I was pleasantly surprised by the tremendous overwhelming response to my post on Brian Epstein, the amazing manager of The Beatles. Thanks to all of ye who read and commented! I did forget to mention that poor Brian was not only wrestling with his homosexuality, but he also was a very sad individual, who would drown his severe depression with drugs and lots of covert dangerous sexual escapades. Sounds like a typical gay man to me I must say, but Brian was luckier in that he didn't face the horrid threat of HIV/AIDS or anything like that back in those days--not that it matters really, as the poor guy still left the world at 32 years of age. I'm very drawn to Brian though, and had I met him, I definitely would have shown him some love by having sex with him, cause he wasn't a bad looking man by any means, or it just proves I'm a promiscuous slut as usual.
And there I was this weekend watching this romantic gay comedy made in Spain called Reinas (Queens) about these crazy silly people all struggling with the newly passed law in España legalizing homosexual marriage. It was like watching a sitcom and kind of retarded, but an insightful film nonetheless; Spain looks truly beautiful. I dunno what tha hell I'm waiting for! I need to get over there ASAP! I mean, it helps that I speak the language already! I've already watched so many movies from this country that I know their speaking style/slang very well. Did you know that they already have the eighth (or ninth?) largest economy in the world? Dem Spaniards are doing pretty well! Madrid looks really hip and modern and fun as hell! And the men! OMG! These films are loaded with tons and tons of hot young Spaniards! I must go! Tengo que ir a la patria que me llama--I must go to the land that is calling for me. Would I love it enough to even consider moving over there? I often wonder.
I mean, I haven't yet been to Chicago, Miami, New York, Houston, or Seattle--but I sometimes feel as though living in the U.S. all my life (Los Angeles specifically) has been more than enough to give me an idea of this nation. What would it be like to live in another country I ask? It's a question that nags at me. If I can work on my travel anxiety and general fears, it would be nice to be able to explore more of the world and perhaps settle somewhere else for a while and live away from home. Maybe it would make me appreciate my home more, for right now I'm not liking my job nor my daily routine bore of a life; I feel trapped by my circumstances. I need money to travel don't I? And more than money, I need to face my fears, my panic attacks.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My therapist over the weekend said: "You will have to get out of your comfort zone, feel the fear, and do it anyway."
I pray and hope that I can finally make my real dreams come true, after almost ten years of this terrible anxious prison.