Wednesday, January 04, 2006


I went to the family viewing/wake yesterday. I felt so out of place after not seeing most of these people (extended family and friends) in years and years. And it certainly isn’t comfortable being my age and still not married, whilst most of them are and have kids up the wazoo. No offense, I know us homos come from heterosexuals of course, but sometimes I resent straight people. There they were, a bunch of my half brothers and sisters and cousins sharing their kids’ pics. I felt lonely really.

I resent them being so closed-minded at times. So judgmental. So unforgiving. So proud of their marriages and kids. I know it’s not easy being human period, but it’s so much harder being gay. It sucks sometimes. Why must everyone get married and have kids? Is it some God damn rule that everyone has to follow? I resent this very much. Why do others care so much about my or then again, anyone else’s personal life? Why must they be aware of to whom I’m giving my penis to??!!!

I know it sounds crude, but that’s what people always wanna know. Whom you’re schtooping. SICK REALLY.

I oughtta just hold a coming out party one day and invite all these extended family bastards and just blurt it out one day, "Hey, I’m gay, and y’all either accept me or EF OFF."

They all suspect or pretty much know I’m sure, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling very out of place amongst them.

I wonder if anyone else knows what I’m talking about?


Mario said...

Oh, I understand you so well. I'm openly gay with most of my friends, and I told my parents and siblings I was gay 8 years ago. However, both my parents have hidden this from their relatives and they have implicitly asked me to do the same. At this point, I feel like throwing up when an aunt asks me "when are you finding a girl and getting married?" I look at my mom silently saying "see what I have to go through because you are ashamed of me?" But at least my parents and siblings have always been very affectionate with and supportive of my boyfriends and treated them as what they were (my partners) when far from relatives. Still, I wish it wasn't an issue at all and people didn't ask me about getting married and having kids just because i am single and 31 yo.

G-man said...

Hey man...I understand what you're saying...but don't necessarily think what you're saying has to be a gay thing. I'm straight, but still single (well into my 30s now). There's a certain feeling that i get when I'm at these family functions lately...that look like you're a leper or not quite as important as the people married with families. Well, they can have it.

80 percent of my married friends are miserable. I know one guy who finally "just caved in" as he puts it, cuz he felt it was the thing he had to do. I have so many friends in their 30s, like me, who feel the need to get married simply because of societal pressures. Well, if you read what they say between the lines, the married people are sometimes envious of the freedom that us single folk have.

I would love to get married some day. I can't wait to have kids. But unlike most of my friends, I'm not willing to settle just cuz that's what you're supposed to do. Think of all those fat loosers who end up you really think its out of love? Fuck's all about desperation.

Take pride in who you are. Gay or straight. Married or single. The grass is always greener they say....

Bill German said...

I felt the EXACT same way growing up too. I assume a lot of gays feel the same way. My family never talked about me being gay, and we never discussed it. Some things are better left unsaid. But now that I am an old troll, I just dont give a fuck anymore. So my advice to you is: STOP CARING SO MUCH.

ScottyFerguson said...

yep, It happens to me too. It's none of their business. The thing that gets me is that if they dont know who your having sex with they will just assume its the guy you spend the most time with. AAAAAAAAAAGH! Assholes!

I AM NOT THE AMBASSADOR TO GAY EITHER! stop asking me about it STRAIGHT FOLK! If you want to find out befriend a preist