Monday, August 13, 2007


Thank you Merv Griffin for not showing yourself on TV like Tammy Faye did during your final moments dying from cancer! LOLOLOL! But seriously man, all smart ass comments aside, R.I.P. sir. He did create Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune (for which he also wrote tha theme songs) ya know, and was it ever confirmed if Merv was gay? He was right? Anyway, the old chap has gone to the next dimension...

Speaking of that murderous asshole cancer, I watched this cheesefest, yet almost sad old 1939 movie starring Bette Davis called Dark Victory. Yeah, I mean there's Bette's character in all her youth and rich glory slowly dying and changing her selfish outlook on life and focusing on what really matters since her days are numbered thanks to some sort of brain tumor. Poor thing. She really loved horseback riding, shopping, and hanging out with her best friend, but sadly has to realize that her death is imminent. Humphrey Bogart and Ronald Reagan where in this movie too! WOW! AMAZING AIN'T IT SISTA CHRISTIAN?!
Leave it to depressive me to wanna watch this film right, but I really wanted to see it for Bette ya know, 'cause Bette Davis was an acting diva, a giant, an incomparable amazing ass bitch who wasn't that spectacular in this role, but amazingly expressive with those eyes as always. THOSE EYES MAN! No wonder they wrote that song for her, 'cause I could really see it in this movie; she really did have amazing eyes. Sometimes, I think I have amazing eyes too, heehee!

I had a very nice therapy session on Saturday by the way, where I revealed and let out some inner junk that I don't think I had ever realized before. Ya see, I grew up with a very nurturing loving mother who became embittered by my abusive father and well, she slowly lost that wonderful gentle side which I had grown up with. Well, this leads me to believe that not having my once overprotective mother in my teen years and into my adulthood is what has lead me to have some of my anxiety disorder. Yes, my other family members weren't too loving, tolerant, patient, or understanding, and once my mom began to lose that side, I really missed and longed for it. What a baby you say right!? GROW UP WAT! Yes, my mother hath said that to me a'plenty nowadays, but no matter how old I get and how much of a "man" I am, I still wanna be nurtured damnit. IS THAT SO WRONG OR TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR? I think not.

All of this also leads me to believe that my once abusive father was only behaving the way he knew how. No one wants me to defend my now deceased old man for his incorrigible bad temper, womanizing, and terrible abuse during his life, but I can now begin to see that maybe this poor pitiful man was tormented by his own inner demons which he never got to exorcise through therapy or anyone ever giving him the time or chance to. He was obviously a very depressed/anxious ignorant man worthy of lots of pity. It's all very sad really, and I (unlike some in my family) do not hold any resentment against him. I know in my heart he found his redemption just before he died, for all the wrong he may have done or caused. I do have dreams of him often mind u. I dream a lot with him, and he genuinely seems pleased when I do see him.

Anyway, enough of all this psychotherapeutic garbage!

I need to get to bed and rest my Bette Davis-like eyes.


molly said...

i just had a great old time on your blog for the past little while!
i went back and read the posts i missed, watched (and danced to) the beatles video, listened to the radio station (and discovered a fantastic dylan song id never heard before)

thanks for being so great

Gary said...

Of course we all want to be shown a little love and you are never too old. I am much older than you and still in situations where I feel out of place I remember that if all else fails my mother loves me. So that kinda forms an inner peace, solid foundation.

And besides, in your case, I am sure that there are plenty of men who would love to show you some nurturing.

laurenbove said...

Good for you for finding some inner peas. I'm all for it. I have been contemplating therapy as I've gotten way too sensitive and nervous in my old age. I'd like to take the edge off in a way that doesn't involve anything illegal or toxic.

It is good for us all to realize that our once godlike parents are really imperfect and sometimes broken people too.

It helps me to lighten up on them and others. I also have tried the trick of imagining a "difficult" person as a very small child. That keeps me from killing my dh or other...

laurenbove said...

And you're Never too old or too macho to need a little t.l.c. Nothing wrong with that.

molly said...

yeah the yellow skin is worrying me too

im thinking its scurvy
ive been neglecting my lentils

ah well, ill wait til my piss turns red before i go to a doctor
french doctors are crazy!

Pod said...

perhaps tou should get your thyroid checked if you got bette davis eyes. i alwasy thought she looked hyperthyroidic!

and we alwasy need nuturing, however old, however wise, however 'manly', so ask and ye shall receive!

Junk Thief said...

I've been hearing really mixed things about the passing of Merv, some saying he was a privileged, closeted perv who hung out with the Reagans and fired anyone who might blow his cover. But at the same time I have so many warm memories from childhood of having milk and graham crackers while he interviewed such odd combinations as Charo, Debbie Harry, Totie Fields, Orson Welles and on and on.

He was never cruel in interviews, albeit seemingly simple at times. And my mother would always turn to me and say, "I still don't understand why he and Eva Gabor have never gotten married. What are they waiting for?

So, I have mainly warm memories of Merv, even if it was in a darkened living room in Mid-America somewhere in the depths of the 1970s...