Friday, March 07, 2008


I am blessed in many ways, and yet I still feel disillusioned. Things are very odd and quite disturbing at the moment.

My cousin has a serious stomach condition back in the old country and I am genuinely worried about her. Patrick Swayze has that shitty pancreatic cancer, and last I heard, Farrah Fawcett
was being treated in Europe for her ailment. Money nor fame can guarantee good health nor immortality. We're in a deep recession here with the cost of living continuing to spiral out of control. I sometimes wonder just what the God damn point of all of this really is? Most of humanity is simply struggling to survive! It seems like such a constant neverending daily battle; they drive like maniacs on the freeway, our technology gets better, yet our health and moods have only gotten worse. I'm puzzled to be honest. Scratching my head at all of life's unfair and annoying circumstances. Were it not for my hedonistic pleasures such as sex, food, music, laughter, animals, love, friends, some family, and good sleep, I think I would have hung myself already. It's a wonder more of us are not crazy with all we have to put up with really. And yet, more people seem to be snapping than ever before, going on senseless mass shootings! I feel the world is truly mad. I'm crazy and have my issues, but it's so much worse out there. There are good humans, but the mad and truly insane are in a race to take us all with them down the drain!

Are all men truly created equal? No. Apparently not. Some of us struggle more than others, some of us die younger than we should, etc. There's still plenty of racism, misogyny, homophobia, greed, hunger, and malice towards others. We no longer accept what we were brainwashed with for centuries as truth. Marriage, religion, and government are no longer sacred nor held in the high esteem as they once were. We have the choice to change our lives and do with them what we wish, but DO WE TRULY? DO WE TRULY HAVE THE POWER? DON'T U FEEL MORE AND MORE LIKE A CHESS PIECE ON A BOARD BEING CONTROLLED BY THE POWERS THAT BE?! The daily job, the daily commute, the daily fucking routine! More people are thinking twice about having children in this very frightening world and upset at seeing where it is headed. Humanity has faced all these issues before, and there is nothing new here nor truly revolutionary to really be surprised or shocked about, except that it's on a much larger pervasive scale now than at any other time in our history/existence. Drug and alcohol abuse are rampant; who's really happy amidst the angst of just simply being? Maybe it's just this shitty Bush Administration! LOLOL! Save us Hillary or Obama please!

Why am I here? What is the point? I'm surviving alright. Trying to be a better person and show kindness where I can, but not letting all of this make me jaded or cynical in the process although it is very hard and it may be too late. I find humor in some of life's most God awful tragedies, only because it is the only way I can cope without breaking down and being sent to the institution like Britney. I'm sleeping fine, I eat well, I enjoy living, but not without the constant reminder that something is missing, something is out of balance, and that I feel helpless in not being to do a damn thing about it. Life is grand, but life is pain. Pain. Just keep living folks as best as ye can. I'll be okay I suppose. I'm not in any way suicidal or devastated. Just pondering really; all ridiculous absurd distractions to keep our minds busy till we croak/drop dead one day for good. There is a God right? I often feel there is, but then I doubt and feel guilty for it. Life on other planets? Or are we the only losers around?

Is this the way it really is all supposed to be?


Todd said...

Ok, here we go into Kierkegaard. Don't you know that truth is subjective? If you're having trouble being subjective, they make a variety of wonderful pills to help you get through the day. Pop a pill, plop in front of the TV and don't worry. Everything will be just fine. Just leave it to the government and church to sort your life out for you. Just stay on those little pills and you won't have a care in the world.
If that doesn't work, just remember all these thoughts are just chemical reactions in a biological organism that really don't mean a thing. It's just chemicals. It's just electric impulses. That's all. That's the only reality.

M- Filer said...

Jesus Christ, what a buzz killer.

The point of life is what ever you make it, so make it sex, food, music, laughter, animals, love, friends, some family, and good sleep!

Gary said...

Big questions and deep thoughts. Just the things I love to talk about over a margerita. I think it is good to question, to take all of this in and try to make sense of it all. I don't think that we ever will but perhaps that is the point. It is all part of the journey. Life is grand and life sucks. We do have a choice though. So choose to be happy in yourself and strive to be all of the wonderful things you describe.

Great post. I would love to delve deeper into this with you sometime.

Christopher said...

Oh My Gawd!'re in love with me and can't deal with the that it?

Seriously, great post here Mijo!

Squirrel said...

whenever I feel ...the way your post just made me feel again--that it seems pointless, I just find some little kid or person who is worse off than me and help them (even if it is minor help) the thing about having a shitty life is that there is always someone else who has a shittier one, and often they are nice people who just sort of ended up in a bad place.

I agree with m-filer. a little love wine and sleep is on my top 10 list for this weekend.

Lewis said...

Fantastic, spot on, reminder of the realism that we all face in this nutty world. It can be depressing...but you've come up with a nice list of things to do to help combat such frivoloty! Thanks for reminding us to keep it simple, keep it real, laugh at life. Over and over again.

kim yanoshik said...

5 daily rememberances

1. I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.

2. I am of the nature to have ill-health. There is no way to escape having ill-health.

3. I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.

4. All that is dear to me, and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.

5. My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.

Loren Soth said...

My 5 daily rememberances

1. The universe is what I make. I am god. It exsist at my whim, when I die it dies.

2. I am of the hand of fate. I can give life and I can give death. The stupid will fear me and smart will please me.

3. There is no way to escape death. Yet we can choose to wait for the final moment or embrace and know we can leave whenever we want.

4. Everything I have come to know is always a part of me. Nothing willing escape, it has been absorb and assimilated.

5. might makes right, I can take what I want as long as I am strong enough to deal with consequences.

The light of a sunny day is radiation that slowly kill, better to stand in a thunderstorm under a tree.

alexgirl said...

When I get really bad panic attacks, THIS is what they are about! Being existential can really stress a person out. Great post, WAT. You're a very thoughtful person.

Palm Springs Savant said...

well I totally understand what you are saying, and yes, life can be quite difficult at times. This is why I believe it is so important to live in the moment, enjoy life and be kind to others. Tomorrow it could all be over. But do not despair, most of these things are cyclical.

Darci said...

My one daily rememberance:

I am NOT God, and therefore I will not wrack the 10% of my sorry little brain that I actually use as a human being trying to find out the reasons for -- or the solutions to -- all the world's problems. I will simply go along my day trying to put a smile on every face I see. Really, when it really comes down to it, I think that's all we CAN do. Those of us without a lot of money, anyway.

Sometimes I suck at the whole being nice thing, admittedly. But that's not my point. Ha!

Maybe you can find a charity or cause you believe in and volunteer some time to it...? Sometimes we all sink into this abyss and I have found that focusing on people who are less fortunate than me (and there's always SOMEONE who's getting screwed harder than you are without even a kiss first) relieves my heart a little. I help someone and get to count my blessings at the same time. Two birds, one stone, yada yada.

I hope I didn't sound like a Mother Teresa wannabe. I just don't want you to walk into Fuel one night and go all "Falling Down" on us or something.



Anonymous said...

C'est la vie ma petite fleur.