Thursday, March 29, 2007

BEING A "STRAIGHT" GAY MAN, OR SO I THINK I AM.

The stereotype of course, is that your typical gay dude talks with that funny lisp (FABULUTH!), is meticulously clean, knows his fashion, cooks, and has other very effeminate qualities. Yes, while this kind of gay man does exist (as seen in that dumbass show Queer Eye For The Straight Guy), I often wonder what category I fall into.

Let's see. Let's analyze myself. I use very big flowery high vocabulary words when I speak and write. Does this make me gay? Maybe, although plenty of educated straight men do the same. I don't care for much for fashion at all either. I do like to look nice, but hate shopping for clothes/shoes. I don't care for wearing hats, scarves, or the latest jeans. F**K IT. Clothes and shoes are expensive and it's a waste of precious time to spend it in a department store, except twice a year or so. So in this regard, I don't think I'm gay at all. I do trim hair here and there, but nothing that makes me look too femme.


My taste in music is kind of in-between. I love The Beatles, Beastie Boys, Led Zeppelin, and Radiohead. That's pretty straight guy music ain't it? But then again, I ruin my straight image by also listening to Madonna, Scissor Sisters, Morrissey, and Elton John. Yeah, not too straight there. Damn. I don't really care for musicals though! Bonus points right?! Yeah, those musicals made into movies are cool, but I won't really pay money to go see people singing and dancing live onstage too often. Kind of boring really, as is that real annoying fag hag Barbra Streisand. BLAH!

I watch all kinds of movies, and am very open-minded when it comes to motion pictures. Kill Bill, The Godfather, Scarface, and The Matrix are pretty cool movies and very straight-dude oriented. But then come my film choices such as Brokeback Mountain, All About Eve, Chicago, and Torch Song Trilogy. Yeah, most straight dudes wouldn't be caught dead watching those films, and yet there I am. UGH. So gay.

I do lose lots of straight-acting points when it comes to sports. Honestly? Sports are pretty boring and a waste of time. Yeah, I'm checking out the Super Bowl only to watch who sings the national anthem and the halftime show. Basketball used to be interesting back when the Lakers were battling the Celtics in the 1980s and it's never regained my interest much since then. I really only dig the World Cup and the Olympics, and those only occur every few years anyway. So no, you won't see me often sitting in front of a big screen TV drooling over sweaty men in uniforms as they play with bouncing balls. That's such a straight man's thing to do. UH...YEAH! Real straight. Ahem.

My mannerisms are pretty straight most of the time. MOST OF THE TIME. Once in a while I will catch myself having a very effeminate moment, and it irks me, but oh well. I am what I am. It is what it is. And I do check out that straight hardcore porn, just to see how nasty those girls are getting in those scenes, but ultimately I end up checking out the dude which straight men never DO! OH NO! NOT AT ALL! UH HUH.

It doesn't help my case either that I am attracted to other dudes and like to plow the crap out of them. Yeah, pretty masculine here, but when I get laid it throws all of that out the window--or does it?

Oh well, what this post clarifies is absolutely nothing. NOTHING!

It does prove however, that I am no less a man despite whatever freakin' category I fall into, and most happy to be one.

:-)

15 comments:

Todd said...

You like Radiohead, too? Right on.
There is no typical gay man.
I'm a lot like you, except on the movie parts. Give me blood and guts horror anyday!

Gavin Elster said...

well that explains so much....








not.

alice said...

Ya know.... generalizing or labeling runs the risk of minimizing the importance of individualism. So you don't really fit either "category".... Praise the Lord!!!! That reinforces my opinion of how special you are. No one should have to act like others "expect", or be the cookie-cutter sterotype - BE YOU!!!! Wonderful You. Unique, extraordinary, stand-out-in-a-crowd, personality-plus Wil.

Scot said...

And lets not forget about the Jacky G fettish: that's amore than a little gay. But not as gay as my current Myspace photo.
Do I get bonus (straight) points for refinishing my hardwood floors? Installing kitchen cabinets? Hanging a chandalier for my mom and puting in a reostat? Do I lose points for using the work reostat? No, I think those are geek points, not gay points.

Crazy Eddie said...

I never fit into any particular stereotype. I play sports on the regular and have been literally raised with a bunch of Italian brothers (7 to be exact) who roughed me up when I needed it. Growing up in a household of women (Mother, and three sisters) was utter torture for me as I used to get a beat down from good ole mom if I roughed up one of my sisters...

As for gay or straight, everyone needs to be THEMSELVES. If I was a queen swishing down the block leaving a trail of glitter, I would embrace that also.

I do notice that gay dudes, whether straight acting or feminine, tend to fall into forced stereotypes of their own. It's all about culture and what surrounds you everyday. Look at Madonna, she's American, but tends to speak with a British accent because she's around British folk. You see what I'm getting at?

And as for you Wat Baby, you're just a sexy acting. That's enough.

Besos

Christopher said...

"It doesn't help my case either that I am attracted to other dudes and like to plow the crap out of them".

...damn, how Butch !...but on a serious note, I think Eddie nailed it, with the idea of embracing yourself...and not just the boys you be plowing!

::wink::

M- Filer said...

I dunno, but does this Dick in my Mouth make me look gay?

Dave Evanns said...

This was a fucking great post! Hilarious, but sincere and to the point.

I have had many gay friends, and some of them or so blatantly open, but I think they did it for the attention. But either way, they were pretty fucking cool and funny, yeah just be yourself and all is good, in my opinion.

But the Jake G. crush gives you away, big time! :o)

Bill German said...

i hate nelly fags. Wear are all the marines ? Sir, Yes Sir!

Erica AP said...

Who doesn't have a crush on Jake G...

Funny post!!

molly said...

gay, straight, whatever, youre automatically my new best friend for having prince's "erotic city" on your sidebar
i can NEVER get enough of that song

Sebastien said...

We have a lot of the same interests, haha, crazy! Although I do enjoy sports, well, I hadn't watched sports in ages until I got sick...

Being happy with the way you are is the most important. Some people will give you grief, but in the end being oneself is the most rewarding thing, regardless of your interests...

Great post like always!

molly said...

"erotic city", "moonage daydream", led zeppelin, the beatles...
where have you been all my life??

Emma said...

"it doesn't help my case that i am attracted to other dudes and like to plow the crap out of them"
hahahahahahah
this blog is amazing.

i want to say that there's no gay man stereotype, but...most gay men i know are basically my best girlfriends. not all gay men though.

i think I'M a gay man, which is a little disturbing because i'm a woman.

Sebastien said...

Hey WAT, you've been tagged, haha!