But last week I started using a phony British accent, a lower more sinister tone, or was just being plain silly. It seemed to be lightening up the workplace a bit and co-workers had been laughing and singing the praises of the highly comedic WAT in all his effervescent humorous glory, when yesterday the head clerical administrator walks into the front desk area I was covering, with this distressed 9/11 look on her face and says, "The announcements like that have to stop. It's just not professional."
What else could I say to middle-aged blondie? "Oh. Ok. I see." Inside I felt crushed! Humiliated! The stick is so far up certain people's bungholes that a light sounding PA announcement is unacceptable?! HUH?! WHAT GIVES?! Is my faux-British accent not as spectacular as I thought and instead brings memories of the Challenger explosion to certain people who are horrified by my silliness? EGAWDZ MAN! LIGHTEN UP PEEPS! YA ONLY LIVE ONCE! IT'S ONLY A JOB! IT REALLY WON'T MATTER AS U GASP FOR YER LAST BREATH ON YER DEATHBED AND TAKE THAT FINAL CRAP IN YER UNDIES! ARGH! SILLY DAFT HOMO SAPIENS I TELLS YA! WHERE'S YER SENSE OF HUMOUR?!
Or maybe my comedy style is just not funny. Maybe I'm just not the gifted talented comedian I thought I was. Oh GAWD! What was blondie trying to say? That I am as unfunny as Dane Cook?! Sure, I know I'm just as good-looking as him, but am I also really that devoid of humorous talent like Dane? Watch this clip of Dane. He's mildly funny really, if at all. But he sure is a hot dude I tells ya. I just love it when MADtv spoofs him by the way. Yeah, that clip is here. Oh well, at least Dane is making good dough, has over 2 million friends on MySpace, and doesn't have to worry about no blondie higher up telling him to stop being unprofessional. Alas, so it goes, the life of a working peon like myself amidst this sea of hypocrisy.
But whatever my brothas and sistas! Why end this post on a sour bitter note about the turd office and my controversial earth-shattering PA announcements, when I can just pull out some good retro music from the late 1970s?! It's Paul McCartney & Wings circa 1978 when they was down to three members towards the end of the group. There he is, Paul the genius along with his lovely late wife Linda and Denny Laine. Rumour has it Denny and Paul weren't getting along so much anymore, but whatev! The song rocks! Don't be hating on Linda either okay? So she sang off key here and there, but she was just lovely. Simply lovely! This is beautiful power ballad-type elevator musak if ya ask me!
Turn up that bass and listen/watch to masterful songwriting: