must. I can see the crippling effects of medication as well as the positive effects that let one live. Often, it's only up to the patient to decide what is best.

ScottyFerguson said...

Its not a crime if you cant shake the need for them. I cant live without the Rutles so...
We all have our crutches.

WAT said...

The Rutles! HAHA! Good one.