Tuesday, October 13, 2009


Lots of great comments from you people as of late. Thanks again!

Ya know, I was really trying hard to make it a nice joyous partying-type of weekend and while I did have lots of fun Friday and Saturday nights, Sunday came along. Yes, magical Sunday and I had a breakdown, because in trying to ignore my issues, they came back to haunt me and bite me in the arse, and I crashed. I stayed in my room most of the day, slept endless amounts, and felt physically and mentally exhausted. Just great! To add insult to injury, I began thinking about my job and my empty personal love life, and that just sent me into tears. Uh huh. Like some crying little elementary school kid, I balled and balled feeling miserable and terribly sorry for myself. What a joke! I tells ya man, I don't know what I have done in this life to deserve some of this depression I find myself in, but there it is. I really should go back to the gym and start working out like mad to exhaust myself and stop entertaining these thoughts. But I have no motivation of course. It's a real quandary, but I think if I am to have any chance of getting the hottie white boy I seek in this God-forsaken superficial town, Imma have to get into excellent shape. Or am i just deluding myself? I just love it when people say, "It's all up to you man." Mmmmm hmmmm. That suddenly makes it all f*cking easier don't it? Ugh. At least I found some energy/motivation to go out last night for a bit and take my mind off my own MIND. HA.

I don't know ho
w or why Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, but whatever man. I mean, I guess it helps that diplomatic relations are a bit better with other countries than they were under f*cktard Bush in command, but still! The world still hates the United States, and will continue to until they see our economy tank for good and our empire/power diminish to laughable extremes. OH WAIT, this is already happening! LOLOLOL! And there's always these terrorist attacks overseas in Pakistan, and the situation in Afghanistan never seems to let up, and everything is one big ball of unadulterated and unmitigated joy! Ya see folks, money has had a profound effect on humans since it was created, and has made them very greedy and selfish, unkind and uncaring, and willing to kill others for it. That is quite abhorrent and abominable, but t'is why the wars, the low wages, the hunger, the poverty and many of our other social problems. Someone does not want to share. F*cking charming. Inequalities and injustice will forever then, exist. But you knew that already.

Cheer up cowboy, tomorrow is another day! YIPEE. I can't bloody f*cking wait. At least this current song makes me happy:


mkf said...

as a fellow depressive, i know that forcing yourself to do healthy shit in your current state of mind is kinda like asking a normal person to run quarter-mile laps underwater.

do it anyway, and rediscover how good it feels to walk around the day after a workout, feeling all sore and pretty and in command of your destiny.

RG said...

Being a fellow depressive like MKF, I concur.

It's a Catch-22. Working out helps with depression, but I can't work out because I'm depressed.

Conclave27 said...


alice said...

Being married to a depressive, I have seen what the lack of motivation can do. He knows it would help him to work out, but he has no energy. And the longer he has no activity, the lower he sinks into depression. A vicious cycle.

I'm sorry that your thoughts are so heartbreaking for you. I'm not sure that I have any words of wisdom to uplift and encourage, except to say that I care. I really hope there is, in some way, a circumstance or inspiration, to help you turn the corner. Love you friend.