Friday, March 24, 2006

WAT REVIEWS: "THE WIZARD OF OZ."

America has been shoving The Wizard of Oz down children’s throats for decades now! This "supposed" film classic is considered one of the greatest films in history and appropriate for all ages!

Well no sir! NO NO NO! Follow tha Yella Prick Road-- I think not! The Wizard of Oz is not appropriate for our snot-nosed bratty mini-humans! FUCK NO!

After careful brainstorming, analysis, and one too many drinks tonight, here’s why I believe this film should be rated R...if not XXX! If we can all come together on this, we can probably even ban this filthy film forever! A masterpiece of perdition!

The film starts out with a spoiled brat named Dorothy who does nothing but play pranks and misbehave the whole God damn day with her silly furry mutt named Toto. She has a real sweet life in Kansas while her Uncle Henry, Auntie Em, and the farmhands work like dogs just to keep the fuckin’ farm going. One of the farmhands is obviously smitten with Dorothy and probably bangs her in the pigpen when no one’s looking. I mean, the spoiled bitch falls at one point into the pen and is pornographically rescued by this farmhand, who coincidentally looks like the hay-filled dancing rag doll that appears later in the film. Uh huh.

Dorothy is disrespectful to her elders, including oogly Ms. Gulch, and has the nerve to run away (without any birth control mind you) once she has her hands on sweet li’l Toto again and goes and visits a psychic/fortune teller of sorts who is nothing more than a God-hating SATANIST. Her delving into the occult is scandalous I tells ya! She conveniently runs back home because she really sucks as a runaway, when JESUS MARIMBA, a God damn whirling dangerous FUCKIN’ tornado is on its way to blow down the little piece of land these honkies own. Hell, since spoiled Dorothy abandoned them, Uncle Henry doesn’t even think twice about shoving everyone into the basement, even as Auntie Em screams frantically for her. But who cares? Let the little bitch die right? And her little dog too! AHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!

Well, this is the part of the movie where Dorothy runs into the house and supposedly gets knocked in the head by the window or something and goes unconscious. NA AH. No sir. What we’re not told is that the skank actually drops some LSD at this point to rid herself of the fear of what is happening to her body. In my humble opinion, the tornado represents Dorothy’s descent into puberty--in other words, her fuckin’ period! She cannot deal with this fact, and being a teenager torments her( like many of us), so she can only deal by hallucinating. Good for you Dorothy! Way ta go you li’l brat!

Well, it does not take long for her black and white dull world to finally land with a sharp drop into the Wonderful Merry Old Land of Oz! Uh huh indeed! She can now see in color mind you! The trip this bitch experiences is beyond anything John Lennon could’ve imagined, even in his song Tomorrow Never Knows.

This is a beautiful place, much nicer and more pleasant than boring as hell cracker-infested Kansas! No KKK here, but tons of pretty flowers, streams, and little drunken people to have massive sex orgies with! And just great! She’s landed on some supposed fuckin’ c*nt with ruby red slippers! Those ruby red slippers are nothing but symbolism for...YOU GOT IT!–breast implants. Glinda, the Good Pimp of the North gives Dorothy some hot new titties, disguised as ruby red slippers of course!

Out of nowhere, Dorothy’s hallucinations begin to get weirder and weirder. The Wicked Bitch of the West wants Dorothy’s ruby red boob...I mean, er...slippers, Dorothy has to follow the Yella Brick Road, she sings and hops like a crazy woman and ends up meeting an epileptic called the Scarecrow who becomes her hot lover in this drug trippy world. She meets two more dudes along the way, both homosexuals, one Tin Man, and another Cowardly Lion.

Scarecrow wants a brain because all he’s good for is shagging Dorothy who uses his cock for her pleasure. The Tin Man wants a heart, because he’s tired of sleeping around like the fag that he is and wants to settle down once and for all with a dude instead of Brokebacking with so many. Meanwhile, that Cowardly Faggoty Fag Lion just plain needs courage because he’s a big giant sissy period. Get some balls man you furry supposed King of da Jungle! MAN!

They all hop, skip, and dance their way through this sickening nightmarish world complete with plenty of hardcore pornographic sex scenes and tons of racism!

Yes. RACISM! You see folks, The Wicked Witch of the West is really a smelly suicide-bombing Arab in disguise. It is implied that this filthy evil terrorist green bitch does not bathe, but what eventually kills her? Hmmm? Yes, a bucket full of water! And the Jews are also misrepresented as the apple trees! Those filthy cheap apple tree Jews right Dorothy? U try to take an apple and see what they do? And don’t even git me started with my hip hop brothas and sistas! FLYING MONKEYS?! THAT IS JUST PLAIN OUTRAGEOUS! DOROTHY IS ONE TWISTED AND ADDICTED REDNECK IN SERIOUS NEED OF HELP!

Oh, the great and powerful Oz is nothing but a poor old senile man in desperate need of Viagra and with a sad and serious advanced case of Alzheimer’s. She even hallucinates doing more drugs in the field of poppies, the horse of a different color is obviously radiation poisoning, and the Wicked Witch of the West’s guards are non-English speaking Mexicans who don’t hesitate in giving Dorothy the broomstick she so desperately needs to get back home.

What an ingrate! Turns out she had the power to go home all along (yeah a serious stomach pumping) in her booby slippers and click those heels together u moron and back in boring black and white Kansas she comes back to once more, being nursed back to health by all the hard-working white people she could not stand and hated.

"There’s no place like rehab..."

For these reasons, I ask the people of this great nation to ban this most insidious motion picture, or at least give it the proper rating!

Such trash in the minds of our little ones really disturbs me!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

REMEMBER, REMEMBER, THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER.

WARNING!!! SPOILERS AHEAD!

Written this past Monday night:

I just got back from seeing V for Vendetta and am anxious to read all the critical reviews, message boards, and other fellow bloggers’ posts. Finally!

But first, my own untainted and unblemished personal thoughts. WOW! This is a remarkable motion picture. The story is engrossing, the action non-stop, the symbolism pervasive, and its overall political message one that has left me pondering and questioning my own current government more than ever before!

This movie comes at the right time for me, in that I have had enough of trying to stand by a president who has become a sick repressive war-loving tyrant. Natalie Portman is great in her role and so many times I saw myself in her character—that of a conforming member of future English society who has accepted what her government has been telling her. That was me, except I live in America and don't dress up like a girl. Ahem.

The stabs at America are eerie and merciless in the movie, despite it taking place in future Britain. I could’ve sworn I was watching President Bush as Chancellor Sutler, Dick Cheney as Creedy, their supposed War on Terror, biological terrorism, martial law, anti-gay rhetoric, and media control. It was quite comical, yet chilling at the same time. In the film, America is in deep civil war, something I also found quite disturbing and perhaps prophetic. Why the original comic book author of this story divorced himself from this incredible movie is a mystery to me. I’ll have to read up on that.


Hugo Weaving is absolutely wonderful as the rebellious V: an outspoken, sophisticated, and subversive killer who will stop at nothing to keep the value of freedom and his hero Guy Fawkes' memory alive, to the point of even wearing a mask of Fawkes' likeness, which in addition helps to ironically hide his horrible disfigurement. I loved every moment of Weaving's performance, and credit the actor, director, and screenwriters for conveying lots of wonderful emotion (even through the mask) with awesome soliloquies from this most intriguing and profound character. Marvelous!

The movie is also beautifully laced with deep emotional scenes, such as the final moments of a once corrupt murderous doctor who finds redemption and forgiveness as V mercifully kills her, or the sad story of a tortured lesbian, who despite what the government has done to her still manages to leave her heart-wrenching story written on rolled up toilet paper to be found by whoever does with love in its words and overall message still intact long after she is killed. Powerful stuff indeed!

So the controversy lies in the question: is V a revolutionary or is he a terrorist? If we are to believe the American government/media--Osama Bin Laden and Al Zarqawi want to repress the world with their fundamentalist evil form of Islam. Hence, they are terrorists right? Repression and fundamentalism are what V stands against; hence, he is a revolutionary hero.

Bravo to the cast and crew! This is a smart comic book special effects big budget blockbuster movie that is as intelligent and politically intriguing as any of the end-of-the-year Oscar films we've seen or will see.

Well...except for Crash of course.

“Fear became the ultimate tool of this government.” - V

Monday, March 20, 2006

THE TOP TEN HOTTEST ACTORS IN HOLLYWOOD--WHETHER GOOD OR BAD!

Whether they’re big stars, or just mediocre players in Hollywood, this is my top ten list of the hottest actors in the business. And some of them do have talent too! Nevermind if their movies are good, just watching them is a pleasure in itself. In no particular order:

DENNIS QUAID & MATT DILLON.


The two eldest on my list: Dennis Quaid has been in about 17,459 movies I think up to this point, and still looks incredible at age 75. Matt Dillon is still (if not more) unbelievably sexy in his forties, and that voice is enough to make anyone melt. Way ta go middle age!

JESSE BRADFORD & MATTHEW LAWRENCE.


Jesse Bradford, of Speedway Junky and Swimfan fame. This boy is cute. And of all the annoying Lawrence brothers, it’s Matthew Lawrence that takes the prize as thee hottest. EF JOEY! That old withered-looking balding stuck-up jack-off doesn't hold a candle to middle brother Matt.

CHRIS EVANS & SEAN PATRICK FLANERY.


Chris Evans has an awesome cut-up built body now, even though most of his movies suck, including that awful Fantastic Four. Sean Patrick Flanery (of Young Indiana Jones fame) is still acting, but who knows in what. I just saw pics of him in a mag recently and thought he looked amazing, even at 41. So there!

HEATH LEDGER & JAKE GYLLENHAAL.















The Brokeback Mountain lovers: Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. If these two never made another movie again, it would not matter. They have forever cemented their glory as the greatest masculine hunky gay sheepherding cowboys in film history. Heath is handsome and mostly in mediocre films, and Jakey G. has become a man, after looking real goofy and boyish for years. Congrats to both. The girls already loved you, and now we the homos have joined your fan clubs. How could we not?

PAUL WALKER & RYAN REYNOLDS.


Paul Walker is working hard making lots of dumb movies as is Ryan Reynolds. Paul looks great, while Ryan has lost lots of his appeal to me now that he’s an uber worked out stud. I used to like him skinnier and college boy looking, like in that pic. But he's still hot.

There you have it. HOW GAY! I know I missed some boys, but that’s all I can think of for now. Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, Brad Pitt, Keanu Reeves, Mel Gibson, Orlando Bloom, Colin Farrell, Matthew McConaughey and all the other obvious ones never did it for me really. They’re just too popular or over hyped.

What a life. To be good-looking, rich, famous, and adored the world over.

Friday, March 17, 2006

BLOGGER KEEPS CRASHING MY PRECIOUS BLOG!

From the classic (and amazingly still relevant) 1976 movie NETWORK, this is how I fuckin' feel:

Howard Beale (speaking for WAT and his failing blog): [shouting] You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, [shouting] 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and BLOGGER and the inflation and the fuckin' war in IRAQ and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: [screaming at the top of his lungs] "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"


Listen to my frustration: http://www.meglet.net/Wavs/Misc/mad-hell.wav

And add to that: "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!"

Thank you.


THIS TRAILER IS A RIOT:

http://www.ifilm.com/player/?ifilmId=2672776&pg=&skin=tomatoes&refsite=6081&launchVal

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

¡LA LIBERTAD! ¡PARA SIEMPRE!



This f**kin’ movie just plain looks cool.

The cast is excellent and the visuals look phenomenal. I hope the movie is not all hype and does not disappoint.

From the guys who brought you the original cultural earthquake phenomenon film The Matrix, I give you:

V for Vendetta
.

What makes this film interesting as well, is its strong political message dealing with totalitarian governments and terrorism
.

Ironic in these our times ain’t it?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

ALL FAGS GO TO HEAVEN.

Two guys kissing! BIG F**KING WHOOP!

I've lost my patriotism and love for America.

I never thought I'd be thinking, let alone writing these words. Besides the war in Iraq and the continuing economic dismantling of our beloved home, there's also this kinda crap that bugs me:

With the current anti-gay marriage presidential administration currently in power and all the controversy and hatred demonstrated over a simple, yet cultural phenomenon film like Brokeback Mountain, what this country has proved to me is that even though there are plenty of cool awesome people who support and are for gay rights (of course like you who is reading this my blogger friend), there is still an overwhelming majority that loathes and hates me for my sexual orientation. And that sucks and makes me sad--that ignorance can still be so rampant and powerful in people's minds!

It is unforgivable.

The uncomfortable straight males in America waste no time in being hypocrites by being homophobic every stupid chance they get. I read it all the time in message boards on the Net or how they and others react in a movie theater when two male characters kiss onscreen. Nothing irks or pisses me off more than when I hear a loud, "EEEEEEEEWWW" at a simple same sex smooch. Of course, it's okay if two women are going at it mind you. BUT NOOO! Not two men!

Such sickening hypocrisy. "Two women kissing is hot, but two guys is just plain gross!" is what they'll say. Oh, I see. So some homosexuality is acceptable but not the kind that stirs your true inner desires huh?

And that f**kin' sends me through the roof. So many "straight" men continue to lead secret closeted bisexual lives it's not even funny. It's more common and widespread than many will admit to. Yeah, leave the girlfriend/wifey at home, while you go out and have some hot quickie gay sex fun. It happens in high school locker-rooms, college campuses, your own neighborhood, in the military, in jail (for sure), and anywhere and everywhere all over this country. One need just to take a look here and see how widespread it is: http://losangeles.craigslist.org/m4m/, http://newyork.craigslist.org/m4m/, http://chicago.craigslist.org/m4m/, http://atlanta.craigslist.org/m4m/

SICK! SICK BASTARDS! You continue to perpetuate the homophobic environment we are festering in by living double lives and then acting anti-gay. How lame!

Yes, things are changing I know. Thank you Brokeback Mountain, Will & Grace, Logo Cable Network, Queer as F*ck, um...I mean Folk, and anyone and everyone who can see past all this bullshit and just accept the effeminate men and butch women and all others in between as people.

I got news for you folks: gay men and lesbian women are actually regular people. Who they f*ck, suck, or do whatever to is no worse or grosser than what men and women do to each other. And honestly, aren't most of us inherently bisexual anyway? I mean, as long as it's consenting adults, why are we still arguing over this issue in 2006 America???

Some guy on a Brokeback Mountain message board told me I should move to Canada. They really don't care about personal sex lives like they do here in America. At least, that's what he told me. Sounds almost too good to be true.

DAMN YOU RELIGIOUS RIGHT, PRESIDENT BUSH, AND ALL YE HYPOCRITE STRAIGHT MEN. Religion has brainwashed, tarnished, destroyed, manipulated, and taken your brains and turned them into useless fodder. Face it ye fools, fags and dykes are in your families, at your jobs, and everywhere else you turn. We are not magically going away, getting cured, or destroying your way of life.

Homosexuality is as old as time itself, was revered in ancient cultures and does not corrupt anyone nor anybody. Heteros are doing all kinds of weird sh*t in porn and in private all the time too! But what heteros do is all well, fine, and dandy--even outside of marriage. F*CK THAT DOUBLE STANDARD SH*T!

In the end, it's just sex--we all want it, need it, like it, and do it. BIG DEAL!

F**K YOU HATERS. I HOPE YOU (not a cocksucking fag like me) BURN IN HELL.

Not that I'm bitter or anything mind you. ;)

For a really frightening and extreme anti-gay view of things, check these assholes out:

http://www.godhatesfags.com

I hate these people, but you gots to know your enemy.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

THE BEATLES AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL.

Just a hop, skip, and a jump away from where I now live!

The dates: August 23, 1964 & August 29, 1965.

The greatest rock/pop group in music history performs at the Hollywood Bowl.

Twice within the span of one year!

The screams from the girls are enough to drive one deaf, let alone mad.

And there's actually someone who captured this amazing piece of music history on film:

http://www.zippyvideos.com/2012168173709206/beatles_-_hollywood_bowl_concert/

Wow.

Friday, March 10, 2006

HOLY COW!

I’m doing something unprecedented in my life.

For the past two days or so, I have avoided eating meat. Yeah, vegetarian animal lovers everywhere rejoice--I have seen the light! I love hamburgers, tacos, and burritos to death, but let’s face it, too much of this delicious stuff makes for poor digestion, increased cancer risk, bad skin, and cruelty to our precious animal friends.

I may from time to time cheat mind you, but if I can find adequate veggie substitutes, imma do it. I mean, I know that humans are designed to be omnivores per se, but I cannot pretend to not notice how bad chickens, cows, and pigs are treated in those slaughterhouses and stuff and how gross it all really is. Meat is loaded with germs and chemicals and all the reading I’ve been doing has really really turned me off.

It's not easy growing up in meat-loving America, and certainly even worse for me as a Latino, where eating meat in our culture is overdone!

I won’t become some crazy militant PETA animal-rights activist all of a sudden that is going to start attacking my fellow carnivore humans, this is all a matter of personal choice. This means of course, eating more soy than I ever have before, although I was reading that THAT itself may be unhealthy and not good for men because it increases estrogen levels abnormally, although this is highly disputable.

Call me suggestible, but my tummy doesn’t feel so damn bloated or constipated ever since I started doing this.

Now onto a colon cleanser…
(<---insert gay joke here! LOL!)

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

THE HOUR IS NIGH.

Um…

I think it’s pretty safe to say that The United States of America is going to go to war with Iran. You read me. We are going to go to war with Iran. So soon. So very soon.

My God. My dear God.

We’re not even out of the muck in Iraq, and the signs are all pointed towards this eventuality. Call it fear over their nuclear weapons program, greed, oil, or insanity, but this is going to be happening in very little time. I can predict it in the articles I’ve been perusing with the threats and Israel’s growing uneasiness in taking action. Russia and China are on Iran's side, and there we are (geographically speaking) to the right and left of our next target--with troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, and Iran right in the middle.

So World War III (or just plain Armageddon) really started on September 11, 2001. It really f*ckin’ did. "I can see clearly now the rain is gone!" Since that awful nightmarish stupid day, it’s been nothing but downhill from there: threat of terrorism, increased fear, government surveillance, anti-gay/abortion rhetoric, more natural disasters, a hideous war in Iraq, and increased tension with nations the world over. It’s the Bushy administration ain’t it? They orchestrated that killer tsunami and Hurricane Katrina too I bet....okay, that's a stretch, but I'm only kidding!

Ah…the Clinton years. When all we worried about was his penis getting Lewinskied.

Those were the days…


Further reading (AND BOY ARE THESE SCARY AND MUST READS!) :

http://www.fromthewilderness.com/free/ww3/012706_bombing_iran.shtml

http://www.fromthewilderness.com/free/ww3/012706_deadman_walking.shtml

Monday, March 06, 2006

THE DAY AFTER THE "CRASH" OF ACADEMY FLIGHT 2006 INTO "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN."

Now that I'm a little more composed after yesterday's Oscars, I'd like to kinda review the show and some of the winners.

Jon Stewart as host was not great, but was not that horrible either. I thought he did a decent job. My absolute favorite line of his was after the social injustice/problems/issues movie montage that Hollywood has portrayed and tackled where he said, "And thankfully, none of those issues were ever a problem for us again." That had me roaring!

A wonderful surprise and most deserved award went to composer Gustavo Santaolalla for his Brokeback Mountain score, which is truly haunting and beautiful. I was very proud of him, as he has produced one of my favorite Mexican rock groups for years, the amazing Café Tacuba, and now the Argentine is working in Hollywood no less! He made me even happier as he dedicated his award para todos los latinos, or "to all Latinos everywhere." That was cool.

How did that hip hop song even win over the Crash or the Dolly Parton tune? That was so low class! I hated it! It made me wonder if that award wasn't rigged, for just as they had finished embarrassingly performing it, Queen Latifah came out and gave them the award for Best Song! I've heard way better hip hop songs than that piece o'shit! UGH! Gimme Missy Elliot, Busta Rhymes, or Tupac puleaze!

I like Reese Witherspoon, and I watched Walk The Line the night before the Oscars and she was okay in her role, but not Oscar worthy like Felicity Huffman was in Transamerica. That was a mistake! It's Joaquin Phoenix who really makes that movie. Oh my God, he is incredible in that film. My hats off to you!

And then Buttcrack Mtn. won the Adapted Screenplay and Best Director award (which are great prizes indeed), and for sure all the rumors that Trash was gonna sneak up and take the big prize could not be true...and out comes Jack Nicholson (who voted for BB Mtn. according to Oprah), and he almost fainted as he read the upsetting winner. Just like when Shakespeare in Love beat Saving Private Ryan. Yeah, I took it personally allright, I thought I was watching the Twin Towers on fire again.

And the message/bulletin boards have gone off ever since:

-"With all of the things that are a problem in this country right, due to the neocon agenda, ya mean, I gotta listen to faggots whine too? Look, I'm lactose intolerant (born that way) and they haven't made a movie about it, or given me a place at the political table. Please, save your "poor queers" sob story until after we fix the mess this country's in."

-'Crash' was nothing more than a sub-par TV Movie Of The Week but I'm glad it was made, actually released and then nominated for a bunch of awards it doesn't deserve if only so that we could all be treated to a literal dance interpretation of its ham-fisted bullshit premise."

-"As for the the Acedemy voted for Crash becuase they all live in LA that's a load of BS. It was and is a better movie than Buttcrack Mountain. America does not want to see gay cowboys? Yes you are absolutely right! I would say many Americans are sick and tired of seeing the homosexual agenda pushed down everybody's throats! They proved that the movies are based on merit and NOT on sexual orientation or what is fashionable at the time! ith! However, I know I can do one of two things: 1. Change the channel, 2. Turn the TV OFF. I elected for #2.If ABC and the "academy" wonder why the ratings are so low, maybe they should ask "mainstream" Americans why! Most people in America don't care for queer movies for starters...."

-"I am happy that Crash won because it said some very important things we should all know:1.) When crazy Muslims come to kill your kids, Jesus will protect you.2.) The best hope in life for crazy upper class white women is to have a faithful servent who will listen to their abuse and not quit their jobs. 3.) Racist cops are all really good people underneath. 4.) Liberals are all really potential murderers. 5.) Black hoodlums do in fact carjack. But they draw the line at participating in the slave trade. That's best left to elderly Asian men."

-"Back In Your Closets, Faggots!! Your 15-minutes of fame is over!"

Ah yes, this is America folks!

Further reading:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gene-stone/hollywood-hardly-hearts-h_b_16886.html

http://theenvelope.latimes.com/awards/oscars/env-turan5mar05,0,5359042.story

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11700333/

http://theenvelope.latimes.com/columnists/insider/env-screenscrash7mar07,0,5184709.column?coll=env-home-headlines



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Sunday, March 05, 2006

THE "CRASH" OF "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN."

Okay. I almost had a heart attack, but I'll be fine...

The Academy Awards are over, and Crash just pulled off one of the biggest upsets in Oscar history by winning the Best Picture of the year! Yeah, I’m horrified to say the least.

The gays in America are probably dropping like flies at this very moment and the homophobe folk are having a field day I'm sure. Hey, nothing to be ashamed about kids, Brokeback Mountain took home some big awards and will be remembered and stay in people’s hearts long after tonight’s Best Picture winner’s excitement dies down.

It’s only an awards show anyway. Well, to some of us:


http://crushedbyinertia.blogspot.com/2006/03/jon-stewarts-in-serious-trouble.html

Friday, March 03, 2006

BUT SIRIUSLY NOW!


So this week, CBS chairman Les Moonves decided to sue Howard Stern for mentioning his new home Sirius Satellite Radio too much during his last few months in 2005 on the air as king of the regular morning radio airwaves.

How utterly lame! This is certainly in retaliation over Stern’s incredible influence on his fan base (me included) to move from regular boring morning radio to subscribing to Sirius to catch his incredibly amazing and funny show. Let’s face it, isn’t it a coincidence that ratings released this week show Stern’s replacements doing poorly in the morning? Why is this? Because every other morning show is pretty bad! Unfunny, unoriginal bores! And in the same week, he gets sued. Uh huh.

Stern’s former employer is no doubt pissed off at its failure to find adequate morning jocks to replace him, and is most likely jealous as hell that he got me and about two million others to faithfully follow him to his new Sirius home and subscribe to him no matter what.

SUCKAS! I have been a faithful Howard listener since 1995, and will continue to for as long as he’s around. Yeah, I gotta pay now for it, but he brings me so much laughter for being the stupid crude hawk-nosed silly ugly Jew bastard that he is, that it is well worth it. He should win against this lawsuit easily, for it really has no merit whatsoever.

As Howard would say, “What else is in the news Robin?”

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

WORLD EXCLUSIVE: WAT'S FAILED "AMERICAN IDOL" AUDITION!

YES! The lost tape! My noble, but failed attempt to be the next American Idol!

Oh well.

this is an audio post - click to play

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

SO MUCH FOR MARDI GRAS!

Ow! Ow! OH DEAR GOD OW!

As if my sensitive teeth didn’t make me suffer enough back in December! One of my fillings fell out in January, got redone, and just happened to fall out yet again this past weekend! UGH! NOT AGAIN I THOUGHT! NOT FREAKIN’ AGAIN!

In order to avoid strangling my regular dentist, I decided to do some research and go to a brand new dentist that was competent and covered by my insurance. Oh I found him all right, and today’s three and a half hours in that office was about as enjoyable as open heart surgery, and not just the physical experience, but I had a lot more to pay out of my own pocket than usual. Thanks insurance for almost nothing!

My God this doc is good. Phenomenally good, and oh so thorough and a perfectionist. My mouth has not been that agape and hideously opened, prodded, and abused in my entire life! I had X-rays taken, pictures, air blown, a small camera inserted, my gum topically numbed, two injections of Novocain sickeningly jabbed into my piehole, my tooth redrilled, my gum pulled down, my tooth then rebuffed, cleaned, scraped, cured, refilled, then polished! He took quite a few breaks in between to tend to his other patients and let my jaw rest I’m sure during all of this. JAYSUS CHRIST.

He identified a number of other problems I supposedly have to take care of, but I don’t even wanna hear it or think about it, my main goal was to get this filling redone right. He made my teeth sound like a disaster, and I was wondering if it wasn’t his excited joy of bilking my insurance co.

I’m so sore, and oh how my jaw is throbbing. I have to put this all into perspective, it could be worse, it could be so much worse…

Time for Advil.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

U GOTS TA LOVE TECHNOLOGY!

I really really like my new laptop and the dude in this pic! WOOHOO! Check it out: WAT’s new laptop. I kept joking with my friend William at work that it’s more of a chesttop to me since I can now use it to view online hardcore porn whilst in my room and on my bed lying down. Yes, we’re crude bastards I know.

And oh yeah, please, and I mean PULEAZE make some time to watch this fully informative and must see PBS online program from Frontline that was just posted about two days ago. It’s about the current God awful violence in Iraq. Very very riveting if you ask me and a must-see to understand the true nature of this awful beast.

And kudos to Frontline for making their programs always very simple and enjoyable to watch. Divided into four parts, each segment is about twelve minutes long, and very very educational:


http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/insurgency/view/

Friday, February 24, 2006

"I WANT THE TRUTH!"

I’d like to understand just what is wrong with these people: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Yeah. The most convincing madly in love couple in Hollywood!

Looks like Katie is now a Scientologist and is very heavily involved in that whole crazy cult thing thanks to her loving amazing stud boyfriend. And of course, she’s pregnant with Tom’s child which they no doubt conceived through normal hardcore sexual intercourse. Nope, Tom is not gay at all, and this relationship proves it! He was even on Oprah jumping up and down the couch showing off how overwhelmingly in love he is with good ole’ Katie!

Frankly, I’ve never been a fan of either of these two dolts. Tom’s movies are pretty forgettable, and I remember Katie back from Dawson’s Crack with her God awful character, cheap storylines, and annoying acting. Frankly, she was the only one on that cheesy program I wanted to punch in the face most of the time.

But let’s not be hateful now. I wish these two the very best, despite the break-up rumors, Tom being gay lies, and every other little thing us envious evil celebrity gossipers are saying. And joy of joys, an artificially inseminated baby is on the way too!

I mean, er, um...

I really hope Tom Cruise doesn’t sue my poor broke skinny ass.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

صدام حسين عبد المجيد التكريتي

Dare I say it man? DARE I SAY IT???!!!

I’m now starting to believe that Saddam Hussein should’ve been left in power in Iraq. What is it with these ridiculous shocking horrible daily headlines coming out of that country which seems to be spiraling out of control ever since the American invasion back in 2003?

From the Associated Press today:

Shrine Bombing Brings Deadly Reprisals
AP –
SAMARRA, Iraq - Insurgents detonated bombs inside one of Iraq's holiest Shiite shrines Wednesday, destroying its golden dome and triggering more than 90 reprisal attacks on Sunni mosques. The president warned that extremists were pushing the country toward civil war, as many Shiites lashed out at the United States as partly to blame. As the gold dome of the 1,200-year-old Askariya shrine lay in ruins, leaders on both sides called for calm: But the string of back-and-forth attacks seemed to push the country closer to all-out civil war than at any point in the three years since the U.S.-led overthrow of Saddam Hussein


Yeah, that great big giant bastard Saddam might be insane and ran that country like a Hitlerian psychopath, but it seems like he kept all these warring Moslem groups in check. They knew the consequences of stepping over the line, and the country was not in the grave disarray that it now finds itself in. Do these people even want freedom? Democracy? It sure doesn’t look like it.

I love America. I love this country. We make serious mistakes though. And this just may be the biggest since Vietnam. Our precious hot soldier stud boys dying, different Islamic tribes at each other’s throats, journalists/peacekeepers getting kidnapped and murdered, and it goes on and on, despite the new Iraqi president and constitution, which seem to be worth zilch.

Get that hilarious entertaining madman loon Saddam out of that courtroom and put him back in his palace in Baghdad.

‘Cause this shit just keeps getting uglier.

Monday, February 20, 2006

I LOVE L.A.

I finally sat down Saturday night, and watched this so-called "masterpiece", Crash.
The film has an impressive cast, with excellent performances by all, and a gorgeous very haunting musical score. Who did the score by the way? Whoever it was, it was excellent. There were compelling tense and riveting scenes in the film, and I found myself being very involved in many of them.


That being said however, Crash is a deeply flawed picture, a movie trying to preach the ugliness of prejudices and racism, by focusing on several main characters over the course of one day in the city of Los Angeles, with stupid dialogue and way too many exaggerated moments. Yeah, this is my hometown mind you, a city I know well enough to know that many of the storylines in Crash are ridiculous and contrived. How these characters keep running into each other and how they all connect is really quite preposterous, and kind of insulting to this city. I mean really!

Ludacris, is mouthing off to his buddy about the injustices of being black, yet then has the nerve to go and carjack someone? PULEAZE! And he hits a Chinese immigrant smuggler? Absolutely ludicrous, if you pardon the pun. Sandra Bullock’s character screaming at the top of her lungs about her Latino locksmith being a thug and gang member, with the guy within clear earshot able to hear her go off like this? I think not man! I know of no one in L.A. who is brave enough to mouth off their prejudices this way! Matt Dillon runs into the very same black woman he fondled the night before during a search only to save her life in her overturned SUV the next day? U KIDDING ME??!! The Persian vandalized store owner plotting revenge on his Latino locksmith, that ends with a most laughable supposed shooting of a little girl and a very cheesy slow motion sequence complete with over the top acting? HOW REHEARSED! HOW CONTRIVED! HOW TOTALLY UNBELIEVABLE AND UNNECESSARY! All this within the span of 36 f**kin’ hours?! Uh huh. Yeah, right. L.A. is not that exciting lemme tell you.

Crash asks us to suspend disbelief way too many times, and I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t. It is a film that had potential, that needed to really focus on one or two crucial storylines, instead of trying to bring in this messy hodgepodge all at once. It is a movie that tries to say something, but in the end does not say a thing. It only makes racism and prejudices worse, by continuing to glorify and encourage this insidious type of behavior in its characters. How it could be nominated for so many Academy Awards is beyond my comprehension.

You want better superior films based in Los Angeles that are truly believable and gritty? Try Internal Affairs, Heat, or Training Day.

I hope writer/director Paul Haggis can perfect his craft in his next film and learn from the crucial mistakes made in his latest hyperbolic disaster of a film.

And the Oscar goes to...Brokeback Mountain.

If there’s any justice.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

LONG, LONG, LONG.

An obscure and highly underrated Beatles' song off their now famous 1968 masterpiece,The White Album.

Written and sung by George Harrison, with all the other Beatles performing, except John Lennon! How about that?

A very quiet, but gorgeous song. It helps to turn up the volume a bit:






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Friday, February 17, 2006

OLYMPIC STUDS.


Some of my favorite hot athletic dudes from the Winter Olympics so far:

At the very top: Snowboarder Seth Wescott

Bottom Left: Speedskater Joey Cheek

Middle: Speedskater Chad Hedrick

Far Right: Alpine Skier Bode Miller

GO TEAM USA! YEEHA!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

A BROKEBACK KIND OF VALENTINE'S DAY.

So, it’s Valentine’s Day, and I find that many gay men out there are blogging about how miserably lonely they are being single or how ignored they feel by the dudes they’re dating or truly in love with.

Ah yes...reminds me of a certain Oscar-nominated masterpiece, Brokeback Mountain. Shhh...don’t tell anyone, but I ran into an Academy voter’s DVD copy of the film and I got to see it again outside of my original trip to the theater back in December. Wow, upon a second viewing I truly realize what a great freakin’ film this truly is. The dynamic chemistry between Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) is enormously convincing and moving. I mean, really man!

I know there’s people out there who will not budge. Who will stand firm and refuse to go see this film. Extremely closed-minded straight men will stand firm against it till the day they die. Howard Stern himself, gave the film a rave review just last week, after being quite uncomfortable with the idea of having to sit through it. But he caved in, and said it was a great film that only reiterated the ridiculousness of the Right in trying to keep gays and lesbians from leading fulfilling romantic lives.

I got that other Oscar-nominated powerhouse film Crash from Netflix in my mail today. Let’s see how it holds up to the already impressive, successful, critically-acclaimed cultural juggernaut that is Brokeback Mountain.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

"Tell you what... truth is, sometimes I miss you so bad I can hardly stand it..." - Jack Twist.

Monday, February 13, 2006

C'EST LA VIE.

Ah yes, a post that actually reflects the name of this blog!

Do you ever wonder what the purpose of life is? What are we truly here for? At most, we’re given about eighty years (give or take) to accomplish certain tasks, and then we pass on to eternal rest, another dimension, reincarnation, or heaven/hell. Do you ever become aware of your magnificent miraculous existence, only to have it shattered by the realization of your certain aging and death?

Whatever your beliefs are, here we are, in this, the supposed third dimension. Breathing, walking, talking, doing our jobs, going to school, enjoying leisure time--that is, if you’re in the developed world. Others struggle tremendously to make ends meet, just to put food on the table or to have adequate clothing and shelter. So many alive today are poorer than we can possibly imagine.

Some of us come here to fulfill every possible dream, to become an entertainer, to serve others, to make a name for ourselves, or just to cruise on by with as little name recognition as possible. There are those whose actual purpose is to destroy, hurt, and cause mayhem. Certain people come to only suffer it seems, to be true martyrs, to inspire revolutions, changes, and to alter the course of history.

Albert Camus, the great French Nobel-prize winning author believed that life has its happy moments, but that they were merely temporary and that life is in the end meaningless due to our eventual deaths. Another French Nobel Prize winner, Jean- Paul Sartre claimed that humans were constantly trying to define their true roles in this most absurd world. Spanish philosopher José Ortega Y Gasset wrote extensive essays on the meaning of life too, contributing greatly to the theory of existentialism.

Is there a God after all? Or have we created this idea to appease our ultimate fear that we are alone in the end? It is hard at times to believe that all this incredible biodiversity came out of nowhere with no one to create it, that it merely just appeared, all in perfect order through the magic of evolution.

No one it seems, has ever been able to fully explain what the point of our existence really is. Perhaps there is no point, and we desperately try to waste away some time before we die, summed up best by the all-American catch phrase:

"Life’s a bitch, and then you die."

Saturday, February 11, 2006

HORROR OF HORREURS.

Yes, this is me. After just having woken up today, or any other day for that matter.

This is what I look like. T'is the reason why I can't spend the night over with you boys. I would horrify just about anyone.


Thank you.

P.S. Feliz cumpleaños mamá. Dios te guarde y cuide siempre. Te quiero mucho. Happy B-Day mom. God keep and care for you always. I love you very much.

Friday, February 10, 2006

MAMA MIA LA TWISTED MADONNA!

I got jo brand spankin' new Madonna video right here ---> Sorry

When tha hell did Madonna become a freakin' circus act Olympic gymnast middle-aged contortionist human pretzel? It's astounding what this woman is now able to do with her body! She really emphasizes a healthy lifestyle by following an excellent diet and exercise. Guy Ritchie must love her in the sack man for all those creative positions she can mangle herself into.

Yes, it is amazing what at 47 years of age, this icon is able to do. Can't wait ta see what she's up to at 60. WOW.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

WHERE U FROM VATO?

A little bit of a cultural rant on my part for tonight, which shouldn't matter in this supposedly educated and racially open-minded country of ours:

I have this argument with friends of mine all the time. The term Hispanic/Latino does not designate a race. It’s an ethnicity. Hispanic people come in all races. YES. We do. I tell them, "I am Hispanic, but my race is white." They always seem to look at me in disbelief, even though I am as pale as ghost for God’s sake. We happen to come in all kinds of colors and from different backgrounds, which is something I often find people are not aware of.

The traditional view is that a Hispanic/Latino is brown, and that we can be spotted a mile away when we look like J Lo or George López. While it’s true that a lot of Latinos do look this way, there are many of us who don’t fit the mold. Many of us have strong European, black, Jewish, Arab and even Asian roots! Like the United States, the countries south of our border have seen immigrants settle in from all over the world. The Native American Aztecs, Mayans, and Incas were joined by those raping and pillaging Spaniards (who themselves had strong Arab and Jewish blood), who in turn brought over African slaves, intermixed, and then other immigrant groups came after.

All those baseball players you see playing in the big leagues have strong native Caribbean and African genes, which is why many of them are so dark. An actress like Cameron Diaz is very white due to her Cuban/Spanish roots. Shakira and Salma Hayek have strong Arab genes, but are Hispanic ethnically because they were born in Spanish-speaking countries. Geraldo Rivera comes from a Puerto Rican father and a Jewish mother of all things! The president of Peru at one time was of Japanese descent. It was kinda funny to watch this very Asian-looking man (another crooked politician of course) speaking perfect Spanish. The typical Spanish last names like González, López, and Hernández are dead giveaways, but you’d be surprised how many Latinos actually have last names that don’t fit that mold, whether by birth, or as they used to do in Hollywood so often, which was to change their last names to sound more Caucasian.

So basically, I’m a mutt like most of us in existence today. An ethnically Hispanic white boy of Spanish, Mayan, and German descent born in the USA. The next time ya think you know what a Hispanic looks like, think again. I’m often confused as being just another white dude who couldn’t possibly know a word of español.

You’d be surprised.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Famous_Hispanic_Americans

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

MUSAK'S BIGGEST NACHT.

---From L to R: Jay-Z, Sir Paul McCartney, and Linkin Park lead singer Chester Bennington

The Grammy Awards tonight are still airing here on the West Coast. So far...

I liked the Madonna/Gorillaz opening number. She looked fantastic, but sounded kinda off. At least she’s never driven with a baby in her lap, which is why she still is the QUEEN OF POP MUSIC MISS THANG. Okay low blow on my part. Let’s face it though, Madonna could take a nap on stage and people would still get excited. She has what it takes to entertain still.

Kelly Clarkson of American Idol fame, was nicely rewarded for her work and sung beautifully during her performance of Because of You. She was crying uncontrollably when she won her first Grammy, but gave a nice acceptance speech for her second award.

I liked John Legend and his song, Jennifer Love Hewitt looked like a cheap tramp, Kanye West is annoying, and Mariah freakin’ Scarey is looking a bit chunky. And the size of her TATAS were purty impressive! DAYAM GIRL! DEM R SOME BIG JUGS! But the girl has always and can still undeniably sing.

U2 did a really cool version of their song One with a very interesting cover by Mary J. Blige who really infused the song with a lot of soul and heart. I was pleasantly surprised. It was cool. And U2 won big tonight too. Their latest album was rewarded with five awards, including album and song of the year.

But of course, OF COURSE, the true highlight of the night for me, the one that had me giddy with uncontrollable excitement, was former Beatle, ex-Wingsman, brilliant songwriter, and all-around living legend: Sir Paul McCartney.

Ah yes, it was back in November of last year at the very Staples Center (where the Grammys were held tonight) that I saw MACCA, and he was in top form at tonight's awards show during his performance of one of his newer songs and his classic Beatles song: Helter Skelter. Sweet Jesus Amen. The man had the Grammy audience on its feet when he was done.

Rapper Jay-Z (wearing that awesome John Lennon/NYC shirt) and Linkin Park did their Encore/Numb collaboration song, and then went into a hip version of Yesterday which Paul McCartney then joined in on! HOLY MOSES!

Music to my ears...

Monday, February 06, 2006

ALLAH IS ANGRY.

As if the Muslim world wasn’t pissed of at the West already! Whose bright idea was it to print these freakin’ cartoons??!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jyllands-Posten_Muhammad_cartoons_controversy

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/02/06/cartoon.protests/index.html

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10705393/

Now, the Jews are gonna get spoofed or picked on, with a set of mocking the Holocaust cartoons from the Muslims:

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,18066746-1702,00.html?from=rss

UGH! Religions are so petty aren’t they?

Sunday, February 05, 2006

NO FEAR.

Well, the Super Bowl starts soon, and the only real interesting thing going for it would be the opening national anthem, the commercials, and the halftime show. For me, most of the freakin’ spectacle is quite a bore!

I usually don’t post to this blog on Sundays, but I feel the need to make an exception. I have been on a long hard struggle the past few years with my anxiety and ridding myself of this drug I’ve been on. I can’t lie, the drug has been wonderful and has helped me tremendously overcome lots of hurdles and negativity.

But in the end, my true goal is to be able to quit this thing one day for good. Today marks day three of not taking one single pill, and although I can pretty much manage to do this quite well when I don’t have to go to work, it’s when I am on the job that is the true test. Little things, like being the passenger in a car for an extended period of time, getting on a plane, or being amongst a large group of rowdy people can be a real challenge to my nerves.

It’s stupid really. Those of you free of panic attacks and useless negative thinking consider yourselves truly lucky and fortunate. Of course, you probably have a different set of problems that make up for mine huh? Life is cruel that way ain’t it?

I shall take comfort in that there is a God. Yes, I do believe so. I can do this. I can live a prescribed drug-free existence. I’ll do my best B.G. I really will. And if I fail this time again, it’s okay.

FDR said it best, “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”

Right?

Friday, February 03, 2006

I NEED TO SHUT DOWN.

It’s Iran, and Israel, and Iraq, and when am I gonna go back to college, and when am I gonna get laid once again, and should I clear out all those boxes in the back of the office loaded with cases, and it’s time to get my car brakes checked, and I haven’t been to the gym all week lazy ole’ me, and my car does need to get washed, and the boy that works here is increasingly cute to me, and will I ever move out of my house and get a place of my own, and I wish I didn’t have to take that psychotropic med for anxiety anymore, and how sad that ferry sunk with 1,400 aboard, and I keep thinking about getting older and death even though I’m still young and what’s to look forward to in this world that only keeps getting more uncertain and tragic everyday it seems, and is my checkbook balanced, and why am I not in a truly successful intense relationship, and why am I not making at least $60,000 at this stage in my life being as talented as everyone else says I am, and there’s much more plaguing my fragile complex brain, but who gives a f**k anymore.

WHEW! It’s Friday.

And I need a drink.